Everyone keeps telling me I have too much high expectations and needs to stop. Do you think I do?

[Anonymous]

I’m a kind, nice and sweetheart and when I was a kid I always thought everyone was going to be nice to be even though I know not everyone will respect you or be kind to you. I would ask people how they’re doing and how’s they’re day. They respond but they never ask me how my day is. My dad keeps telling I need to get used to people that will be disrespected and treat me bad because not everyone is nice and I shouldn’t be too nice to them. I complained about the people on the bus and my dad laughed at me saying, “Look that’s how people are so GET USED TO IT. Get out of lala land!” I just looked at him. My mom said, “Well sweetie he’s right. Even though he shouldn’t have mocked you but he’s right. You have to get used to people like that. Not everyone is going to respect you but you’re living in lala land. You need to live in reality.” My dad has been nagging me to accept reality. Why did my mom marry him? No offense.
I would always expect people to say thank you when I hold the doors for them, nothing. Well some say thank you. One of the ladies at work is usually a sweet woman but when I held the door, she just walked passed through. No “thank you from her.” I know she was far behind be but I’d think she knew better. My sister said, “Well she doesn’t have to thank you and besides she never asked you to do it. You’re expectations are too high, you’ll end up dissatisfied.
I would hear teachers cursed up a storm and it was shocking because I never hear them do so. I thought they were nice. Sheesh.
I do nice things and I don’t get ANYTHING in return. No “thank yous” nothing. I expect people to have proper manners but it’s the opposite and my brothers tell me nobody really gives a rats ass about me or anybody else. Get real and accept the harsh realities of the world. I refuse to. I’m autistic.

[NaultD]

I personally hate "how is your day" as a normal every single day thing to say. People have earth shattering days weeks or more and need a bit to eat. Am i supposed to unload that grief on a nice stranger or lie and feel more miserable?

There's better polite strategies in small talk. Like what's immediately in your hands. "What lovely flowers" could be for a wedding or even a funeral. That's an easier building of connection for yourself and the other person. I've had multiple life long memorable conversations with strangers talking about something in our hands and never had a meaningful "how was your day"

Also never do ultra polite things to be noticed by others. You do it for yourself because you couldn't imagine life no other way. Water off a duck no second thought. That's what people notice and repect. if you give too much where it hurts you dial it back until you find your own peace.

With all that you get more opportunities to connect with people. That do need to build up slower then "how's your day". i only say something like that when i know the person is having a hard time and i want to be there for them as much as they want to express it towards me.

[Asker]

So if someone or even your friends or family ask you how was your day, you would ignore them? People get annoyed and tell me to back off when I try to help them. Nobody appreciates nice people.

[inhua]

the world is a literal black-pill when you peel away the pop culture, social media, entertainment

just look at 3rd world countries and the warzones that many children in those nations grow up in i. e. famine, violence, crime, death etc.

and humans are still animals driven by biological instinct. there's no obligation to treat people better other than "social encouragement"

we were all lied to as kids, fairytales and fantasies like Santa Claus can only do so much and people why wonder the world is so chaotic i. e. teens rebelling parents, cops getting in fights with protestors, wars between nations being declared etc.

[Asker]

What do you mean lied to as children? So the older we get, the harsher the truth gets. Fairy tails get crushed when we get older. Our parents are good at raining on our parade. I love my dad but he’s such a jerk and can be very blunt. No filter. He doesn’t care if I have autism, he tells me the truth and not worries about my reaction.

[inhua]

you'd be surprised how many teens and adults still hold onto fairytale fantasies and regurgitate society's lies of morals, values, ethics mattering more in life than looks, money, status even though many of our democratically elected politicians are more or less jerks and assholes, there are innocent people in jail and corruption exists in all forms of success.

women and girls looking for their Cinderella moment of being saved by a handsome prince or Twilight moment of chasing the bad boy. men and boys looking for their Spiderman moment of the goofy nerd getting the girl out of his league whilst bullies in reality have statistically more romantic success than their victims

[Asker]

So….. what’s your point

[inhua]

it's better to tell kids the truth than to let them discover the truth the harsh way. some who have been sheltered their entire lives have a hard time coping when the truth is revealed, thus which is why we get criminals like mass murderers and school shooters

[Anonymous]

Well first of all if you’re doing things w the expectation that you’re going to get something back in return you’re doing it all for the wrong reasons. I believe what your dad said is true. Everyone is not going to like you or be kind to you. I think two issues here is one you’re in your feelings about this. Two society tends to do women a big disservice by cuddling them. By comforting them when they cry. Giving them the illusion that some Disney Prince is going to sweep her off her feet. Everyone is raised different. That she’s a 10, that she can do no wrong until reality, such as your experience hits you in the face.

[Danny_dan92]

Just be adaptable and remember that especially these days most people are likely to be selfish.




That being said pay closer attention to actions rather than words