How do I date a good man as a Black woman?

[Anonymous]

I don't mean to race bait or place my race as the center of this discussion, but I generally want to know how I can find/ attract a good man.

The reason I mention being a black woman is that let's be real black women tend to have a negative rep in the media - loud, angry, "ghetto", and disrespectful (especially to black men)

--> this seems to be the narrative for especially black *American* women

A lot of studies conducted through dating apps have found that black women were rated the least desirable by men, and I'm assuming it's due to the negative connotations (some are mentioned above), attached to black women.

I am a Black British female, I was raised in a traditional conservative mid-class Christian household with European and African values, however, a lot of media is fed to black women that it is good to either be extremely woke to the point at which you become a toxic, angry bitter person, or follow along in highly promiscuous behavior, with little to no respect for your body promoted by a lot of hip hop female rappers. Basically not 'feminine' at all or rather heavily masculine.

I don't want to be a part of either group, I want to be soft, light, and radiant - so I guess my question is how does one become more feminine, to attract a good man?

This question is open to everyone, if I have made a mistake please correct me.

Thank you :)

[abc3643]

This is an excellent question. It really is and I wish I had a better answer for you.

By the way, for a long time, we had a rather attractive British Black girl who had a lot of White friends, but was bummed that she could not get into stable relationships (usually with White guys). She was very feminine looking, so that was not the problem.

If you just want to be feminine, perhaps the best definition is that it is the opposite of masculine.
That sounds trite, but it's not. Men do have an instinctive response that goes like this: "The more masculine a female looks / speaks / acts, the less attractive she becomes." So, being less manly (but not childlike) in everything you do will make you more feminine to a man.

Now, I want to give two examples:

1. k. d. lang who is a lesbian. In no way, shape, manner, or form does she exude any femininity. She is a a penis-less man with the slight frame of a woman.

2. In this video, there are two women. One woman, with the somewhat wavy hair and light hosiery appears naturally very femine with a slight build and normal female shape.

However dark-complected Thai woman with the long straight hair and dark hosiery in this video is named Jik and many idiot men upon seeing Jik think she is a "ladyboy" which is common in Thailand. One reason for this is Jik's solid build and her hands which appear stronger than most women; not quite "man hands", but many might think so. Yet, Jik is very feminine. Not just because of her dress and her larger-than-average bust for an Asian woman, but because of the way she moves or speaks or her facial expressions. If you've seen her other pictures or videos on social media, it becomes apparent that Jik is 100% female and a real beauty who attracts many men just upon seeing her - and this is in spite of her "man hands" and solid build.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/llWw9fAxj7g

So, again, just be as "un-masculine" as you can.

BUT:

I have two more things I need to say:

1. Being feminine is no guarantee for getting a man and, more importantly, keeping him. The story I gave above about the young Black British girl who used to be here is an example of that truth.

2. BE YOURSELF. Being an "actor" to get find and keep love is work and love shouldn't be work. You want to be loved for who you are - not for who you project yourself to be that you are not. Ultimately, the real you will always come out in a relationship and you will lose a man who doesn't care for the real you. So find a man being the real you - no matter how feminine or not you are. Sure, a pair of heels, a short skirt, and a little bit of make-up are fine, but don't try and be someone you are not. Acting is hard work that, in a relationship, is ultimately unrewarding.

[lightbulb27]

You've made no mistakes. You'll be fine, hold your value high, present yourself as such, you will attract good guys. I've seen black girls as such in successful relationships. Finding a mate is hard for most people now, so takes time and effort outside of arranged marriages like in India... it's work.

There's multiple bi racial/cultural relationships in my extended family and friends. Some areas may be more accepting of that than others, but everyplace I've been (midwest an east coast USA), no-one blinks an eye at such couples. They are doing well as as anyone.

How... present yourself well, put yourself out there. It's really... like fishing I guess.

[Metallsturm]

Well, it depends on what you consider to be a "good man", as often girls tend to overload such portrayal with tons of qualities (sometimes even contradictory to each other) and then struggle to answer why this man, if he'd even exist, would need *her* -- or even get offended when asked this. So first of all I kinda wonder what do you consider to be a "good man"?

Also should be noted that there are guys like me that wouldn't date a girl of another race (or race that vastly differs from mine) simply because if eventually we'd form a family and have kids, they're unlikely to inherit any visual traits from me and overwhelmingly will look like her, thus making it harder for me to subconsciously associate with them or see myself in them, and that can eventually grow into being a problem in giving them as much affection as a father that I'd give if I could see myself in them.

[Asker]

Hmmm I would characterize a good man as:
- Being loyal
- Being protective
- Having a kind and loving heart
- Being a leader
- Being smart
and lastly, someone who can guide me into becoming a better person.

In terms of your last paragraph, fair enough but, I would hope that you would be able to offer your full love to your child regardless of what they look like as compared to what you look like, as you did create them so regardless of physicality their genetic makeup comes from you.

Thank you for your reply :)

[Summeroflove]

I think. Asking men out who you know are good men. If you’re a good person. God has someone for you. Pray about it.

You seem like a good person. Some people have preferences on race romantically and sexually. It doesn’t make them racist. Long as they don’t think one race is superior or inferior.

Whaf matters is what’s in your heart. There are plenty of very attractive black people and people of any race.

[NerdInDenial]

1. Being feminine means you have to be more submissive and less combative. Let him be in control. If he isn't, guide him so he can make the decisions.

2. Be nice to men, playful and tease him during an argument

3. Be in the moment; don't look at your phone when you're talking to him.

[Anonymous]

A black woman with your background and values should have no trouble finding good men. I agree with what you said about the media, but the bigger problem in the black community here in the US is black culture.

Statistics about blacks don't lie. There are far more absent fathers, crime and generally destructive behavior in blacks than the rest of the population, and the only way that will change is if blacks themselves change their culture.

The sooner backs stop allowing themselves to be pawns for the Democrat party and start owning the issues and addressing them from within their community, the sooner they will rise to the position in society they deserve to be in.

[Asker]

Thank you :)
Absolutely, you are correct the black community has a lot of work to do, I hope more black men and women start waking up and seeing black issues for what they really are.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you. I you find a good man. You seem like a good woman and you deserve a good man.

[bamesjond0069]

You race won't matter or matter much if you can present highly feminine.

Cook, clean, be sweet and submissive, long hair one way or another, wear dresses and skirts, do not be promiscuous or give the appearance of (ie hang alone with men, have a girlfriend instead), be physically appealing. You will want to be thin like a model so size 0.

Hope that gives you some ideas. If you do all that I'd imagine you would have a man pretty quickly.

[SiberFox]

Best I got is go to Africa, you'll easily be the most desirable woman there, and I'm fairly sure they'll rank black women as the most attractive.
Otherwise, I doubt the issue is the men, as much as it is which men and where.

[Asker]

Thank you for your comment, however, I would like to be based in my country of birth which is England, but won't there be men in all places who are attracted to black women and are open to the possibility of dating/courting them?

[Surely]

I have met, but never dated, many black women that I would not have had a problem dating as a white man. Just try to promote yourself as a feminine, caring, responsible woman and try to forget the past labeling.

[Avicenna]

Demonstrate a good personality. That wins anyone over.

[Luckycharms12]

Why can't you very race has good and bad you sound like nice person can't see any reason why couldn't find nice guy

[FunkyMonkee]

I guess it depends. ARE you a black woman or are you just dressing up as one?

[FunkyMonkee]

Or, did you mean you want HIM to dress up as a black woman?
Ambiguity is the Devil's volleyball!

[Asker]

I am a black woman, I'm not sure what you mean by dressing up as one but I dress fashionably but modestly.

[FunkyMonkee]

As in, being a white woman (or man) that's pretending to be a black woman.

[1User12345]

step out for a moment and take a look at yourself do like what you see or not everyone is believe it or not made in God's own image it would be wise to heed