The other day I was waiting outside the hairdressers after having my hair cut for my boyfriend to pick me up. I felt really good about myself as the hairdresser had done a really good job.
As I was waiting there was this fuck boy staring at me in his car for ages, I text my boyfriend to tell him to hurry as he was making me feel uncomfortable. Not long after his friend came along and sat in the car with him. They were both staring at me for ages then the drove really slow next to me and one said "think you need to stay on the sun beds for a little longer love" and then speed off like the little pussies they are in their mums car.
I didn't really think much of it as I know I'm pale and I don't care to much, plus how pathetic for two grown men having to sit in there car for a hour thinking of how to put a girl down they don't even know just so they can feel a little bigger about themselves. it wasn't even a good insult.
When I told my boyfriend he said that type of stuff never happens to him or his stister as much as it happens to me. I've always been a target for bullies even though there isn't anything that different about me besides being shy and struggling with dyslexia which I will amit contributes as to why I'm a victim of bullying a lot but even people I don't know or know me see me and just treat me like shit.
I question a lot if it's me and I almost over compensate by being abit of a push over and overly kind to people because I worry I come off a rude person and I don't want people to experience the same as me. I'd hate to make someone feel bullied due to me as I know how it feels myself.This is a picture of me a day after them boys decided to try to put me down. Obviously I have a filter on but this is how I do look. I think I look pretty average and there isn't really much that stands out about me that would make me a easy target for strangers
Updates
+1 y
a lot of people who know me best tell me I'm really kind and pretty and my friends and family try to push me to be more confident because they know years of bullying has ruined my self esteem.
I asked my boyfriend why people always come after me and he said he didn't want me to take offense but it's because I just look like a easy victim. He said it's because I look like a pure, innocent, good person and people don't like it and want to bring me to there level.
Updates
+1 y
Maybe it was because I was by myself but I wasn't the only person by myself there. I just don't get way I give off this vibe to people but its okay to harass and verbally abuse me
I read this over a bit, then gave it some thought as to how to put this.
To give some background, I worked in law enforcement for several years. I worked the jail, prison, and patrol. It became easy to spot the new people that will become targets.
It's in the body language. Generally it look like this: shoulders forward, head down, slight curve in the back, arms covering the body.
It just says "I'm not confident." It has little to do with the way a person looks. It has more with how you present yourself. That is going to come from the stories you tell yourself.
You can be confident. I bet that if I got you talking about a subject you know, or got you doing something you like doing your confidence would come shinning through. Why? Because you know your good at it. You just need a way translate that into other aspects of your life.
Also, it's not rude to demand a basic level of courtesy and respect. When you set boundaries and enforce those boundaries people will respect you more for it. It's not rude to say "you will not treat me that way. Don't do it again."
It may feel like you are being rude at first, but you are just standing up for yourself. Nobody else can do it but you. After a few times doing it, you will see it's not that bad. You will see a lot of people step back and give a look like "okay, girls not going to back down. Got it." They are going to respect you. Which will boost your confidence.
It also comes about in the phrases you use. These are toss away phrases like "kind of," "probably," "maybe" and such. These are validation phrases. Take this question as an example: "What do you like to do?" "I kind of like horseback riding."
Do you like it or not? Saying 'kind of' is like saying you like it only if the other person does. So, if you find yourself using those phrases a lot become aware of them and cut them from your speech. You will come across much more confident and sure of yourself.
I think your boyfriend diagnosed it correctly. Also agreeableness vs. assertiveness. If you become more assertive, it will tend to change your body language and not just what you say.
I disagree slightly with your boyfriend's latter part of the analysis. I don't think bullies are that deep to recognize goodness and innocence that way. They just want an easy target that they can hurt without repercussions. If you look like someone easy to hurt and malicious people want to hurt you, whereas a decent person sees someone easy to hurt and they want to protect them. If you want to try to correct this, I think it'd help if you get in the habit of boldly expressing your stronger opinions, and especially disagreements. Then your body language will probably adapt in a similar way as you become more assertive.
This isn't important just to fend off bullies. It can help you negotiate fair compensation at work, for example. There's a balance to it. I think sweet and innocent people think standing up for themselves is talking back and stooping to the level of bullies. It's not. It's standing your ground unyielding, not stepping into your opponent's ground.
