"My best friend likes my ex/the guy I like" Why do girls make a big deal out of it?

Question

I hear women whine about it a lot. "My best friend is going after the guy that I like!" "My friend is dating my ex!" Like there's some sort of code making it so that if you like someone, nobody who knows you is allowed to like him too.

Doesn't work like that. If you like him, make a move or MOVE ALONG. If you like him and he doesn't like you back, then saying your friends who MAY actually have a chance with him can't go after him is nothing but pure immature SELFISHNESS.

Not only that but if I was in the guy's shoes, and a girl I liked (who also liked me back) said no because her friend who I had no interest in whatsoever also like me, that would be really inconsiderate to ME.

The same holds true for exes. If a girl I dated a few months or even years ago and I didn't work out, and I decided I wanted to date one of her friends who I liked more and felt it COULD work out with, why should the fact that little miss drama queen can't get over it after all this time have any impact on our decisions whatsoever? She needs to understand she is depriving two people of potential happiness with her rules, and since the needs of the many outweight the needs of the few, THAT is pure selfishness.

Rant over.

See my point, ladies?

Coeur7835 · Accepted Answer

Just advice to you Weaponzero... coming from a girl who has experience with a situation exactly like the one you are describing above... I guess that's why this caught my eye...

if you really like a girl...but she states that her best friend likes you...YOU are in trouble in this situation. I will tell you why: It is important to be friends with your girlfriend's best friend.. this does not necessarily mean it is a requirement...but it honestly goes a long way. The reason why: Once her best friend approves of you...her best friend will then talk very highly of you... and not only that.. your girlfriend will feel more comfortable and confident in you. Girls value highly their girlfriends' opinions about guys.

Obviously... in a situation like you have mentioned above... your girl of interest has a best friend who wants to be a little more than friends with you... so being just friends with her is just not going to work. SOOO its going to be a very difficult situation for YOU. Let me also explain further... once you get in between those two girls... the results are not good. The girl who you like.. could hold grudges against you for messing up her relationship with her best friend.

Sometimes girls just don't give a damn about their other friend's feelings... but if your girl of interest does care about her friend... then she won't go off fooling around with you. Honestly that makes a pretty amazing woman for being that loyal to her friend... and actually you should admire her for that and respect her decision. And also... that scores points for you.. because if the girl notices how you respect her friendship with her best friend...those two friends could find a compromise. Then...that girl you liked might come back around because her best friend is willing to compromise.

Also, I agree with many of the statements the other ladies made below. Overall my advice to you is: Find another hot chick and stay out of complications!

valeriea811 · Accepted Answer

i see your point, but I have one to make too.

i dated this guy, and eventually I ended it with him making it clear I really did still want to be friends with him. well now he doesn't talk to me anymore, and says I'm a mistake and that he never should have dated me. and it really hurts me because I wanted to still be friends, but now he doesn't talk to me or anything.

while I was dating him, I introduced him to my best friend. and now that he won't talk to me, she likes him. I don't see it as "going after my man", but it hurts me that they can be so close, but he won't talk to me now. it really hurts, especially when its your very best friend, who won't leave a guy alone, even though she knows how much it hurts you

Simple-Simonette · Answer

Women can just as territorial as men.

I think you are generalizing this too much, as well. If I were to date a man and it only lasted several weeks - I wouldn't have a problem with a friend of mine honing in on him. If it was a semi-long relationship, I wouldn't be really comfortable about a friend of mine dating him - but I wouldn't openly go against it either. Long term relationship, especially one that ended badly -back off. It has nothing to do with selfishness and everything to do with loyalty. We want our girlfriends to take our side, we want them to understand why so and so was such a jerk. We want pity parties complete with dart throwing and ranting about the ex. If you date him - then you are not on my side. Is it completely rational? Probably not. We value each others opinion tremendously, and for you to choose my ex over me - you're telling me you like him better than me and friends don't do that. Women have relationships with each other beyond your understanding. It may not make sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me.

euphorica · Answer

I asked my boyfriend the same question a week ago and he felt it was okay for his friends to date his ex-girlfriends. "Good luck with her because she didn't work out with me," is pretty much what he tells his friends.

Most girls have this "unspoken rule" where your close friends cannot date your previous boyfriends. Of course, the boundaries may shift between each person but that's just how girls are. When females get intimate they become very emotionally attached whether it be kissing of having sex. Even though they've moved on, it's still integrated in their minds.

Rocking · Answer

I can see what you're saying. If you really liked a girl and she decided that one of your buddies is better than you, wouldn't that hurt you?...

It's not selfishness. She might have gotten attached to you and just thinking of the idea you and her friend together would make her feel as though she wasn't good enough. It would bring down her self esteem. You are the one having two options, to hurt her or be happy with her friend. And speaking of myself I'd never go out with any crush my friend had in her life. Because lovers always coming and lovers always going and friendship should last forever. Sorry, I don't support your statement but everyone feels differently about this and maybe because I take heart affairs seriously and don't fall in love easily, it takes a very special person and I know what it's like to be in other shoes. If my friend did this to me, I don't think I could tolerate it if I still held something deep for a guy.

AnonymousUser · Answer

I agree with most of the other answers, but I think that if the girl talks to her friend first and explains the situation, what kind of friend could she be if she said no to her friend dating the guy she likes if he doesn't like her? However, if the girl goes behind her friend's back and gets with him, as her friend I'd be p*ssed. The key is to talk it out. A friend should understand and this type of situation can possibly be avoided.

Kimlala · Answer

You make it a point to say that it's selfish for a girl to not want her best friend to date the guy she likes/ex-boyfriend. So, it's not selfish then for a girl to want to go after the one guy her best friend likes/dated?

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

However unoriginal that quote may be, it's true.

If a girl genuinely liked the ex or a guy her friend used to like, and she felt they really had a chance at a relationship, then there is less room to judge.

However, if this guy isn't "the one" or she knows she won't develop anything serious with him, I think that's a little selfish for her to go after the one guy her friend had/has feelings for. It's not a big deal, there are plenty of other guys out there.

Like I said though, if true feelings are involved it's a different story.

A good rule of thumb: if it doesn't feel right, it's not. Think about your friend.

ALWAYSclassy · Answer

That shows a lack of loyalty to a friendship.  The bond between two friends should be stronger than a relationship with a guy that may or may not last.  It depends on the relationship though. If it was minor or just a crush, then it wouldn't be a big deal, but if you went out with someone for like a year, then no way should the friend go there.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes maybe points in your little rant is true but not all of it! You should have respect for your friends and stick by your friends, not go behind you back and get in with them!

I can't stand people that try be mautue and say that you should you leave them to get on with it because they have no right to. I would never go out with my bestfriends boyfriend because that is so wrong and poeple know not to cross the line.

So infact I totally disagree in your little rant or whatever you want to call it.

I assume you have never been but in that postion becasue I don't think you realize how muh it hurts, and I do not understand how you can say that is selfish! Because it is not! Far from it infact!

Ladies / Girls do not take any notice. It is completly wrong!

mormongirlmichl · Answer

wow, that's really good! Never looked at it that way before...although I never kept a friend from dating a guy I liked, I've been stopped a few times...it SUCKS! :S Thanks for your POV

Anonymous · Answer

This just happened to me. My friend liked her ex for the 4th time and he didn't like her. He started having feelings for me. We finally became together and she found out. She thought that I back stabbed her because I went ahead and went to "her man". I personally didn't care what she thought. I told her that he didn't like her and he liked me and I liked him so she shouldn't get mad. She is the only one of my "friends" that actually believe that dating or being together with an ex is bad. All of my other friends have went out with guys and their other friends hook up with them not too long after.

I think it really depends on who you are to make that decision. Personally I don't care but I guess that's just how some people are.

sweet17 · Answer

That's a good question WeaponZero. Sorry I can't answer it for you because I'm in the same boat as you.

"My best friend likes my ex/the guy I like" Why do girls make a big deal out of it?

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