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How to Avoid a Stupid Man: Look for Codependent Behaviors
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I told you at the beginning of this series of articles that it takes a stupid man to speak to women about how to avoid men who are no good for them. I no longer consider myself stupid, but that doesn't mean I don't remember all the stupid things I did. Just cut me some slack here and remember what I said about the word ‘stupid.' A stupid man does not know who he is. He doesn't know why he is the way he is, and he can't figure out why he keeps committing the same mistakes over and over again all the while expecting different results. He runs from woman to woman thinking that he will find balm for his wounded spirit. He doesn't know he's an image, and he's totally unaware how his thoughts, experiences and images have shaped what he is today. Most stupid men are codependent, and it shows in their behavior. Codependent behaviors, as most of you already know, are those unhealthy behaviors we learned as children. Often, these behaviors are simply the tools we use to protect ourselves in our household environment, and they seem to help us cope with the disturbing experiences we suffered during childhood. But these unhealthy coping strategies are self- destructive. If they are not dealt with, they will ruin every relationship you have.
One unhealthy characteristic of a codependent person is that they tend to find themselves attracted to needy people and needy people are attracted to them. If you feel you need a man for any reason whatsoever you are probably codependent. Men, in their stupidity, seldom tackle their codependent issues. Why? Because they think they can fix everything, including themselves. As far as generalities go, men view women as weak, emotional, erratic, hormonal individuals in need of fixing. They think the fluctuations in your moods produced by chemicals can be fixed like those loose shutters swinging back and forth from your window. What they don't understand is things are completely the opposite. Men are the ones terribly in need of fixing, but they will seldom reach out for help. Thank God you are like you are. Most women want to know how to make their lives better, so they will readily read an article like this just to find out if there's anything in it to help solve their problem. Mere men, on the other hand will seldom pick up a self-help book or seek out counseling.
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In addition, spiritual men and women are looking to experience themselves outside the box. As a woman, your conditioning in regard to your female persona or image is not as entrenched as a man false image of manhood. Entrenched male stereotypes prevent men from looking at their codependent behaviors. There are probably millions of men who are codependent and don't know it. They are psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually stupid. You'll be able to know a stupid man by his codependent behaviors, which may take the form of overt power and control over you or passive manipulative tricks to get you to do what he wants you to do. The bottom line is this: It's all about power and control and how the codependent man attempts to heal his own inner wounds by attempting to fix somebody else problems.
Playing the role of a caretaker and trying to fix everyone else problems was a codependent characteristic I myself had to deal with. It ruined every relationship I had with women, and it kept me in a perpetual cycle of stupidity. Codependent people are classic image-makers because they have never experienced truly loving relationships. Some of you probably fit the bill of a codependent person. And believe it or not, everybody struggles with some aspect of codependency. None of us has experienced a relationship where there are no strings attached. We have been conditioned to think that love must be earned. You must learn to give love unconditionally as well as receive love unconditionally. Women usually can do this with a female friend, but they seldom give unconditional love to the man they supposedly love.
The man must perform in some way or live up to the image if he is to ever receive your love. Of course, what you are really offering him is temporary emotion. Is it any wonder why your soul mate hasn't arrived? Love can only be developed out of relationship. Relationship can only happen when you cease to look at a person without having any images, judgments or expectations about them. In order to do this you must learn to live, as much as you can, in a state of awareness. Some people refer to this state as ‘The Now.’ If you want to avoid the stupid man you must live in The Now. We'll talk a little more about the 'NOW' in the next article.
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