Guys or girls? Why won't she let me pay to take her out?

[Anonymous]

I'm really attracted to one of the girls in my class at college, we've got along fine and always talking etc. I rang her up this morning asking if she wanted to go to cinemas next week, she said she had no money and didn't know when she is going to get some more, I offered to pay for her, in my opinion I would rather pay as I just seems rude if I don't, she said she doesn't like other people paying. Shall I wait until she has money and ask again, is she worth chasing, I really like her :/

Updates

+1 y

thanks for the answers so far, I just thought it was a perfect time to ask her out for cinemas & a bite to eat, seen as we've both got a week off from college, she isn't too local she lives about 20 miles away, so I don't know about films at either one of our houses, I don't know if she would be comfortable with that, she is older than me if that would change anything I don't know?

[lottierose]

You said it yourself, you really like her, so she is worth chasing.

I understand where she's coming from when she says she doesn't like other people paying for her. It always makes me feel like I owe them something, or that it isn't equal (like one person is being made disadvantaged by having to spend money etc). Occassionally I don't mind it, so long as I would be able to return the favour (which some guys get quite defensive over)

I'd suggest, either offer to do something for free or very cheap. Like watch a film at one of your houses, make a meal and take it to eat somewhere out (picnic style, but maybe better for winter) or something like that. It can be fun without having to spend much money. Or you could offer to pay for it this time, and say she can owe you for the next one (also shows you're interested and would like more than one date/hang out mor together)

Hope it works out :)

[Asker]

so seen as she is running low on the cash how should I ask if she just wanted to watch some dvds at either my or her house, shall I ring her again like I did this morning or text her plain and simple? I mean she leaves about 20 miles away if I offer to pay for her transport she is probably going to refuse me paying for that as well I would think.

[lottierose]

Give her some options, and if she is interested then she will probably suggest some kinda of compromise where you two can spend time together. Just invite her round some time, text or call is fine. Text she has time to think up a response/alternative, and phone call you can better judge her reaction &interest. Depending on situation, she could possibly get a lift over (which wouldn't cost) but I'd suggest asking her. If all fails, let her take control and pick when/what you do when she has money

[Asker]

I text her about watching some dvds sometime, and she said she would rather only go to the cinemas or do anything with me if it was with the group at college, so basically she isn't interested in me, ill maybe try her again another time but not this time :/ thanks for the answers everyone.

[eleanor_b]

i understand her, but I think if you really like her you should try harder :) you can maybe say "you can pay mine ticket next time when you have the money", well in a nice way! just try to make her relax and believe the money isn't a big deal and she will have fun with you! good luck!

[Jackie1106]

Say that she can cover it next time. And then if you get into a relationship with her, it will be fair. She pays for one date, you pay for one date. She just wants to feel independent is all nd doesn't want anyone feeling the need to take care of her

[Punkbuster107]

Sadly, I've seen this happen many a time. This wasn't really a money issue, but rather a means of indirectly declining. Were she willing but unable, she would not decline the offer without presenting an alternative, or at least encouraging the man to try something else later.

Still, props for texting her and getting clarity.

[kezytrouble]

I know this answer because I hate it when My boyfriend pays for me. Its a short obvious answer, she likes to be independent and doesn't want a guy to do everything for her.

[vanillalatte]

she probably feels bad if you pay for her. I don't like when guys pay for me it makes me feel bad haha