My husband wants time for himself but I disagree. Am I a bad wife for this?

[Anonymous]

He works 10 hr shifts 6 days a week and when he gets home he's tired and just wants to relax. I take care of our kids all day everyday and I just miss him so much. I never get to do anything for myself(even going to the bathroom w.out our kids knocking on the door is a pleasure). And the most we do is go through MacDonald's drive through to go out.

Now he's saying he wants time to go out with his friends and that I don't allow him to go out. That's not fair since we hardly see each other and he goes out to lunch everyday with his work friends.

Am I a bad wife like he's saying I am?

[sirlixalot]

You're not a bad wife...he needs a reality check. He should have thought about "time for himself" before he decided to commit to marriage and especially having kids. He's being selfish. You have a couple of options here: (1) You could just give him his time, which eventually, he'll start taking advantage of you and spending more & more time away, leaving you to deal with the kids & the house all by yourself. (2) If this is just a recent request from him, there could be a certain hidden agenda for his "personal time". I hate to bring it up, but to be honest, when a husband asks for time by himself, it's usually one of the first signs of an affair. (3) Tell him he can have his alone time, as long as you get the same amount of time for yourself, too. Don't you deserve a break as well? Or is he such an inconsiderate ass that he won't allow you the same respect? And besides, I'm a father, with a very demanding job. But every day when I get off work, I can't wait to see my kids. When a man decides that "alone time" is more important than spending what litly time he does have with his kids, he's going elsewhere for some greater pleasure. What type of man wants alone time away from his family? What a jerk. I thnk that deep down inside, you know what's really going on with him. Whether he's tired of the responsibility of the relationship you two have, or he's cheating on you during his alone time, this is only going to get worse for you and the kids if you continue to allow it. Don't just sit around and let him have his way while you and the kids eventually get your hearts broken. What if you tried to find a babysitter and asked him to take you out sometime so you two can have "alone time" together? If he says no to that, then you might as well start planning/preparing for your separation or marriage counseling at a minimum. I know you don't expect this type of advice, but everything I'm telling you is from experience. He needs to get his priorities in order. And you need to stop blaming yourself for his ignorance. Didn't he ask you to marry him? Didn't he participate in conceiving your children? Didn't he contribute to whatever debts you two acquired together while married, all of which usually result in any decent man working as hard and often as it takes in order to supprt the family? Tell him to shut up, stop whining, grow up, be a man and take care of his family and give you all the attention he owes you. Besides, no matter what job he has, it's not more difficult than taking care of kids all day, cleaning, cooking, laundry, & all the other responsibilities of a mother & wife, so if he refuses to share his spare time with his family, then kick him in the nuts and stop feeding him & having sex with him and tell him those are now your "alone time" hours!

[Asker]

Thats what I asked him. Why would you want to take away the little time we have for people he barely knows?and when he gets off work he complains that" he has to watch" our kids. and I'm just taking a shower. thanks.

[sirlixalot]

Well, what the hell does he expect? isn't that part of parenting "watching over the kids"? You should tell him that if he wasn't ready to be a father, then he should've visited a sperm bank insteead of committing to you and having a child that he's responsible for. I bet it sucks having to live with a deadbeat sperm donor who won't help you take care of the kids.

[Asker]

This is actually funny the way you put it. but dead on. "deadbeat sperm donor"lol.

[GIntrovert]

No, I don't think you are a bad wife.. in fact you sound like a great wife, and mother. I think you need to go to marriage counseling.. your husband doesn't sound like he is giving you any time.. he should be able to give you at least 2 hours, each night rest from your kids... 10 hours, 6 days a week, isn't nothing compared to the 16+ hours each day 7 days a week you have to deal with those kids...