I know so many people who date just to date.
It doesn't have to be someone you're really into. It doesn't have to be someone you love. There doesn't need to be chemistry nor attraction. That person just happens to be there; they're just Mr or Mrs "Good Enough". We've all heard this term before.
Why is it so difficult to be alone?
Why is everyone so afraid of it?
You know that you can't control the future, right?
You never know if someone will leave you, or if you will leave someone else. Or if someone will die before you do. So what is with all this fear of being alone? I am not saying this to scare people, but I'm saying this to open everyone's eyes and realize that you are not in control of whether you will be alone or not. It's only a false control. You can't control things like this. I know people who are divorced who never thought it would ever happen.
So why not, instead of panicking, become comfortable with being by yourself? That way you won't waste your time with the wrong person. You know what ends up happening if you do waste your time with the wrong person? You end up settling for that person because the longer you stay together, the harder it is to get out. Especially when you get older and people move in together quicker than when you're younger.
Here are REAL LIFE scenarios I have seen happen with my friends. I know how they feel because they tell me.
Male in his late 20's - gets hurt by ex-girlfriend who everyone knew was a slut to begin with. Instead of realizing his choice in females is what puts him in these situations to get hurt, he decides that all females are the same and decides he doesn't want to date someone he loves or cares about anymore.
He meets a girl through a friend, we'll call her Miss Dunce, who nobody likes mind you, and she stalks him and follows him everywhere. He starts sleeping with her, because he'll have sex with everyone, and she continues to show up at his door. He continues to sleep with other girls and Miss Dunce continues to show up every weekend. After a year they eventually become a couple because she just won't go away. He continues to cheat on her. He tries to break up with her but every time he does, she sits in the corner of his condo and cries like a child. He feels bad, decides to keep her around, but continues to cheat on her. He meets a woman who is his total equal... they hit it off from the get-go. There's sparks, mutual attraction, everything is perfect. While he is trying to figure out how to breakup with his current girlfriend, the new girl finds out he is in a relationship, makes up her mind that he was just a fake a-hole, and cuts him off. Man decides that he was right all along, all women are bitches, and decides to settle for Miss Dunce because she's the only one who stuck around. I know he's not an a-hole, I know and understand why he got himself in this situation, I know deep down inside that he is a great guy, but guess what? That new girl you meet, she doesn't know. She'll NEVER know because she has only known you for a short while, she too has been hurt in her past, and she can only judge you by what you present to her. Fast forward a few years (to his early 30's), he marries Miss Dunce and she now becomes Mrs Dunce because he feels bad that he dragged this relationship on for so long and he feels stuck. But he is miserable, but it's okay because Mrs Dunce is happy.
The female serial dater.
She's a girl in her mid 20's who just came out a 7 year relationship she didn't want to be in. She stayed in it because it was convenient and she sort of liked him, but she didn't like him enough to commit to him. He gave her an ultimatum, and she decided to end the relationship. Unable to be alone, she dates a different guy every month. As soon as it doesn't work out, she dates the next guy who will give her attention. It might last 1 month, it might last 3 months. But guess what? This doesn't look good to anyone else. Although deep down she's a good person and she wants to find her true soulmate, this makes her look like a slut to everyone else. Especially when you are constantly posting photos of yourself with a guy, every time you get a new guy, to make the last one jealous. Eventually she does meet a good guy, and after going through her facebook and instagram, he makes the assumption that she's just a slut and desperate for a relationship. He tells her he's looking for the real thing and not someone who's desperate, and she insists she's not desperate and that she actually likes him, but like the girl above in Scenario 1, he doesn't believe her because he barely knows her. She realizes she really screwed up, deletes all the photos, and tries to get him back, but he told her he doesn't want to waste time, he has to trust his instincts and he blocks and deletes her from everything. She is now a wreck realizing she screwed up big time.
The guy and girl who decided to wait.
He doesn't bother dating girls if it's not someone he really wants to be with. He was single from 32 to 39, but he did sleep with the random girl, and befriended girls he didn't want to be in a relationship with. There was a girl that he fell in love with during that time, but the feelings weren't mutual. So after chasing her for a while he gave up on her. But he didn't assume all women are cruel, he kept an open mind. Although he admittedly was depressed that he couldn't meet the right girl, he decided to just enjoy his life as best he can by traveling, playing sports, focusing on his career, hanging out with all of his friends, etc. At 40 years old he met a girl through an acquantaince and she was the best thing that ever happened to him. She is the same age as him and she was just as crazy about him as he was about her. She takes care of herself and looks great for her age. She has never been married and has no children because, just like him, she chose to be single than to settle for Mr Good Enough. They've been together for a year now and are engaged and planning their wedding for September 2016. When I spoke to him, he told me he is so happy he never gave in like everyone else, and that he never just settled for anyone, because if he did he would have never met the love of his life, who feels exactly the same as he does.
Cheesy image.. but GAG wants me to use images LOL. Actually it's kind of cute.. but still cheesy...
The couple in Scenario 3 were not afraid to be alone. Although they were both sad about it, and wished so much to find someone, they never caved. But to go down this path you have to accept that you might never find someone, so if you KNOW that you can't handle this, then maybe you should just settle. But don't go cheating if you do ever find the perfect person.
I don't really have much else to say but, maybe it's important to actually sit and think about why you're really with someone. Do you really want to be with that person, or are you only afraid that you will never find the right person? That you will never get another chance?
I too have been guilty of these feelings. I'm struggling with this now. I met a guy and I have very strong feelings for him, but I am struggling to determine if it's him I really like so much, or if it's that I feel I will never find someone. It's very hard to figure this out, but it's easy to know when you're around this person. How do they make you feel? Are you content? Are you thinking about other people, or secretly wishing your life were different?
I won't ever know how I feel about this person because he lives far away from me and we can't see eachother (his decision, not mine). But my situation is different and rare. Most people fall for people nearby so it should be easier to figure out how you feel.
Let me know what you think or if you would like to add to this.