Dating an ex Gangster?

[killemwiththesmile]

So here's my story, I'm 19 and in my 2nd year of university. All my life I've devoted myself to getting to this point in my life, I stayed out of trouble by staying close to my mother and close to my house. I had the occasional outtings, I had lots of friends but didn't bother associating with them outside of school because I just didn't feel like I had to. so my history is pretty dull. My mother doesn't like the fact that I'm still single and she thinks its awful I've never really had a boyfriend.. I mean I've had sex, plenty of times.. I'm not a complete shut out, I talked to a guy for 2 years before he realized I'd never want him to be that guy, he just wasn't right for me. I like to think I know what I want. few months ago I downloaded an app Facebook suggested to me, it was basically a dating app and I didn't realize it until I already signed up. started talking to a few guys I thought maybe I might be interested. there was a guy who began messaging me saying he liked my pics and had to meet me in person, basically trying to charm me, it worked I gave him my #... but when he would text I wasn't REALLY interested so he stopped, until recently like 2 months ago he started messaging me again, I finally met him and he's definitely my type. I've never had feelings for anyone in my life if this is what it feels like.. Only thing is he's 25, has a 5 year old and he use to be a gangster. I believe it is a USE TO BE thing because I'm pretty updated on his life right now and he has no time for trouble, half his time is at work, .25 of it is at the gym and the other .25 is in bed with me or out with his son. He's got stories for days, I love how mature he is and how he tells his stories. He's always really sweet and takes care of me. So here's my problem, he tells me he wants a loyal woman, a good woman.. I don't do anything so I'm covered there... I am a pot head, he understands that and he smokes me up as soon as I get in the door, sometimes he doesn't even smoke with me. I brought weed to his house and he got pissed and said "You really brought weed to my house? save your weed for you and your friends, I'm your man I do these things for you" and I did.. he lives with his best friend and his girlfriend and after sex he likes me to lay naked, and if his door is open I tell him to close it so they don't see me, and he says "I pay rent here, if you want to walk around here naked you can... I pay rent you should feel comfortable in your mans house" I mean when he says sh*t like that it kinda turns me on.. He's just very assertive like that, I love it.. but I'm wondering what others may think of it, my best friend doesn't like it.. but I do, I can tell he enjoys me.. I make him food, I rub his body after the gym and we just talk for so long its ridiculous. I don't think the fact that he might have done some f***ed up sh*t might affect me, all I know he likes the fact I'm "innocent" in his definition, and that I'm in school and work. What do you make of the sit?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say you're innocent...but..that's besides the point...

I was once in an abusive relationship when I was younger and much less mature than I am now. I liked being dominated, so I went for that type of guy. I believed I could change him. The thing is, once they get into gang life, it is very hard ( and unlikely!) to get out, speaking from experience.

I thought he would never hurt me. He showered me with compliments, told me how innocent I was, and how he loved that whole good girl thing. Things became abusive and I was sexually and verbally abused, he recorded it, and started selling it as child p*rnography (I was under 18 at the time).

It is a risk, and while it's your decision, I would highly advise that you rethink your life and look at the red flags, before something does happen, where you can't just back out of it.

There ARE assertive, dominant, nice guys. I'm not saying that he isn't nice, but...I would start thinking things through more.

[ArabianPwincess197]

Go for it he seems a nice guy maybe hung with the wrong crew hence got into bad things

[talloak]

Given all that you said, that his past is in his past, that he really like him and respect, that he treats you well and isn't trying to take advantage of you somehow, what's the problem? If friends are nervous about his past, that really is their issue. Since he's raising a son, he clearly is much more responsible than he might have been then. I think that only the present matters and as long as that doesn't change for the worse, more power to you both!

[snowboarder720]

he sounds like a good guy to me. This decision about being with him or not is entirely up to you, don't let others tell you what to think. Well... Do you know the name of the gang he was in? He might still be in it. "Blood in and blood out", you know?

[Anonymous]

hey hun, i'm in the same boat at the moment, my man sound exactly like yours! may i ask how your relationship is going and if you are happy. My man doesn't shower me in complements however, he warned me from the get go he blunt and too the point, he's never complement my body in any which way, the most he's said is your bodies fine, there's nothing wrong with it, evidently he said i wish your boobs were bigger, have you thought about getting a boob job. anyway are you happy or have you moved on?

[Vandal]

None of our business. It's completely up to you who you date! Maybe he's a good guy deep down!

[Anonymous]

Gangster like in a stupid street gang? Or gangster like Mafia?