For Any Single Guy (Or Girl)

FOR ANY SINGLE GUY (OR GIRL)

There's enormous pressure for people to find partners in our modern society. If you don't, it makes you feel like there's something wrong with you, you are a loser, or you don't make time for "the important things in life". I've been single for all 20 years of my life. I was the guy to fall for those kinds of girls that constantly have boyfriends, and have 10 guys on the side as a backup plan if (when) their current relationship collapses. I was unhappily wrapped around their finger.

What I have noticed through growing up, is that those people I used to feel envious of, who seemed to just get into relationships like it was the most natural thing in the world, are often either


1. Dysfunctional people who constantly need reassurance of their value

OR
2. People hungry for sex.

These people just settled for the first and best candidate. And the candidate was usually someone looking for the exact same thing. That's why they do it so easy.

You keep looking for some magic way of seducing a girl, or a guy. "You are too nice / awkward / shy". I've done this too. I looked for a model I could mold myself into, and when it didn't do it, I felt shitty about myself. Don't ever read those "10 reasons you are singe" and believe them.


Sure, I'm not saying you should stay single. Romantic and sexual love is one of the absolute most intense emotion one can feel. Sure you can desire that, want it to happen to you. But it's not the point of living. It's not the ultimate achievement or the purest form of pleasure. Don't think that. Do not go looking for someone to fix you, or fulfill anything in you, if you don't want to set yourself up for dissapointment and hurt.

You might feel like your the only one who just can't get a girl. And you feel like it's your fault, that you are lacking in something almost everyone seems to have. Don't focus on that shit. Focus on you. You like a type of music? Listen to that stuff and own it. Maybe you have a special interest. Emerge yourself in that. It might lead you to study something, or give you a circle of people, online or not. That's where I believe you find someone, without it being your intention. What I'm telling you is; do yourself, fix your insecurities, do something that gives you confidence in you. It doesn't matter if you are shy or "too nice". Those aren't flaws dammit, they are traits.


Some day that girl, or guy will come along. Maybe they are shy too. Maybe when you first meet you can barely look at each other, but still make each other feel good. Maybe they don't look perfect, but you still feel like you get so well along. It feels natural, and after a while you learn to love every little thing about each other. Because you never met out of desperation, just out of mutual joy and trust you won't slowly ruin each other out of not feeling satisfied.

Don't hate on yourselves people. You need to be your own best friend. Life is lived alone, accept that, and you will share those good feelings with someone who is healthy for you.


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What Girls Said 9

  • Very nice Mytake. Beautifully written... I totally agree with you and do think and believe we need to work on our own insecurities and weak areas first before loving someone or expecting them to fill the gap for us.
    However, I also love @Redeyemindtricks response... Love is actually the ultimate achievement or the purest form of pleasure. And you even agreed to it yourself- whether it is a love that starts from within and one self or from another. Love is the essence of life, and the key ingredient to relationships... And as we all know, good relationships are the ingredients to happiness and joy, as proved by science and psychology.

    Therefore, love is the essence... However, Love does not ccome only from a partner... Love comes in many forms and that is what we need to understand.

    Great mytake! very nicely stated :)

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  • That enormous pressure is not felt in the academic world by people who were trying to get somewhere in life. People want to hook up at an early age believe that looking up is the answer to life – to feeling good about yourself. They get divorced in three years and have to support single parenthood

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  • "Love... is not the point of living. It's not the ultimate achievement or the purest form of pleasure."

    So, what IS the point of living, to you?
    What IS the ultimate achievement, the purest form of pleasure, etc?

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    • Contentment. Acceptance of life, as it is. It involves no one but you. All feelings, bad or good, are temporarily, filtered through your perceptions, which are formed by how you view life. If you are content, you acknowledge the pleasure and the pain, but it doesn't touch the peace you have within. You have a solid core of contentment.
      I live for that contentment. In fact, you can call that love, if you like. But the point I'm making is that it shouldn't depend on others. Someone makes you happy - one day they are gone, for whatever reason, and you have to depend on yourself.
      Fill your life with love for others, do that, absolutely, but never forget yourself.
      Love shouldn't be a feeling we desperately chase, it's a way of being.

    • I was on that same page once.

      Then I fell in love.

    • She not laYing u know

  • 2 people hungry for sex

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  • Just so much yes.

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  • My problem growing up as a teen was the guys I fell for did not like me romantically thy only saw me as a friend or found me unattractive I don't know

    As an adult my issue is that the men I find attractive usually do not approach me

    It's the men I find unattractive that usually approached me

    Personally I'm not looking for anyone but when I do I would rather approach a guy I find attractive or meet the guy in a church group or social group

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    • Your problem is not the guys, your problem is you don't approach the guys you like.

  • that second to the last par is the ideal thing... weirdly you don't get to encounter easily although everyone yearns for one thing which is natural love with no "buts"and "ifs:

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  • I've been single for my whole live as well, but to be honest I'm sick and tired of it. I'd really like to settle down with someone soon...

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  • I'm happy being single.
    :)

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What Guys Said 11

  • Thanks for writing this! I was down on myself exactly from this daring topic but thankfully I bumped into this article!

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  • there's more to getting in a relationship dick size yes dick some men have small dicks and some smaller than average preventin them from moving and if you say dick size dont matter your probably a girl cuz any guy knows you get more reaction from a above averge dick

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  • Holy crap I have always been singke

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  • Relationships aren't guaranteed to last anyway, it's just like jobs and careers these days. You may be promoted this year and then be told you are cut from staff and laid off in a few years later. Who knows for certain?

    Romantic love, having your own children some day are the only reasons someone would NOT want to remain single for life.

    But, what if you are a deep thinker and have other thoughts that you cannot agree with the way this world and reality is?

    Such as if you are in huge disagreement on bringing someone existence into this world and reality, believing that you'd only set them up for suffering and hardships?

    If people had relationships only because of their fears of being alone or dying alone, well, in reality, we technically all actually do die "alone". Only those that die in plane crashes, earthquakes and other cataclysmic events or disasters did not die "alone" since the probability of many people that had died at the same time is very likely.

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  • Thanks for writing this. It really helped me right now. I have felt very lonely, i live alone, dont have many friends, if any tbh. and my family is 2000 miles away.
    I have been fantasizing about falling in love and finding a companion.

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  • Easy for you to say. I've been in 3 horrible relationships. it's easy to focus all of your attention on yourself. but for me that simply is not an option. im 23, and yet i was stuck in not 1, not 2, but three hellish experiences. not to say they were bad women. by no means they were, they just lied and yelled and put me through hell. i want a relationship with true meaning. not a nightmare and being single is hard and unbearable for me.

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    • Why is it hard and unbearable?

    • i never got date or do any of the things in my teens that some guys do. 1st kiss, go to the prom. take my girl out the movies, for me i have not really had the best or average relationships and dating experience. my three gf's were nightmares, and all done online.

  • I like that take - There are people who feel the need to be in a relationship - It is not quantity but quality - Nothing wrong with waiting until you are totally sure.

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  • Thank you for writing this. I feel like you have harvested a lot of wisdom over the course of your life. Thanks for sharing it with me.

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  • I used to feel bad about being single. One great thing about really falling in love is that you'd probably get your shit together. It motivates you to focus on fixing our lives. I changed my lifestyle upside down when I fell for a girl. I got my shit together and became more focused on my stuff.
    I'm shy and yes, my insecurities are still there to be fixed. I haven't done anything and remained single because of personal reasons. Anyway, this person made me realise the reality of everything. Now even as a single person I don't feel anything about it at all.

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    • I agree but true love is something worth finding.. lets just say I been in love once before and it's one of the rarest things in the world. that being said I spend all my time working on myself and coming up with new ways to fix my insecurities or come up with more goals for myself.

    • @skykidx1 Totally! I'm still in love with that girl and probably I will always be. I need to sort out some things first. Right now I've no intentions to express my feelings but just being around her and thinking about her is really helping me to get my things done much more efficiently. I don't mind being single because of her. Even if I remain single forever I will probably be fine. At least I've opened my eyes and I'll have my life fixed because of her.

    • Good to hear bro love is a strong eye opener. After using my ex even more so for reason that were not 100% her own.. it opened my eyes. because I never want amy thing like that to happen agin or for another girls parents to be able to say anything about me.

  • life does sucks a lot when your single but its also good.

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