Is hitting your child with a belt discipline or abuse / bad parenting?

Question

ImagineSketchy · Accepted Answer

If It's because the child did something bad more than the 1st time, it's simply punishment/discipline. Abuse is hitting the child for no reason. No forethought. Just hitting them because they are there, or because you're angry, or you had a bad day, etc; that would be considered abusive.
Bad parenting is parents that let their children talk back to them when they are told to do something that they NEED to do, and/or get them anything they want because they ask, OR letting throw tantrums in the store.
And recently... Seeing kids in my neighborhood, selling plums out of a plastic bag. That is bad parenting. Why are your children selling plums? Of all things... Plums.

Wharvey98 · Accepted Answer

Are we talking hitting them with a belt, or spanking them with a belt. These are two different things, spanking is discipline hitting is abuse. I was spanked as a child, my father only had to use a belt one time, that was more than enough to get the message across.

TarrAva · Accepted Answer

It is obviously abuse to me.

If I would witness a parent beating up a child with a belt, I would take a picture as proof, call in the authorities and do everything I can to have the person's parental authority taken away on the grounds of physical and mental abuse.

It is a tragedy if parents have to resort to beating up a child because they are at their limit and incapable to educate it or cope with the child.

They should have reacted much earlier in the education by seeking assistance of an therapist or educator.

It is unforgivable and beaten up children will likely educate their own children the same way later in life.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It is abuse, and lazy and bad parenting. Children can be raised from birth in only one way: the right way! If the parents fail at the beginning, it will become too late. That's when the say it is ok to use violence.

That is from a child psychologist. The mother of my brother and me.

If my parents had ever used a belt on me, I would have told them quietly that I have a long memory, and I will get retribution when I am old enough! No one EVER hurts this girl and gets away with it. Not even parents!

Burdened-Pilgrim · Answer

Why?
That's the question. What a parent does to the child can almost always be abuse, even if it's just sending them to their room, if it is done excessively or extremely, inconsistently, or is poorly executed. I explain this below in a way super long explanation...

If you send a child to his room for one hour because he hit his sister, that is not abuse. If you send him to his room for 12 hours straight with no food because he didn't eat his green beans, then I'd say there's a problem.

Same with spankings, with or without a belt. The reason it's happening, how often it happens, and to what extent it is delt have a large impact on how it effects the child. If you spank a child with a belt ten times because he called his mother a slut, that is not abuse. If you spank him with a belt 50 times every time he doesn't get an A in school, then there's a problem.

Also consistency. If the child is sent to his room every time he hits his sister, for the same amount of time, and is told this is the reason every time, then that is not abuse. If the child is sent to his room sometimes when he hits his sister or doesn't eat his green beans, but sometimes he isn't, and he is never told why, then that is very confusing for the child, and he will likely not learn, and will feel he is treated unfairly as well as lesser than his sister. This is not good mentally or emotionally for a child, because consistency and explanation are important for a child's development and learning behavior.

The same applies with spankings and with belts. The more consistent, and the more clear the reason and better understanding the child has of why this is happening, the better.

And lastly, the attitude of the parent. If the child is sent to his room by a screaming, furious parent who slams the door after him and gives no explanation, I assume you can see that would be scary for the child. But if the parent is controlled and tells them calmly to go to their room because xyz, they won't have any reason to be afraid either of the parent who locks them in or being locked in their room at any random given time.

Again, the same with spankings. If the child is run down and caught by a screaming furious parent and whipped as hard as they can with a belt and yelled at for 2 minutes then dropped like a hot rock with no explanation, obviously that would be terrifying. But if a calm parent tells them why they are getting a spanking, then bends them over and spanks them a set number of times, the child should have no reason to fear being spanked at any random time, or the parent who spanks them.

Anonymous · Answer

As someone who was abused as a child (physically, emotionally, take your pick) I think that any kind of corporal punishment for children is a form of abuse.

It scars children psychologically. It leaves them at a higher risk of most psychological conditions. It doesn’t actually teach them good behavior. It just teaches them to be afraid, and that they can’t trust their parents, and that violence is a good way to deal with their problems.

My parents called what they were doing discipline too. I believed them. They told me that that’s just the way the world is, the way God intended it (the only Biblical verses they seemed to care about were the ones saying to respect thy parents, and “spare the rod, spoil the child). I believed them.

They told me that there was something wrong with me for crying about being hit. That I was somehow incapable of accepting a basic reality of life. I believed them. So I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want people to know that there was something wrong with me.

Hitting children teaches them that violence against their body is their own fault, and that perpetrators of violence are just teaching a lesson. This carries over into the adult life, resulting in the fact that adults who were abused as children are far more likely to be in abusive relationships.

Even as I grew older and found out that my family was not normal, I went into denial. I didn’t want to think of my parents that way.

Anonymous · Answer

If you are a parent, and you lecture your child on how hitting others is wrong..and you then proceed to hit your own children (sure call it "spanking" ---same difference) you are the BIGGEST hypocrit on earth and sending your children mixed messages. If hitting is wrong, then it should not be employed as a means to punish, done in frustration, done in anger, or done to teach your kid a lesson. A good few of those kids that grow up to then hit their own children are always saying being spanked was good for them---that's messed up. Think about that. You think you deserved someone hitting you and spanking you.

tenukitanuki · Answer

Ask yourself, do you feel like you solved the problem by assaulting a small person that your created and who trusts you with their well-being and safety?

Leave the beating to mom (if any, c'mon just flex at them) so that dad's threat of a beating can carry fear. The Hindi method is pretty solid. They're only using their shoes and open handed slaps from a lady, no real power just stingy pain. Also, most mothers' love is unconditional so the baseline is the first loving bond a person forms

My uncle Bobby took up the tasks of "punisher" in his father's lax attitude toward 9 children. Someone or something tends to fill gaps in a vacuum. Also, boys crave discipline like dogs, lacking that they'll run wild. All children are feral until you raise them. So, raise them. Half the time they're acting up because they need stimulation, all cooped up in pens. Violence is the result of exhaustion, not of a clear and thinking mind.

yucychan · Answer

Maybe it is more effective in olden times.
Now, the better approach is to make them understand what they did wrong and the consequences they have caused. Children do understand and can be taught.
Don't fall into the trap thinking that they are still young, they won't understand logic, and then taking the easy way out by hitting them with a belt.
Instilling pain and fear in a child will never be considered as good parenting in these days.
When a parent screams and yells at the child, the parent becomes a child himself/herself.

MissKittyz · Answer

I do believe kids should be spanked as a form of discipline and I don't think using a belt is abuse unless you do it excessively. As a kid, I've been spanked, hit with a belt, a spatula, a sandal, and all types of objects lol and ya, I'm fine with that. It made me a very respectful person, kept me focused with school, got me super good grades and taught me respect and to behave, etc. But, I wouldn't call it abuse. A lot of kids nowadays are acting like little shits cause their parents are too afraid to properly discipline them.

awkwardman · Answer

I took a love and logic class taught by a social worker to help be a better uncle since i babysat a lot back then. That is child abuse.
Against belief, spankings are NOT child abuse in there own right. To be child abuse 1 of the following conditions must be met: done in anger, objects were used, and in excess (if you give more then 5 it is in excess) as per what the social worker said. He even had a hand out that i keep. Still talk to him to thos day so I can keep intouch with things plus i have gotten some good connections that helped me with my disabled niece. As far as I know those are still the rules they follow.

Holistic · Answer

It's bad parenting. Learn to discipline your children by explaining why they should or shouldn't do certain things. If you hit your child for not doing his homework for example, he will do his homework simply out of fear and not because he understands why he should do it.

Hurlyburly · Answer

It means that you suck at being a parent and risk to deal an irreparable damage to the bond between you and your child instead of thinking of other solutions.
Plus, how in the world is the child supposed to learn how to solve conflicts without violence if not even their parents are capeable to do so?

BlackRoseFairy · Answer

No it's not ok. Especially in your age. If your mom is doing this a lot you should report her and ask for help.
Spanking is another topic, but using any kind of objects is not acceptable.
My mom did this once with my siblings when she was outraged. I simply took the belt from her and cut it into pieces. It was a shock for her when she calmed down and realised what she had done and she cried a lot afterwards and never used it again.

Wishfire17 · Answer

I don't believe in hitting kids with a belt. I believe spankings are ok, but the belt is just too much. I was hit with a belt once by my step dad and to this day I remember it. It definitely wasn't worth getting belted over and I knew it. It was on my legs, I decided I would teach him a lesson instead, I wore shorts to show off the welts they left.

Bananaman177 · Answer

It's pretty hard to reason with children who haven't yet reached the age of reason, which is about 8-9 years old for most kids.

Before that, they are literally irrational beings. It's just pretty hard to rationalize with them.

That's why women are so well-suited for early childcare. They're not particularly rational either, sort of an intermediary step between children and adults.

bill_towers · Answer

That means you were a shit Patent Not to teach your child manners so the Kid gets out of Control (because of parents slobby behavior) and then they try to """"discipline"""" the child.
The parents should Hit eachother with the belts instead.
Just cause your Kids with Solid Rules and you won't need the belt.

Anonymous · Answer

The belt is bullshit. My mother hit me with a wooden spoon and my dad with a belt and then his hand. I have never hit my kids even once. I might wrestle them and hold them so they stop hitting me and/or until they calm down. Physical abuse of kids is pathetically wrong.

jacquesvol · Answer

The worst parenting Children should NOT be spanked. It teaches them their mom and dad consider violence a good way to solve an issue. After that , don't wonder why your society is violent.

CoffeeWC · Answer

How are you supposed to discipline if you're too afraid to get physical your child? The problem with today's society is that we are so quick to call it abuse, that the only forms of discipline are taking away toys. I was hit with a belt once and only once. That was enough to make me listen to my parents. Same for my siblings.

adika63 · Answer

I had the belt until about 14. That’s when i took it away. My 5 year old daughter comes and ask if we can talk and she talked to me about what’s on her mind. We’ve always tried to teach her if she communicates and is honost we can help her and she has I need to lie bevy we all make mistakes and we want to help her work through them or punish her for them. Mistakes are meant to be learning moments.

RationalMale · Answer

It could literally be either.

Discipline: "Johnny, you lied that you had your homework done. Come here." Makes child bend over bed and uses the non buckle end to spank the child several times.

Abuse: "JOHNNY I FRICKIN TOLD YOU TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK! GET OVER HERE!" smacks child angrily with belt.

Vesuvius87 · Answer

It's bad parenting for sure.
I wonder what's the point of hurting a child with an object and making him/her cry. If you did that to another adult or your employee for coming late, you would get charged for assault wouldn't you?

btbc92 · Answer

Abuse sweetheart. Take it from me who has trust issues of everybody now, besides bullying. You need to get out of that house. It needs to be reported. Not a safe environment for you to be in. Or any child.

DebraHeart · Answer

It is abusive. The parent may not think it is, but it is. Hitting the kids body... so they feel emotional and physical pain... that's abuse, period. There is other ways to teach and discipline a child.

Djaay · Answer

Very bad parenting. Having a moment of disobiedeince with your child is your own previous failure to implement a good example . Being that great example in the first place is what is required , not authority out of control to resolve a issue you yourself didn't teach properly in the first place.
On the other hand , something very seriously impailed of a heanious crime or etc... only then I will propel such discipline.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

The answer depends on how it is administered. If it is done in anger , or if it is done in a way that causes significant bruising or injury, then it is abuse. If it is done for the purpose of trying to correct your behavior, it is parenting.

Anonymous · Answer

Psychological studies have shown that children who are disciplined by beating show similar psychological traits as abused children. Also it just teaches the children that violence is an acceptable way to solve conflict and teaches them to hate authority.

IslanderSparkle_Siki · Answer

Me and my brothers had our share of them. It's so funny when we think of it now however my dad would be very lenient, he would never hit us hard, he would just scared us.

SueShe · Answer

Undeniably abuse as parents should never beat up a child under no circumstances. It is beyond bad parenting, it is a misuse of parental authority.

sunflower906 · Answer

PLEASE!!! Never do that, all it will do is make your child scared of you.

SexyAshh · Answer

Its not abuse whatsoever.  Some kids need a good belt whipping because their little time outs isn't doing shit. Guarnteed all these school shooters were also part of the “time out” clan.

GuidoThePizzaMaker · Answer

Depends on why? I got hit when I was a kid, most times I deserved it. A few times, my mom went overboard, but I forgave her for it. Getting a physical consequence is healthy for misbehaving.

fauchelevent · Answer

To me, it's bad parenting. However, I'm not a parent yet so my opinion on that doesn't huuuugely count.

cgraves561 · Answer

75% say bad parenting? This is the snowflake generation and why grown people have to have cookies and puppies when their candidate loses. I’m thankful for every lick I took, without them I’d be dead or in jail by now.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

If that is ALL a parent can come up with … he/she would be better off childless.

Daniel3035 · Answer

Bad parenting. While it might be acceptable for adolescent children 18+ younger is a big no and hell I don't want to be spanked not me nor my girlfriend.

clampfan101 · Answer

Terrible parenting. My siblings and I were incredibly good children. My parents hardly ever needed to do more than mention spanking for us to get back in line, and even that was rarely necessary.

JamesBoradil03 · Answer

its great parenting. my dad whupped my ass all the time, its practically the only time he noticed me, but i am better off for it

MarketData · Answer

If you're afraid you might hurt your hand you're hitting them too hard. Update: Never hit a child, it's abuse.

Anonymous · Answer

Not bad parenting or abuse. It’s just an old fashioned way of discipline!! Simple as that.. same as the wooden spoon no harm done.

lotje · Answer

I have had my share and i believe it is good discipline.

Iron_Man · Answer

it's discipline hands don't work on tough athletic teens

OrangeBoy2 · Answer

If you think using a belt is a OK thing then you are fucked up.

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

Well when I was young we got spankings and I'm all the better for it

rebecca10127 · Answer

It is unquestionably abuse

Grobmate · Answer

It's abuse and undeniably so.

Jacqp · Answer

Only cowards beat things smaller than them.

ThisIsMyOpinion · Answer

Do your parents do that to you?

HeyThere94 · Answer

It is super wrong to abuse a kid

RedThread · Answer

That's how I was raised and I turned out okay.

FýrdracaDócincel · Answer

Depends on who you ask

Gedaria · Answer

There is no need for that sort of treatment...

2shredded · Answer

50 years ago, bad parenting  Today, abuse

Twenty2 · Answer

Depends but usually bad parenting.

Hitman47 · Answer

If it happens too often then it's abuse

ex-gager · Answer

Obviously bad parenting..

Reddwolf · Answer

Abuse and bad parenting

Ámayas_20 · Answer

It's child abuse.

halothereeveryone · Answer

Basic abuse

Anonymous · Answer

Discipline

Gottabsavagee · Answer

Abuse

ivanhunterjo · Answer

Abuse

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