Why people don't undestand why female victims many times don't come forward?

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

[SomeBlondeChick]

Many male & female victims don't come forward. I'm going to use the female basis working in women's shelters for five years and hearing stories many times.

1) Stigma.
With the increase of false rape claims (made by drunken cows), as an example, real rape victims will have to face this added drunken-twat stigma on top of many others (she wanted it, she led him on, they knew one another, etc.).

2) Fear.
I've relatives & friends who are in police. One quit when the local city detachment he was with, desperate for bodies to fill the ranks, hired a guy. Why?
Charges were never made so couldn't deny him on that... but everyone knew he was a spousal abuser (cops often called to the house). How do you think his wife felt when he became a cop? He'd be buddy buddies with any of the officers who'd respond to her calls. And, unfortunately, there's police like this all over.

3) Dependence.
Not just financial but psychological. Many abuser victims either came from a similar household as children or have low self esteem/respect. Their abuser plays on this. They make the abused feel as if they are not good enough for others, can't survive without them, etc.

4) Repercussions
Abusers isolate their victims. So there's no family to turn to. I've dealt with women who haven't spoken to their family in years, decades even, because of this. And depending on how far under the abuser's control that lack of contact may be very negative to the point family to be blunt simply don't care (a you made your bed & lie in it mentality, we warned you a hundred times, etc.) anymore.

And then there are repercussions depending on one's culture. Other cultures have different ideology on abuse and how it is treated (or normalized).

[WowwGirl]

Scared of the man and the repercussions of coming forward also financially some are dependent if the guys a spouse

[LazarusTheRisen]

I think most women who are afraid to come forward are financially dependent of the abuser

[WowwGirl]

@LazarusTheRisen I don't know honestly you can be rich and emotionally dependent just the same

[NetSapien]

I heard about this when I lived in Vegas. This happened while Mayor Oscar Goodman was in office. Now his wife's the Mayor lol.

Judge got canned and the victim was awarded $250,000 if I remember right.

This was just an example of how bad things were in Vegas at the time. I visited back in February to pick up my weapon and some belongings I had left in a storage unit there and it all seems worse.

[Tyrael]

I imagine a lot of the times it's because it isn't caught on camera and there's rarely a witness, making it their word against the accused. Which results in a potentially expensive legal battle with little chance of a positive outcome, so it's easier to just not do it. That's the case with any crime between two individuals though.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. Most of us DO understand why females often do not report crimes for which they are the victims.

2. Males are also victims of crimes.

[hellionthesagereborn]

How do we know they don't come forward? We know that abuse claims are made far more frequently by women then men even though statistical data provided by the CDC/NCVS and other studies shows that men are actually more likely to be abused by a spouse then women are: www.newscastmedia.com/domestic-violence.htm
We also know that lesbian couples report the most sexual assaults and domestic violence. This suggests that either women are far more violent and abusive or that they are far more willing to report then men are. In addition, the CDC/NCVS data found that men did not report but women did, thus showing that in reality its men who do not come forward not women.

Then you have the issue of coming forward years later, which is to say that these are highly unlikely to be true. According to several studies, it was found that 40% of sexual assault and rape allegations where FALSE, either patently and provably or admitted to be false by the one who made the claim. They also found that the longer the period of time between the claimed event and when they made the accusation and "came forward", the more likely the claim is false: johndavis.gonevis.com/how-many-rape-accusations-are-false/

So we can say fairly reasonablly that women not only do come forward but come forward even when no incident even occured and its MEN who are don't come forward (as it was found men did not report rapes against them by women (which is statistically identical to male on female rape: www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2014/09/22/rape-cdc-numbers-misleading-definition-date-forced-sexual-assault-column/16007089/ )

As for this incident, I see nothing wrong beyond denying the request of a female officer and the conduct after. Body searches are very very common, they will run their hand up to your genitals, anywhere where you could be hiding something, by its nature it requires that you touch the person in a way that is inappropriate and by its nature it is uncomfortable.

I don't know the details and they convinently left out any information (selective editing is something the media loves to do). The reasons why they would do this is if she had prior drug convictions, if the husband accused her of having drugs, if she was acting erratic and made them suspicious of her having drugs etc. Women accuse officers of sexual misconduct pretty much all the time because its a sure fire way to get people on her side and hate the officer. I mean even right here we have no idea what happened but you already know he is the bad guy, he is the monster, that a female judge and multiple other officers just stood by and did nothing while a woman was sexually assaulted (something you have never seen in your life and no one else has either because sexual assault and rape is one of the worse things you can do in our society besides harming and doing it to children), and many women in these situations use that knee jerk reaction to their own benefit. Talk to officers and they will tell you this is not abnormal, its the norm to be accused of wrong doing even when their is other people their who can see that it never actually happened.

Now is it entirely possible that this is exactly what it appears to be? Sure, absolutely. Is it likely that the judge, the other officers where all in on it and this officer decided to stop a court preceeding just so he could go through her purse risking his career and his freedom just so he could cop a feel of a random woman? No, no that is highly improbable. In fact I would say so unlikely that its far more likely she is lying then telling the truth. This idea that women NEVER lie is an absurd one, why we presume the guilt of all men and the innocents of all women is insane to me. As for the "internal affairs", they want things to go away so they make them go away and its easier for the state to destroy a persons life then risk being sued and all of them losing their job. I will never understand how people can think a system is so corrupt that police officers just rape and sexually assault women on a whim with a judge on the other side of the door who does nothing BUT would then believe that the entire system is not corrupt and any investigation that results in the guy getting fired is absolutely trust worthy. Either its corrupt and you trust nothing, or you use reason and sound judgment to come to the conclusion i. e. that their was a disturbing lack of information from the other side (they could interview her for a ten second clip, but couldn't get an official statement from him explaining his actions?) and that the cost reward for this action doesn't add up.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

I usually have a good time argying with you, but honestly today I am not in the mood so I will just leave it at this... If I make a search of information on this topic, literally every study I find, will tell me that women are the main victim sof domestic violence and sexual abuse.
I don't have ready sites ready to copy and paste like you do, but I can always give you the link to the stats from my country apav.pt/apav_v3/index.php/pt/estatisticas-apav that by the way confirm what I just said year after year.
If you want even more icing on the cake here... www.mirror.co.uk/.../teenager-fined-reporting-stalker-police-23775721 something my sister posted not long ago.

[hellionthesagereborn]

I just posted the links so you can look at those. Again, when you don't report the crime which the NCVS has shown, it doesn't come up in those official reports. When you have a woman in charge of the CDC that has a specific agenda and thus labels all female on male rapes as "forced to penetrate" and labels it a sexual assault instead, your going to have false numbers. That was the point of the argument. I also don't have sites at the ready, I just put in the statements in google (I've had to do so multiple times so I have a good memory of their titles). So again, its all in the data I have already presented so I don't know why you would ignore it.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

I am sure she actually has an agenda and that the definition of rape they use is just "forced penetration".

[zollo]

Exactley! Great job @thisismyopinion. @hellionthesagereborn 2 out of the 3 websites you sited are BS websites and you stretch small facts to create a narrative. Women are the main victims of sexual assault but men also get sexually assaulted. Lesbian couples report more domestic violence so women are more violent ( you literally showed no proof for this you just said it like everyone's supposed to know lol). Men tend to report sexual assault less, so their more victims than the women that speak out. And the women that do speak out are probably lying. This is so dumb, I'm sorry that you're 36 and alone in the world, it must be hard.🥺💔

[hellionthesagereborn]

@zollo No they are not, you just don't like what they have to say. Your going to tell me the CDC/NCVS is bullshit? Your going to tell me harvard is bullshit? Your going to claim that USA today is bullshit? Your going to tell me a website of an author who specializes in this area who sites his sources is bullshit? You clearly didn't read anything that was written on those sites, you just decided that you had to be a victim, that you HAD to be the one being screwed over because your ideological belief structure doesn't tolerate people who are not victims. You can't handle the idea that maybe women could be just as bad as men so you have instead knowingly lied about those sources (again, you clearly didn't read them, they provide their sources (which is why I used them because I didn't feel like spending hours finding the direct source because I know from experience that people like you will just dismiss them and make the same claims your already making)) so that you can play victim and keep being sexist and more importantly so you can keep being a victim (because its the only power you feel you have which is sad).

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

I will tell you again that literally every single source that I check aside from the ones you do tells me otherwise.
Specially knowing the effects testosterone has, being responsible for high agression levels, it's not a surprise we are the majority of rapists and domestic abusers. Sure the data shows that we don't do those things much more than women do. They are closer to our numbers than people think. But we still do it more.
And as always you manage to come to a question about women and bitch about men's problems.
We all have different problems and there is a time and a place to discuss them. I made a question discussing men's issues. Why don't you check that one out? I will give you the link.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

Is it right to force boys to apologize for their gender? ↗

[hellionthesagereborn]

And again, the NCVS and CDC is a legitimate source, so is harvard. The sources that your getting go off of either the debunked (twice) claims of 1 in five women (which doesn't even match crime data) OR they are based off the crime data where we do not prosecute women who commit rape against men. It was illegal for almost all of history and its still defacto legal for women to rape men. The only time they get prosectued is if their is another crime attached like assault. However if we use the national crime victimization survey, the biggest survey of its kind, that is used to determine the commonality of all other forms of victmiziation, that matches up with all the FBI and DOJ data on those subjects, we find that women rape men at comparable rates. So again, if you want to use bad sources to justify bigotry (your literally arguing that women are incappable of committing a certain type of crime, that is insane, period. Their is no other way to put it), and ignore all data from highly respected sources that are not special interest groups (like RAINN) or feminist groups (who produced the 1 in 5 claim which was debunked in the seventies when they pushed it yet still some how gets passed around as if its fact (by groups like RAINN who get money for pushing this narrative)), then that is on you. My sources come from the most reliable sources we have on the subject, NCVS victimization surveys which match up on every other crime with the DOJ and FBI as well as independent research.

[hellionthesagereborn]

So believe what you will, but you will be wrong and that is all their is to it (you cannot even bring yourself to actually look at the data or even ask yourself why you believe that only men can be bad people, you can't even answer the insanely simple questions about this one incident that I presented, why did all of these people let a man sexually harass a woman when they are suppose to be upholding the law? Why did this man just decide randomly to sexually harass a woman with dozens of eye witnesses and camera's around? Why did he risk his career and his freedom to cop a feel of a random woman? If you cannot answer those, their is a good probability that its bullshit. ).

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

He did it before in the interrogation room. She was complaining about that. It was that footage that got him fired. He didn't care because he didn't tought he would get accused.

[David_Kek]

Why do you feel the need to put the word "female" in the title, and what exactly is it you think people don't understand?

Because in my judgment, anytime I hear people complaining most female victims of X, Y and Z don't come forward, what I actually hear is someone pretending to care about female victims, when in actuality they only care about the political leverage that one can gain from holding up a hypothetical female victim as justification for whatever your cause is. That's not the desire for less female victims, it's the desire for more, being a profitable currency.

Normal people understand fine well that many if not most victims of everything don't come forward, they just don't bother counting them, because you can't count an invisible number, and nor is it their responsibility to look for them.
End of the day if you're an invisible number because you choose to be an invisible number, then it is genuinely your own fault why no one cares. Why on Earth would you help anyone, that doesn't want or even try to help themselves?

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

Because people understand why men don't come foward. Because they will be shamed, since they are men they are supposed to be stronger and handle it themselves. But everyone seems to think women have no problems coming foward. That in fact the social agenda even makes it easier. When it couldn't be further from the truth.

[David_Kek]

That's not true, on multiple points.
-I've met no shortage of people that believe men have no problems, and believe men couldn't care less about being shamed. I've even heard people who run DV shelters use that as an excuse to deny men help, that the only reason men come forward at all is because they're abusers in disguise. So it's not true everyone understands some men don't come forward because they'll be shamed.
-It's not true that's the only reason men, or people in general don't come forward, for there's tons of reasons. Some people don't come forward because they'd rather forget. Some people don't come forward because they don't think it's important enough. Some such as a friend of mine don't come forward, because of the fear they're more likely to be arrested for hate speech than helped; in his case a gang of black teenagers telling him to "get out of our park, white boy", from the very town he grew up. Said over generalizations are wrong.
-I've met far more people that are understanding why some women don't come forward when victimized, than I have met people that believe women have no problems coming forward when victimized. And those people extend all the way up to government agencies recording all of these invisible rape victims, including categorizing women as rape victims in their poll statistics who answered "no" to the question "have you been raped?". So no, it's a complete falsehood to claim "everyone seems to think women have no problems coming forward". That might be your experience, but it is not my experience.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

- I can tell you that many, MANY, men are ashamed of coming foward once they are abused by women. Even men who do come foward later tell that they didn't do it right away for that exact reason. There are also many cases of men being riddiculed by the very officers they seek help from. In my country we even had a special coverage if this on the news.
- I never said it was the only reason, but is a big one common to men. There are more common reasons why men or women don't report what happened to them. Fear for women and shame for men.
- Then I guess we all have your experiences then.

[David_Kek]

-You said "people understand why men don't come forward", and I responded "I've met no shortage of people that believe men have no problems, and believe men couldn't care less about being shamed". On that point you are wrong.
And you don't need to lecture me on men's problems with this, i was an MRA for 7 years, running my own men's group of 2,000, and volunteering as a men's rights liaison officer at a Men's Shed charity. I've seen far more about this than I'm willing to bet you have, being all types of male victims of all sorts, including those that came forward asking for help, and those that didn't. That's why i'm calling you out on this, because you are wrong. Shame is a big reason for men, but it's not the only one, it's far more complicated than that, myself already laying out some of the different reasons a victim may choose not to report it. In my experience for men anyway, the biggest factor isn't shame, rather it's the learned knowledge is when men ask for help, they're ironically less likely to get it than if they didn't ask for it at all. There's been guys that called the police because their wife was chasing them round the house throwing shit at them, and actually got arrested themselves while covered in broken glass and their own blood, via discriminatory police procedures. Even when it comes to basic empathy; social experiment after social experiment shows men in need of help are less likely to get it if they ask for it. As my time as an MRA it was one of the most annoying things hearing people say "men should come forward and not be afraid to be weak and open up", being some type of cruel joke like the sign on the gates of Auschwitz". There's only so many times you can see a guy at the end of his rope begging for help, to only be told to shut and go away.

[David_Kek]

We live in a world in which a woman's chat show will talk about the importance of men opening up with their feelings and coming forward if they're being abused by a woman, and yet if a man gets his penis chopped off and blended because he dared to file for divorce, that man will be laughed at on on that exact same woman's' chat show, on national television, by the entire panel and audience of women, without it negatively affecting their careers in the slightest. How the fuck does feeling shame even hold a candle to that?
People, including you, do not understand why lots of male victims don't come forward, and the overwhelming majority don't even care to know anyway. It's not as simple as shame and stoicism, it's far more complicated then that.

-Again, you said "people understand why men don't come forward. Because they will be shamed". That is a absolute statement. If you didn't mean to make an absolute statement, then you need to be far more precise in your speech, selecting your words carefully, like everyone should.

-"Fear for women and shame for men", again, you are far over generalizing the issue, beyond the point of being useful.

[jshm2]

The same reason male victims sometimes don't

Schools don't teach the "right" way to make a case and bring it forward. A lot of people fuck up their testimony and cases because they either just dump it on a lawyer, or assume the process works like in the movies.

[John_Doesnt]

America has a cop problem. We need to get rid of qualified immunity so that cops can be held accountable for stuff like that. Also the judge was a woman and she did nothing. Seems like the whole justice department needs to be reformed.

[Jessie91331]

1. We aren't believed
2. No one really cares
3. Unless it is a little kid, cops just laugh it off
4. Depends on who you are depends on how you are treated. If you are rich, cops and everyone wants to help. If you are poor, working class or homeless, no one cares. Told to just get over it and move on.

[AFellowWeeb]

tell that to all the men that got falsely accused of sexual assault and got locked up

[Jessie91331]

@AFellowWeeb yeah, and all the women who were not believed or worse, just ignored

[AFellowWeeb]

girl, guys got their lives f up just bc a woman lied about them

[Jessie91331]

@AFellowWeeb and for every guy who was wronged, we will never know how many women just never got their chance cuz of guys like you. Lot of cops have your mentality, so that justifies their refusing to act.

[Jessie91331]

@AFellowWeeb and guys like you does make me wonder what has happened in your life, what would old g/f's say about you.

[FilmGuy93]

It's something you kind of need to see happen before you really "get" it. I was molested as a child and I can safely say that I never would have guessed the shit storm you catch for not being down with getting molested.

[Anonymous]

Why is the female judge ignoring what is going on in front of her?

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

Good question.

[Jamie05rhs]

I want to know why, too!! What hell is going on here?

[NetSapien]

she got fired for ignoring actually

[Jamie05rhs]

Good!!

[Opinion Owner]

@Jamie05rhs Good

[Justme143]

This is heart breaking!! Poor woman and child. All 3 of those court workers where wrong ESPECIALLY the Judge!! LADY where is your compassion and concern couldn't even look at her uggh

[Anonymous]

To preface, that's horrible. But I'm of the impression that "many" (likely most, if not nearly all) female victims are victims to police officers. So this example doesn't illustrate why female victims don't come forward. I'd imagine that in most cases, there isn't much, if any, room for corruption like this.

[Celtero]

Eh, this case you're showings seems like a false allegation. Unless the "drug search" wasn't supposed to happen, there was no sexual assault. Touching her where he did was likely part of the drug search, as was asking her to lift up her shirt. She seems like a crazy bitch, these sorts of people pass through the legal system all the time and you can tell the staff is used to it.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

There was an investigation and the process lasted 6 months. They had access to the footage in the interrogation room and they decided to fire both him and the woman judge.
It's because they saw something in the footage of the information room that shouldn't had happened.

[Celtero]

Could've just fired them to save face. This is my final judgement unless I see more evidence.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

So you don't trust the investigation or their word about the footage on the interrogation room?

[LazarusTheRisen]

Most victims male or female don't come forward. I don't know why you are indivializing just women.

[Anonymous]

Title is wrong. Video didn't show a sexual assault.
Also it doesn't say why he was fired, only that he was fired. It was her word against his, what takes 6 months to be investigated? It's all very strange.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

Actually both him and the judge, the woman, were fired because of this. Yes it was proven he did sexually assaulted her.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay, based on what?

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

Video footage on the interrogation room.

[Opinion Owner]

That's why it's weird that it's 6 months. Why does it take 6 months to review a video? It's weird.
And why would a cop do that in an interrogation room which he would know has cameras? And why isn't that the footage we see? Instead they show the courtroom confrontation?

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

1. Because the juridic system is a joke and takes forever to do anything.
2. Is normal to record interrogations.
3. Because he never in a million years thought anyone would review the footage.
4. Because he made her lift her shirt. Of course they are not going to show that fooatge.

[Opinion Owner]

So where can I find all that?

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

I don't know if I saw it all on this video. I search about it all over

[Opinion Owner]

Well we need to have that stuff to take it seriously.

But also, your original point is about women being afraid, but if it’s to be believed, everything worked out in the end. She filed a complaint against a bad guy and it all worked out. Doesn’t sound like there’s anything to be afraid of in that regard.

[Jamie05rhs]

Dude, she was literally arrested after she complained about what happened.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

She was lucky there was footage. And when there isn't?
This is for men too I am sure. I could replace "women" with "victims"

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, she was accused of a crime. That’s what happens. She made her case and in the end she won. But the guy arresting her was also apparently the guy that did it and if that’s true then of course he’s probably going to go overboard as well.

[Anonymous]

Personably, I would not want to come forward. I think I'd try to move on. I don't trust the courts and law with this kind of stuff and it's so emotionally charged that it would be painful to try to get anything or of it.

[blondfrog]

From the body language you can tell the judge knew too by not looking at her. Disgusting they should all go to jail. This is why people want to police everybody and why cameras are a good thing.

[ThisAndThat]

What about the male victims that don't won't come forward because they feel they'll be taken lightly or won't be seen as a victim?

[ThisAndThat]

Also, by no means am I implying that he isn't responsible for his actions.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

That is bad too. Any victim that isn't listen to represents a fail of our society.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Same reason why people don't understand why male victims many times don't come forward.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

Not being believed or taken seriously.

[SlightlyEccentric]

Men aren't believed or taken seriously because society has been basically programmed to believe that men, with their physical superiority, cannot be a victim of sexual assault ever, which is complete BS.

Women aren't taken seriously because of the women who have blatantly lied about being sexually assaulted. Shame on those women for undermining women who are actual rape victims.

Also because it is hard to take a woman seriously who said it happened decades ago, like there is no possible way to verify it actually happened or not and its ultimately her word against his, but with this feminist campaign of "believe all women no matter what" it has turned the crackdown of "under the radar" sexual assault into an absolute cherry-picking, witch hunt of a shit show mess.

Now any man can be accused of sexual assault from years prior (whether true or false) and will have their life destroyed before even a shred of evidence to contradict the claim comes forward.

The divide between the sexes is getting wider and wider every year and it is sad to see.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

@SlightlyEccentric That is simply not true and here is a perfect example www.mirror.co.uk/.../teenager-fined-reporting-stalker-police-23775721

That idea that woman suddenly are believed every time and the guy has his life ruined easy, is a myth. Doesn't happen like that. It can happen, and has happen before, but those were isolated cases.

[BubbaTech]

People don't think...

Many people are very private. And don't want their lives out there.

Good or bad. That is how they feel.

[bamesjond0069]

Probably because if someone committed a crime against me id go to the police. I dont understand why would i not? That seems really fucking weird.

[AFellowWeeb]

tell that to all the men that got falsely accused of sexual assault and got locked up

[Kayokenx3]

She sues them, she wins! Simple as that. Abuse of authority must end immediately.

[modelUN242]

Embarrassing, shame

[Anonymous]

Playing victim convincingly can be very hard.

[Anonymous]

I would break my fucking fist on that guys face

[ChefPapiChulo]

Fat pigs

[sixtyeightplusone]

he said she said

[zeitgeist057]

he said she said
review the tape
$250,000 awarded to her
him fired
judge fired