During my many years in the interracial dating scene, I was asked numerous questions that began with the phrase,"Why do you people ...?"
Irritation scale? Ranks right up there with nails on a chalkboard.
Individuals who asked such loaded questions often failed to realize that the query made me feel as if race was all they saw when they looked at me. Black people are not hive- minded zombies. We all have varying points of views and outlooks, just like any other group. I am no more a delegate for all blacks than a Caucasian person would be for all whites.
Such experiences lead me to compile my own personal list of do's and dont's for interracial dating. Many of these would apply in any dating culture, but some are very specific to bi-racial romance.
Interracial Dating Do's
- Show respect for differing opinions. You can be passionate about your beliefs while allowing others the right to their individual worldview.
- Be upfront and clear about your dating objective. Are you looking for a casual relationship? Marriage? Starting off with similar goals in mind can make for greater dating success.
- Be attentive. Talking all over your date or zoning out is sure fire way to appear self centered and is a huge date killer.
- Turn off your cell phone! Answering a ringing phone is disruptive, rude, and unless you are a trauma doctor, inexcusable.
- Dress to impress. Showing up well groomed and looking nice makes your date feel appreciated and valued.
Interracial Dating Dont's
- Never start a conversation with "Why do you people?" No matter how well intentioned the question, it will appear racist and put your date on the offensive.
- Leave religious and political topics alone. Knowing where someone stands on the issues is important, but the first few dates are not the time to bring them up
- Don't make assumptions. Disregard tall tales and racial stereotypes; look at your date as an individual.
- Never treat your date like a flavor of the week. I actually had one guy exclaim, "I also want to date an Asian girl and a Hispanic girl before I get married." Gee, glad I could oblige your checklist...
- Never treat your date like an escort. A man I met online once asked me to come to the back door of his home so no one would know he was dating a black girl. I gave him a not so polite "No". If you are not in a place where you would be proud to be seen in public with your companion, then you may not be ready for interracial dating.
Interracial dating can be eye opening and fun with the right mindset. I eventually met and married a wonderful man in that world, and I am blissfully happy. No matter your goals, if you come into this multifaceted environment with an open heart, you can be richly rewarded.