Stop Making Yourself Miserable
If any of you have read my other myTakes then you know that I used to be that "nice guy". One thing I used to do that all "nice guys" do was whine and complain about how it was just so god awful and loney being single. I used to think and talk about being single like it was some kind of curse and believe that it wasn't possible to be happy without having a significant other in my life.
My friends at that time often got annoyed with my winning and complaining about being single because it was pretty much all I did. I brought into the mentality of needing to have a significant other in my life to be happy for the longest time and spent a lot of my younger years being miserable because of it.
There are many guys and girls right now that are miserable because they have fallen into this mentallity. If you are one of them, then it is you that I am trying to reach out to with this.
I partly blame society for brainwashing so many people into thinking that they have to have a significant other in their lives, or be married to be a complete and normal functioning adult. I wrote this more directed
We are All Brainwashed
Sappy cheesy movies preach that love conquers all. They teach young men that the way to a women's heart is by constantly annoying her, not respecting her space and wishes to be left alone, and bothering her until you win her over. Hollywood paints the picture that all successful happy men and women are married, or at the very least have a significant other in their lives that "completes them". It tells you that if you aren't taken that you have to be miserable, lonely and couldn't possibly be happy. The boy band songs on the radio preach that a guy is supposed to be some lonely girls savior and that every woman is waiting for their knight in shinning armor to rescue them and until then they are just supposed to be lonely and miserable.
In some kind of way many people are brainwashed by the media and entertainment, and that's what makes it hard for many to see this scenario for what it really is. A lot of people don't see this for what it really is until after many heartaches and headaches. It isn't until much later on in their lives that they see it for what it was. I was one of these people that had to learn the hard way.
The reality is that being single is going to be exactly what you make of it. When I was younger I CHOOSE to be miserable, complain, and mope around . If you CHOOSE to mope around and whine about how terrible and lonely it is without a partner in your life then yeah, it's going to suck and it's going to suck bad. It certainly did for me. However, if you choose to make the most out of being single and focus on yourself, your goals, the plans for your life, doing things you enjoy on your leisure time and just living life without the commitments of a relationship, then it can be an adventerous and exciting time. It certainly was for me once I stopped worrying about trying to meet someone and just focused on myself.
It doesn't have to be doom and gloom. If it is, then you're CHOOSING to make it that way and have no one to blame but your self for how unhappy you are. I realize this is probably what most of you don’t want to hear but this is what it is. I had to figure this out the hard way. Life is too short to be moping and and unhappy. Figure out who you are and what your purpose in life is. You need to truly know and love yourself before you can do the same for someone else. Until then I can promise you that you are not going to meet a quality partner.
When Things Changed for Me
I really can't say what got me to finally stop worrying about finding a partner and finally focus on myself. Maybe it was growing up a little and realizing there were more important things in life, maybe it was being tired of all the headaches and being frustrated and miserable all the time, but either way I eventually stopped worrying about it and thats when things changed for me.
I got off the dating sites, I stopped bugging random women for their phone number when I was out and about. I went back to school, started working evenings and got a place of my own. I kept myself busy, I set goals for myself, started making plans for my life and reconnected with some old friends and made some new ones. When I went out with my friends I made the focus of the night having fun and hanging out instead of trying to meet someone. This is when things changed for me and when women started taking an interest in me.
They started taking an interest in me because I now had self esteem and loved myself. I was confident and knew who I was and it showed. It’s the same way it shows for a guy that is not confident and lacks self esteem. Insecurity, lack of confidence and self esteem are not attractive qualities and you will never catch the interest of a quality partner as long as you display these qualities.
So if your doing this please slow down and take a step back. Start thinking about who you are, what you want out of your life and make a plan to make things happen. You need to put dating and picking up women on the back burner and make your goals and plans in your life the priority. Don’t wait to learn the hard way about this like I did. Start making things happen for you now.
I am not implying everyone on here is a loser with no job or ambition. I’m sure there are those of you that have things going in your life. The point I am trying to make is that if you think this way you are going to keep yourself miserable. Please break out of this mentality, you have a choice.