#LoveYourself
VALENTINE'S DAY

How Alone Time Has Saved My Love Life

I know how much people love to be in love.. although I've never experienced an all consuming love myself. I've realized that a number of people are in such a hurry to fall in love, that they don't stop to consider whether they're ready for it. Here are my thoughts on "Me Time" and the benefits it can bring to our relationships.

In no particular order:

1. Time to fall in love with yourself

Sustaining a relationship takes time and emotional energy. What better time to recharge and regroup than when you have your heart to yourself. I remember how unsatisfying my first 2 relationships were and in hindsight, it was mostly my fault. It's not like we fought or were toxic or anything. I just wasn't in an emotionally healthy place. I was insecure, reserved, and acted more like a friend than a girlfriend if that makes any sense. Aside from the physical stuff, I wasn't very receptive to romantic affection on an emotional level. Taking a break from relationships and working on myself has really strengthened my self-esteem, given me time to map goals, and given me the ability to enter a relationship as a partner as opposed to the uncertain/apathetic girl I once was.

How alone time has saved my love life.

2. Time to prioritize and set standards (within reason)

When you're one half of a whole, it can be very hard to realize what you want vs what you want to do in order to please your S/O. I have a few friends who have confessed their confusion over their emotions to me. They'll claim that they love *insert bf/gf's name* but that they can't stand the person. They say that they're unhappy and can't pinpoint why. As an objective observer, I've noticed that a lot of these friends compromised on their main values very early on in the relationship.

When things inevitably ended, they'd rush into the next relationship trying to fill the void that the last one left and running into the same exact obstacles.

How Alone Time Has Saved My Love Life

Time alone can be healing and informative. When you live a bit on your own, it becomes easier to determine what YOUR boundaries are and what YOU want from your life. Adopt a pet or 2 if you want some serious companionship. There's no shame in wanting that extra affection.

3. Time to experience life as an individual thinker/being

How Alone Time Has Saved My Love Life

As unflattering as it is to admit, pack mentality/"Groupthink" is a thing. As I mentioned in point 2, It can get hard to determine who really wants what when you spend enough time with another person. That's why it's so important to find a partner who's values/personality are compatible with your own. How can you find a compatible match if you don't know who you are, though?

I've had so many girls cry to me that they "don't know who they are" now that they've lost so and so. No shade to my girls, they're just more expressive about their feelings.

Taking some time to learn your wants/needs will be time well spent.

Lastly

The road to self-discovery can be brutal but it's so worth it. Learning about yourself is the only way to improve yourself. That personal growth is a sign of and leads to more self-love. When I started making an effort to become a more positive, kind, appreciative person.. I received that same energy from the people around me. Mostly because I refused to entertain anything less but still lol. Learning to #LoveYourself puts you at a unique advantage. It allows you to set the precedent for how the world treats you.


5|4
2128
estoydorado1 is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
Who are Editors?

Most Helpful Guy

  • It appears this is a good My Take. My loneliness has caused me to do the exact same things.

    Good My Take. And good luck with finding love.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Like take says, it is important to care for self first, to care for others better, though...

    I am already alone for long times like, alone at home all time while parents are working, alone when friends don't want to go out (trouble organization), alone alone alone... Since my boyfriend lives far and I can't wait to meet him asap❣️

    Anyway little video homage to empathize with the take:
    https://youtu.be/oyEuk8j8imI
    Love yourself ❤

    6|1
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Valentines Day
Loading...

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 27

  • The article itself does not pinpoint the reasons, the goals and the possible consequences of suspending one's relationships. Apart from the fact that there can be just a few reasons when it would help somebody, vs the dozens of reasons why that should not be done at all. The author makes impression of a short lovestory "sex and the city" - style, when "me and Bill had to live apart to realise that Bill is having a real cool time without me but no balls to secure his status quo".

    0|0
    0|0
  • l am in love with my self l love me for ever as no one has ever wanted me nor loved me l dont know what it is like to be loved by some one

    1|0
    0|0
    • I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad you still have a positive view of yourself.

    • Show All
    • you can't put a pint into a half pint tumbler lol

    • god is great he looks after his owen

  • Great mytake. I love this-Time alone can be healing and informative.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Time alone is important, my other half and i travel a lot so i assume it is how we still get on, as we have gaps, that make space so we have a bit of decompression time each month

    1|0
    0|0
  • I need this more than anything. Just terrified of what will happen to my life if I rip it in half at this point.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I'd love to have more time alone.
    I've completed so many military psychological tests that say I need time alone... lol

    1|0
    0|0
  • Let it all go and take care of yourself. that's what I did.

    1|0
    0|0
  • you are never alone, you have your thoughts to keep you alive and entertained.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Alone time was all I had was up until I was 23, almost 24. It's a valuable lesson I think.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Definitely, but know one knows even then, you never know when is the next surprise

    2|0
    0|0
  • Right, my alone time had helped me make more money and plan more artsy dates

    1|0
    0|0
  • Good take

    1|0
    0|0
  • Time alone can be healing and informative.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Interesting

    2|0
    0|0
  • Makes a lot of sense, very good mytake 👍

    2|0
    0|0
  • nice take!

    2|0
    0|0
  • I agree, alone time is very important.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Beautiful

    1|0
    0|0
  • Great take

    1|0
    0|0
  • Great take

    1|0
    0|0
  • Sure...

    0|0
    0|0
  • It’s true, but now I love myself too much for a relationship

    1|0
    0|0
  • great mytake!

    1|0
    0|0
  • THIS VALENTINE, AMMA PROPOSE TO MYSELF #SELFLOVE

    1|0
    0|0
  • Girls are like potato chips I cannot just have one

    1|0
    0|0
  • me myself and i! haha , good take

    1|0
    0|0
  • Really Good Take 😊

    1|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 20

  • Personally, you should have a time to find yourself and love yourself before you ever get into a relationship (for what you have described here). Relationships are about compromise and communication. Both partners should have alone time to recharge whenever the need is there. Your topic really doesn't pertain to relationships itself, except for finding who your true self is.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Isn't' that the first step in any healthy relationship? A healthy self-image and self-respect?

    • Show All
    • I understand that, but you are joining it together with relationships and healthy relationships are not based on that. A healthy relationship requires that both parties to communicate with one another (has nothing to do of how they see themselves), compromise and work together. Just because you've got a good view on who you are, does not mean your SO will have the same of you. This is where communication comes into play and workiing together as a team. Or did I confuse you more?

    • I'm not confused, I'm not sure that you're clear on the main point of my Take. It's a take about self love and some of its benefits on other relationships. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to re-categorize it as.

  • I agree.

    The problem that stays though: you will always have flaws, even after trying to take time for yourself. I will always have difficulty trusting people. I will always be the way I am, because there are certain aspects of me that will not change, regardless of how bad they are or how much they can affect my relationship with someone.

    So even after taking these healthy steps, you might not be in the relationship you want.

    1|0
    0|0
    • You'd be surprised how many of your "flaws" can be turned into strengths with enough self-assessment and positive self-affirmations. Nobody's perfect, for sure. I guess I'm kind of a hippie lol.. I still think it's worth pursuing the best versions of ourselves possible. There's always room for improvement.

    • Haha, I’d rather you be a hippie than some narcisstic person.. I agree.

  • I agree with everything except with the "adopt a pet or 2" part. Pets have needs too and some continue to live for a decade or more. You really shouldn't get a pet when you are unsure if you can commit to this.

    1|0
    0|0
    • The whole point of pets are companionship. I was only slightly joking.
      Pets have plenty of great qualities like presenting responsibilities, reducing stress, and helping to relieve loneliness. A lot of girls/guys get into toxic/codependent relationships because they want that extra attention/affection.

      I personally want my pets to live for a very long time. I cried when I had to temporarily give my dog to my aunt due to my living situation. It broke my heart when she was away.

    • Show All
    • She's a wheaten terrier. She's 4 now but she has these bouts where she'll rush around the yard and wear herself out through overexcitement lol. That's rough then. I hope the cat wound up alright.

    • Cute dog! I don't know as she wouldn't tell if she found a new owner.

  • This mytake makes me feels so much better on being single. Helping me to see that I need to enjoy, understand and love myself more. Instead of feeling negative about being alone/single.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I'm glad it helped. I hope you enjoy your singlehood for all it's worth lol. Who knows, maybe it can make your future relationships stronger.

  • I've tried trying to juggle both;bettering myself and dating but it doesn't seem to work. Maybe I should focus on one at a time

    1|0
    0|0
    • That's the best way I've experienced it. Self-improvement involves self-reflection, redefining your priorities (at times), and changing a lot of your negative habits. It's like completely remodeling yourself in a way that can be very self-serving. Imagine starting falling in love with a guy and then one day his entire personality, set of values does a complete 180. It's hard to self-improve without being a bit selfish and selfishness is damaging to relationships.

    • Show All
    • Still, I think that there's a time for everything. They shouldn't be leading you on if their not ready or able to maintain the relationship and respect your feelings.

      I think a bit of selfishness is good in the case of self-improvement.. I don't think that selfishness in large amounts is healthy in any sort of relationship that involves other people, though. Whether it be familial, friendly, or romantic.

  • It is so important! I have decided to go on a detox and spend 4 months focusing on myself. I have started to become distant with my friends e. g. not texting first and surprisingly/ not so surprisingly they have not checked up on me not even once so far! But that is fine, I am focusing on myself

    1|0
    0|0
  • "They'll claim that they love *insert bf/gf's name* but that they can't stand the person. They say that they're unhappy and can't pinpoint why. As an objective observer, I've noticed that a lot of these friends compromised on their main values very early on in the relationship.

    When things inevitably ended, they'd rush into the next relationship trying to fill the void that the last one left and running into the same exact obstacles."

    ^^^
    I have a friend who currently keeps doing this!!! She complains and feels miserable & breaks up except now she also keeps going back to her ex saying that she loves him and keeps forgiving bullshit he does!
    I tried to stop her for soooo long cause i knkw she'll come crying to me soon again but she won't listen! She told me she's sad im not supportive of her but like... ?
    Idek what to do anymore.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Girl, it's a really bad habbit I've seen. I think it's a combination of fear of loneliness and wanting the familiar, even when it tears them apart.

    • I agree & it's absolutely terrible :( My friend is more bothered by how im not just supportive and happy for her even though it's a terrible ex

  • I'm just starting a self improvement journey during my singleness. And now I know I'm making good use of my time instead of pinning over boys and wondering if this one guy likes me or not.

    Great take!

    1|0
    0|0
  • I agree with you. One must love himself before he loves someone else. It´s important to set standards and to not rush into a relationship. Rushing leads to failure.

    1|0
    0|0
  • i agree alone time is important, the more u love and respect your self is the more you can love others.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I love being alone

    1|0
    0|0
  • Nice take, very interesting

    1|0
    0|0
  • That’s great

    1|0
    0|0
  • Great

    1|0
    0|0
  • Great

    1|0
    0|0
  • Without my alone time I would go crazy.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I agree. Great take!

    1|0
    0|0
  • Relatable

    1|0
    0|0
  • Great take 👌

    1|0
    0|0
  • Good take

    1|0
    0|0
Valentines Day
Loading...