How do I explain being trans to a nine year old?

Question

My younger brother is nine and was asking about pride, he totally understands the lgb, some girls like girls some boys like boys and some people like both. He also kind of understands non-binary.
But the trouble came when I tried explaining trans people, my older sister is trans (and so am I though not out yet) so I used her as an example and he got completely confused as to why a boy would want to be a girl (his words) I tried explaining further but he just got frustrated. My mum says it's probably his adhd so I should find a different way to explain it but I don't know how, any ideas?

FunkyMonkee · Accepted Answer

Did you try the scientific method? Also, make sure he knows that it goes both ways. Sometimes girls "want" to be boys.
Wanting has nothing to do with it. It's a dire NEED. A life or death matter.
When mom first gets pregnant, the first 3 months that she has the baby in her, it's a girl, no matter which gender it's GOING to be, we ALL start out as girls until the hormones kick in and we either stay a girl or we change into a boy. But, in some cases, even though the baby physically BECOMES a boy (in your case), the mental wiring is still that of a girl so, it's like being born into a blue car or a pink car. If the brain is wired as a boy you're supposed to be a boy and you're born into a blue car, if your, brain is wired as a girl you're supposed to be a girl and you're born into a pink car but, in some cases, even though you may have been born into a blue car (in your case), your brain never made the switch over from girl to boy so, you feel you SHOULD be in a pink car and you feel like your car doesn't match the kind of car you should be driving. (You're in a blue car and all blue cars have a stick shift but you only know how to drive a standard, which all the pink cars have).
It's kind of like if you put a new part in your computer and it was made for a Mac or Apple, but you just put it into a PC. Some of the functions MIGHT work okay but, for the most part, the computer's gonna wanna reject the part because it just doesn't work 100% well. It won't be happy unless you change it for the correct part that matches what the computer needs.

MCheetah · Accepted Answer

"Some people are crazy and think that they're a girl, or boy, when they're not. These are crazy people and you should just stay away from them and let them be crazy, as there's nothing you can do to help them with."

Funny thing is, I'm a teacher, but not in woke America, so IF a student asked me that, I'd just explain to them very briefly and bluntly that they have mental health issues and leave it at that. I wouldn't elaborate or go more into it. And yes, that IS me being unbiased and objective and not giving my opinions on them.

Of course, you being on the crazy side, I doubt you'll like my neutral answer.

Smoke-n-Growls · Accepted Answer

I'd see if your local library does a Drag Queen story hour. Not necessarily trans, but I'm sure they'll have answered similar questions.

It's possible he doesn't understand gender enough to understand, or he's just struggling to put it into a way his brain can figure it out.

Honestly, I don't know how I'd explain it. It depends a lot on how you've tried to explain it in the past and what your little bro understands easily.

See if there's parallels in terms of "assigned form" versus "eventual form" in media or things he likes. Finding a connection to something the kid already understands helps them with complex content.

For example, my father used to help me understand how long road trips would be by having me calculate using Spiderman episode lengths (aka 30 min time chunks).

Worst case, have a family sit down and express it's important for you and your sister that he understand and offer to answer questions he has.

Maybe bring him to a local Pride centre to get their help, too.

Ez-Bri-Z_v2 · Accepted Answer

That's a tough one but I'd say start with talking about how you don't feel comfortable in your own body. A lot of people might have something they don't like about themselves like being too heavy/thin, eye color, hair style, etc. It might be easier to relate to that.

You don't have to go into details about your planned transition unless they ask questions, but you could say you plan on one day making changes that might be confusing to them, but that you will answer any questions they may have.

I hope that whichever path you choose that it works out for you and your family!

Sour-rose · Answer

Well i gotta get going but simple ways I've seen is...

"Know this person? They a ______ now. Why? Well because that's how they want to live. And we ain't their parents so whatever they do is what they do. We don't need to understand, just respect their decision and address them how they wanna be addressed."

that's seems way more harder buuuut it kinda works? Anyways its time for work

PhenomenalQueen · Answer

Honestly I would try to avoid this subject until they’re older because their brains aren’t mature enough for this subject. It’s going to confuse them and I feel like it will poison their minds. Let them be innocent, pure, and able to be a kid while they can… Kids already grow up too fast and it’s sad that we’re allowing others to poison their minds.. kids shouldn’t be worried about what gender they choose to identify as there’s already enough pressure as is.

Sabretooth · Answer

I've become pretty knowledgeable about this... I got nothing. though, I will tell you this: I didn't change my views until I started playing sex games with em in it... got a little obsessed... as did another former transphobe:   . you don't ever put him down as a fetishest... that puts the brakes on any progress.

genericname85 · Answer

I'd just tell them: "some people just like being the other gender more, so they pretend to be the other gender to feel better about themself. but that's not something that mentally healthy people like you do". I'd also make my kid aware that confronting people with their mental condition is rude and should be avoided.

Googlemyahoo · Answer

You begin by explaining when you’re generally unattractive and overweight you announce that you’re trans ! Then everyone gives you attention that you wouldn’t otherwise get saying oh you’re so special! Then you get to spend the rest of your life angry at Dave Chappelle and accusing people of being transphobic. Its so much fun !

Supermomof3 · Answer

I wouldn’t explain it. They are to young to understand. I think telling them could lead them to think they are trans too and that’s a huge mind fuck and child abuse!

Anonymous · Answer

You don’t. I swear this is a social contagion. Being a kid is already confusing enough. You’re probably only going to succeed in making him think he may be trans as well. When these kids grow up they are going to be a mess.

Anonymous · Answer

Just tell him that just like some kids like to pretend they are a dog, bear or whatever animal they like, some adults like to pretend they are attack hellicopters, some men like to dress up as women and pretend they are women and some women like to think they are men.

dustybiker · Answer

Does he need to know the graphic details at that age? It’s all undercover anyway. Wait for an age it clicks for him himself.

exitseven · Answer

You should not have to. Nine year old kids shoudl not be exposed to that.

bean2k21 · Answer

Sometimes a boy wants to be a girl and chops his dingdong off. Any retard could understand that.

DJB72 · Answer

It's grooming. Pre-pubescent children need to learn about what makes babies if they ask. Only if they ask. It's not something that needs to be "normal" to a nine year old child

AsaKyo · Answer

You don't because why waste your time explaining something to them that doesn't even exist

Jouth · Answer

Simple.  Some boys pretend to be girls. Some girls pretend to be boys. He can learn nuance and the various, more confusing complexities as he grows up. Keep it simple for now.

humanearth · Answer

Why explain it. He'll figure it out like I did Like the LGBTQ organization is nothing more then a hate group

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

The word pride might lead to confusion for little kids as they connect the word pride with being proud of mastering a task successfully.  Maybe just say "inbetween"

EnglishEuropean · Answer

I'm 63 and I don't understand it either. I understand live and let live.

Anonymous · Answer

why do they need to? he'll grasp it better when he's older. no need. to be honest, i still don't understand what non-binary is.

driven159 · Answer

Telling the truth is the best way they will figure it out sooner than you think

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him your brain works differently from normal people so you feel like a bird in a raccoons body or something.

OddBeMe · Answer

Some people question their gender and do stuff to feel better.

Anonymous · Answer

You don't because kids that age can't process it. That's why what is happening in our schools today is so harmful.

Anonymous · Answer

He must be really confused , your brother wants to be a girl and you want to be a boy, I doubt he will understand until puberty. Almost like you guys could switch bodies like Freaky Friday

littlemisslolita · Answer

GOOD GOD! Don’t Explain It To Him Until He’s Thirteen Years Old Minimum. He’s Too Young To Learn About That.

MiseriaCantareAFI · Answer

Literally becoming the opposite sex, because it's what they believe they were meant to be, instead of what they are

duttyjamagyal · Answer

Tell him that some people are delusional and Ill and think they're something that they're not

BLP11520 · Answer

Nine year old's are too young for all this stuff. Toys or dolls were what we were into

Anonymous · Answer

Jeeze I can remember feeling violently ill about conventional sexual matters at 12

Cubus · Answer

Don't try. The kid wouldn't understand it,

joeldalton · Answer

lol, yeah it's him with the problem.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him that adults like to play pretend too.

maximumpower · Answer

Don't.

userxvi · Answer

you don't

swettannie · Answer

You don't

anylolone · Answer

You don't.

Reijen · Answer

Haha

Anonymous · Answer

Sickos.

jimmy2 · Answer

I would not

How do I explain being trans to a nine year old?

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