Do you blame rape victims for their silence?

Question

Somoneelse · Accepted Answer

No. Its so easy to blame victims for being silent about it. But you never stood in their shoes. How much pain it causes. How difficult it is to talk about it due to shame, threats or other stuff. Due to the modern stigma, victims are mostly being blamed (mostly by men) for dressing too "slutty" or causing men to behave that way.

But in the end the only one who is to blame is the offender. The one who was incapable to keep his/hers sexual organs away and ruined someones life by this act of violence.

Something like this happened recently in my country. This happened from 2013 till 2019 at a singing contest for both children and adults. Around 19 girls (some even underage at that time) opened up on a program called #boos (the Dutch people know what I mean) about being sexually harrassed or even raped by men with higher power. All of them told kinda the same story about how the offender lured them in with false promises, how they felt ashamed of it and how they got threaten by the offender.

One of the things that got me angry was how even after one of the girls reported it (with help of one of the staff) to the CEO of that show, one of the offenders got to stay in his job as music-director and proceeded to harrass girls afterwards.

Leonharted · Accepted Answer

Regarding adults, yes. There is an old legal phrase. "Qui tacet consentire videtur." The direct translation is, "He who is silent is taken to agree," but a shorter way to put it is: "Silence implies consent."

To give a non-rape example, lets say you saw me take a knife and murder someone right in front of your eyes. You were in the room, and there is no way you couldn't have seen me do it. If you don't at the very least report what I've done, then you can be charged as an accessory to murder, because your silence implies that you were ok with what I did.

Likewise, if a member of Congress votes "Present," rather than "Nay," or "Yea," that that means that they do not object to whatever is decided. Similarly, the President of the US has 6 weeks to sign a Congress Approved Bill into law. If he doesn't sign it, and he doesn't veto the bill, then the bill becomes law anyways (as Silence Implies Consent).

Therefore, if you are raped, and choose to remain silent, you are not only implying consent to your rape, but you are also implying consent to him continuing to walk free, potentially raping others.

Obviously, like all things, laws get a little tricky when you are talking about children.

Mia-Wallace · Accepted Answer

Nope. Sometimes the choice is between being raped and choked to death or mocked and shamed and isolated to the point of committing suicide. Some rape victims choose to live another day and come back at the abuser when they can. It can permanently damage them and increase the pain they will have to endure the rest of their lives, but they live.

Silence is not their fault anyway, especially when they are teenagers or children. They are thinking and dealing with something that shattered their entire world and mental health. Silence (abnormal silence or putting on a mask/persona) is the least you can expect from them. Isolating oneself from society is also normal in that situation and it's not their "fault", it's just the way they can deal with trauma, even though it might hurt them, even enable the rapist.

It's basically a vicious circle and the rapist is to blame.

rockytherock · Accepted Answer

No way, that shit's tough. It's humiliating, embarassing, traumatizing, man give em a break. Let alone if they're a guy. I'd hope they wouldn't wait too long so their rapist can get justice but often they don't and the court process can make it worse.

TheorionMage · Answer

As a comparitively-rare male incestual pedophilic victim of a hyper-religious grandmother, I've dedicated MY 'survival' to bucking the hypocritical societal tide which perpetuates the promulgated paradigm which foments unrequited sexual frustration, underlying the inclination to take by guile or brute force... intimate sensuality which cannot be readily mutually-negotiated and guiltlessly-enjoyed.

This life experience moved me to embrace the 'reality' of Neo-paganism which acknowledges the 'pragmatic truth' of the hereditary disavowed 'animism' of Humanity and our role in Nature.

Makeushiver · Answer

Difficult to answer. It's like getting mugged- though worse- and not being able to tell any authorities because you know that the plaintiff's klawyer will try to impugn your character. Also. after an experience like that I can understand why someone would like to get in a hot shower and get every thing that reminded me of the attacker. Cops will try to find holes in your story since there are people who claim to br victims but are really starved for attention asshats. It takes a great deal of courage to resist cleaning yourself up as much as possible and then add another 6 hours in a hospital getting a rape kit test, questioned by the cops and then the possibility of a trial which, when or lose, will tear up your personal life for anywhere from years to trhe rest of your life

tartaarsaus · Answer

Rapists are to be blamed for every single consequence of someone being raped. With how rape victims are often shamed by people and the consequences that stepping forward can have, I think it is understandable many are extremely hesitant to report.

For example, this woman reported one of the most famous Dutch artists in the last 30 years for sexual assault - which since has been supported by other witnesses on condition of anonymity. But what did this artist do? Countersue her for defamation and drag her name through the mud wherever he could, including the media, calling her a vile liar and everything.

SnakeBoop · Answer

hell no. not when many systems do not protect them and let the rapist off with a light warning

Oigit · Answer

No I don't. I was kidnapped and molested as a kid. You would be amazed how much negative crap some people would throw at me if they found out. Even when I was a kid it was the case. Hell people would even go as far as trying to say it was my fault. Even when I was a damn kid they would spin it so it was my fault. So I fully understand why rape victims tend to stay silent. If anything I'd like to tear the throat out of everyone that blames them for not talking about it.

jerdanro · Answer

I wish they would go to the cops more often, but I don't blame them for being afraid or ashamed. They shouldn't be ashamed it's not their fault, but that's how rape works sometimes.

I think it would be better if both the victim and the accused were able to stay anonymous. It's better for the victim who doesn't want to be seen differently or publicly shamed and for anyone who is falsely or incorrectly accused. Once the accusation is out there it doesn't matter if you're aquitted or not. You will be guilty in the eyes of the world.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Nope, it often takes some time to comprehend or assimilate what has actually happened. It feels so unreal like this didn't really happen, that you just imagined it. Many times they get threatened, or their family if a victim says anything.

They have ever reason to believe he is serious because he has already hurt her, can do the same to family or friends if you speak out.

There is also a great deal of, will anyone believe me, there is so much victim blaming.

AviatorTom · Answer

I don't blame a rape victim... they've been traumatized. In an ideal world, though, it would be nice if they would report the rape so that they can be helped, both medically and emotionally; so others can be warned; and so the perpetrator can be caught.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

Of course not. But the way our society is structured. . sometimes sexism is much more difficult to combat than racism or other forms of discrimination.

But the only group with the power, the insight, and the ability to fight against these issues like rape, harassment, etc. are women.

All I can say is good luck.

beernbacon69 · Answer

Hell no, I don't. As a guy and someone who hasn't gone through that I have no idea what they are going through and how terrible that must feel. Everyone deals with trauma differently and I think rape would be no different. It's unfortunate there is a stigma attached to it that assumes she must have done something to cause it which is bullshit, and I think part of the reason why many women choose to be silent.

Anonymous · Answer

No one “blames” rape victims. So sick of hearing that from feminists.

I do think people need to have common sense. For example I am not going to walk down a dark alley in a bad neighborhood waving around my wallet stuffed full of cash. Of course I don’t deserve to get robbed. But people need to be careful.

Agape93 · Answer

Not at all. Sometimes it's not safe to do so, sometimes they'll get blamed and sometimes they'll be ignored entirely. To speak out is up to the individual, and their responsible for that choice.

ohshee · Answer

You can't blame them for anything some blame themselves they try to justify it it's bad enough that they might work through it and then all it takes is something to trigger it

EIChapo · Answer

It'd be inhumane to blame a rape victim for their silence since they're trying to find a way to deal with the trauma inflicted upon them, as a result some of them will be incapacitated for some time due to their extreme psychological pain. Rape victims need much more compassion and far less judgment.

brezzybaby · Answer

Definitely fuckin not.

I am a victim of rape and I kept my silence for a few reasons. And if you ain't a victim of rape how do you have the fuckin right to ask that question cause you don't know why we kept our silence so watch your mouth

BCA6010 · Answer

Blame? No, but it's a stupid course of action if they want justice since it becomes much harder if not impossible to prove the longer they wait, and shelling up while the rapist walks free won't ever give them a modicum of closure.

Aurora1010 · Answer

It's a bit of a complicated question, because the rapist is still free and could harm other people... but no, I can't blame the victim for their trauma.

Ironic_Method · Answer

Not blaming, but it's frustrating when they don't speak up. It's understandable, but I hate rapists going unpunished.

sunflower00 · Answer

Not at all, there’s so many reasons why someone might not want to speak out, safety being one of them

crmoore · Answer

No. While I do thing the optimal option is to tell the authorities, nobody's actions should be compelled like that. People have their free will. If it makes her uncomfortable to do so, or for any other reason, she has no obligation to do so.

Baryos925 · Answer

It’s and excuse for them to say to get what they want. Physical over rules a man will always over power any woman, verbally blaming the victim right after the physical contact is too much. Having to deal with it emotionally is just way too fvcked up and the worst part of it is that his out on the loose.

JohnK123 · Answer

I don’t blame ANY abused people to keep silent
but when they start coming out at a certain time that is years after the event then that’s not really a good thing if you wanted to come out come out sooner instead of waiting for whatever

Elise888888 · Answer

Any one who blames a rape victim for their silence needs a swift ass kicking

Honesttguy · Answer

They didn't choose to be in that situation, and not all of us process things the same.  I can't see how blaming them is helpful.

jasco · Answer

No I understand how scary that is but at the same time if they don't confess they don't get justice so I am sorry. Honestly I wish their was something they could do but without evidence theirs not much they can do

Subarugirl · Answer

Would you blame anyone for not wanting to talk about their abuse?

notwoke · Answer

Ever since #metoo, I assume all rape accusations are bullshit until soundly proven otherwise with physical evidence of violence and DNA. #metoo - "A man said hi to me in the hallway and he wasn't rich or good looking" - RAPE

purplepoppy · Answer

Yes. By not speaking out they're putting other women at risk.

PinkMichae · Answer

I think to a certain extent because being silent allows a rapist to rape other people.

chapawapa · Answer

No... It's traumatizing however I am glad we are educating people on the importance of reporting even when they don't feel up to the challenge ahead

Staximus · Answer

No, but they should stand up for themselves. The only way to stop pieces of shit is to give them consequences for their actions that they will never want to face again.

TheSpartan · Answer

No, but it would be more helpful for them if they gathered evidence and came forward immediately.

jshm2 · Answer

Why? Would you rather they were screaming in the streets and attacking people?

Rohaan2020 · Answer

not blame... it wouldn't be appropriate to blame them... there's a lot that a rape victim goes through and they are not in a situation to understand what is right for them at that moment... they're kinda in a shock...

Heartache0405 · Answer

Absolutely not, no. Especially the men who are rape victims. They have it the worse off

Danish87 · Answer

No, they are in different state of mind. And sometimes they can't even share what had happened with them. Is not good to blame victims.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

It’s very easy to, but I don’t. When I try to understand someone I put myself in their shoes, I can feel the pain, the shame you feel, etc.

OddBeMe · Answer

No…not totally. I completely understand why but when the next girl gets raped by the same guy you’re not blameless.

Anonymous · Answer

No, But i blame false accusers for them choosing to be silent.. And i blame those that ridicule as well. This is for men and women both, because while women under report rape, The problem of under reporting is 10 times worse among men and boys.

ronaldo75 · Answer

No, everyone has their reasons. However I WILL blame rape victims when they come out of silence for money or attention or when being a victim is a trend.

Anonymous · Answer

Being a victim myself, no I don't. The possible physical harm is only temporary. It's the psychological damage that can be permanent, and public shame and ridicule makes it much worse.

loveslongnails · Answer

No, I don't blame them. There are many factors to consider, and it's not black and white.

UdontNeedtoknow · Answer

if they don't tell anyone then its there fault for not getting any justice. you have tell the police if you were attacked. there not mind readers.

Anonymous · Answer

They say Kyle Rittenhouse was asking to be attacked just for carrying a rifle and protecting black neighbourhoods. Saw him testify to his victimisation, he was both stunning and brave.

annabananna · Answer

Nope not at all. Some don’t want to relive it by talking about it.

rabbitzzz · Answer

No, but sometimes get pissed off. You can't help anyone if they don't ask for it.

genericname85 · Answer

well can't blame someone else for them being sinlent.

joeldalton · Answer

If a rape victim chooses to remain silent, he/she is the one responsible for making that decision.

FýrdracaDócincel · Answer

I used to but now I don't. The system is fucked.

Juxtapose · Answer

By staying silent they allow the rapist to rape more so they are definitely to blame in that sense.

Anonymous · Answer

I can understand why the victim would want to keep what happened a secret but the sooner it is reported the easier it will be to convict the rapist while the evidence is still fresh.

theelegantman · Answer

absolutely otherwise we might think they enjoyed it

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

I understand it’s very traumatizing, but they need to tell someone what happened so justice can happen.

SpaceGalaxy · Answer

NOT AT ALL! Rape victims should not be blamed for anything at all whatsoever.

Better_off_here · Answer

no, i blame the rapist for scaring them into silence.

Effie2004 · Answer

No cause some of stories and sometimes for some reason their blamed.

apimpnamedslickback · Answer

If the rapist continues to rape others then yeah a little.

Anonymous · Answer

I think a lot of rape victims brought in on themselves.

Anonymous · Answer

It depends. It’s their choice at the end of the day

Finchie40 · Answer

Not at all , they are traumatized and damaged

Do you blame rape victims for their silence?

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