How much allowance to give my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

The role's are reversed here. I'm the breadwinner and he stays at home. He does all the chores around the house,cleans,dishes vacuums, laundry,mows lawn and cooks dinner for me practically every night. He does ask for money now and were sorta fighting because I get mad that he asks for money every day. I realize he needs money, and I want to establish an allowance so he doesn't have to ask me everyday.

SO..what should I give him on a weekly basis? He does not smoke. He does drink a couple beers nightly. I make good money but want to be within realistic boundaries.

Thanks for all you help.

Updates

+1 y

Alright I'll ask: coworkers say $25.00 per week. Does this sound reasonable? Only for people that can answer without slandering the situation and making fun of it. thanks

[jdcpa]

I guess you want to be fair to both him and yourself; which is just a fancy way of saying that you want to make sure the money is being used in a way that has the best long-term financial interests of this relationship & keeps everyone happy.

So rather than throw arbitrary numbers around, or cite what your friends and co-workers feels is "fair", why not take a step back; both emotionally detatch yourselfs, and consider what "fair" really is.

A relationship or household, is made up of two people. They're both voluntary "partners". They both put in their time, to contribute certain things towards the relationship, by choice, for the good & well-being of that relationship. If this was between paper & real-estate assets, I'd say that only financials matter. But with people, both emotional and financial well-being matter.

Of your gross income, X% goes to taxes. Let's say that's 40% That leaves "you" (the household, both of you) with just 60% of that income. How you allocate that income is something the two of you have to decide.

In terms of priority, some % gets set aside for NECESSARY expenses;

- rent/mortgage

- utilities & other operating expenses of the home

- food

- transportation & all other expenses necessary to facilitate income production

- any outstanding debt or interest on that debt

AFTER those expenses have been satisfied, you hopefully have some % of your income left over. This income will be allocated DISCRETIONALLY (that is to say, in a manner that the two of you or one of you chooses)

The active participation of how it's allocated is not important. What's important is that the allocation of all DISCRETIONARY funds be used in a manner to MAXIMIZE the happiness and well-being of BOTH partners in the relationship. If one partner uses the couple's resources (time & money) to maximize their own happiness while ignoring that of the other partner; the other partner will be unhappy (even if only in a relative sense). The partner who has the raw end will slowly begin to want out, and get what they deserve, and will soon act on those feelings.

This is why balance & fairness is important in allocation of time & money, and why both people participating in allocation is not necessary; because any party in control of allocation (one or both) have an interest in maximizing the happiness of BOTH partners; so the motives are self-regulating.

The cut & dry answer to your question is:

- a % of DISCRETIONARY funds that allows both you and him to maximize your combined happiness as a couple (even if it means not maximizing it as individuals)

- that means you both have to make sacrifices.

- that involves both you controlling your desire to perhaps spend or save as much as you want to, so that he can, AND him doing the SAME!

His "budget" should reflect "sufficient" funds to meet his "needs", and "reasonable" funds to meet his "wants"

sit down, approach it this way, and you'll both leave feeling fair

[stercor]

It's the old "women are actually worth thousands of dollars a month, if you count the services they render." with role reversal. You might pay him minimum wage for the work he performs. But this would be significantly greater than $25.00 per week.

You should be more willing to part with some money for him.

If it elevates to fights, you're being parsimonious.

I'm not on his side because I'm a guy. The issue is that he deserves more.

Ted

[Asker]

Most indeed a good answer thanks

[jdcpa]

The thousand(s) of $ a month statement is a bit of a misnomer.

The cost of paying someone to do those services individually is a lot. But there are full-time housekeeper/nanny service-workers who get paid $30(off-the-books)-40k(on-the-books) a year, and perform all of those services. Which renders the value of those services as a whole to $2,500 a month. Couples where both make $150k a year, pay the cost of such a person because it's the best use of time & money to do so.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he's being productive with his time at home, so it's not like he's mooching off you for nothing. I don't know the circumstances, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he's either unable to find a job or for whatever reason cannot work right now. I agree with what someone said on here to give him like $100 for the month for him to be responsible for whatever he wants to spend it on.

I hope you both have some idea where your futures are going and have discussed this with each other. If he is going to get a job or go to school. If there is marriage in your future. I have no problems with one person in the relationship wanting to be the homemaker and take care of the household, but I think it's only a viable role for a married (or common law) couple. I think there has to be a long future in place for it to be successful to the end and not end up with someone feeling resentful or taken advantage of.

[bluebird]

Well I was in a similar situation but he was in school so I was okay with paying for everything. I am not sure why your boyfriend doesn't work but it seems to me unless he has a really good reason he should at least get a part time job to earn his own money even if it at McDonald's. If he has a good reason for not working then I would suggest more than 25$ that seems kind of low. I usually gave my boyfriend about 75$ a week for stuff but you know better what your financial situation is if 25$ is all you can do then go for it but you can look at it as how much would you need and give him that amount.

[greeneyedgal]

I suggest allotting him a budget of $100 a month. That should be more than ample for extracurricular activities and buying alcohol etc. I don't think he needs more than that because whatever he has left over at the end of the month, he can put aside.

[Asker]

Thank you for your kind and logical answer. I think that's what I'll do. God Bless You

[enlightenment]

that is TOUGH! I would say 30-40 a week. But I live in Chicago and the cost of going out for one or two nights can be that much.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer kind lady!

[Cartiphilus]

As long as he's ACTIVELY looking for a job, give him food money only otherwise NEVER give a guy money unless he's your HUSBAND.. If he's not looking for job, dump him and get a real man.

[vmw2008]

Completely agree. I don't hear of men giving their girlfriend's allowances either. That kinda thing only happens after marriage so you can be sure he's not just tryin to live off of you for a few years.

[Cartiphilus]

I'm glad someone agrees with me. If they were presenting themselves as a married couple and either she or he changed her or his name to assume the other's last name thus more constituting a Common Law Marriage, then I would think different.

[Asker]

I'm not trying to fight here, but to make a point now- what about all the women that have boyfriends? We all know boyfriends give their girlfriends money all the time, at least most of them do. So what is the difference?

[Cartiphilus]

There are gold-diggers and there are guys who only want a girl's money. The sex is purely secondary. He'll say or do ANYTHING to get her money. When's all gone, just like the former he's gone.

[Christian_Love]

It all depends on the amount you make and the expenses you must pay for. Evaluate your expenditures and your salary and see what you have left over and give him an amount you believe to be reasonable.

[Christian_Love]

Well what does he usually spend money on? If its on items that are more expensive than that he may complain but if not then no worries and stick to the 25 dollar deal.

[Asker]

He asks for $5.00 per day.

[Christian_Love]

Than I think you are being generous and that 25 is just fine. Good LUck

[Anonymous]

well he does do all the chores. but is he actively looking for a job? I would say $25/week as long as he's looking for a job. if not, tell him he needs to get a job.