My fiancee left me for a rich older man?
My fiancee, she's 24, left me for a 65 year old in March and I'm devastated and cannot understand why.
We have been together for five years and were due to marry in Aug 2013. She is gorgeous and has a stunning body and has never been short of admirers, but she was very down to earth and extremely hard working and ambitious.
She went to a conference with her work in November last year and came back from it acting strange and quiet. It was the following month that she admitted she had been in regular contact with a man she had met at that conference but told me it was purely friendship and I had nothing to worry about.
But later in December she came home wearing a very very expensive diamond necklace, which clearly she couldn't have bought herself, and she told me that he had bought it her as a Christmas present. I demanded to know what on earth was going on and who was he and she finally confessed that he was 65 and owned his own businesses and he had spoilt her with a few things that she had kept secret from me.
At the start of March she told me she was leaving me for him and she moved in with him immediately, quitting her career in the process.
She had never ever been materialistic. We both had excellent jobs and we werent in debt and had fantastic savings. A few times she showed me stories on the internet about young goldiggers and she used to tell me it was sad of them to chase older men, yet she left me for a 65 year old.
Why would she go against everything she had ever said about that type of girl and become one herself? I know I need to move on, which I am trying to, but some thoughts from people would be really appreciated.
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
I am so sorry to read this. All I can do is put a positive spin on it if I can & if you will accept these. All this may be is the temptation to escape reality, beam me up Scotty & immediately get some insulation from the pains of life. Look at it as a business deal, such as Onassis made Jackie Kennedy - it's not so much love & sex as it is a trophy for him.
Guys are keeling over from late 40's to 70's - some make it past that but not married to 24 year old speed boats. What if the future revealed that she prepared a luxury nest for the two of you to occupy - after the 65yo kicks the bucket? Not your dream but couldn't this be a version of it? Think about your other "us" dreams that would be so much easier to fulfill via loans, cash, property, etc.!
The other scenario is divorce with settlement, then what if she wants you back? Would you forgive her heart that always loved you OR cut off your nose to spite your face?
Perhaps you wouldn't do this for her but it seems to me she just might be doing this for you ... "us".
What Girls Said 7
While yes the obvious answer would be the money. Given your explanation of her, another answer is that she got feelings for him. Especially if she is down to earth, dating an older guy even much older isn't always about the money.
Its just as possible that she had fallen inlove with him for him, and the money was just a bonus. Like falling for a guy and it's a bonus he is taller than you.
She might not have gone against everything she stood for. And quitting her job proves nothing. If the money is there, why continue working, unless you absolutely love your job?
Just because he gave her nice things doesn't make her materialistic. Quotes I've heard all my life are "you can love a poor man just as much as rich man. Its about the man" "there are good and bad people in the world, just because someone is rich doesn't make them poor and just because they are poor doesn't make them good" "money can't buy happyness, but it makes a lot of room for it by taking out sadness"
I'm not saying she didn't just go for the money, just expressing a point that no one used yet
Her giving attention to gold diggers may mean she feels envy with these women. Where she works hard for her career and ambitions, others uses charm and beauty to get theirs. She may not have been materialistic during the years you were together but somewhere along the way she may have been disillusioned with life and realized an easier way to get her dreams. The desire for a better life.
Money is money. They may not buy one's real happiness but one can buy things they can be happy with. As for you, I wish you the best and hope that you find someone who will love you to bits and pieces.
This sort of thing happens. He swept her off her feet -- and she allowed him to. In her mind, she was probably consciously criticizing those girls to prevent herself from slipping into those tendencies, but it was definitely on her mind for a reason.
I see that sort of girl all the time, and it doesn't interest me enough to stop and comment on their activities. It's none of my business, you see. On the other hand, if there's a girl wearing an outfit that I find attractive (attention grabbing), I'll ask for a second opinion from a guy or girl I'm with. This way I test out whether my opinion is socially acceptable and can act accordingly.
Keep in mind that it takes two to tango. If she let him pull her onto the dance floor, it's because she was willing to advertise her availability.
first: I'm really sorry this happened to you and I can't believe how there are such people in this world.
She was probably attracted to his money and his "experience of life" -I know some girls who find a lot older man more attractive (not me though).
Well and the sooner you found out how she really was the better. I know you were dating for a long time but seriously it's better it happened now than in 10 years because then you would be even more devastated because you wasted so much time on such a person. Be happy you are free to find a new person and that from now on you gonna be more careful than you have been up to now. There is a good side to every situation even though at the beginning these things just feel awful.
Very weird. My advice is to not try to make this fit together rationally. You'll drive yourself crazy. Who knows what her deal was? Most women would not want to date a guy that much older than them, money or not. I know it sounds trite to say, but the best thing you can do is chalk it is up to being "it's not me, it's her" and try to move forward. If you two started dating at 19 years old ... chances are who she "thought" she was and who she "actually" was might have been different. Not all girls will do that to you.
What Guys Said 11
Dude, I'm in a similar situation. Me and my ex been seeing each other for 3 years and we lived together for about 1.7 years. I remember a time when she told me early on in the relationship that all she wanted was a simple relationship and not a man with loads of money. (side story - she dated a rich dude before she met me and she hated his personality) Funny how people change their outlook on what they really want in life.
During our relationship we had some financial issues but nothing to be too concerned about, because we both had decent jobs that pay well. Its just we like to have nice things in our life.
So fast forward to the point of me and her splitting up which was due to our personalities not matching up like before. I kinda changed into being someone who was more outgoing, fun, wanted to do more outdoor activities. She was fun at the start and hard working laser focused on her career progression but she was becoming more materialistic, a window shopper, money orientated, clubbing where rich guys go to and argumentative.
Now her mother is in on the act, find a rich man and marry him before anything bad happens then you can take half of his wealth...LOL! Some people have a nerve and cannot believe her mother of all people think this way.
Me and her still keep in contact every now and then but today she told what she got up to last night which was clubbing at some fancy venue where there are a lot of rich dudes who drive fancy sport cars. I felt like like she was rubbing this in my face but I took no emotion to it and I just said good for you and you must fit right in now.
Dude I just went through the same exact thing man. She's 23 and he's 48. I built a million dollar company with her and it went bust and took a new lower paying job. 3 months into it when she went out to work she met this guy...got drunk...and the dream was over.
Actually I'm starting to think and feel that I may have had a gut instinct that she would behave like this if I fell onto hard times and I'm thinking that I didn't get the 2nd round of financing for the company (I didn't push as hard) as a freaking test to see what would happen. Yeah man, I'm thinking that while I was building this company that I may have imploded it just to see what she would do. I got a bit depressed after the business loss and she just bailed. New guy has it all and she calls it 'gods will' which makes me puke really.
If she lost all of her limbs man...i would have been in the wings and stood by...i'm having to seek counseling because I feel less of a man because I couldn't provide like she evidently needed. Dude I was totally crushed man and blindsided...like a shotgun to the heart...
We live in bad times and people are like this. Her mother is staying in a marriage because its easier than to leave...and she cheats...I should have seen the writing on the wall...
THESE PEOPLE ARE EVIL MAN...get it...lust for more...greed...and they are even sicker to rationalize it...'he didn't love me the way I needed to be loved', 'gods plan', 'gods will' ' it was meant to be'...and the freaking worst...DESTINY...(go back to the ken dolls you little girls)...
i want a partner...it I drop my sword in the battlefield...and need time to heal my wounds...that lady better pick up the sword and throw it around for a bit on my behalf...
my mom says I have dodged a bullet...the funny thing is...the mother on her side...probably tells her that she dodged a bullet with me...
this is the anti-thesis to love. when they parade the new relationship as the real thing...that is where I just lost it...i deleted Facebook...let me tell you...NO CONTACT...i took the late night texts for a while...that 'I think about you all the time' and 'i miss you'...YOU ARE NOT SECOND FIDDLE because you are down...
i was losing my house...lost a million dollar business...and poof...she had to take some cutbacks...and was like...when is this going to be over...she weiled the sword for 3 months while I was down hurting...
it's hard man...i thought this dumb crap happened only at hugh heffners place...look at the ball players making millions and these woman do the same crap...they don't downgrade...the search for better...they are whores these woman...and let me tell you one other thing...
I followed my heart = crap
Tribunal: Soldier why did you sell the secrets to the russians.
Soldier: I sold them because I followed my heart
Tribunal: Are you sure you sold them because you followed your heart. Or did you do it for security and money?
You'll be better off in the long run. Good riddance.
She lost interest in you. She's a mercenary. You're lucky she did it now instead of 10 years from now...with mortgage payment book with 200 payments left...and 2.3 kids. I know you are hurt and confused...but one day you realize how lucky you are to have had this happen. You dodged a bullet man! DO NOT trying to figure out why she did this or that..and all the details.
i don't know clearly the older man had something she wanted , it could of been money or maybe it was personality . whatever it was she has left , I think all you can do is except the fact that the relationship is over and move on . I don't really think you'd want to be with someone like her even if somehow she was to come back . so its time to move on with things
Food for thought for men:
Have you ever thought about the other side of the coin? The stigma for women can be that they are shallow and gold diggers, but at the same time men are very superficial. We are not so different no?
Thoughts to you:
I'm sorry man, I wish there was some angle that I could appreciate and console you from, but there seriously isn't. The very sad reality (and I really wish it wasn't like this) is that people who do things like this? They draw first blood, they come out on top because they got what they want, they reaped all the benefits, and you get nothing but disadvantages and heartbreak.
You rolled the dice on a rotten egg and she showed her true colors. Best thing, hell, the ONLY thing you can do is move on, do not give her a SECOND thought because she will probably not give one to you, and become the kind of guy she would have regret leaving later in your life. Make something of yourself.
Sorry that happened to you man, it helps to hone your ability to evaluate people, cut out the materialistic roots by being able to key in on special characteristics of people.
This may sound harsh, but it's true, if someone manages to fool you, half of the blame is on them, the other is on you, because you let it happen, you couldn't read it.
Just learn how to do it better and find someone who's true to you in the future.