Living at home and having a curfew at 23

[Anonymous]

Its embarrassing...Its especially difficult when I'm starting to date someone and I have to explain why I'm rushing home. I've ended relationships because my mom would act weird and be upset about me staying out late and we would always end up fighting...My other friends who live at home don't have this problem. As long as they tell their parents where they are they don't care what time they come home. I even told my grandparents about my curfew and they were annoyed because they never gave my mom one...hmmmmm

[Jerseystarlet]

I'm in the same boat I'm 23 and I live at home but with ministers for parents. Dating is already hard when you live at home try having an overprotective mother since I'm the youngest and a minister for a father. Growing up I was sheilded from everything I wasn't even allowed to go to carnivals or trick or treat. When I turned 18 my mom still had a hard time letting go and letting me live my life. Today, I can barely sleep over a guys house if I've been seeing him for a while I'm always getting "are you okay?" texts aka "come home now" texts after midnight. When I want to go stay with someone I get the you're an adult but still respect this house which means to them we acknowledge that you're 23 but we don't want you coming home late or sleeping over guys houses. I keep telling her I don't need to sleep over a guys house to have sex lol It would just be nice to spend more time together then to rush home. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I don't drink I've never been to a house party I have only two close friends I work and go to school everyday so I don't think I'm asking for much. I don't want to have to beg every time I want to stay at someone Else's house I'm not even allowed to stay at my bff house who is GAY! I had to pursued him to at least hang out in my room. Its really ridiculous. I hate creating weekend vacations and long day trips as an excuses to be away from home when I just want to do something for they day instead of having to plan ahead and do it like once a year.

So many people do not understand this and give you the whole "you're an adult, do what you want speech". You're an adult living in someone ElSE'S house with they're own rules that you have to follow and for me I'm on the street if I want to live my own way since I can't afford to move out right now but am trying. I don't want to leave my home wrong but when you're in your 20s that's when you want to be spontaneous and do random stuff with your friends until God knows when. I feel like my 20s are vastly passing me by since I'm living at home. And everyone I meet has the complete opposite effect at home. sucks

[Asker]

true.I love how everyone on here is telling me to get a back bone. TRUST ME MY BACK BONE IS BIGGER THAN MOST. When you live with your parents the last thing you want is give them sh*t and they kick you out when your job doesn't pay enough for you to move out. My mom and I have had many fights about this to where I have left the house for a few days because I was done with her. She's f***ing stubborn.

[kereru]

you're an adult, you don't get to whinge about this kind of stuff anymore.

if you choose to continue living at home and reaping the benefits of that (ie cooked meals, cheap board, etc) then you have to accept and live by their rules,

, if you don't like it suck it up, pay the extra expenses and move out like everyone else your age.

[PonyCar]

+1

I agree with what you're saying, but not with the economic simplicity the way you're saying it implies.

[Anonymous]

No offense, but my three year old niece has more backbone and you've got 20 years of life experience on her! Your mom needs to cut the ambilical chord and stop acting like you are 12 and you need to stop reinforcing the idea in her mind that it is okay for her to hover over you and control who you choose to date.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

Your mother is probably very scared about what could happen to you.

Without judging where you live, I can tell you the area I live in is getting scarier and scarier with regard to young women and where they can go and at what time.

For one, we have the worst problem in the US with an egregious problem-child prostitution.

Kids are literally being kidnapped by street gangs here, and being forced to into sex for money, collected by the gangs of course-both boys and girls, at alarming rates.

What's more, college aged girls are being kidnapped, never heard from again, and being shipped off to overseas locations (which I won't mention out of respect) and forced into prostitution as well.

The risks these gangs are willing to take are getting pretty brazen, as a number of these kidnappings are broad daylight, in public.

Sex slavery and human trafficking is officially the crime of our generation. And while those of us in public safety are trying to come up with ways to stop it, we can't solve it all at once. And even if we do, the part we can't solve is the demand in foreign nations for American females under 25 years of age.

It's horrifying. That's about the only word that does justice for this type of crime.

Anyway, before I get rolling along, if your mother is at all aware of these issues and some of the more "mundane" domestic issues, I could see where her fear-driven control over your life comes from.

Just the same, its not healthy for a parent to exercise this type of control, as once you are 18 you are responsible for yourself.

I would suggest talking with her about to find out what her concerns are. That can go a long way to being able to achieve a compromise or an alternative arrangement that can be more agreeable.

And be careful out there!

[Ubetiburn]

I understand both points of view. You need to sit down with your mom, explain that yes it is her house and her rules but try to let her see that you are an adult, that you are old enough and mature enough to stay out as late as you want. Tell her that you will tell her or call her and tell her when you expect to be home if it is later then normal.

Now that is that, let me say if you are living there scott free then there really is nothing that you can say or argue. It's her house. Be glad that she gave you a curfew it showed that she cared. Some parents have a hard time seperating the child from the adult especially when the child never moved out and the adult is still there.

Are you working and paying bills? Paying rent? Why do you not have your own place. I had my first apartment when I was 15/16 years old. Worked a full time job, went to high school even made honors all the time but that is me. My childhood was not the greatest to begin with.

Although in my parents defense it was not their fault and there were some really great times. I have always been one to do things my way and on my own, a loner so to speak.

Hope this helped you out some.

[Deft_maiden]

This

[MrOracle]

Unfortunately, these are things you really can't do anything about unless you can afford to move out. Your parents are providing you with food and shelter at their expense, and they own the house, so they get to make the rules, and that's true whether you are 8 or 80. He who pays the bills makes the rules.

All you can do is try to negotiate a more realistic time, and do your best to show that you are responsible enough to justify that. But, if they have other, specific reasons, such as, they work early and don't want to be disturbed late at night, then there's really nothing you can do but comply.

Yes, it sucks, but your dates will understand. Most of us had rules when we lived with our parents that we didn't like, but, that's how it goes.

Someday, you'll have your own place, and you'll make the rules, and after working hard to get that place, you'll be damned if anyone else gets to make the rules. And that's just how your parents feel now.

[Asker]

wish I could afford to move out lol your right my dates are always understanding I just feel like a child. I have a job and go to school. I pay for my own stuff minus the rent. I've offered to pay rent but she wouldn't take it...oh well...she also gets mad if I talk about moving out...its wierd

[jacquesvol]

Rules? ROFLMAO. We knew each other since 5 yrs, had traveled together a lot and decided to marry. The night before our marriage, I slept in the guestroom at the house of my parents in law. I wanted to rejoin my wife and there was her dad: "Anywhere, but NOT under my roof!" :-P

[Anonymous]

Stand up to her.. You're 23, you don't need a curfew. She cannot do anything, you are an adult.. As long as you have a decent job you don't have to worry.. The worst she can do is kick you out and if you have a good job finding accommodation won't be too hard; even if you have to stay at a hotel/motel temporarily. Just find your courage :)

[Ubetiburn]

Anon user, what do you mean that she can not do anything, she sure as sh*t could kick the girl to the curb. That is if she has a job and IF her pay covers her present bills and can also cover rent. Do not forget that most landlords want first last and deposit, the water and elec. want deposits, trash deposit and oh yeah gas and food. A hotel can run as much as 150 a week for a crappy room. It has less to do with courage then communication.

[Opinion Owner]

When I said her mum couldn't do anything, I was referring to the fact that she can't "ground her", because she is an adult. I see your point though, if I were in her position and my pay covered all the necessary things I would move out, not wait to be kicked out.

[foolycooly1001]

"I've ended relationships because my mom would act weird and be upset about me staying out late and we would always end up fighting"

obviously you care more about how she feels than about having a boyfriend.

[Betwyn]

The way I see it.. you have 3 options..

1) plan and work your dates around your curfew

2) blow your curfew and deal with Mom-zilla later...

3) Move out.

[ShadowPuppett]

I know the feeling and it sucks it's pretty embarrassing having to tell your friends you need to be home by a certain time for me it's 7: 30 I think the only thing for people in our situation to do is move out which in my case is impossible

[Anonymous]

I have the same problem. That's why I moved out. It was too late though, the damage was already done to my social life. I guess I missed out a lot back in high school from not being able to go out late at night. I only recently moved out about a year ago and I'm 23 also.

[moonlightromance]

that sounds awful..i would try to save up and move out.

[jacquesvol]

Indeed.

[dwiller943]

Damn!! I'd move out as soon as I could if I were you.
It'll take time, but it's worth it to have your own place
and your own rules.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like somebody needs to stand up for herself instead of bowing to mommy's wishes.

[kartoos]

Be like a good girl.and plan your dates within your curfew time!

Moving out is not a good option.

[Anonymous]

I think you should try talking to her, give her your reasons and trust that she will understand.

[dreamcometrue]

just save up and move out. when you live at your parents house then no matter what age you are you need to obey their rules and if that means curfew for you than you have one.