What is up with my coworker crush? Am I doing something wrong?

Question

I starting talking to this coworker a few months ago. We seemed to have a lot in common and attracted to each other. He knows I'm the quiet  type of girl and don't really talk to a lot of people, but it doesn't seem to bother him. He'd do little things for me at work like help me out with customers and fill in for me on my break. During work I'll catch him staring at me while helping customers or walking by and looking at me. All the people in his area stare at me too. A coworker that he went on a couple dates with stares at me too a lot, they are still friends and I usually avoid them when they are talking. A lot of times, he parks right next to me. I wouldn't really consider us "just friends' because we've never hung out with each other or in a group, although I just got invited to a group basketball game but I declined, also we're friends on Facebook but that doesn't mean anything.   I don't make it obvious I like him, in fact, I'll ignore him sometimes, only because sometimes he acts really serious and unfriendly when I say hi to him sometimes. So just recently I started doing the same. I'll ignore him in work meetings or when I'm walking right past him. Sometimes he'll walk by and say hi, I'll just say hi with no smile and keep doing what I'm doing. I'm ONLY doing this because he's been doing the same. Should I be ignoring him? I don't want to seem desperate, but why does he act like a jerk when I'm nice and nice or interested when I ignore him? If we're only meant to be "just friends" why does he act so weird? Why is he so nice to everyone else, but with me he acts so freaking  erratic?

mshaker · Accepted Answer

Hes not acting erratic...

I have the same problem with this girl at work right now.. I'm interested in her, as I get the vibe from her that she's interested too.. She's opened up about her family once, but every time I try to talk to her, she goes all professional on me... Like she doesn't act like she would talk to me out of work, but she does at times when she flirts...

I want to ask her out.. But I just feel like she doesn't want that.. But at the sametime she does... I don't get it..

All I have to say is last night I msged her when she came online on Facebook, and I told her she got an amazing tan, and asked how her vaca was.. And withing 1 min of me sending that too her, she signed off Facebook chat...

So today, I'm not looking at her, not talking to her, not doing anything until she realizes that guys like to be chased just as much as girls do.. And if she wants to keep a front up, then she can.

As for the guy being erraticle.. I think he's just being himself with you.. I would suggest smiling more when you see him, and always greeting him. aka goodmorning, or if you don't see him in the morning, then good afternoon. On Mondays ask him how his weekend went? See if he continues to conversation. If he does and lets you know, then you knwo for sure he's into u, if not then he isnt... And this won't feel like rejection, ull have closure on if you know he's into you or not..

Smile be happy, and always remeber, don't mix work and pleasure..! Make sure they stay apart!

mikewnaz · Accepted Answer

just ask him out and make sure you say that you want it to be a date.  If he says yes he is interested.  In the workplace guys can be afraid of ackwardness and gettng turned down but for a woman to ask a gu out.  Most single men would accept.  Just do it when you can get him alone and ask him with confidence.  If by chance he says no just move on and respectfully that he keeps your interest to himself.  You may want to build up to it for a week or two where you  playfully touch him by accident a lot. Then ask.  In the workplace touching is kinda off limits but most men wouldn't bitch about it. If he asks you to stop touching him then you know not to ask for the date.  Answer my latest question if you could.  Lol it's so similar

L2hiku · Accepted Answer

Maybe he is confused too, regardless of how sneaky you are trying to be, humans can pick up on stuff like that. Maybe he is mad because you haven't made a move yet even tho he's been giving off signals so he gave up or maybe he's decided to get back with that other coworker he's gone on dates and didn't want you to get any closer or make the other coworker jealous.

But you should be careful, even if you do make things right with the guy, dating in the workforce should really be taken seriously and it can get really complicated.

AmberChick · Accepted Answer

lol. "I don't make it obvious I like him" If you like him, that is your problem not his.

"I just got invited to a group basketball game but I declined." If you are not going to hang out with them, don't expect them to be any friendlier to you.

Some of this stuff going on is your fault. If you like him, you need to make it more obvious then what you are doing or he will think you are NOT worth it.