Is the male loneliness epidemic really about loneliness? Or is it an issue of frustration with reality at large?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Essentially, the idea is that the “male loneliness epidemic” is not about loneliness but about men being frustrated with how their lives didn’t pan out the way they were told to expect, especially when it comes to dating. Admittedly, I did not grow up a boy so I’m not sure of the pressures men feel in those early years so a lot of this is just based on assumptions and observations.

It has been suggested that men, at least men who experience this frustration of loneliness, don’t necessarily see women as people but rather as receptacles and mirrors. The easiest evidence of this is the documented abuse found in a reddit thread as it related back to AI girlfriends in an app called Replika which gives a digital avatar that plays the role of wife, girlfriend, friend, whatever you want and how these men were bragging about their verbal abuse on these AI. It wouldn’t have felt as insidious as it did if it was just about having an outlet, but there are companies that produce those hyper-realistic sex dolls as well and they always have dolls sent back for repairs due to knife gashes along the silicon flesh. There are clearly men who have this severe disconnect with women to where they don’t see them as anything but outlets and receptacles for violence and abuse and that doesn’t really change unless they somehow see themselves in these women and then they’re afforded humanity. Men who experience this disconnect often see their ideal woman not as her own person but as a clay figure to mold into what they want and it’s often some version of themselves that likes all the same things but is specifically subservient and has no real personality beyond that.

There are men who grow beyond this idea, accepting reality and building off of it, but it seems like the standards of expectations from a life they were told they could lead, ie a nuclear style marriage of a homemaker and a provider husband, only serve to frustrate the men that won’t let it go. What do you think?

[normalice]

I do think men's expectations of ourselves are rapidly outpacing our ability, in large part due to the easy access of fantasy like video games and porn. And when we see we can never be what we imagine is the standard, we get insecure and reclusive, wanting greater control over how we are percieved to avoid people noticing that we aren't living up to our own ideals. The internet allows for that. And further allows us to double down on unreachable ideals and form communities around blaming others for those shortcomings instead of blaming nature.

I think by blaming others we expect them to feel sorry and thus more amenable to accepting the idea that our shortcoming are actually successes. Whereas if we blame nature then the only possible outcome is to admit our self expectations were unrealistic and reduce them. The former still gives us the social experience of what it would be like to live up to our outlandish ideals. The latter admits we will never experience that which, to some, defeats all meaning to life.

But I'm just guessing...

[Hellraiser1984]

Both. Men have woken up and realized that marriage is a scam and love is just chemicals and only the super good looking ripped guy are going to get the girl. Let them have them. Without women you can live life for yourself and not worry about paying a woman's way through life. Or having kids that nickel and dime you to death.

[Rosexøxø]

I’ve realized the same but I never became hateful to it. Just mad at the realities of life. Maybe disappointed about the lack of chemistry / similarity in certain aspects like love and sexuality.

[alice55]

I think men don't have much people with who they can share their feeling and thought honestly without being judged which is what's most likely to cause loneliness rather than frustration (I can't know the amount of time guys have "trauma dumped" me on the first night we talked, I don't mind it at all but it does kind of show they have nobody to talk to if they open so much to stranger).

Men friendship is generally not as deep as girl friendship and more superficial.

[LazerBean]

In my opinion a lot of today's societal problems, including this one, are born from the modern push of "accept yourself as you are". It everywhere, the teaching that others should or will accept and like you regardless of what you do or how you are, and if they don't then they're wrong. And it's simply not the truth. Actions have consequences. And for some, that consequence is being a part of said "lonely male" community.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Do you believe that the idea of being “accepted for who you are” pushes a narrative of refusal to change?

[LazerBean]

Not all of the time. But the it is advertised a lot of the time, yes.

[Anonymous]

Why do you delete opinions?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I forgot to ban anonymous ones

[legalboxers]

I like being alone