Why Do Women Get Punished For Leaving Abusers?

[Anonymous]

Im going through a divorce from a man that was emotionally abusive, controlling and manipulative. I initiated the divorce and I have noticed that myself and others in similar situations get treated horribly compared to women who's husbands initiated divorce.

We get told things like "you should've known better" or that its our fault.

When we ask for help we get spoken down to and made to feel guilty for making mistakes in desperate moments or when we didn't have a choice for things.

Why is this?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure but when I left my abusive ex 2 years ago, I went through the same. I heard all the,"you should've picked better" , "you must've liked the abuse since you stayed so long", "you should've seen it coming", etc. What they don't realize is that abusers can appear charming and kind until you are tied to them through marriage and/or kids. Then their mask slips off and you see the monster that they really are. They also don't understand the trauma bond, which is likely what kept you together despite the abuse. People don't understand until they experience it.

[Anonymous]

You are a victim of the fact that people have recognized that women initiate the vast majority (80%) of divorces, many (not all) because modern women lack commitment and don't take the wedding vows seriously. That is the percetion, and I would argue it is deseved.

Again, not all women, and based on what you've written here, not you. There are obviously men at fault in some cases too. But marriage as an institution is in serious jeapordy today largey because of modern women's behavior, and that is what is on people's minds.

[Anonymous]

Half or marriages end in divorce and women file the vast majority of them. Whether you personally deserve it or not, people see women who divorce their husbands as guilty. As your case illustrates, it's not always a fair judgment, but you have women in general to thank for for that judgment.

[NYCQuestions1976]

It's not just women who are victims of this. My ex-wife was the same way (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), and I was told the same nonsense that people are telling you.

[I_Am_Loner0405]

Men have to be careful before choosing who to marry. So do women. And women aren’t being careful they just jump into it because they love the whole idea of romance. It never lasts long.

[Anonymous]

☕️women

Still not taking responsibility for anything since the rise of man.😆😆😆