My boyfriend and I (both latinos) come from a background where we were hit too hard with a household object and both of us think that was too much. My father would use a belt on me during my very early ages. Practically all the times it was used, he did it in frustration/anger and tend to overdo it to the point I was already crying and pleading for it to stop. He did the same to my younger brother. Long ago when my brother was only 2 years old and nearly dropped a teapot with boiling water, he left a couple bruises on his bottom and the back of one side of his leg was swollen with the belt and he only stopped when he accidently hit one side of his face with it (it happened when my brother was turning around to run).
In my bf's case, it was his mother that used to hit him with a stick or strap. It was pretty much done out of frustration/anger too.
This resulted in my complete hatred towards the usage of corporal punishment on a child, esp if it were my own kid; the person I'm suppose to love, protect, cherish, guide and teacher. My boyfriend only thinks spanking should be done with only the hands but never hard nor ever done in anger. Though his approach is a mild version in comparing to our backgrounds, I still have an issue spanking kids, even with the hands. I also don't agree with his stance that if you don't spank your child they'll grow up criminals. Now back to my question, shouldn't spanking/hitting a child with a belt, sandals, sticks or any object be classified immediately as assault and child abuse? I definitely think so.
YES
NO
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+1 y
Yes, now as an adult I think what my father did was assault.
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+1 y
and teach
Should hitting a child with a belt or any object be consider assault and child abuse?
I chose yes because I was abused as a child with various objects used to hit me with and there were welts , cuts and bruises left on my body as a result. I know exactly what you mean about your father beating you and your little brother out aggression and frustration and I absolutely HATE people who beat small children and helpless animals because they don't know how to express their anger in a reasonable healthy way. I honestly don't know why or how someone can make themselves feel relief from stress and anger by hurting a baby or a child with a strap, hanger, belt, extension cord etc. It's sick, it's evil and illegal , yet people still do it. However, I do not think it's abuse if, a parent who treats their children well and give restrictions and corrections to their kids in a reasonable manner but I have also seen parents swat their kids behinds out of fear. For instance, I have a neice and when she was three years old her mom who was watching her play in a public park told her to stay in the play area and she did for about an hour then, out of nowhere she started running out of the playground area towards the parking lot where a lot of cars were coming and going and she began to scream for her to come back (which my neice ignored and kept running) and she had to drop what she was doing and run after the child and fell down grabbing the toddler around the ankle just in the nick of time when a truck whipped around the corner and nearly ran her over. Her mom spanked her right there on the bottom and said never do that again ! And of course she cried for a few minutes and then we all calmed down and my neice fell asleep and we took her home later but, the whole experience was really terrifying because of how close she came to being killed and she was so little and innocent that she didn't even realize it. Later I asked her mother if she usually spanked my neice like that regularly and she said "no, but I was so panicked and afraid of the incident possibly repeating that I did." I didn't understand what she meant by that but, she explained that her daughter would later associate running into the street with an unpleasant result and not do it again. And it made sense to me after that. Luckily my neice must have gotten the clear message because it never happened again and she's a really sweet, loving and respectful kid today at age seven and her parents don't really have to spank her to get her to listen so, not all parents who spank are abusive.
That seems like an exceptional case of a hand swap out of total shock and fear of nearly losing your child. What was done to you on the other hand was definitely abuse. It's sad that people still use that disgusting practice.
I had this treatment too and in essence I’d say it made me more quietly rebellious, not feeling I was able to count on parent should I get in trouble - as kids sometimes do (nothing serious, but in my mind it was because of the level of discipline). I also studied child development so no I don’t believe it’s necessary, there are far better ways to raise children.
yeah I will never hit any future kid of mine with a belt. If anyone in my family or my partner ever decided to use an object, they will find that their object in the garbage within mins, along with finding themselves charged with assault.
There Is a little common logic and sense that seems to go out of the window regarding this topic.
- What happened to your brother is excessive punishment and stems from you having a terrible abusive father. You brother didn’t even drop it ergo the punishment DID NOT fit the crime. - I was beaten with a metal coat hanger when I did something bad. Like throwing a brick through this bullied girl’s window. The punishment DID fit the crime, looking back on it deserved every stroke I got for being a tool.
Honestly, PC folks who are so against it need to stop making out like every parent who beat their kids did it because they didn’t tie their shoelace or something 😩. Most parents who do it use it as a last resort and in proportion. I genuinely hope you guys can overcome your PTSD about it one day.
No one deserves to get beaten. If it's done on an adult, obviously it would be assault right away and the person goes to jail yet they can get away with it doing it on a small being (a kid) that can't fight back.
You said it, you were beaten... that means you were abused. I would have taken you to therapist and dig further trying to search on what caused you to act that way. There has to be an origin.
So if the punishment were to fit the crime, the child deserves to have bruises and not able to sit down for days to a week? That's straight forward abuse, regardless if the child was good or naughty.
There’s the written rule of law and what is actual justice, the two are not always aligned. Anders Brevik will be released in 21 years... think about that.
I already know what caused me to act like that. Overachiever who found the school work and teaching level pedantic, so I made my own fun a lot of the time for the thrill of it. Usually the bigger the “prank” the bigger the rush and it got me into quite some trouble.
And no, we have established your fathers punishment if your brother does not fit the crime. He used the heaviest form of punishment as a first (not last) resort and used it when there had been no crime committed. Beating a child should be a last resort once other corrective action has been attempted.
I ain't letting anyone beat my future child, not now and not ever. I would have a saying to this as a future mother too. I'm overcoming this by promising not to ever repeat what my father did.
I got my ass whooped, and I turned out OK. But every time I had it done... I deserved it. If your parents were going over-board or getting off on this, then that's a load of crap. That shouldn't happen. So I agree with you 100% on that. But on the flip side... there was a California school district, that banned teachers from using red ink, while grading assignments. It was said to be too traumatizing for the students. I think that's just setting them up for failure, when they go out into the world that doesn't give two shits about them. :)
In this particular school district... yes. I'm in no way making light of your situation. Child abuse, is just that. I was just throwing out an extreme from the other side. Some teachers and parents think that there should no longer be a grading system in schools. They feel it's not fair to the kids who get crappy grades. And also... when two sports teams play... there shouldn't be a winner or a loser.
That all sounds warm and fuzzy, but just wait until you get out into the real world. Unless you have a government job, you'll be asked to perform, or go home. So there needs to be a balance.
yeah the example regarding about the teacher is going towards the other extreme side If the student isn't even trying and truly fails the assignment or text, there is nothing wrong with marking a big fat F on the paper in red pen.
Exactly. So abuse isn't the answer, and neither is the other end of the spectrum. It should be somewhere in the middle. You can't survive in this world if you've been coddled and handled with kid gloves.
It is child abuse, used by weak people who can't bother to find new ways to teach the child. No teacher is allowed to do it, why should the parents? Because they're "family"? Sucks to be part of such a family.
yeah it sucks. I wish my mother would have been strong enough to report him. Though I didn't get hit by her (that's the one positive trait I'll get from my mother, never hitting my child), she did nothing when my father used the belt.
There are already sufficient child abuse laws on the books. The government does not need to be the mediator of what is or is not appropriate punishment beyond existing law.
Exactly. It's sad that there are still some people that will do those horrible ways or ''correcting'' a child. That to me is called being a barbarian and savage.
Beating children toughened them up, that's why Lations are real men, not limp writes fagots, look at Pablo Escabar, I bet he got a good thrashing, real men did in a nail of bullets, you want you boy to grow up like Pablo, you gotta wup the little fucker!
As a future mother I would have an equal saying on what I don't agree. I won't stand there and let anyone beat my child. It would be my child too, not just his.
Father's Day seems kind of an awkward moment to me. I just celebrate it out of respect and because he has other good qualities (ex: saving money) but there is still some resentment left in me.
I got the buckle end you can still see the scars and it wasn’t just my ass either it was all over. If I was lucky it was just the belt it could have been anything within arms reach at the time.
Consequently I don’t like being touched by anything and cringe at the sight of certain object to this day
Some people just don't deserve to be parents. Yet, there are other people who would do a better job but can't have kids. Sorry to hear you got abused by those monsters.
They weren’t monsters that’s normal behavior in my household they taught me how to read, write, ride a bike, drive a car and pray. I love them very much.
Yet they left an everlasting affect on you. The last sentence says it: ''Consequently I don’t like being touched by anything and cringe at the sight of certain object to this day''
I was never hit with a belt, but my older brother was. I think it depends on the situation and the wrongdoing by the child. There is a thin line between discipline and abuse.
I was beaten daily by a man trained to do kill in the most expert ways possible untell they day I shot him in the leg and threatened to kill him and it taught me the lesson I live my life by if you don't like a situation do anything in your power to change it I'm actually thankful for that because without it i would have never survived let alone flourished after there deaths
I don't think any single child deserves to be hit that way. Yeah, it sucks that during our times it was the norm and even sadder that some people are still with that mentality even in this year.
In my eyes, bad behavior needs to be corrected before it becomes habitual. Whether that means taking a toy away, or using a switch, do what you must within sane reasoning.
Sometimes it works. I had a temper problem growing up, but my cousin took a wooden switch to my backside when I misbehaved. I never needed correction after that for it.
We are a close family, and my parents don't believe in it. They were upset yes, but stopped after realizing it was fixing my bad behavior. You may not like it, but it can be effective for correcting behavior. That said, my preference is always to find a solution without physical punishment, such as grounding, bed without meal or taking toys away. But if it doesn't, I don't mind doing what I have to do within sane reason.
I grew up in a household, where I didn't get disciplined at all. Nobody taught me how life works. So at the age of 18 I started learning a work ethic, responsibility, respect for others and all that. I wish I'd have gotten the belt, or the chankla.
Interesting and here I am wishing I never got any of that (I still think it was excessive and undeserved; no I will not ever thank him for beating me), wishing my mother would have been strong enough to report my father. I would have done that.
I blame partly my mother because she was against using a belt on me, yet she did nothing when he did it. The mother should have a saying and do someting if she doesn't agree with something.
Sometimes it's easy to blame it on the parents or one of them at least. I used to feel my parents were complete shit. I'm sure your mother did everything she could, your father seems to have violent tendencies after all.
yeah apparently it runs in his family. My father used to get the strap by his mother during his early years and later on the belt by his much older brother, until he started hitting him back at the age of 13/14.
I can see the cycle in that. I guess it's one of those things that for some it works, some it won't. My parents grew up in an enviroment like that, strict punishments. Both of their families lived in more rural areas, they had to work the field as young as 10 y. o. Probably why they didn't want that for me. I grew up more in an urban enviroment, so that's probably why.
Well, good luck with our future. We'll need it. Especially the way it's been heading. No respect for anyone. Narcissistic, self loving personality disorders across the board along with the destruction of the family unit.
What makes you think I'm not going to have rules? Are you saying what my father did is the only single way, nothing else? If I'm right now trashing my father online in this site and expressing my hatred towards corporal punishment, isn't that a given that what he did turned out to be a failure? They will have their privileges taken away, do extra chores, made to do exercises or filled with reading books (no access to their cell nor internet, at least not from home), etc.
So you would feel successful to have a kid that only obeys you out of fear, doesn't trust you in some things and later on grows up resenting (will never think of you as the best father ever) you?
Good... as it should have been long ago. Honestly, Father's day seems somewhat awkward to me. I don't feel he deserves an award but I still will give him a gift out of respect and that's it, the last remaining positive feeling I have.
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