Interracial Dating Do's and Don'ts

[A-R-Norman]

During my many years in the interracial dating scene, I was asked numerous questions that began with the phrase,"Why do you people ...?"

Irritation scale? Ranks right up there with nails on a chalkboard.

Individuals who asked such loaded questions often failed to realize that the query made me feel as if race was all they saw when they looked at me. Black people are not hive- minded zombies. We all have varying points of views and outlooks, just like any other group. I am no more a delegate for all blacks than a Caucasian person would be for all whites.

Such experiences lead me to compile my own personal list of do's and dont's for interracial dating. Many of these would apply in any dating culture, but some are very specific to bi-racial romance.

Interracial Dating Do's

• Show respect for differing opinions. You can be passionate about your beliefs while allowing others the right to their individual worldview.


• Be upfront and clear about your dating objective. Are you looking for a casual relationship? Marriage? Starting off with similar goals in mind can make for greater dating success.


• Be attentive. Talking all over your date or zoning out is sure fire way to appear self centered and is a huge date killer.


• Turn off your cell phone! Answering a ringing phone is disruptive, rude, and unless you are a trauma doctor, inexcusable.


• Dress to impress. Showing up well groomed and looking nice makes your date feel appreciated and valued.

Interracial Dating Dont's

• Never start a conversation with "Why do you people?" No matter how well intentioned the question, it will appear racist and put your date on the offensive.


• Leave religious and political topics alone. Knowing where someone stands on the issues is important, but the first few dates are not the time to bring them up


• Don't make assumptions. Disregard tall tales and racial stereotypes; look at your date as an individual.


• Never treat your date like a flavor of the week. I actually had one guy exclaim, "I also want to date an Asian girl and a Hispanic girl before I get married." Gee, glad I could oblige your checklist...


• Never treat your date like an escort. A man I met online once asked me to come to the back door of his home so no one would know he was dating a black girl. I gave him a not so polite "No". If you are not in a place where you would be proud to be seen in public with your companion, then you may not be ready for interracial dating.

Interracial dating can be eye opening and fun with the right mindset. I eventually met and married a wonderful man in that world, and I am blissfully happy. No matter your goals, if you come into this multifaceted environment with an open heart, you can be richly rewarded.

[desidoll]

I totally agree with the no.3 don't. I don't know why would some people choose to date Interracial but then ask stereotypical questions to the person they are dating.Its offensive.Another thing is don't ever make the person as an exception.I often heard so many people here say "I'm normally not attracted to 'X' women/men but she/he is different.Its rude.

[saulito]

Im all for interracial dating. honestly I can say that someone with a different backround can appreciate mine and vice versa. I dated a black girl and she kisses very good. I was proud of walking in public with her. it just shows that I'm not an asshole that lets race get in the way of feelings.

[Thanatos]

Hey now, this goes for women too, not just guys! I've been in situations where girls were "just trying out the white guy," I find it rather disrespectful. Another type is meeting the parents, they were afraid as introducing me as their boyfriend because they might be looked down on for it, big no no. Good article though!

[jaron91]

Great article! Another one that should be put up there is "You know, you're REALLY pretty to be a _______ girl!"

Ugh, now THAT's worse than nails on a chalkboard.....I know they mean to be nice, but it's almost like they went out with me because they were curious, and just found one that they though looked better that the others instead of just using personality.

[SOUL4REAL]

I don't have a problem with "Interracial Dating" when either person bring that other person home to meet the parents,how do you introduce them to your parents? When it comes to interracial dating you think "what do they have in common"? You both are from different worlds or is it testing the waters,to see what it's like to date someone from a different culture? Can this really be love or are you going through a fades? Your Do's and Don't's are good,but do this apply to your own culture?

[-0x0-]

Thinking there is such a thing as interracial dating is the wrong mindset from the get go.

Its just as bad as saying like 'inter hair colour dating'. Who gives a crap if the other person is black or oriental or whatever. They're just a person you find attractive.

[happy_drifter]

So true, I'm a white girl living in China, and that's all people think when they meet me... they assume I can speak in behalf of all western people and that we all think and act the same. The funny thing is that they do think of themselves simply as part of China, not as individuals. So when I'm chatting to people and ask their thoughts, they always say "we Chinese think/ feel..." So I know they aren't singling me out, they genuinely think all people are like this, so its in no way racist...

[RelationshipXpert]

Don't ignore each other's differences. You are different in some ways, but those differences don't mean you can't or shouldn't date or possibly get married later on. Instead embrace these differences for what they represent, the unique ways each of you was raised. Just like someone raised in Iowa grew up a little differently from someone raised in New York City, so did you grow up a little differently from your partner in your interracial relationship.

[Dionysos]

I don't know about leaving religious and political topics alone. A good debate lets you get to know someone, what's important to them, how they think and how they respond to someone who doesn't agree. Those are great things to learn early. Just be sure to talk ideas rather than individuals. How to form an argument that's not hurtful is an art form in itself.

[SayYes2Courtney]

Good points. I've been with some black men who treated me like I was his ticket to revenge against racist while people. Excuse me? Obviously we're not all racist or I wouldn't be kissing you right now! Great men are hard to find in any race.

[homer]

Once again, very well put. And I think these dos and donts have so many other implications when dating people with other backgrounds or people from other countries. Got all the points right on the spot :)

[2doves4me]

Wow, I married an Irish/Prussian/German/Italian guy (he's all mixed-really) and I'm just Asian. His grandparents were like "you're dating an ASIAN?" and my parents and brother were like "you're not dating an ASIAN?" Sounded kind of racist to me. EW

[A-R-Norman]

My comments were for both men and women, and for both black and white--in all, I am talking about respecting the person and their ideals and choices, no matter their race or sex.

[Jack4192]

Do not stick on to certain stigmas such as race and complexion. They are the one, which will hide the real character and nature of a black woman. Break those stigmas and start to mingle with black woman who are really passionate to make love with white men. Log on to www dot blackwhitemate dot com to find the interracial dating partners to begin the relationship.

[A-R-Norman]

Thanks guys! I just want us to all meet as people and not "flavors" --love is better when we see one another humanity...

[A-R-Norman]

Thanks--it is amazing to me how someone can be attracted enough to want to go out with you, but still view you as some sort of foreign object...lol...

[millionaremia]

This articule is awsome! I wish someone would have told me this a like a month ago!

[hannah]

I think I'm going to give this a try. I have a big crush on a guy who is african american..

[Elynn89]

That s a great article.lately I ve been talking to this wonderful boy,he s white and I m black but we like each other,now I know what to do when we go on our date.thanks......

[PeaceLoveBunnies]

I like this article, very well written

[robe03]

Great article, thanks!

[QuizzicalMinded]

Eh, not bad.