I acted desperate and needy after the split - but is there still hope

[lonelyinlove]

i did all the wrong things, begging, crying, pleading. it was due to what had happened, 3 years together (house/pet etc) and he left to go back to his parents (he is 35, I'm 31!) found out there's someone else on the scene, which he had been texting behind my back. he's since been on dates with her but claims nothing is really happening. I'm broken, suspect its a lie. it's so out of character. this is obviously very watered down version of events, but is it possible that if I give him space he might realise all that he's lost? is he seeing if the grass is greener? we were very much in love, but since finding out about this girl he told me he'd fallen out of love. in a matter of weeks! I think he this girls is currently going through a breakup also - can't be a good start to things?!

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+1 y

ps months before he met her, he just didn't seem to want to make any effort with our relationship, including in the bedroom which is a real knock for a woman, he was withdrawn, quiet, wouldn't talk to me, which is why we rowed. I know this sounds like...

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+1 y

...i'm better off without him, but I just love him don't get me wrong I wasn't perfect either, but we were starting to work out the problems when she came along - I feel so bitter. I had a go at her as I found her no. she sounded a real b*tch. no remorse.

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+1 y

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply, its very difficult to convey the full story in a brief post. Its lovely and comforting to know there are so many caring people in the world. It restores my faith in humanity during a very lonely time.xx

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+1 y

So I've been staying with my Mum for the last week as I just had to get out of "our" house. Popped back tonight and he'd been in and taken his post without any notice. Under the post was a couple of old xmas cards/valentines I'd given him. He took...

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+1 y

...the cards too. I left them under the post deliberately. I think he only popped in as he was waiting for something in the post, but should I read anything into him taking the cards? Would he have left them if they didn't mean anything to him?

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+1 y

Just found out from a friend that this new girl he left me for is older and proper rough looking. I have some comfort in that :-) It's just made me realize he's a complete a**hole and I'm better off without him! Am done wasting my tears on him!

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+1 y

so I'm now on 2 weeks of No Contact, and I've come on leaps and bounds! However, last night he texts me simply "hope you're ok". I didn't respond, and don't intend to, but what on earth would be motive for this? Any ideas?

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+1 y

just a message for "Anon the best answer" seemed to run out of characters then, add me as a friend if you like and I'll fill you in on the rest, talk about tables turning (am maintaining my cool though, and not going back!) x

[quijada89]

have you ever heard the saying what goes around comes around? you know what I'm going through the same thing but with me its been 3 weeks without contact and ya it hurts because I fell in love but slowly I'm learning to get past it. it takes time and it takes effort but in order for someone to love you you have to love yourself. he's trying to contact you now because he has seen his mistake and he wants to slowly ease his way back in even if it means starting off talking as friends. but let me tell you one thing the tables are turning now for you because he is the one now looking for you but if you plan on doing something to get back at him think twice because you have to remember to be the bigger person so whatever happens doesn't come and nip you in the butt. karma goes around and they always regret their mistake sooner or later especially if you treated them so well and gave them lots of love. doesn't matter how big your mistake was...they will regret losing someone who truly loved them! you just have to be positive set yourself up for something you want in life. if it is him you want then be positive that he will come back or this will work it and if its not him then focus on something or someone else. remember also you attract what you feel and want! think positive and only positive and you will see positive will come back to you! LAW OF ATTRACTION! Also so you never forget who you are and what your worth, spend time finding yourself again because I think your like me. the type of person that dedicates everything to that one person and forgets about the world. that is what sets us up for failure. find and focus on yourself and only yourself because remember you were a person without this guy once already. live your life and have fun. that's the best revenge you can give a person because they want you to be miserable without them but when they see your not they will be miserable. not that I'm saying that's what you should want but at least that is what they deserve for not cherishing people who are now a days hard to find. I hope everything turns out well and you and I know it will you just have to be positive and be patient because time heals all! better will come! best wishes

[lonelyinlove]

Thank you for your lovely answer, it really hits home to me everything you've said. I hope you are following your own advice and remembering what a woman you also are. We deserve better than these people x

[Anonymous]

He without a doubt will regret this!

The best thing you can do right now is, no contact, thought it may be difficult its the best for you right now. For someone who is 35 years old, you think he would want some stability in his life! I am sure you want to get married one day and have children and since your 31, you have no time to be waiting on him. If I had to guess I would say he doesn't want to get married right now, or at all. After three years of dating at your age I'm sure the topic has been brought up. Its understandable that the love you have for him is not there as much, and it will be quite difficult for it to return. That trust will never be there, if in fact you two ever do get back together. He really should be ashamed/embarassed with himself. Moving back home at 35?

Overall, its NEVER going to work with this girl, and she must be a clueless idiot if she thinks he's not going to do the same thing to her. After things go sour with her, or he gets sick of her, you will be hearing from him, confessing his love, and telling you how much he screwed up. Its really your decision on if you want to accept him back or not, but his actions will forever have a strain on any relationship you have with him from this point forward.

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm, well did you check the garbage? Who knows what he did with them, its hard to say exactly what his intentions were. If he kept them for himself than it goes to show his confused feelings. I wouldn't read too much into it since you don't know exactly what happened with the cards.

[lonelyinlove]

Thank you so much for your great advice, I have found lots of comfort in reading it. x I've just found out that he's been flaunting his new floozy around our small town. Every new thing I learn about him makes me realise he's not the person I fell in love with. I deserve better. And if he ever dares to attempt to rekindle it, he'll have one hell of a shock now. xx

[Opinion Owner]

I am so glad I was able to help! We have all been in this situation one time or another but I'm glad your staying strong and realizing he wasn't the one for you. People aren't always who you think they are ! Stay strong there are so many other guys out there :)

[lonelyinlove]

Its so hard isn't it! What are your thoughts on why he might text me last night with "hope you're ok" what on earth did he expect me to respond to that? Is it guilt? Regret? Perhaps the new floozy ain't quite as fun when I'm not on his back (15 days without contacting him!) I would have much comfort in thinking he is regretting things, but I'm not going to respond to him. I do realise he is so emotionally unavailable he all but zapped the life out of me. Luckily, I'm coming out the other side! x

[Opinion Owner]

HAHAHA! His text goes to prove that his curious as to why your not contacting him. This is why no contact is the BEST!! It helps you get over things faster, and also proves to them that you don't NEED them. His "hope your ok" was bate to see if you would say anything to him. He is def starting to regret things, if he was that happy with his decision, and with the new floozy, you would NOT be getting a text like this. I'm proud you didn't give in!!!!

[lonelyinlove]

Haha, you know what hun, your posts keep my spirits up like you wouldn't believe! x I can't help thinking that perhaps their "bond" is largely based on moaning about me, or her ex, and that the best thing I can do, is to do nothing at all so as not to give them any reason to moan about me. Soon enough, I hope, and if it hasn't done already, maybe the whole reason why they got together will hit home and she'll realise he's a lying cheating b**tard who will do the same to her. Thnk you so much! x

[Opinion Owner]

Glad I'm keeping your spirits up, its only a matter of time befor he caves in, keep me filled in! =)

[lonelyinlove]

Hello you, well here's the latest.....ok so come Thursday I was starting to feel more curious about why he'd text and also felt like I wanted to let him know I'm not pining. So I sent a text saying "Thanks for you text the other night, I'm doing good. My Dad's hassling me about bringing the drill back tho, would you mind leaving it on the drive sometime soon. Thanks" I didn't expect a response. Then I get a text "Will do Wend. So hard texting you. So many feelings. Sorry"....read on.....

[boobear85]

I am going through the same thing with my ex almost exactly. We were together for 6 years and he moved back in with his parents at 30 and I moved back home to at 25. He will not admit that he is seeing somebody else, although I found out through facebook. I acted very needy and desperate for 2 months after the break up and now I realize I was making all of the wrong mistakes to get him back. Now I am not contacting him anymore in hopes that he will miss me and return.

[Anonymous]

Just an fyi, you did not do all the wrong things. Grieving the loss of someone you love is a difficult process and you acted normally. You will continue to go back and forth hating him and then wanting him back. But, if you cut all ties to him, eventually you will get past it.

I went through a bad breakup a year ago. He went away on his summer surf trip in love with me and came back and brokeup. It was obvious we were having problems and now I have the calm to see that but then I was crying, despondent, feeling like I wanted to die (I found out he had a summer fling with a girl too AND was e-mailing her stupid sexual e-mails the whole time he was telling me how bad he felt). After a few months I was fine and a few more months and I did not even think too much about him. Maybe you will get lucky and he will do something really ridiculous like my ex did at about 6 months after the breakup, and then you will get to realize that you have no interest in ever seeing him or hearing from him.

Hang in there!

[lonelyinlove]

Hey, thanks for your post. It's so difficult when someone you love treats you so bad. I'm only just starting to feel better, not having contact with him is helping, but then he text me last night and I didn't respond. I'm realising that every day does get a little easier, and some day soon I'm hoping he won't cross my mind for a whole hour :-) These people simply don't deserve us. How are you now, have you found anyone new? xg

[Opinion Owner]

I am definitely well over any pain or feelings I had for my ex. It really was a good thing that the break-up happened, it was inevitable. He was so self-centered and I can say that not only from my perspective, but he recognized this about himself as well. So, yes, I am dating and that has been something else but I have learned a lot about myself and how to change choosing the type of guy I have in the past. It is all good even when sometimes it isn't the greatest, lol.

[That-Guy]

This was a post on another forum about regrets but your questions reminds me of this guy who wrote:

"I totally regret F-ing up a great relationship at 28.

I was a fool, thought that playing the field was the way to go, never realizing that I totally screwed (figuratively and literally), probably the best girl I'm ever to meet. She treated me like a king, and I cheated on her. I am now about to turn 39, have had several relationships since her and am getting married shortly, but still think of her occasionally. Is that even normal? I completely and utterly love the girl I'm with now, but this other girl...I can't even describe the feeling. Magical.

I have run into her a few times over the years at the pub, chatting and laughing with her friends, looking just as good now as she did then. I approached her once, and as she saw me the smile just faded from her face, so I said a quick hello, how are you, and that was it. I felt like ass.

I hope that just one of you youngsters out there in the Internetland takes my story to heart."

So, yes he may realize it one day like this guy did.

[jimmajam]

Thanks for posting that man. I feel like I already committed the same mistake though. Hopefully I can turn it around before it's too late. I know exactly the feeling he is talking about.

[lonelyinlove]

Thank you for taking the time to find this post for me. It gives me some comfort to know that maybe, even if I never know it, he might realise what he lost.

[That-Guy]

"I'm better off without him! Am done wasting my tears on him! "

That's the guy way of doing things :). We just go "f-ck that stupid nagging selfish slut bag."

Glad you're at that stage.

[jimmajam]

I understand how you feel. There's nothing wrong with still loving and hoping things will work out with someone who left you. Love doesn't die that easily and it doesn't for him either no matter how hard he tries to block it out.

Whether there is still hope is hard to say. However, giving him his space is probably the best approach right now. You've already tried begging, pleading, asking him to come back and received the same result - no. Now it's time to try and just let him go.

If he loves you he'll come back and if you still feel the same way, great! If he doesn't come back do you really want to be with someone who will cheat and change their "love" that quickly? What is he going to do in another 3 years.

I hope for the best for the best, but it's mostly out of your hands now. He left you for someone else and he has to mend things with you. You can't do it alone.

[That-Guy]

Thanks, hope it works out for you regardless of whether or not you are able to rekindle your love for her. Making the effort is a task commendable by itself.

[lonelyinlove]

Thank you, and I echo That-Guy?s comments for your own situation. It takes a lot of courage and humility to admit past wrongs. If my ex came back to me with half the respect that you clearly have for your lost love, I?d be very lucky. It?s human nature to make mistakes.; and it?s human nature to forgive. Sending lots of luck to you xx

[Roshell2009]

I am happy to hear you say, you're better of without him. You gave him your best and he did not receive it. I'm proud of you for your positive attitude. We have all made the mistakes you made in this relationship. We become so emotional and forget that love like everything else in life is a choice. We present our love to our Men and they can either accept or say "no thank you".

You deserve a Man who will cherish and respect you and no one else. Right now focus on YOU, date yourself, do something you have always wanted to do, join a book club, take a yoga class, just stay busy living your life and the Man will find you on your way somewhere.

I know you are hurting, but keep living, it will soon be a distant memory. If he comes back, you will have to ask yourself if he is worthy of your love.

Good Luck

[lonelyinlove]

Thank you so much for your reply. You're so right. We invest so much time and energy into another person, we forget ourselves. I need to find me again. It's been 1 week since I last contacted him, and he hasn't got in touch. But I hope he is thinking of me. I need to put it into the hands of fate.

[nikita]

I can only imagine how hard it must be for you, since I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and even the thought of him leaving me for another girl kills me. He has his reasons for leaving, although they're not the most resonable ones, but just think about it this way - if he's not happy where he is, and he dosen't want to stay, why waste your energy on making it work? you need 2 people in a relationship, and if he dosen't want to work it out, then there's nothing you can do. The best thing you can do to get back at him is be happy - show him you're better off without him. It will take time, but you can do it. Hope this helped

[u04ajf3]

Hi, sorry to hear what's happened and I hope your coping. I went through a similar thing. My girlfriend of 2 years left me, phoned me up and dumped me, and a week later was sleeping with`some guy.

Its been nearly 3 `months now and I wouldn't say I'm over it. How long ago was your break up? How long has it taken you to get through this?

I feel pathetic that I still think about it after 3 months. Is that normal?

[lonelyinlove]

My ex left about 2 months ago, and the only way I'm coping now is by maintaining NO CONTACT! You are not, repeat NOT pathetic in any way. You are a human being blessed with emotions that you are able to feel, and that is such a wonderful trait. Sounds like your ex, like mine, is not able to cope with someone else loving them, it's probably their own insecurities, and so they thrive endlessly on the "newness" of each new person they meet. However have comfort in the fact that she will regret it.

[u04ajf3]

Thanks, I don't know if I handled it badly. This might sound strange but I would be interested to hear more of what happened and how you handled it. I think I handled my situation quite well but my ex reacted so agressively and hurtful to me, I don't know. I was just hurt / baffled by it all. If you could take the time out to give `opinions advice on my situation, it might be good to hear other people in simlar situations. If not, no worries, hope alls well

[LINAMERLIN]

GREETINGS...

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[u04ajf3]

Hey, he is trying to worm his way back in. You did the right thing, now you hold the power and will force him to show his hand. You may not want to now, that's up to you.

What sort of timescale did this all happen in? How long after the break up was he with this other girl? How long after the break up did you contact/beg him? How long has it been since the break up?

[Anonymous]

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gave me an unscreamed blood when I was out of blood,my

husband had to abandoned me after several times of

denying him sex without condom. I was frustrated for

many years until one day I saw a testimony on how spell

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through his email [e-mail] who

casted a spell for me and told me not to doubt his

work,after 3 days time to my own surprise it worked and

my husband is back to me now I am the most happiest

person on earth. All thanks to Dr jagem.

[jacquesvol]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPk5wHb8UPo&feature=related

[jacquesvol]

Remember: tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your FREE life!

[cjwright79]

Just stop being so self-centered. This may take five years but it'll happen.

[lonelyinlove]

Its very difficult to convey the whole story, there's so much I could write about the chain of events leading up to this. I'm not self-centred, I wanted everything for him and us. It's very hard.

[cjwright79]

I see. Well start being more self-centered! Clearly this man is not Prince Charming so why waste your life with him at all?

[lonelyinlove]

I do agree that I need to focus on me, and I suppose this whole situation has forced that. But still, I can't help that I'm in love with him. It would take a lot for him to make this up to me, and honestly I think my sadness is partly because I can't see him doing it. But who knows.

[cjwright79]

Alright well that all makes sense then. :)

Nothing wrong with a few tears now and again.

[cjwright79]

Amen sister :)

[lonelyinlove]

Indeed :-) Feel like I've gone through the transition of all the stages now. Am now back in my house getting used to it being just me and my very fluffly cat, and he can now be the one to worry about what happens with all the practicalities. Funny how time actually IS a healer, yet when you're in the thick of it, it seems like a load of crap! lol