The Double-Edged Sword of Multi-Dating

As popular as online dating has become, if you've used sites/apps like Tinder, POF, OkCupid, Match, Happn, etc then you know that multi dating is probably the most common thing all online dating users. There are good things and bad things about it.

I am going to go into the Pros and Cons.


1. It gives you a wide variety of options. It's a good way to filter out who's right for you and who isn't.

2. If things aren't going well with one option, you can keep trying with another. As the old saying goes, never put your eggs in one basket. If you do and things you and things go bad with the one person you invested in, you'll be upset and possibly depressed.

3. This kinda goes off number 1, but it's a good way to see who has more things in common and how well you click, how open you are into exploring different interests.

4. If you do see a wide variety of people, it can also be a good way to see who's interested and who isn't.

5. It keeps you from focusing on one person, which could possibly scare them off as it makes you seem like you're wanting to get too serious too fast.


1. It can cause uncertainty with who you want and who your date(s) want. You could be seeing 2 or more people that you get along with all of them just fine but you're not sure who you want.

2. The whole "shopper's mentality". You could feel like you had an amazing date with a person, but then search for the next best thing around the corner. I've been guilty of this.

3. Kinda similar to 3 but you feel close and connected to someone, only for them to flake and ghost on you and move onto somebody else. This can cause you to over analyze.

4. Sometimes you can get too interested in some of your options and then forget some of them and then they figure you lost interest.

5. This is a big one for me, but you feel like you're in an endless cycle of multi dating only for the dates to lead to nothing, except maybe a hookup or fling at best. In other words, you feel like you're constantly "starting over" by always seeking no dates and seeing them till it ends after a date or a few. And the process keeps just keeps going on and on with the same results, no progress. It can really take a toll on your self esteem, especially if you're looking for something stable.

Overall, multi dating is one of those things in online dating that is necessary, in the early stages, but can take a toll on you if you're not cautious. It's not about being a player but rather finding the right one.

Most recently, I had an issue with multi dating that kinda bit me on both ends. So the 2 most recent girls i saw, I decided to narrow it down to 2 because I had a lot in common with them and thought hey at this point, if i click that much with both of them, no reason to complicate things and keep searching.

The first girl i met off tinder and we had 5 dates, would hit me up a lot and we hung out a lot in a short time. We saw each other 5 times in 3 weeks. Things were going fine till last week when she asked me to hang out and i was busy the days she wanted me to hang out, and she accused me of putting her on the backburner and not putting in effort. I even offered to reschedule. We ended up hanging out and going back to my place and she accused me of playing her because I asked her if she wanted sex. I wanted to keep seeing her but still was feeling it out.

The 2nd girl, I met off okcupid. She was knockout gorgeous and has a lot in common with me. We ended up having a long date and I stayed at her place overnight, made out to my favorite bands. I do realize we only had one date, but I never had such a connection like that on the first date. Were still talking but have not seen each other since. She just revealed that she just got out of a 5 year relationship with her ex that she lived with. This scared me because I like her, not love her, and made me cautious and think of how to act so I don't seem readily available and that I'm rushing her. This gave me more reason to multi date but you can't help who you feel for. She'll still send snap chats and like my stuff on instagram but when i asked her to chill the past two weekends, she's been busy.

I feel like I'm kinda in a rut. I know what I want at this point, but am in a tricky situation. Starting over


Join the discussion



What Girls Said 1

  • 1mo

    My sister met her husband online and she didn't multi-date. I would have a hard time taking someone seriously if they multi-dated it just sounds like they are not taking dating seriously. Multiple first meeting make sense but I mean really you went on 5 dates with one chick and was still undesided?

    • 1mo

      Well the thing is i did have 5 dates, but it was only 3 weeks so I wanted to keep seeing her but not jump into anything that fast. The problem with her was she got very clingy and insecure. For example, we've been talking nearly every day, or at least every other day. Then she hit me up to hang out last weekend. And Friday I was free, but Saturday and Sunday i went to a concert and had a friend's party.

      She then accused me of putting her on the back burner, blowing her off even though I offered to reschedule for next week.

    • 1mo

      Oh yeah okay. She seems a little crazy.

    • 1mo

      The other girl I have a lot in common with and clicked more, but she just told me she got out of a 5 year relationship with a boyfriend she lived with. So that made me cautious as the last thing I wanna be is a rebound/ego boost.

What Guys Said 2

  • 1mo

    Multi dating pros definitely outweigh cons.

    • 1mo

      Yes, but multi dating can still have its issues. I think con #5 is why i multi date in the first place.

    • Show All
    • 1mo

      Yeah I mean both guys and girls are talking to many. The only difference is girls more than likely get to choose who they want to stay with. Not shaming them, just stating the obvious.

    • 1mo

      I wish I could meet more women in public but that's tough. The opportunities are limited when it comes to that. Usually I've met women in public through friends or when they approached me out of the blue.

      I mean I'm not shy or afraid of rejection but I don't go up to women if I have nothing to say to them.

  • 1mo

    I think the benefits outweigh the negatives. Women are very flakey

    • 1mo

      Yes, but 5 is a big con for me which kinda reinforces keeping your options open.

    • Show All
    • 1mo

      @10dsw Yeah that's another thing too, not to mention trying to find the balance between not being overly interested but not too distant either. It's hard to know how much attention a girl wants.

      Case in point, with the 2 girls mentioned at the end of the take. The one who was too clingy thought I wasn't showing enough attention even though I'd hit her up to do stuff and she'd be busy.

      The other one, we're still talking but whenever I hit her up on the weekends she's busy and doesn't offer another date.

    • 1mo

      @10dsw Its like I get that she's very busy with grad school, work, etc as I'm busy too but I don't want it to be one sided where I'm putting in all the effort in terms of meeting up. But she's still sending me snapchats and liking a lot of stuff I post on Instagram. She also just got out of a 5 year relationship so I'm trying to be patient and not making it seem like I'm rushing her or being readily available for her even though I like her.