Why is it ok for fathers to abandon their kids but not mothers?

[Anonymous]

when a mother leaves her children permanently, the entire world shits on her. when a father abandons his kids (which happens a lot), nobody talks shit about him.

Updates

+1 y

I honestly have never seen anyone who shitted on a father abandoning his kids. Never in my life. The only ones who shit on their fathers are the abandoned kids.

[Holsen]

Well I guess that’s just animal instinct rotten to the subconscious because usually in nature ofc there are abimals that forms families and stay that way but there are also animals in wich the males come only in the mating season and then they take separate paths while the female raises the offspring so there might be some kind of correlation between them;and also the mother is seen as the parening figure while the father is put leas pressure and has fewer expectations of him!!

[Asker]

so if kids can grow up fine without fathers throughout evolution. then that means fathers aren't absolutely necessary.

[Holsen]

Well that’s the point , that’s why they come in the season and go away once it’s over with but in animal kingdom even the mom pushes the offspring away after is grown enough but that’s not necessary, we can say fathers are as necessary as they are not so depends as it’s a good thing to have a father influence but one can do even without that so depends!!

[Asker]

for me personally, if a woman is financially stable, educated, has support, she can raise a kid well on her own. I don't think fathers are necessary. Especially when studies show that children of lesbian and gay parents tend to do better in school than kids from heterosexual parents.

[Holsen]

Well in my case if I became a father I would be overly dedicated to my wife and kids and personally I think that the label father or mother shouldn’t exist as what’s important is the couple or even the persons raising the child no matter if strangers or husband and wife or gay or lasbian and so on ;so I guess that the same applies to mothers like as there are irresponsible fathers, there are also irresponsible mothers so I think it all comes down to the personality of the person and not to the gender;society stereotypes are a separate thing from that!!

[Asker]

women tend to be more responsible as parents. mothers don't abandon their kids nearly as much as fathers abandon their kids.

men tend to only love their kids if it came out of a woman they valued or once valued. if its a kid born to a woman he never loved, he would never love the child.

[Holsen]

That’s true but I don’t think love is universal that you can love just any kid (not loving them doesn’t mean hating or negatively thinking about them) because in my opinion at least for me the reason why I would love the child I had with the woman I love or valued the most is because kids are a fusion of both parents and I don’t mean genetically but spirituality like love is about bonds and the reason why we are picky as humans and even animals are picky ;actualluly in animal kingdom male birds have to dance in order to attract the female and the female chooses whichever she likes more so in a way all I’m saying is that when we choose a woman or a woman chooses us we don’t only love them for themselves but we even see the potential of having a child with that woman or the woman with the men sosince we as humans even subconsciously conect these two dots together it only makes sense that you love the kid because you loved the idea of yourself paired with that woman in order to have a kid or the idea of yourself and the partner as lifelong partners!!

[Asker]

@holsen

what you dont understand is that women carrying their baby throughout pregnancy for almost an entire year creates a very deep, intimate, personal connection between mother and baby. Men don't feel the fetus kicking them every hour of the day, they never had to understand how hard it is to carry and birth a baby. Thats why men tend to be more dissociated from their kids.

But sadly... it is true that men will only love their kids if he loved or ever loved the mother. And society tries to normalize it. There is no outrage

[Holsen]

Well personally speaking now, how how hard to give birth doesn’t translate into connection with the baby, the rest does and even though I may not have carried a child still I lile them and I a mixed introvert and as a whole I am very attentive to people’s emotions thoughts and can just feel the aur around me , so I really put up work as weell as compassion while also feeling the bond between mme and the baby or a child as I have had to care about siblings or little cousins even as babies sometimes and I can tell it; plus babies seem to like me;for example not a long while ago my cousin had gave birth to a babyy but she lived in a different are from me so after 5 or 6 months she came into my area and I got to talk with her and also saw the little one and the wlstrange thing is that even though he hasn’t seen me before and I hadn’t seen him in the instance i just offered my hands to carry him he immediately accepted and was even leaning towards me to carry him and even after that he would stay some minutes with his mother or on the couch or somewhere and he would find me or start calling me refusing even his mother for me to carry him;so all I meant is that males are same as females wich ruins all that is female’s personality and male’s personality as a whole;you know that it’s pointless this gener war were in, were the same and people shouldn’t act like spoiled kids and make all this worldly mess of their playground!!

[riverrat3]

It is not ok, but seems to be accepted

[riverrat3]

Thanks for the mho

[Anonymous]

because fathers don't even do much anyways so it's not like any sort of significance would be missing (sad but true). the mother is the one always cooking, cleaning, taking care of everyone, running the whole thing so everyone is comfortable and alive. and the father? goes to work. comes home. like it's honestly so fucked up.

[Asker]

yea its true. there is such a thing as "married single mom" nowadays. same reason why so many divorces are initiated by women.

[MemeSupreme]

bc it's way worse on the kids for the mother to leave like psychologically harder on the kids. both are terrible tho and anyone who abandons their kids should get shit on

[TheGuyYouCrave]

Its not okay. To be a man is to bear the responsibility of what you done.

Another thing, not everyone believes this. If people believe this, they are retarded. Mother and Father are both part of the mess they created. However, to be a man is to be above women. Which means we are the head of the house, thus ultimately, its our responsibility.

[Asker]

fathers abandoning their families is wayyyy more common than mothers abandoning their families.

[TheGuyYouCrave]

Your point?

[Asker]

I just said my point. do you have a problem with it?

[LazerBean]

Its not okay, and if you haven't heard people talk down on single fathers then you haven't hung out with many old people.

[Asker]

they don't. thats just the truth you hate to admit.

[LazerBean]

They do. I can't even count how many times I've old men refer to them as "losers" and "sorry", etc... You're just upset at the truth because you're focused on being a victim.

[Asker]

they call them losers only when the dad is still around and doesn't have a job.

but if the deadbeat dad abandoned the family... nobody ever talks shit about him.

[Asker]

@lazerbean

[LazerBean]

Ig if that's what you have to tell yourself to feel better about yourself

[Asker]

thats what you say cuz you want to feel better about having a broke husband

[NathanDavis]

it is not okay for anyone to abandon their offspring...

[boggboss]

Thats a lie everyone thinks men that abandon their kids are shitty men

[boggboss]

Then thats just from what u have seen but not fact

[Forceinhand]

They kind of do though. Commonly referred to as "dead beat dads" "runaway dads" or dads who bailed etc.

[Asker]

thats what they call them. but they rarely ever talk about them.

[Forceinhand]

What do you mean by "talk about them"?

[Asker]

i have met a lot of grown adults who told me that their dad abandoned them while they were young. Fairly common thing. But there just doesn't seem to be an outrage when it does happen. People act like its a normal part of life for dads to abandon their families. Men who do abandon their families never talk about it and act like they never ever had kids. Single moms try to avoid the topic. Kids usually try to pretend they are ok with it but some of them are secretly angry.

[Forceinhand]

I don't think we should equate that to it being "ok" to abandon one's family, simply because it's a problem, it's even been discussed politically how much of a problem it is in certain parts of the world and among certain people groups. I'd also think it weird if the people you talked to would respond with outrage commenting on something that probably ocurred a decade ago in their lives. Maybe, if what you say is accurate that there is more of an outrage with women, it's because it's harder to see the one who actually birthed the children leave them. Phsycologically speaking it might feel worse.

[Asker]

@forceinhand

i dont think there should be more of an outrage when mom leaves. because essentially its the same thing... the kid is being raised just by 1 person. what is the huge difference? the kid will be hurt and suffer from abandonment issues just the same way.

[Forceinhand]

I think you should be careful to generalize too much to think that this is what most people think or how they act, based on your limited interactions with a small pool of people. The world is a big place.

[Asker]

@forceinhand

google the statistics, vast majority of single parents are single mothers.

[Forceinhand]

That wasn't really the point.

[Becky316]

It's not ok for either one, it's pathetic!