Now, this is not a random bunch of ideas that I have just put down from the top of my head... This information comes from my own dating experiences, along with the dating experiences of many other men, especially some of my close friends. With time, we have been able to find out what works well, along with what doesn't, and now I am passing these learnings on to you.
This article is not about necessarily trying to change who you are, but it will allow you to work on some of your personality traits and dating ideas to help your social interactions (especially with women) to go smoother.
These are some of the most desirable traits that women want to see in men. If you convey these during your first date, she will be much more likely to become truly attracted to you.
Humor – Who doesn't like laughing? If you can make a girl laugh (not AT you) on a first date, it is always a plus. There is no need to make her laugh hysterically, but you should portray the fact that you have a good sense of humor.
Strength – This does not mean physical strength, but strength in the sense that you can take care of things, and the people you care about. Women want to feel safe around you, so this is extremely important. There are various ways of demonstrating this. It can come through in your stories, or through your general wit, asserting your opinions and decisiveness, among other “strong” traits.
Congruence – You have to be authentic, and what you say and do should reflect who you are. If you're a jerk, be a jerk (but not enough of a jerk to put her off. Arrogance can be quite attractive at times... But only so much arrogance can be tolerated before it becomes annoying). If you are a warm, friendly person, be just that. But don't forget – Being nice does not mean that you have to be weak. So even if you are a nice person, you still have to be assertive, and convey strength.
Self-Worth – This includes confidence, and a certain amount of self-importance. Show that you know you are a desirable person, and the fact that your time is precious. So make sure people respect you. Again, arrogance is only acceptable in fairly small doses.
Goals – A man with goals and ambition is a man who is going places... Even if he is not there yet. Trust me, women KNOW. Did you know that having clearly written down goals greatly increases your chances of achieving them?
Strong Rapport – Rapport is a connection between two or more people, based upon commonalities. We all have commonalities, so it is your job to find them, without appearing desperate to find them, and lying about your hobbies to make them match hers... This is weak. Listening is EXTREMELY important here. There are many resources out there on becoming an active listener. Ask questions to allow her to speak about her life and hobbies.
Value Offering – This is often underrated. Everyone has something to offer to the world. This is how you offer value. Offering value is all about doing something to improve someone's day, or perhaps even their life. This can be as small as telling a joke and putting a smile on their face. Or teaching them something new. But considering this is a first date, keep it fun and upbeat. Teach her a fun secret handshake, read her fortune or tell her a joke. Value-offering is not limited to the person you are with. If you go to a restaurant, initiate some fun banter with the waiter/waitress... But don't flirt with the waitress – That's just rude.
This really depends on your age and the type of people you both are. Take her somewhere she wouldn't expect. How about a pottery class? A hockey game... A museum... The sea-life centre. The great thing about this is the fact that if you play your cards right, she will always associate you with that place. This will make your shared experiences on your first date special and memorable, which is what you want.
Many younger guys will prefer to go to the cinema. The cinema is actually a very common date venue, so you will have to do something to make it unique. The problem with the cinema is that you do not get to talk much, but the plus side is that your non-verbal communications become quite important. It gives you the chance to use your non-verbal communications.
This is one of the dating venues in which I have had quite a few experiences, and I have picked up a few tips over the years...
Due to the fact that you cannot speak too much in the cinema, make sure that you meet her about 30 minutes before you are due to go to the cinema. This way, you have a little pre-date, where you can hang out and start demonstrating your traits. This way, by the time you get to the cinema, you will have already build some attraction.
"Meet her about 30 minutes before you are due to go to the cinema for a pre-date!"
When you sit down in the cinema, look at her, put out your arm, smile warmly and gesture to her to come closer. This is a small test of interest. I'm sure that girls will agree with the fact that it is EXTREMELY uncomfortable when someone puts their arm around you when you weren't ready for it. If you do this to a girl, she will usually become very quiet and uncomfortable, and it will be extremely difficult for her to enjoy herself. So when you put out your arm and gesture, you are avoiding this uncomfortable situation.
If the girl accepts your invitation, you know that you have built a certain amount of interest. There are different ways of escalating the situation... Later on, you can offer her your other hand, to see if she will hold hands with you. You can use the are that is around her to stroke her arm. These are all different ways of establishing a connection non-verbally. It is up to you whether or not you try to kiss her during your first date, but I will not go into first date kissing in this article...
After the film has finished, don't let the date end there. Go somewhere else. How about grabbing something to eat, or going to the park? This will allow the two of you to talk some more, so that you can connect using verbal communication.
Some girls don't kiss on the first date, but in my experience, it seems that more than 90% of girls (at least girls under 20) do. It does not have to be a passionate kiss, but preferably, it should last at least a few seconds in order to make it clear it's not a “friend kiss”.
It is up to you whether or not you want to kiss on the first date, but I would recommend it, because it can be very frustrating for some girls if you don't, because she may spend ages wondering whether or not you actually liked her.
- Authenticity - what you say and do should reflect who you are
- Show her what you have to offer - even if it's something small & silly
- Establish a non-verbal connection at the cinema
- Send a sweet follow-up text
Suggested Technique - Once you are both ready to leave, give her a long, tight hug, keep your hands on her waist, look inter her eyes, move in fairly slowly, tilting your head to the right, and gently kiss her on the lips (no tongues). Depending on how the kiss went, you might kiss her again, more passionately, but it may take some time before you get good at reading the signs that tell you whether or not you should...
Once the date is over and you have both gone home... If it is not too late at night, send her a text message. The purpose of this text message is to help to set her mind at ease. After first dates, girls will often have a million questions in their mind. So you will provide the answers to some of these questions here.
Questions - “Will I see him again..? When..? Did he like me..? Will I see him again..? Where do we stand now..?
Here is an example of one of these text messages. Yours will not be exactly the same, but it may be along the lines of this:
“Hi [girl's name], I had a great time today. It was really nice getting to know you =). We really should hang out again some time soon. Are you up to much this Friday? A few of us are going to the park, and it would be great to spend some more time with you”.
Taking girls to more than one place in a day will help them to feel more comfortable with you, because they will remember having been in more situations with you, along with the fun experiences that you had in each place.
Breaking the contact barrier - I spoke about “offering” a cuddle. This is a good way of breaking the contact barrier, because it is not too intense, so it is pretty non-threatening, especially when a girl is interested. I spoke about teaching her something new. Another way of breaking the contact barrier is by teaching her a fun handshake. Non-lingering touches on the arm are also easy for this. High fives work, and they can be a lot of fun =).
So there you have it, how to have a successful first date. I hope that this guide will help you to go on more fun dates, and improve your relationships with women in general. First dates can be quite daunting, but with practice, things will become much more natural and you will find yourself doing much better with women.
Constructive comments welcome from both sexes.