I work, he doesn't, should he clean everything?

Question

I work everyday and I have 2 kids. My boyfriend stays at home and plays video games all day. When I ge home I see have to cook dinner and clean. I'm not okay with this. I asked him(more like told him) that if he is not working the house should be spot less and dinner should be started at least. I just don't think its fair. There my kids not his but I'm working and supporting all of us. HELP PLEASE we can't seem to stop fight about this.

johnny_hustle · Accepted Answer

I would gladly stop working to be a stay-at-home dad. Even though they wouldn't be my biological kids, if they were my girlfriends kids. I would most certainly treat them as if they were my own. I only get into a relationship if I think that someday we could get married. So those kids would eventually become my step-children. Therefore, will eventually become part of my responsibility. Now, in order to get ready for that responsibility of being a step-dad I would get to know those kids as if they were my own while my girl and I are still in a regular relationship. As for chores, it's really not that hard if all he does is stay at home. He should have a schedule of what he needs to clean each day. For example, every Sunday clean the bathroom, thoroughly. Monday clean the kitchen thoroughly. Tuesday, the living room. So on and so forth. Now if something happens in either of these rooms on any given day he should clean it up. For example, it is Tuesday, and the kids made a huge mess in the bathroom. I don't know what gender your kids in, but for this example, lets say they are 5 year old boys. They end up peeing all over the toilet and the floor. He should get down on his hands and knees and scrub the bathroom. Even though it is a Tuesday and he should be cleaning the living room. So like I was saying, have a schedule for him to do on each day, and if something happens, which is always the case (especially with kids), then he should do clean that as well. If he sticks to this schedule, it shouldn't take more than a few hours each day to clean up the entire house. Now watching the kids will also be a part-time job as well. Then cooking dinner, now I am extremely bias on this because I love cooking. Actually, even if my girlfriend was home all day and I worked all day, I still want to be the one cooking. But I digress, cooking is another part-time job. After each meal, put the plates in the dishwasher, (if no dishwasher then he can clean the plates right when everyone is done eating so there won't be a pile up in the sink) If he sticks to this schedule he will realize that he will still be able to play his video games. As a matter a fact, he can better judge when he can play and when he can't. Now, when you are home it won't hurt you to help him out with these task. As long as he is doing them efficiently. Just like any housewife wants help from her man when he gets home from work, you can help him when you get home from work. A healthy relationships needs both partners to compromise. If one partner does everything, and the other does little to nothing. hahah yeah, that's not going to work at all. Regardless on who is sitting in the carriage and who is pulling the carriage. Just give and take with this guy. Set some task that he needs to do each day, and start off SLOW. Don't want to scare him to quick. Like drinking, he needs to build up a tolerance. Just go slow and gradually add more, but not too much. If he can't do this then leave him!

islands7 · Accepted Answer

This is depression in action. A weekly family meeting has helped others. The first one is like AA - each takes a turn to describe their most difficult hurtle (or list all of them). Other may offer constructive ideas/solutions that are not criticized - we are catching fish, not culling them yet!

Next weekly meetings, all will come prepared with 1) list of problems/hurtles, 2) what they have done about them, which could be "at worse" only how many hours/day (with times, please) they worked on them (they will be asked to be more specific, names, places, etc. next meeting), 3) ideas they have for others, with specific contracts/addresses, if any. NO ONE gets away with being KING or QUEEN, Prince/other. Everyone works for the "community" or tells why to all present - since being royalty is off limits. Instead of workers imposing consequences on drones, ask the drones what they should give up until they begin producing.

Should they offer clceaning, cooking, shopping - don't be so quick to accept. Point out these are GOOD but not income producing, as such these good deedsd should not in any way interfere with job seeking, interviews nor even crafts that might produce a coin or two on the street/eBay. See what they can sell to get them motivated in the marketplace.

Eventually, pleasuretime will have limits on everyone that wants to belong to this group. NOT FAIR should come from their feelings once they begin getting stroking/petting from even a dollar made that day. From tiny acorns ...

ConfidentNerd · Accepted Answer

Ground him and take his video games away.

Who is paying for these games? Is he paying for them or are you? Being 100% serious, stop buying them for him if you are. Let him know that it's not okay that he's basically mooching off of you.

I'm a "gamer girl" and most of my boyfriends are game geeks. That's fine, I'll fully support that because I can appreciate the excitement of gaming. What I don't support is the laziness that it creates in people. I can play my video game for 12 hours a day and still manage to get everything that I need to get done, done.

What is he doing? I have a feeling that "playing video games all day" is a slight exaggeration, not that I don't believe that he doesn't clean or anything. Does he just play and eat and sleep or whatever? Does he do ANYTHING else? Because if not, he's less your "boyfriend" and more your "free-loader."

What needs to happen is either he gets a job and starts pulling some of the weight or he stays at home and pulls his own weight there. You have two kids - okay, they're your responsibility. But HE is not your responsibility. If he doesn't work or help around the house then all he's doing is being dead weight and becoming something else that you need to worry about and financially stress over.

You need to set boundaries and let him know what's going on. You work, you pay for him to survive, he cleans the house and helps you with chores that need to get done. If he doesn't know how to cook, at least buy him a few boxes of hamburger helper and tell him to follow the directions. If he doesn't know how to read, teach him.

If it was my boyfriend I'd give him a list of chores and make consequences that will happen if he does NOT do his chores. If he doesn't finish the list, you'll no longer buy his luxuries or provide him with anything other than the basic needs. He needs to eat and he needs to drink, but he doesn't NEED anything else. Nothing else is your responsibility. He'll survive without games and he'll survive without a little TV and he'll survive without whatever it is that he feels the need to mooch off of you for.

Like you said, it's not OK that he treats you like this and as long as you ALLOW him to do so, he is going to take advantage of it. Don't fight. Stop yelling to each other and start talking to each other. There's no argument that he can give you that makes it okay for him to do this. If you need to, write out your argument, explain what needs to happen, how you feel, that way when you begin to "fight" about it you know what to say and he won't throw you off of your rocker. You need to keep a level head because I have a feeling that he won't once you start to tamper with his "perfect little happy moocher life."

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If he works and you don't then you're the housewife.  If you work and he doesn't then he's the househusband.  If you both work then shared duties.  I think you already know the answer and you are just asking to make sure you're not crazy or being unreasonable.  Don't second guess yourself, you know you're right.  What's even worse than that is that you're also paying all if his bills.  Unfortunately when it comes to men and their video games not many listen even when you sit them down to talk but you still have to do it to say that you did it.  Then you need to stop paying his personal bills, anything that has to do with the house of course you pay but his cell...GONE...his video games he buys...GONE... money to go to the club/bar/clothes shopping...(he doesn't work so why does he need new clother) GONE LOL.  Get my drift then he'll pay attention when it matters to him.  Oh and the key to this is to not fight, argue, yell or even repeat yourself.  Men are like kids, if you already knew that if you broke your curfew when you were a kid your parents would take your TV then you'd be out at 10:55 (with a curfew at 11) debating if you're willing to take the punishment and stay out.  Same thing here, you yelling means nothing to him.  You need to sit him down in a regular voice and tell him that you need him to take care of the house side of things (dont mention because he's not working).  Then operation I don't give a s*** either should begin, take the things that matter but don't be obvious about it.  You just can't afford it anymore, other things are now more important.  Start your own account somewhere else to stash the money for your kids college fund etc.

Tamikaze · Accepted Answer

What you think SHOULD happen and what is happening does not match and obviously no amount of arguing, not even a bunch of votes on this website, will fix that. I can say that telling any adult what they should do (like a parent would) is a tactic that does not work. You have to have a conversation that is an even exchange between two adults because demanding another adult follow your rules just p*sses them off. If you two cannot agree, you need to consider that this is not a love match and move on.

Your problem here is not whether he should take care of the house or not, your problem is that you are supporting someone who is lazy and doesn't seem to care about it. If I were him I would be embarrassed and want to show I was carrying my weight but honestly most guys are just not interested or can even connect to taking care of a home and preparing dinner. Most guys don't even do that for themselves when they are bachelors so good luck getting them to do it for you. At best, I would expect my partner to put down the video games and go look for a job, any job, so he could start bringing in some cash. I probably wouldn't expect that they turn into Suzy Homemaker, but I wouldn't support them either if they could not help.

Meaniehead · Answer

What's a mom worth?

According to one report, $138,095 a year.

That's the figure in a study put out by Salary.com, which calculates the wages that would have been paid a stay-at-home mom in 2007 if she were compensated for all the elements of her "job." That total was up 3% from 2006's salary of $134,121.

The job descriptions that Salary.com used to determine a mom's salary includes 10 jobs that moms do on an average day: housekeeper, day care center teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, CEO and psychologist.

"Mom works multiple jobs and rarely gets a break from the action, working an average of 52 hours of overtime," said Bill Coleman, senior vice president at Salary.com, in a statement.

OH SO WHEN IT'S THE MAN AT HOME HE IS A BUM, BUT WHEN IT'S A WOMAN SHE IS AN UNDERPAID HARDWORKER. OH I GET IT, US MEN ARE ONCE AGAIN THE EVIL TUPID BUMS AND YOU WOMEN ARE INNOCENT ANGEL VICTIMS OF THE PATRIARCH. I'M SORRY FOR BEING ALIVE WHERE THERE'S A CHANCE YOU MIGHT HAVE TO ACCIDENTLY LOOK UPON MY DISGUSTING MAN FACE!

tex151 · Answer

If my girlfriend told me I want the house to be spotless by the time I got home, and take car of my kids and have dinner started, I would have said something like sir yes sir anything else sir, and then when she got home, the house would be in the same exact shape as it was in when she left.

The point is you can't demand him to do anything, because he won't do it. What you could have said is something like hey honey do you mind watching my kids while I go to work, and I notice the house is getting a little messy with their toys everywhere, and the dishes are kind of stacking up in the sink. Can you tell them to pick up their toys, and can you help me out with the dishes please. Oh and I have steaks for us for dinner, and I will be home around seven, so I would really appreciate it if you started dinner.

Us men are like that, if you start demanding things from us and telling us what to do, we won't do it, but if you ask nicely and not in a bitchy tone, chances are you will come home to a clean house and dinner already started.

Marshall33 · Answer

Ok here is my honest answer.

Where household chores are concerned there are 4 people making a mess. Where there is income there are 4 people benefitting from it too. The way I see it 75% of your income goes to you and your 2 kids and would no matter what while 75% of the mess would also be your responsability as there are your kids and would occur if he were not in the house. What he does outside of contributing for 25% of the income and 25% of the mess in the house is none of your business (including playing video games, etc.). Wha he needs to acknowledge is how he can contribute to cover the 25% mess and 25% income he is responsable for in the household. Anything else he does is a bonus and NOT an obligation to him to serve your purposes (though would be nice if he did help out of the kindness of his own heart - but for the purposes of the conflict I digress). At first have him prove to you he cleans up 25% of the household to cover his responsabilities. Then point out he must contribute 25% of income into the household. Tell him that since you bring in his 25% income he need compensate by covering your 25% of household chores. That is plain fair. IN other words if he does half the household chores per day the household needs he can do and be who he wants to be and you will do the rest...Samson Law type deal (lol)

rdr005 · Answer

Seems like the gender roles have switched, lol.  In a sense... you can't just demand certain people to cook... some people just can't... however... I do believe that he should at least clean if he doesn't do anything else. If the house is a mess, make him clean that sh*t up, its not your responsibility. However... how old are the kids? If the kids are old enough to know what a mess is, they're hold enough to know how to clean it up themselves... so make them pick up after themselves. Dishes and such (from when he gets food) or taking out the trash... or cleaning up the bathroom can be his responsibilities. If he's giving you a hard time and bitching, tell him that you pay for the electricity so he can enjoy his video games. Tell him to go the f*ck out and get a job if he wants to do things his way... or to at least cook a meal for for the family every once and a while... but don't let him just leach off of you. Right now he's holding you down, and your life would be much simpler without him. Even with kids, I'm sure you can resort to daycare if needed and such, but do realize that it isn't his responsibility to have to take care of your kids, that's a decision he has to be willing to do for himself. You can also resort to treating him like a child if that's how he wants to act. Take his controllers away with you when you go to work. It'll p*ss him off for sure, but it could be what needs to be done to get him to start growing up.

IonRage · Answer

GET OUT NOW AND RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN! And don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out! I lived with my ex for 11 years and we have an 8 year old son. We've been broken up almost 2 years. Mine was a lazy slob and never did a damn thing. (So lazy that he'd mow HALF the lawn and leave the lawn mower in the yard and finish the rest weeks or even months later) I live on Long Island and I took the bus to work and I'd get up at 7:30 to get son off to school, leave for work at 9, take two buses for an hour and 45 minutes (20 min. layover), get to work at 11. work until 4:30, take the two buses home, get home at 6pm, and still have to do homework with son, make dinner, clean up the mess from the ex's 4 hours home, get son ready for bed. My day started at 7:30 and didnt' end until 9-10, sometimes 11pm at night. His started at 5:30 am and ended at 2pm. He also makes 2-1/2 times more than I do, and our "split" of the bills left me with less than $50 a month but he had hundreds left.

It's just not worth it. He's not going to change. Get out now. You're choosing him over you and your kids. Don't make the same mistake I made. PLEASE! You're still so young and have your whole life ahead of you.. You're also teaching your kids what a "relationship" is like and they will repeat the pattern and end up in the same position you are.

Good luck.

sedstar · Answer

Hmmm... if a MAN working full time demanded that the "little lady" was

1) going to keep the house SPOTless...

2) Have dinner started when HE got home...

I just WONDER what every girl here would say?

"Your not a slave!"

"He can't treat you like that!"

"See how he likes making his own dinner! SHow him the microwave!"

Women have been doing nothinng but sleeping in, and not working for millennia, LMAO... and not all of them cook and clean, trust me on that one...

Now that the shoe is on the other foot, I hope he goes out shopping and blows all your money on clothes and jewelry (or videogames, whatever...) and I hope you have to get a new living room to suit him, too...

reap it.

if a Man can't order a woman around, then the women shouldn't be able to order the man around, eh?

Or... aren't men and women exactly equal, after all, eh?

playa_pan · Answer

Kicc this motherfuccer to the curb...

When I was living with my sister, I cleaned up the house often since I was going to court to fight my case against motherfuccers who double crossed me. I had a job and got fired cause of the incident...

As for your boyfriend, it's ridiculous he plays videos at home and doesn't even start dinner. Fucc~ I'm 22 and taught myself cooking at age of 15! As much as it sounds like boasting and bragging, I'm just stating that some people have the will to have a skill that can come in handy.

At least your boyfriend can call pizza for delivery xD

madskaster · Answer

I had almost the exact same situation with my fiance. I worked 40-80 hour weeks she would sleep till noon then just lay there for an hour or 2 get up play games and watch TV. She didn't work and took 1 class. I expected her to do the household chores as she made the majority of the mess.  When we broke things off she cited that as a reason, that I rarely cleaned anything and that I was lazy.  If you arn't contributing to the household income then you should be taking care of the chores, not all of them both should pitch in but for the most part he should take care of them.  For $50 you can get someone to come tidy the house once a week, if he can earn the $50 to pay for it fine other wise he should man up and stop being a lazy ass.

pleasestopme · Answer

First of all, this guy is trash.

And Meaniehead... wtf? The reason stay at home moms are worth that much is because of the help they do around the house. I don't think women NEED to clean or cook because it's where they belong or what their sex should be doing, I think they should be doing it if they're husband or boyfriend is out working so they can have a nice place to live. Same situation reversed. If this "man" is home all day, he should help around the house while you bring home the bacon. You need to dump this loser and find a man that can help you support your kids.

PAPA_FLUFF · Answer

Sorry, but it sounds like you have 3 kids, not 2.

He will destroy your life. He will drain you. He is using you, and he is not a man. He is a grown child. You should break up, and then you should do some introspection and possible see a therapist (I mean that in an helpful way) about what it is about you that led you to let yourself be used in that way.

I read responses about the economy... well you know, maybe he can't find a good job, but he can still work on getting a crappy job in the meantime to contribute, while looking for a better job at the same time. Playing videogames on your dime is something that would be OK for a 12 year old to do. But even the 12 year old has homework and school to do, and home chores!

aliciaxx · Answer

Okay so it would be one thing if he took care of your kids, but you said all he does is play video games. That said,

since he already won't clean, you need to ask yourself do you love him enough to let him be a bum and freeload off you (which will no doubt make him become worst and WILL destroy your relationship later on), or is this something that bothers you enough to make a difference.

if you want to make a difference, give him an ultimatum.. Have him contribute in a productive way, or get the hell out of your house.

tammymac · Answer

I am going to catch a lot of flack for this answer but hear me out before you comment please. I don't believe he should have to have the house spotless and do all the cooking. Even though he is home and apparently doing nothing all day long if the shoe was on the other foot and he expected you to have everything done by the time he got home you would be less then impressed with his attitude I'm sure. Life as a couple is a partnership and one partner can not or should not expect the other to do more then half of anything if we are being totally fair. I do believe he should make some attempt to get a job and contribute. I do believe he should cook and clean up, I'm just saying it's not all his responsibility you live there too, and you have 2 kids who probably mess the place up as well so no it's not all his duty to cook and clean. If that's all you want get a maid not a man.

nermalinda · Answer

Sounds like you have NO self respect. Why on EARTH would you support a grown man who refuses to do anything but play video games all day and fight with you about it?

This situation sound completely absurd and ridiculous. Dump this sponge as soon as humanly possible and evict him from your house and your life. He's not a man, he's a deadbeat maid. Would you continue to pay a housekeeper who only played video games? Because that's exactly what you're doing.

Someone who loved you would at least care enough to make you dinner, if not get off his ass and get a job to help out his woman and her kids.

In the words of a very wise woman, "i don't want no scrub". If you keep this guy around, that's exactly what you're stuck with.

MandMandM · Answer

He shouldn't clean and cook everything, we home makers need a break as well, but he should definitiely be doing most of this (and laundry and homework support for the kids, and taxi duty for them etc).

Oh, and he should also have as well a paying job as fits in with all of this to contribute to supporting the family. I don't care if he is the father of the kids or not, as a nominal adult he should still contribute. If the father is absent, he should also pay child support.

Lots of guys manage all of this. If your guy won't grow up, change him.

bioweapon154 · Answer

Yeah, totally on that one with you. You should at least have some support at home. Tell him to get off his ass and get a job while yer at it. Fucker has the decency to knock you up, he better step up the game here. Well, to be honest, if he knocked you up at your age, there should be no surprise about his laxed behavior because he is just not in adult mode and may never reach that self realization.

link

Even ^this^ article nails it and what the problem is. The home is an investment on all fronts and must be cared for by all.

islands7 · Answer

I know of marriages that ended over this exact same story.

Sure the economy gets bad for each of us, it's a roller coaster sometimes BUT every night, those that need a TEMPORARY FREE RIDE need to produce some evidence of trying to be employed ... they require this for welfare checks, don't they? Are you not honored above those guys? Evidence = phone logs, places visited, resume & apps duplicates, updates on what is supposed to happen, delays, etc. I would think video games DRAINS one of this desire to solve the problem.

What you ask is passable, plausible but in the long run even this is not enough.

Only a BUM would fight about this. Who ever trained him should inherit him. Send him back to momma, call her to come get him, notify the sheriff - stop fighting and get back to living - it saps enough of one's energy, even with a willing partner. Have some fun for a change!

mef1975 · Answer

Is he taking care of the kids while you are at work?  How involved is he in their development, (social, physical, mental, emotional, etc...) ?  How much authority do you really allow him to have over the kids and how they're disciplined?  Being a homemaker is not easy stuff, especially when kids are involved.  There's usually not too much time for playing video games.  Being that I know you not, I must ask, do you suffer from OCD?  Keeping the house "spotless" when there's two kids involved is virtually impossible.  That said, yeah, he's probably putting too much stock into a video game.  I too have my vices, but that house would be virtually spotless and dinner would probably be started.  I probably wouldn't be able to keep that up everyday, as I too have my vices, but most of the time.

jfromj · Answer

If I were you, I would just kick him out. No one likes debtors, and he is only bringing you down not lifting you up. This question is a month old, and I bet he is still doing the same thing or as little as possible. Also, you cannot motivate someone to do something, it has to be their choice. In other words, rid the stressor out of your life, and rely on God to bring you a man that is worthy of your love.

lortor94 · Answer

asking him to make sure the house is spotless is asking too much of him but he should show more involvement in helpign you out considering you have so much you need to do. another issue is he plays video games all day .. that's just a very bad habit to have

Anonymous · Answer

If he really loved you he would see how upset this situation makes you and would start to work harder just to make you happier, if for no other reason. Sorry for being abrupt, but he sounds like a freeloader - I wouldn't even think about treating a girl like that, as though she should have to support the family and do all the housework too. You should make it clear to him that if he doesn't change his ways he won't have you forever. Just my opinion, sorry if its a little radical.

dadnova · Answer

Get rid of the lazy mooch. I had the same situation with my Ex. She did not work, I worked all day and when I got home dinner was not even though of, nothing taken out, house not clean, dirty dishes all the time, this went on and on until the divorce.

Over a year later after or divorce, she is not working and sponging off who ever she can, she did not change and neither will he, lazy is lazy.

Unloved_Grudge · Answer

You need to start taking control. Begin teaching your boyfriend to cook and clean whenever necessary. If he resists, hide his videogame console or even worse, limit your intimacy. If he isn't willing to get a job, he should at least be doing something productive and make sure you push him to do so.

Marciano · Answer

I hate that sh*t, I wouldn't tolerate that either... sit him down, and tell him, say look we need to work together as a team, & I need your help, I can't do everything on my own, if he doesn't do nothing then he is useless...but I can tell your kinda stuck because you need someone to look after the kids. may be you should move bak to your mum's house until you find a better partner, other than that you could hire baby sitter (thats if your going to let him go, are you? ).

venividivici · Answer

how can you be in love with such a loser?

kinda sounds like my dad...mom worked so hard till she passed out. and he couldn't even put a simple meal on the table.

if he doesn't change, leave him and find yourself a better man! trust me, it won't get better with time.

good luck

luvmyman · Answer

he doesn't do his half of the work.. Partners need to at least do HALF and HALF.. Geez.. I wouldn't be quick to kick his ass out. He may only be doing this because all you do is complain about it. Give him an ultimatum.. Either he starts helping you out or he GETS OUT... working women are busy women ad we don't need lazy men. This is not an attack on men.. I'm just saying he's not indicating any interest in helping her out at all.

Dylan1989 · Answer

I just don't understand why girls just get into relationships with complete bums! My Lord, yes if you are working everyday then yes he should clean everything and start dinner instead of just sitting on his a** and doing jack all day! You need to be more aggressive whenlaying down the law.

Gorce · Answer

i hate to break it to you but...he isn't playing video games all day. He is banging all the lonely housewives in the nieborhood. The same depressed housewives that the husbands demand they cook,clean and spread thier legs at night. Nice role reversal.

liars_paradox · Answer

Give his lazy ass an ultimatum, either he starts doing things around the house, he gets a job and you both share the house chores, or he packs his sh*t up and leave.

Those three options that I just mentioned are:

1) Do all the damned house chores

2) Get a job and share the house chores

3) GTFO

If you're paying for your place, then it's your's and it should be your rules.

Aiyesha · Answer

first thing has he ever given you a reason to why he can't help?  not as if any reason is good enough don't get me wrong. first try and sit down a talk to him . then maybe and this is what my brother actualy told his wife to do take all his mess a put it in a conre near his stuff maybe given near his computer and maybe given on day come in a cook food but dish out only for you and the kids and see what happends

jogirob · Answer

MOST DEF! But the difference between should he and will he is your 2 kids so... Unless you want to meet someone that will just want a quick hook up you might have to live up to your errors and stick it out with him. That must be the mentality of that guy IMO.

IdontWantToBeMe · Answer

I don't think he should clean or cook, I think he should get a damn job or you should get a new boyfriend.

I don't think it's OK to impose how you think the house should be cleaned or dinner should be cooked because you shouldn't be supporting him in the first place.

You already have 2 kids, why do you need a third ?

shapeshiftgirl · Answer

Household chores and cooking should be a team work thing. I don't think he should be doing EVERYTHING but he should definitely be helping you out. If he's home and he understands that you're working and doing the best you can the least he can do is help you out when you're tired. If he doesn't start chipping in and helping you when you need it then you should be seriously re-assessing the relationship. People like that don't often change. Do you want to put up with that behavior forever?

I_JUST_GOTTA_KNOW · Answer

Sounds like you are raising your kids + 1 adult kid! You need to let him know you are not his mom and if he doesn't want to be grown up then he should go home to momma! You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders...Know that you deserve better!

nikkikay · Answer

I think that if he's going to live in your house he should work. That being said work doesn't have to mean employed outside of the home. Work can also be around the house cleaning and cooking. Some people just aren't comfortable with cooking so I could understand not doing that. But he should at least clean, wash dishes, and do the laundry. I think that if this guy just wants to sit on his butt and get a free meal than he's pretty much worthless.

Anonymous · Answer

I do agree that whoever's at home should be putting in some work towards the upkeep of the house, just so that there's more or less an equal division of labor. If he won't agree to do any housework or cooking, that's not really something you can force him into, though. You can encourage him, suggest things, set rewards, whatever, but at the end of the day, this is your collective situation and if you don't like it, that's something you have to evaluate.

MizzAshley92 · Answer

Yea deff! Because if he was the only one working tables would turn and he would expect that of you..You need to stick up for yourself and be like you need to get off your ass and either get a job, do something around here, or get out because your a female and your obviously independent enough and doing it all on your own anyways..You don't need a worthless guy especially arguing about the same stuff, its not only unhealthy for the relationship but its unhealthy for your children too

irykiryk · Answer

Wow, what's I find weird is that you have to tell him.

Explain to him what his behavior is doing and why he should change.

Next time you go home and there is no food, make some, but only make enough for 3 servings, buy only enough food for three people. This way he will have to make his own food, get a job or get out, which I'm sure he wouldn't do.

razhadalax · Answer

How old is he, he acts like a teenager, or college student at best. He should definitely pull a bigger share. Having said that, it would be best if he could find a job too. If both of you worked a bit, and did a bit of the housework, then it would be less likely that each would feel like the other has it better. (He probably has no excuse to feel that way at the moment tho).

Anonymous · Answer

My friends got a Boyfriend and she hates that d***

She tells me every day.

She says, "man, I really gotta lose that prick

in the worst kind of way."

He sit on his ass, she works her hands to the bone,

to give him money every pay day.

But he wants more denero just to stay at home,

Well my friend, you gotta say:

Anonymous · Answer

If he loved you he would be helping you out. If he is not willing to treat your kids as his own he is not for you. You have 3 kids now basically. I think you should kick him to the curb and never look back. You deserve better. No man is worth that. You should not tolerate behavoir like that. It is unhealthy for you and your kids and him because he is just going to get worse.

Ragnarok21 · Answer

Yes, for it to be fair he should clean and cook, they call it a relationship for a reason. Confront him again if he doesn't change but try to be as nice as possible, if he doesn't change his ways he's not worth your time and in this case money.

TC123 · Answer

Jesus Christ what is with you girls. You're working your butt off to support a human dildo. Yes, he should cook, clean, take care of the kids AND he ought to be looking for a job!

If he doesn't dump his ass!

Anikaj · Answer

he may not like it but rules are rules. he should clean and cook or whatever needs to be done at the house. I can understand any person being out of work right now given the crazy circumstances but he should take care of home at least

Portraitra · Answer

Get rid of him, he won't change. Men who play video games non stop are total douchebags and not a real man and this is coming from a man. Get a proper man who has respect for you and looks for work and wants to help you and himself by looking after you both.

diamond3 · Answer

he is lazy.. so yes he needs to clean and have dinner ready since he doesn't have anything else to do.. if he won't help around her house and cook.. you need to leave him! don't let him take advantage of u!

toosexualcat · Answer

Sounds like you found a grade A loser... Ditch that and lose 150lbs (or whatever) of fat and idiocy.

If he can't even do chores or go look for a job, what's he good for? Sex? Get a vibrator. They don't use up your resources!

shaft757 · Answer

I wouldn't say EVERYTHING but almost everything yes. You shouldn't have to pull double duty & do that sh*t when you get home.

Swampwater · Answer

simple solution: dump him and find someone worth your effort. why do women always want the "fix'er up" guys? plenty of fish in the sea, and you are wasting your time with a guppy.

mikkie180 · Answer

Why are you supporting this lazy bum? Dump his ass, he obviously doesn't care about you enough to at least help out a little.

calmmie · Answer

Tell him that you need him. He will like to be needed by someone. He might be feeling useless kindda because you are a super mom. Don't left out his feeling just because you are free and wild in expressing yourself out in the world.

DaveMicharl69 · Answer

Yeah, that's only fair. If you're coming home tired from making money to support the kids AND HIM, he should clean up & give you some help so you can finally relax. it's not fair what he's dong...

emilyzenella · Answer

maybe you should have asked kindly instead and he might have been a little bit more open to the idea especially if you were to say keep the house clean, not spotless

RememberWhenItRained · Answer

he should get a job.  if not, then yeah, he should clean, do SOMETHING. sitting there and playing video games all day? bleh.

tommiefromva · Answer

You need to run him off. You don't need him. There are plenty of guys out there that will treat you right and have a job.

enlightenment · Answer

he should it...that is his job, if he chooses to be a stay-at-home then fine, but he better be doing laundry and cleaning at the very least!

justconfused1 · Answer

Give him the ultimatum and stand behind it. If he won't step up, kick him to the curb. It sucks being alone but it sucks more to be unhappy and trying to fix the broken ones.

dudemanbra · Answer

dude he should be the stay at home dad, break hard on him, he need to do the household work, while your getting money to pay for the electricity roof he needs to play those games

lefthand · Answer

He isn't going to do anything. He doesn't see the need. You need to decide if you are going to tolerate this.

Anonymous · Answer

I agree with you. If you're the one working 40 hours a week at "the office" (whatever that might be) he should be doing the equivalent  of 40 hours of (diligent) work at home (or get everything done that needs to be done, whichever comes first).

Cassy4 · Answer

well he should contribute to something. don't let him be a lazy ass! trust me, it will get annoying and p*ss you off

I work, he doesn't, should he clean everything?

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I work, he doesn't, should he clean everything?

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