What's something you experience or feel because of your gender... that the opposite sex can never truly understand?

Question

Not including biological functions like childbirth, or periods, or the pain of being kicked in the balls, etc. That stuff is obvious, let's dig a bit deeper here.

For me, I'd say that as a man, we're judged on our utility to society, and as a result I think we have this persistent low grade feeling of disconnection from others. Outside of our very close friends and family, we feel a sneaking suspicion that other people only value us as long as we're bringing XYZ to the table. Its relatively rare that someone new comes along-- or an old aquaintance we grew up with-- to say "hey i like your vibe, you're a cool guy, and I'd like to know you better."

I'm not sure women can ever understand this fully about the male experience of life. Dont get me wrong, they may have a similar frustration in men only wanting them for their looks rather than personality. But fundamentally, women dont need to DO all that much to have their very existence validated by others. A girl can turn up to dates-- jobless, demure, and pretty-- and guys will fall in love with her left and right. If a guy has no job but is going on dates, then his game had better be an 11/10 or else he'll be labelled a "loser" and that will be the end of his love life until his situation improves. Ladies feel free to disagree on this, but i suspect this rings true for a lot of men-- whether its an objective reality, or just a feeling we experience internally about our place in society and in romance.

So thats my take on it-- what about you? What does your gender experience that the rest of us can never fully "get"?

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

That all we want is for men to love us, protect us and do what he says he promises instead of assuming. Be more direct with us, don't lie to us. Stop assuming all women wants a guy for looks, many of us don't know better. Have a brain for once. REALLY. But as far as what your writing?:

"For me, I'd say that as a man, we're judged on our utility to society, and as a result I think we have this persistent low grade feeling of disconnection from others." Well again sadly, That is just society. Just like for us women, the moment was born as female, its a curse to be a woman. Literally. All this girl-power stuff, and 'who runs the world? Girls' and feminism and 'women can do just as good or better than men' nonsense is horrible. I feel that a lot of guys today, especially toxic ones don't get that whether your male or female, your human, and its sucks to be human with all of this sin, and people wanting to end your life just because they don't like you. And most don't even know you. Or why they hate you. They just do. At the end of the day and of it all, it is indeed just SURVIVAL. And we're all trying to survive.

"Outside of our very close friends and family, we feel a sneaking suspicion that other people only value us as long as we're bringing XYZ to the table." Well, it is the same thing with women. It's no different, we just experience it differently, except we're judged for everything, you're judged for how useful and productive you can be. I say it's not a bad thing for you, BUT it's all about intent. A man does need to be productive and yes, you are called to bring things to the table. That's how God made you. The problem you men do? You sacrifice and do this for the WRONG KIND OF PEOPLE. A slave working away. But for the women who would value you, you don't want us either. Because we're not attractive enough for you and it's not always in the looks department.

"I'm not sure women can ever understand this fully about the male experience of life. Dont get me wrong, they may have a similar frustration in men only wanting them for their looks rather than personality." We do understand. You're just again, dealing with the wrong people. Just like I have met men, offline and on here and other sites that do too. BUT again, rare. So it would be foolish of me to expect every guy will just like it's foolish to assume every woman will. I stay away from toxic females.

Ámayas_20 · Accepted Answer

I don't think men can ever fully understand how intimidating they are. Now I'm by no means a feminist and believe that the vast majority of men wouldn't ever physically do anything to me, however, when a man had made the same 2 turns as you at night or walked the same direction for a while you feel fear. When a man is shouting at you in the street threatening for not responding to his sexual slurs you're scared. When a man even one you know and love gets really angry you remember he could easily over power you.

I carry mace as pepper spray is illegal in my country, I've taken self defence classes for a long time, and many other precautions. I'm still 5ft and weigh 98lbs, the average man would have no problem over powering me be it to attack me, mug me, or worse and I'm hate to think my daughter will live like this one day. To only actually feel safe if you have a man with you.

Obtuse · Accepted Answer

I'm not sure about all women, but I find it rare that women subscribe to the exact same moral principles as me. I was the boy who thought it so immoral when the teacher in kindergarten told us to run away and tell someone if someone picks on us. That seems so cowardly and dishonorable. Don't think I was taught to think that way. That's just how I naturally thought. Also protect women and children, these sorts of things. That just seems so plainly obvious.

Regmorus · Accepted Answer

Absolute inner freedom and inner independence. I think currently no woman ever is able to feel it, they are too earthly creatures:) (but to be fair in general hardly one human experiences it)

ADFSDF1996 · Answer

1.) Being viewed as expendable by society

2.) Men’s masculinity being viewed as “toxic”

3.) Being viewed as perverts

And overall men’s issues being ostracized by the hypocritical groupthink known as “SocJus”.

victoriaxoxo · Answer

Well, I do feel the pressure to impress other women when it comes to my career and achievements. And also just people overall; sometimes I feel like I need to be good at everything for someone to accept me into their circle. But you’re right about it not being necessary in the dating sector when you’re a woman. It is a plus to have a good career/ achievements and some men will definitely judge you for being a waste of space if you are but most men seem not to care that much. I feel like women still care more about these things but I think that also varies and is definitely changing/has changed quite a bit in recent times.

You’re right about me not being able to relate to some of the things you’ve described. Especially the concept of being a utility to society, something I heard many men mention. I do sometimes think about giving back to society but only because it is the ‘right thing to do’. I don’t often feel like I owe society. Often when I hear men speak about themselves, in relation to society, some describe it as if they are conscripts during war times and they have duties to fulfil. For me that is difficult to grasp. I feel very much like a lone island. Not that I don’t understand the benefits of society and how it all works (and I definitely benefit from it!) but I don’t have the feeling of being a utility to society at all.

Regarding some of the things that I worry about that men might not find as relatable:
- not being taken seriously in the workplace because I’m a woman.
- having to pretend that childbirth is not the scariest thing in the world.
- my partner seeing me as a baby machine.
- me not being considered a ‘proper woman’ because I’m not gentle, soft spoken or very sympathetic.

I’ll elaborate on the last one. I often feel like I don’t fit in with society’s idea of how a woman should be (and I know many women feel the same). I don’t feel particularly feminine and I have always been very bad at dealing with emotions. I feel like as a man you can be somewhat bad at dealing with emotions and people will just let you because you’re a guy and you’re allowed to not know how to express emotions/comfort others. But as a woman, you often find that if someone is sad, most people will look at you to know how to make them feel better. Especially in a relationship of any sort, you’re meant to be the person who can express your emotions in Shakespearean verse and know exactly what to say when someone else is upset or angry. But I often find myself lacking words when I’m in a situation like this. Most of the time I just stay quiet or somehow manage to make the situation worse. It makes me feel like I’m bad at doing my job (even though I can rationalise that I shouldn’t feel that way). So I think quite a few women might relate to feeling like we are not ‘soft’ or pleasant enough for us to be considered proper women. It is annoying.

AmandaYVR · Answer

This is quite sad reading this. I don’t know, with absolute factualness, that it is true, but I certainly won’t argue with you. I can understand that this is your, and many men’s feeling, and I accept that it must come from somewhere grounded in reality and your experience.
I feel the same way about myself. But I was talking to a friend once and he said that while he sympathized, it is not the same for men. There is much more judgement/less acceptance of such matters of... utility.
Still, I want to say that not all women look at men nowadays as providers - of whatever. And it is with great appreciation that we recognize the burden which many of you feel.

MackToday · Answer

It isn't easy to know but I imagine the sense of responsibility knowing that all the streets and schools and grocery stores and shops that people take for granted every day. The parks and medical facilities that we know we can rely on and have in our child hood memories. The universities , high schools, and all the things like the proms that we anticipate and sweat over. There's a big and often hostile world outside all that and it falls on my shoulders and those of other men to make sure our society that we created for our people continues to exist that children grow up never needing to worry about what is outside our borders. Work hard on the job and be ready to fight if need be. I think most men have that uniquely in mind.

KaidenM · Answer

Most women always have someone telling them they are pretty or easy on the eyes or just any kind of compliment, but most men never receive things like that so when someone gives me a small compliment like nice shirt honestly it brightens my day, completely changes it. Now for example if a girl is told she's jaw dropping gorgeous in a snap from a random dude igs whatever they are use to it now if a girl msged me with a compliment on that level I'm probably gonna remember that for awhile and its gonna mean a shit Ton to me

wankiam · Answer

you would be surprised how many feminist women do actually understand that perfectly... they know that the patriachy can be just as damaging to men... this ofcourse does not include feminazi women which just like incels, seem to want to turn everything into a war

Anonymous · Answer

The fear of how crazy sex makes men. Being followed by guys, talked to on your way home at night. Men who think they have the right to answers when they ask "what is your name, where do you live, where are you from?"

Social expectations of how we should act and think and feel. In many cultures its very clear how you as a woman have to be and your role in society.
You are expected to have a good education and job and you have to come home and do all the housework and know how to cook. A man can just come from work, ask for coffee and watch television till he goes to bed. If he doesn't know how to cook he is told it's okay. If a woman says she doesn't know how to cook she is told she has to learn.

Also, lately men are getting meaner to women on the internet. It's scary.

Anonymous · Answer

I think that most women will never understand what it's like to have people truly and thoroughly not care about you. This is a regular part of the male experience that just doesn't exist for women. People by and large, especially other men, do not care about your problems when you are a man. They don't care, and the only way that you might get some help is if it's either super convenient for them, or you pay them for it.

The rejection men face is not only absolutely constant in EVERY aspect of life, but absolutely no one cares that it's happening to you.

MissDawn7961 · Answer

I know that some men want surgery so they can look like a woman or males feel that they were born in the wrong body and want to be put in the right body by surgery ! I have heard that men say they feel like a woman but how do they know that they feel like a woman when they have no idea how it feels to be a woman for they are a man? God gives you the body he wants you to have when you are born ! women are strong on the inside so they can give painful birth to a baby whether the father of the baby is man enough to support the child he helped bring into the world ! men are suppose to be strong on the out side and muscle wise on the inside to be able to do jobs that can support their wives , children and who ever else the Lord wants the man to support ! thanks

AgataO2 · Answer

I hear all the time that women are weaker that men, and that I shouldn't do somethings because I am a woman, or they don't understand how fearful i am of men that they can hurt me, attack me or something

Meropatrick · Answer

The pressure to be a high achiever. As a man its really difficult to get a date without having a game. Gurls just wait there to be flirted with or asked out. As a man if i dont do shyt i dont get shyt. But there are definitely positive things. That once a man makes it or find the right track he can make it big, and succeed more. Women dont have that. Like hillary clinton she would never in Million year be were she was if her husband didn't pave the way for her, also ivanka trump. Nicole kidman herself said if she didn't hop on tom cruise’s success she would have ended as one of Weinstein’s victims and would not have made it big

devilish-cutie · Answer

Always being considered less capable just for being a female, never getting same level of respect as men, being always firstly seen in terms of looks as female rather than person.

Joshbored · Answer

Being a guy sucks because people expect a lot from you. And if you don't meet that, you're off. Like masculinity. If I act a little feminine, people judge HARD. And I'm not supposed to share my feelings, I'm supposed to be buff and tough all the time and it's tiring. I gave up on doing that stuff and now I only have a handfull of straight guy friends.

TheLittleInnocent · Answer

Clothing without pockets and if does have pockets they are either a decoration or the pockets are really small and shallow (⑉꒦ິ^꒦ິ⑉)

grega239 · Answer

Being a man.

Women and a lot of "men" are under the impression that a man is an adult male.

That is false. Being a man is a title that must be earned.

I dont know where i read this , but it makes my point.

Women are human beings,
Men are human doings.

Translation: a male who doesn't do, is not a man.

Anonymous · Answer

Women won't understand the world of construction. The idea of slaving away doing dangerous stuff to make money to bring home to your lady and to create someone big in the world. Its a bubble, and while we might allow you women or non-construction men to the site, there's like an act that goes on to make you feel accepted, but you just don't understand what its really like, and never will.

morsel · Answer

I'm going to say trying to pick up on a girl is horrible!!! I have tried everything to even just hangout, it's not a lack of confidence, and have no clue what it is, but I have no luck with it.

LEADFOOTboi · Answer

the expectation society puts on me to... "be a man"... including entire emotional stoicness... being expected to be reaaally successful... being rated based on my life success level

TacocaT6969 · Answer

Extreme period cramps.  The feeling of a jellyfish swimming out of your vagina when you cough or sneeze.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

It isn't acceptable for us to be average. People expect us to be dominant over everyone else. Everyone is on a power trip. That's why we have conflict and discord and violence and crime.

What's something you experience or feel because of your gender... that the opposite sex can never truly understand?

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