If people got punished harshly for using others would the genders stop fighting each other?

[Anonymous]

I'm in favor or equal harsh punishment to anyone using others, to anyone wasting people's time. If this happened would the genders stop fighting each other. Would settling down and having kids be seen as a blessing and not an ''omg, I'm going to get screwed thing''. These are the rules I wish it can be done:

- Anyone lovebombing/misleading a woman and wasting her fertile years, making her move in with you and lying about wanting marriage and kids just to have sex, gets jail time and fine for emotional and psychological damage. Plus he gets exposed publically both online and in person. Same thing if a woman does that.

- Any woman (or man) proven to be in a relationship or marriage for money and not for real love and commitment gets jail time and fine for emotional and psychological damage. She or he gets exposed publically both online and in person. Same thing for paternity fraud.

- Anyone lying about getting abused/attacked... an immediate 10-15 years in prison, fine and exposed publically both online and in person.

- You (man or woman) only get compensated in a divorce only if it's been proven your spouse committed adultery, you married a con artist that stole your money or you're a real abused victim. Other reasons... nope... you get nothing.

Updates

+1 y

and if anyone still insist on getting money during a divorce process (if it's none of those valid reasons listed), can be adviced that if they don't shut up, they can get jail time and fined for marrying to get money.

[HighlyVolatile]

I think far more important than threatening people with punishments is encouraging men and women to cooperate with each other. We do that here starting from the earliest age with boys and girls hanging out together as friends and encouraged to cooperate in schools as a team. We don't have these types of societal issues you're talking about.

One thing though is that we don't have the concept of alimony. So there's no real financial incentive to marry someone here in order to profit from divorce payments.

Meanwhile, I went to the US in high school and I was a bit culture-shocked with how much the only interest between the opposite sex is for sex and not simply friendship. It also doesn't seem to help when sociology courses in university are teaching students misleading information that they live in some patriarchal society.

There also seems to be little interest in the secular parts of the US in family values and marriage with the exception of religious conservatives. Here, we strongly value marriage, family, and community independent of any religious context.

Focusing on improving these types of things should do far more to get men and women cooperating and looking at each other in a positive light than threatening them with punishments.

[Asker]

I'm glad you were raised in Japan and yes indeed that's a different culture. I'm glad people cooperate and there is commitment for the right reasons. The men using girls for sex but keeping her as a ''girlfriend'' and stringing her along for years are making it harder for the other good men out there that want a family. The women getting financial benefit out of a divorce are making it harder for the rest of us that believe in growing old together in a marriage (and I'm not religious at all).

[HighlyVolatile]

It seems like such a tricky problem to me and like a self-reinforcing problem, as the divorce rates have been skyrocketing since the 1960s in places like the US and that makes people even more reluctant to get married. But using laws like this is fundamentally about using force, and I don't think it's a very successful strategy and prone to further corruption to try to force men to cherish women and for women to cherish men. Laws tend to have their share of perverse incentives, and one very likely one I could see here is for men and women to withdraw from each other even more.

[Lionman95]

I think that´s not going to work and probably would turn the two sexes away from each other or make all people try being homosexual in some way.
The reason for that is that women and men communicate differently and have a different need for communication.
Therefore there would be no egalitarian justice system but you would punish men for thinking and acting like women or the other way round.
Therefore I see what you like to achieve but I think there has to be another way.

[Asker]

I've been trying to come up with a solution to this growing problem between the genders. Sometimes it feels like both are trying to compete against each other and it's not a competition. It should be feeling proud of the your differences and complementing each other just like a fork complements a knife and vice-versa too. Like another poster said, it's different in Japan. Both actually work as a team, help other each from an early age and they don't have incentive to use each other for money nor sex. There should be a true friendship, harmony and peace between them; not war.

[Lionman95]

Don´t get me wrong though I mostly agree with you. I just don´t think that a corporation between the sexes would be achieved by punishments. Because for examples many guys say what they think the moment they have a thought. While men often times don´t put much worth in words alone women are on the other hands are hurt by these words.
What I mean is what´s wrong and hurtful is sometimes a subjective feeling that´s nothing one could punish. I think what probably would be more helpful are workshop places where both can learn to work to gether and learn to understand each other.

[boggboss]

No as yes there are plenty of situation people abuse others and use them but many when u do simply fall out of live or lose intrest me saying I want to marry someone or I love them to break up with them a year later is not a lie if in the moment I made those comments I meant them

[Asker]

It's one thing to no longer want a relationship or marriage but another to end it with the purpose of benefiting from it and screwing the other person (for financial incentives).

[boggboss]

Yes vut how do u prove the intent at the end of the day

[Asker]

Unless there their conversation is recorded and there are cameras installed, I suppose you would have to look for red flags. I think there must be some signs before that happens, signs that were ignored.

[boggboss]

Yet u can't claim these signs as evidence as again signs can be interpreted wrong yes if someone says I'm using u for money call but relationships rarely are that simple

[Кураж]

Nah, I think it would be much easier if people just focused on themselves and expected less from others and didn't hold them responsible for their own happiness.

[Asker]

So what would be the real solution of getting both genders to get along, have peace, less women getting string along (stuck as a ''forever girlfriend'' for 5+ years and guy never proposing) and more men being excited about marriage and wanting a family?

[Asker]

If it was in my power to make this happen, I would. I want things the way they were in the past; less people wanted others time; more people would settle down, there wasn't too much ''omg we've lived for 7 years and he's not proposing'' stories.

[Кураж]

Why should more men be excited about marriage and wanting family?
I don't want those things.

[Asker]

If you don't want it because it's not your thing that's fine. This isn't the case with some men that talked negatively about marriage and kids. They are turning against it because of the women that marry and divorce because of the money they'll get, ruining for the rest of us good women that want to marry for love and commitment, ruining for the other men that would've wanted marriage if it wasn't for those gold diggers.

[Asker]

What would be the solution to stop that? Those are the rules I could think about.

[DaveJord]

I think if people got pushing for abusing others equally be it mentally, emotionally or physically... that you would see a lot of women going to jail.

[CloudMassacre]

Murder is illegal and people still murder now and then

[Asker]

They get sentenced to life or executed though.

[CloudMassacre]

Yeah, and those people still murder. You can put a punishment on something, but there’s always people who will break them

[Asker]

I get that people will still break the law but more people would want to commit and settle down for the right reasons. Someone wanting to marry for money would already know they're not getting anything in a divorce process so that person (if not caught) would have to either remained married or divorced with nothing.

[joeldalton]

Seems like a colossoal waste of resources and ridiculous authoritarianism to solve nothing.

[Asker]

But there is too much war between the gender in the past years. There is too much unfairness going on. I wish people stop suffering. I want things the way they were before when there wasn't any of this complication.

[Asker]

In the past, there weren't too much ''We've been living for 8 years, why isn't he proposing'' stories nor men refusing to commit.

[joeldalton]

If you're a woman dating a man for 8 years and living with him and he's not proposing... that's on you. That's what you get for giving him all the benefits of a wife with none of the responsibilities.

[Asker]

yet there are players that will go all the way to lying about wanting marriage and kids just for the sake of having sex, purposely making the girl waste her time and are happy doing that to someone. That's cruel and it's making other men that want to commit look bad.

[joeldalton]

No. Let's get this straight. The woman in your scenario is letting her own time get wasted. That is her fault.

[jshm2]

No. GTFO you gatekeeping tyrant.

[Asker]

Well some of you are the ones that want something to be done against unfairness and radical feminism. I'm trying to come up with a solution.

[Asker]

Unless you only expected women to be called out for their unfairness and didn't like the ''keeping a forever girlfriend and lying about wanting marriage'' punished too.. that would be bias. I have to include unfairness for both genders.

[In_Trance]

no; because "using' is subjective