Why do so many men abandon their children? Are they naturally the worst parent?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's because those men are still like children, only concerned with themselves and shagging around.

Other times it's because the woman is a complete nightmare, partly because she thinks she can use the kid as a weapon against the father.

I'll give you an example of the latter since you seem to be biased and think that whenever women do that they're justified. In fact this is part of the problem. As unbelievable as it sounds this is a true story, and is not the only one.

A man I work with putting in 100 hours a week, working 7 days a week, they have one child. She spends all of his money on things they don't need, and always expects more. She'll pay £1000 for a pram, she'll want a big 4 bedroom house despite only have one child. She wants her nails and hair done all the time.

When she works, she works about 10 hours a week, but she can't hold a job down so that only happens for a short time. Which is why he's working so much to cater to her demands.

Yet she complains that he works way too much, is never there for her. When he comes home from work she has usually ordered take-away food for herself because she can't be bothered to cook, she's had a tiring day out shopping after all while she palms the kid off with his or her parents. She hasn't ordered anything for him. His dirty clothes are in a pile, she's washed her own clothes but not his. She refuses because "she's not his slave". They rarely have sex because she's too tired.

Until she decides she wants another child. But he doesn't want one because this is already costing him too much. So she talks to a female friend about pretending to be on birth control to trick him.

Then all of a sudden she's starting to go to the gym, she's got a personal trainer he's paying for. Turns out it's a guy she had sex with before they met. He finds out she's cheating with the guy.

He leaves. The girl then starts talking about how she's going to try to milk him for whatever she can, and he won't be seeing the kid unless he does. She has the kid so she's in charge apparently, and she feels entitled to his money.

This is what a lot of guys are dealing with. This isn't a story he told me by the way, this is all women talking about what she does and says. Yet if you were to speak to her she'd tell you a completely different story wouldn't she? He'd be the deadbeat asshole, and you'd probably agree.

[Asker]

I can justify my perspective as a woman because I know from experience what I’ve seen and how domestic situations have been handled.

But, no I’m not biased. The majority of the time, the dad is a deadbeat. We see examples of this everyday. In movies, in society, in media, etc.

There’s even an entire fatherhood movement to combat fatherlessness because it’s impacted society to the max.

I know my father to a T, and he is in fact a deadbeat in every nuance of the word. I can only speak on behalf of my father because he’s a mentally-unstable addict who’s incapable of thinking of anyone else but himself.

[Asker]

She hasn’t ordered anything for him?

He’s an able-bodied human with two arms and two legs!!

Stop thinking women are your fucking mothers. Raising children is already enough and the hardest task. Men call women entitled yet still exhibit an entitled mindset that women are their maids.

[Asker]

Granted, it would be the courteous thing to do for someone but don’t expect it on a daily basis when someone else also has to work a job and take care of your kids. It’s not the 50s anymore where families can live comfortably on a single income. Jesus. That’s just shameless.

[Opinion Owner]

You're clearly retarded. This is why men leave. Don't have kids, you'll be a single mother too.

[Asker]

That’s your takeaway? I’m starting to believe you’re an illiterate fucktard who just gets lazy and doesn’t even bother to try and process paragraphs.

Men leave because they’re men. Meaning, they will always be sluts for someone or something they can’t have. I’ll be a single mom? I’m gay, you dumbass. 😂

[Asker]

Men are garbage, they hate on what they don’t understand.. even other men think so.. and I think that it’s pretty evident at this point.

[Dragonpurple]

It really depends on your culture, some cultures (often linked to races) are more prone to it. I don't know yours, nor do I care to. Do a little research and you'll see what I mean.

Personally I know of no man who has abandoned their children, but I know of 3 dozen or more cases where he is pushed out of the children's lives by the mother.

Courts will happily throw a father in jail for not paying child support, but if a mother denies visitation she just gets told to do it with no real penalty.

My own experience was I would show up at the designated time and no one would be there, I would wait for an hour then go home. Keep in mind this was a 40 mile drive through heavy traffic, I'd get home and have a message that they ran late at the store and was home now, wondering where I was.

I found out by having a friend spy on my ex that she would intentionally leave and go somewhere around transfer time then wait for me to leave. She often would show up 5 minutes after I left. Even though the message would be 30 minutes later on my VM. It was a setup to try and get me to give up. It wasn't as easy for he to do when our child got older as the court said I could pick her up from school in Junior high and high school, none of that BS anymore.

She just liked making me drive the trip twice to waste time, fuel and money.

Some times I wouldn't go back a second time, due to lack of gas and money, I was more persistent than many so imagine someone less persistent who would just give up and eventually think, why bother.

[Guardian45]

Sadly, this is too common a story!

[MzAsh]

Because they think they can and get away with it. I once knew a teen couple who got pregnant and this guys whole family was encouraging him to abandon her and the baby. The two families would fight publicly on Facebook and the guys whole family said he was too young to be a father and that she was a ho. He did end up leaving them and leaving town. Refused to pay child support so my husband’s friend took care of this girl and her baby for about 3 years. It was ridiculous how the father and his whole family were acting. Id have them all pay dearly for their actions.

[Asker]

It’s highly ironic that she’s “the hoe” when he knew full well that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy yet he and other airheads like him continue the cycle.

[MzAsh]

Yes, it’s very sad.

[Anonymous]

I hate that all men are so often judged for the actions of the unfortunate or the worst minority of them in this regard. Sometimes I think if I had a kid I'd abandon it to the father just to get mothers a little more equal recognition for that kind of descision. But I know that's not the right direction to go to equal out the perception of fathers and mothers level of love and commitment to their children.

[hellionthesagereborn]

We have 50 million abortions per year, that is mothers who are just murdering their offspring that they don't want. Their are also 120,000 adoptions per year in just the US (and far more children given up). Meanwhile by law men are not allowed equal custody of their children. They get equal custody only about 30% of the time and better then equal custody 9% of the time. Suicide rate skyrockets for men, more then doubling (and it was already four times higher then women's to begin with) after divorce largely because of this. So its not that men abandon their children, its that women get to murder or abandon their offspring without consequence while men who do want to be in their childs life are not allowed to be. So this creates a false impression of men being dead beats and women being perfect little angels when in reality the majority of the time its the mother who kills the child, the mother who abandons the child, the mother who prevents the father from being in his childs life, and the mother who beats and abuses and kills her children. So no, its women who are the worse parent because they don't have any accountability like men do.

[Guardian45]

Maternal infanticide is NOT as common as you suggest.

[hellionthesagereborn]

@Guardian45 Those are actual statistics. So technically they are higher because these are the only ones we know about.

[hellionthesagereborn]

@Guardian45 I was not refering to the US in that first stat if that is what is confusing you, that is global estimates (most of africa has no data in general so this is the stats for the rest of the world sans africa) not US stat.

[Asker]

I don't know about you but without even single mothers, most kids would be homeless. The word mother is great, beyond description. A mother’s duty is the birth the child and nurture it to adulthood. And that’s exactly what nature intended. A father is optional these days. Teen parents that senselessly get abortions don’t count and make up only a fraction.

Again, it all boils down to body autonomy. Her body, her right. If her body is an unhealthy environment for the child to grow in due to drugs or small size then I don’t think abortion is necessarily a bad thing.

Especially if you factor in rape. Equal custody usually has to be a consensual decision for both parties. What world do you live in that men don’t abandon their kids because their girlfriend told them he impregnated her by accident? They see an easy way out and they take it immediately. You’re exaggerating the court system and family planning, it doesn’t work that way at all. Nine times out of ten, it’s mother’s having to assume the responsibility of raising the child up on her own without any help from the father, unless her parents are willing to help.

People care too much about what a woman does with her body when they walk past homeless kids on the street.

[hellionthesagereborn]

No, like I said women murder their children all the time, they abuse them all the time, they abandon them all the time and when the father wants to be in their childs life the woman won't let him (because many many women are just petty). So your incorrect, but you knew that because your trolling.

As for the "fathers optional" remark, 80% of inmates come from fatherless homes, the overwhelming majority of mass shooters, drug abusers, and homeless are all from fatherless homes. No fathers are not optional (but again, you know that because clearly your trolling).

As for her body her choice, okay, fine, why did she choose to get pregnant then? That was her choice and she chose to get pregnant, end of story. If it was her body her choice, why do men have to pay child support against their will? Where is their bodilly autonomy (as they have to work for that money and that is literally hours of their life being taken away)? Conviently we forget autonomy when it comes to the whole making the baby (because thats the fun part) and we forget about bodily autonomy when it comes to men paying up (because that would mean the woman would have to be responsible for her choices too and we cannot have that).

[Anonymous]

You make it sound as if the majority of fathers abandon their children, which is obviously inaccurate. In reality 80% of fathers are present in their children's lives.

https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2019/11/the-two-extremes-of-fatherhood.html?utm_campaign=20191105msacos1ccstors&utm_medium=email&utm_source=govdelivery#:~:text=Additionally%2C%20there%20are%201.8%20million,all%20of%20their%20minor%20children.

Of the 20% of fathers who are not present, for many it is not by choice. Many women are choosing to be single mothers.

https://esme.com/single-moms/solo-mom-by-choice/solo-moms-by-choice-on-the-rise

Now, to your question. Why do men abandon their children? It is usually because they are not prepared or simply do not want to be a parent, which is the very same reason most women choose to have an abortion. There are nearly a million abortions every year in the US alone, and those women are not only abandoning their children... they are killing them. Abortion is a convenient and legal option for women to choose not to be a parent. Men don't have that choice, so their only option is to simply walk away.

So, are fathers "naturally the worst parent"? Not if you consider how many mothers abandon their children via abortion. And based on outcome statistics, single fathers are arguably better parents than single mothers.

[Stoner710]

There are two questions here one why do men abandon there child.

One and the only one they are immoral pieces of shit

2. As far as men being the worst parents ever yeah kind of; There’s a reason why No how well mknown as the fun parent. I’m sorry but doesn’t matter if I’m having a girl or Aa boy I’m still going to teach them how to shoot with a bow and arrow or a 22 Long rifle I have more experience with the .22 Long rifle. Then a five year old son or a daughter but that’s when They turn five they’re going to learn how to shoot. At first they well Shoot watermelon at 25 yards, than 50 then 100. Than 200 until they split a quarter, or at the very least puncture a hole. Then they start on that caliper and continue on until they can handle a Barrett 50 caliber semi automatic sniper rifle. Then I have not done my job as a parent

[REALSTEEL]

I have 2 children haven't seen them. sine they were 6 months old but i spent over $50,000 in lawyer's did everything humanly possible to try and have some type of contact with my kids the mother won't allow it SO NOT ALL MEN ABANDON THERE KIDS THE MOTHER DOES EVERYTHING POSSIBLE FOR THE FATHER can't SEE THEM ! i cried myself to sleep for year's and year's even tried committed suicide over it but im still here I love my kid's always and forever

[Guardian45]

Well-said. Thank you.

[REALSTEEL]

your welcome

[Asker]

Glad to hear, I hope you’ll get to see them once they’re adults or possibly teens—when they’re old enough to make their own decisions.

[REALSTEEL]

me too miss

[Guardian45]

Are men, who abandon their children, naturally the worst parent?

I'm afraid NOT. Life is NOT SO B&W. I work with broken families, and there are as many reasons to blame EITHER or BOTH parents for their BAD behavior as there are pebbles on a beach.

Yes, sometimes there is clear-cut fault, but if I may quote a judge I know, 'usually one or both parents have a personality disorder.'

And sadly, it's innocent children who suffer the consequences of their misguided, maladjusted parents.

[mistometru]

Not all the men’s do that, some of them have restrictions by law to not see them and some are just don’t care about them and just abandon them. But NOT ALL the men’s are like that, me for example I couldn’t abandon my child no matter what happened between me and my girlfriend/ wife. I will do my best to be with my children and give him everything that I can.

[wankiam]

many dont and many are denied access by mothers or courts so lets not villify all men as uncaring parents because its simply not true

[Asker]

Not the fathers trying to get custody either. Not racist but statistics say that mostly African American men abandon their kids.

[wankiam]

they also show them to be living in more socially deprived enviroments so i hope you can learn to look at the bigger picture rather than rely on racist stereotyping headlines

[Asker]

Like I said, these are graphed statistics lol that isn’t racism. Stereotypes are there for a reason.

[wankiam]

fine, it clearly went over your head what i was getting at.

[Asker]

No, you’re missing the point. Its just like there are definitely more ethnic-based crimes.

There’s usually a culture associated. But yes, we understand that black populations are oppressed.

[wankiam]

there are no figures available outside of the oppressed so you can only be going on a race based assumption with that

[GAGSucksBalls1]

says who

it's probably actually the woman who abandons them more than the man

my cousins wife, lost full custody of the kids, after the divorce..

[Asker]

My dad is a deadbeat, my friends’ dads are deadbeats, some of my family members are deadbeats. It’s only a matter of looking around you, really. I’m just speaking in general terms here.

Not to say I haven’t met women that have abandoned there kids but it’s rare compared to the male statistic.

[GAGSucksBalls1]

right

cause some of your family members means all are

i used a family member myself for a woman

that doesn't mean ALL women are deadbeats

GET THE FUCK OVER IT

[Asker]

Not ALL obviously but definitely too damn many.

No, I’m not going to gloss over it for you. Men have the largest population of deadbeats. Doesn’t mean they ALL are. You can deny it but those are facts.

[Dragonpurple]

Sorry to hear your father is a deadbeat, might consider trying to find him and ask his point of view. Assuming that is even possible.

[Asker]

@Dragonpurple Well I can say he would sell me out for some crack, that much I do know.

[jgokgotit]

Most of the time they don't. Our legal system works against fathers and gives mothers almost infinite power over childcare. ALL the dads I have met who did not see their children wanted to desperately but the mothers and courts got in the way.

[Guardian45]

You should correct your language and replace fathers/dads with Support Payors! Moms can be and are those too!

[jasco]

No, no, no that is not true at all. People who do this have nothing in terms of a father figure and sometimes a mother figure. Children need both of there parents because they look up to them. If one just leave's the child will do the same because he/she thinks that's what your suppose to do. They will grow out of it, maybe but it depends. Women do it to by the way just not as noticeable

[Guardian45]

You are CORRECT! Children NEED BOTH their mothers and their fathers! Sadly, some people are poor examples of parents!

[Shy_babe_ana]

Those men are cowards and haven't developed into the mindset of what a real men is to men up and take care of there offspring.

[glock33sig357]

Sometimes it's a lesser of two evils, stay and be physically, emotionally & systematically neutered by the mother of your children in front of your children or live a happy healthy lifestyle and risking being hated by your children and sometimes saving them from be murdered by their mother as a ploy to punish you for not wanting to be with her.

[Anonymous]

Why do millions of women get abortions? Do they hate their kids that much?

[Asker]

Because women can’t back out of parenthood like men can.

We have to go through a surgical procedure.

Women get abortions for many reasons. Women get raped. Women can be too unhealthy. Women can be underweight. Women can have a pregnancy scare after the birth control being ineffective.

Then there are the teenagers who don’t give a shit and don’t use anything, then want to kill their kid..

[Opinion Owner]

Only like 2% of abortions are form rape. Close to 40% of women who have abortions have 2-3 .

[Dragonpurple]

A woman will never have to raise a child she does not want, if she does not want it... abort it. If she doesn't want to go that route there is a 2 to 3 year waiting list for adoptions for newborns. She will not have to pay child support or have anything to do with a child she gave up for adoption. A man does not have that option, if he does not want it he is stuck with child support if she decides to keep it.

The only exception to when a woman has to pay child support is if she loses custody, which is dang hard to do as the legal system favors the mother. If the father gets custody or the state takes the kids for any reason, then she could have to pay child support to the father or the state.

[Asker]

@Dragonpurple Trump and conservative legislation have made it illegal to get an abortion in my state because they passed a “heart-beat bill” and now it’s spreading to more states, which is a damn shame. Men have never been oppressed for their reproductive capabilities.

I’m sure if the roles were switched and the men were the ones having abortions, they would stay legal.

[Anonymous]

Not true. Some men are heartbroken that they have less access to their children, due to selfish and manipulative ‘mothers’.

[Asker]

Well, truth be told.. the women that do this aren’t being selfish, they’re usually doing it as a preventative most of the time because the father is either an alcoholic or abusive. So I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t want them as a danger to my kids.

Do I believe that there are women who do it out of hatred? Sure. But there’s a huge misconception to this.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s actually not true. I’ve seen cases where it’s the mother with issues that just uses it as a form of control just because she can. Hurting the kids just to make herself feel better about spiting the dad.

[Opinion Owner]

You get good and bad in all areas. It’s better to remember that.

[Dragonpurple]

Abusive is so subjective, my ex reported me to the DFS, because I tried to teach our kid how to ride a bike when she didn't want to. My ex thought that was abusive... she was just scared and ready to give up. I would not let her and eventually she learned.

Same thing with riding a ATV, forcing our child to do anything she didn't want to, my ex considered abuse and tried to stop any time together.

Now if your talking real abuse, yeah I can see that.

[Guardian45]

@Asker. "they’re usually doing it as a preventative most of the time because the father is either an alcoholic or abusive."

I'm not sure where you're gleaning your 'alternate facts', but that is not my experience with many mothers and fathers.

[anylolone]

No, most as chased away by the mothers.
Single father's are way less like to abandon or abuse their kids.
The reason is that the system facilitates and encourages female defaulting.

[Asker]

Then I wonder why DNA testing is done so much.

[anylolone]

Because a third of the time it comes with "not the father".

[Tartersaucefish]

Yes generally mothers are the best choice. Boys from the Men’s Rights group try to say otherwise because they like the idea of taking children from their mother.

[Anonymous]

In marriage, it's the reverse mostly because of welfare incentives. Assuming you don't mean marriage then I would imagine it would be out of shame that he had a child out of wedlock.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

There's much less attachment to a child if you're only duty was to ejaculate inside a woman to get her pregnant.

[Asker]

Well I mean, I don’t think the “I slipped and fell into a vagina” argument works anymore so men should just stop lying to naive women that they want to become fathers to get a creampie sensation.

[Ilickvulvas]

Better question is why do enabling mothers not get court ordered child support

[Guardian45]

Please explain

[Asker]

What do you mean? Of course they do?

[Ilickvulvas]

Not many

[Tomsta]

For one thing. They may not want a child but the girl doesn't want to abort...

[Asker]

Well, there’s plenty of contraceptives out there to prevent a child. If you don’t want a kid and don’t want to use birth control then keep it in your pants and you won’t have any problems.

[Tomsta]

Your assuming that in this hypothtecial situation birth control wasn't used on both sides where i was going on the belief it was

There is still a chance of pregnancy. Even getting a vascetomy isn't 100% effective

[Asker]

Well, with preventative measures and caution—pregnancy is extremely easy to avoid but it’s ultimately up to the girl if she wants to abort or not because bodily autonomy, thems the breaks.

Now, if he didn’t want the child and she refused abortion then he could easily drop all parental rights to the child in court and can file to not have child support come after him.

[Tomsta]

Dropping parental rights seems like it should be easy but my cynical brain would say that its very hard to do so the girl would try to take him for all he has only then would the court grant the request

[Asker]

It’s not that difficult really, I have a friend who’s never met her biological father and he seemed to have gotten off the parenting hook scott free.

[Tomsta]

I still wouldn't trust the girl to not take the guy for everything they have

[Asker]

I don’t see how or why they could take anything just by him opting out of parental rights unless they were married.

[Tomsta]

"Hell hath no fury like a women scorned"

[Asker]

That’s true. Especially a teenage girl finding out that you’ve been messaging her oblivious crush.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Because children.. suck.. ass.

[Asker]

You sucked ass at some point too then.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Yes. I did.

[Tomtom9090]

Why do so many women abort their children? are they just sex craved demons

[Guardian45]

Oops! Pull your pants up! You're idiocy is showing!

[Tomtom9090]

@Guardian45 Look at you smarty pants

[Asker]

Women abort their children for many reasons, it’s better to do that than to walk out on a kid and let it suffer.

[Anonymous]

Yes, Woman are great, men are complete scum. That is why I will not have children nor marry a woman

[Asker]

Nothing you said correlated to the question but ok.

[TheFlak38]

why do so many women fuck losers and then search for the nice guy to do some beta bucks? are women naturally disgusting opportunists who care only about themselves and their orgasms?

[Asker]

No, tell the truth.

What does fucking losers have to do with walking out on your kid? Are you implying that ALL men are losers? Because there’s 98% of single moms and only 16% of single dads? Are you implying that men are naturally shitty parents?

Also, I don’t see how women are the disgusting opportunists who only care about their orgasms when literally every guy hits a midlife crisis, he goes and traps a 20 year old.

Men have the choice to not fuck women raw and create a pregnancy that results in an innocent child they have no interest in caring for.

Now, if you create a child regardless, you need to care for it, regardless of how or when it was conceived.

[Asker]

Men have several choices to not create a pregnancy that results in a child they need to care for:
1: discussing with your sexual partners what their decision would be if they were to become pregnant ahead of time.
2: condoms
3: condoms and pulling out
4: vasectomies (which are much easier to obtain than a tubal ligation)
Those are the choices men have to prevent a pregnancy. They don’t get to decide on abortion, but thems the breaks because that’s down to body autonomy.

Men back out of fathering children that they specifically went out of their way to create ALL THE TIME.

Not only that but men abandon their children with relatively little societal consequence. They don’t care for their children with relatively little societal consequence.
I’m so sick of the narrative that men were innocent victims when they had many choices to prevent pregnancy but chose not to because they wanted a little extra pleasure.

[TheFlak38]

single mothers are single by choice you dumb bitch. because the system rewards them for their fucked up choices. Women have the dumbest instincts, make one bad choice after the other, AVOID the consequences thanks to the government and their armies of white knights and STILL PLAY THE FUCKING VICTIM. You can't win with women.

[Asker]

Jumping to adhominems I see. How did you come to these conclusions?

The system didn’t fail fathers because they choose to be pieces of shit. You seem to be shitting in a fit of hysterics because you can’t accept the truth. Single fathers are the exception, not the rule.

This is just you deflecting from what was just discussed.

Single mothers aren’t single by choice, tf are you talking about? Single moms are a result of being a widow or having their husbands/boyfriends walk out on them. These are actual statistics that are available to the public. But, obviously reading comprehension isn’t your strong suit.

Jesus, you’re a dense motherfucker.

[Asker]

Society has been devout of white knights for ages. That’s fairly unanimous knowledge. Husbands are even simps now.

Just the fuck up already, you barely coherent cretin.

[Asker]

You have no one else to blame but yourself for being a piece of shit, it’s no wonder you’re so offended.

[Asker]

“Women have the dumbest instincts”

Yet you’re stupid enough to not wear a condom, like the condom that could have prevented your stupid ass.

[TheFlak38]

needless to say Im not reading the rants of a dumb woman who I suspect is a single mother after riding the cock carousel. Go search for the nice guy to do some beta bucks now you dumb bitch. Another single mother raising more criminals and sluts who will be a burden for the future generations.

[Dragonpurple]

" men abandon their children with relatively little societal consequence. They don’t care for their children with relatively little societal consequence."

That part is not true, child support is a terrible system that causes a lot of men to commit suicide. It is worse than the student loan crisis, no bankruptcy and men who's children are in their 50's are still paying child support.

What happens is someone is willing to pay child support to help out, but if you buy things like cloths or school supplies or anything else... that is all considered a gift. Its kind of hard to be a good dad when your paying 25% of your GROSS income in child support to even do anything with the child.

Think about how hard it is to live, subtract taxes... in my case I pay 52% of my gross income in taxes, add in child support that is 77% of my gross income right there. It is dang hard to live on 23% of your income. When I say gross taxes I'm talking income tax, SS, property taxes, gas tax, phone tax, sales tax, all the 100+ taxes out there.

Now lets say a man hates his job, its emotionally harmful to him so he looks for another job and takes it but now has a pay cut... the court says he did it to avoid paying child support and won't reduce it. Yeah I've seen guys who's pay check shows a net pay of 0.00 after all the taxes and child support then the judge calls him into court claiming he needs to pay child support or else will go to jail. Then sometimes they'll say hire an attorney to get it reduced, with what the 0.00 income?

I'd say child support is a huge penalty for fathers who do not have custody... but for those that just up and disappear, vanish into thin air... your probably right on them.

[randomusername321]

You're generalising, makes you sound dumb.

[Asker]

So do you know the exact astounding numbers of men who are abandoning their kids each year? That’s hardly a generalization when that’s more than half of biological fathers in America.