Stop Being That “Nice Guy”, From a Former "Nice Guy"

Stop Being That “Nice Guy”, From a Former

When it comes to women you are trying to impress and get with. If you are that "nice guy” and you know who you are. I want to help you to see what you are doing wrong and why your efforts are failing and driving Women away. I want to help you see that you’re behaviors are not acceptable or welcomed, and that you need to change them if you ever hope to get the attention and possibly something more with a good level headed women.

I Was Once That Nice Guy

Unfortunately, there was a time in my younger years when I was once that "nice guy". The “nice guy” that felt he should have women swooning over him because he thought he was one of the few "nice guys” left in the world. The nice guy that constantly whined, complained and pouted about how women only like jerks and bad boys. The “nice guy” that would consider the women that shot him down as the problem instead of considering that he might be the one that has the problem. (which I was) I used to be bitter and envious towards other guys that I deemed not good enough to be with a certain women.

I would do things like called a women multiple times throughout the day, show up unannounced to her work place or wherever she would be hanging out with her friends to "surprise" her. I would do things like try and include myself in her plans that she already made and try and try and guilt trip her into a date, such as doing things like already buying movie tickets for me and her or buying her lunch and showing up on her lunch break to make her feel obligated to do something with me. I am pretty sure that a lot of these behaviors sound familiar.

Just like you are thinking, I thought I was being a "nice guy" and being flattering and sweet. The truth is that you are being annoying, clingy and sometimes even creepy and she is not ok with anything you are doing. She is just trying to find away to best tell you to get lost in the nicest way she can think of.

When I look back my behaviors when I was the “nice guy”, I am quite ashamed and embarrassed about how I acted and some of the things I did. I understand why some of these ladies had to resort to being rude to me. If I could I would apologize to some of the women I really annoyed or creeped out. I see now that my behaviors were not how a good guy behaves and that I was often being a selfish asshole. My behaviors were very childish, selfish and ridiculous and are not something I was proud of. Start recognizing what you are doing and I will explain what you need to work on to not be that guy. These are my main points when it comes to changing nice guy behaviors.

No One Owes You Anything

I remember when I would go out of my way to be "nice" and do something for a woman, that it was always done with the expectation of getting something in return. This is perhaps the most well known behavior of any "nice guy", and I'm sure that this is what influences your actions when it comes to doing things for a woman.

When a women made it clear that she had no romantic interest in me, It was a slap in the face and I was like "how could she" I brought her lunch, drove all the way over to see her on her lunch break. I am being nice to her, so WTF. I was a "nice guy", all ladies are supposed to love me because I am one of the few nice guys left out there. I felt that they owed me because I am going out of my way to be "nice".

No sir, no one owes you anything and you need to stop thinking that someone does just because you are being nice to them. You are choosing to go out of your way to do things for her and try and impress her and she is not in anyway obligated to anything with you. If you are only nice to someone that you expect something in return from then that makes you a self absorbed asshole and what kind of decent level headed women is supposed to be attracted to someone like that. Realize that you are being an asshole when you think like this. A good women is going to catch on to when you are just being nice just to expect something in return, so stop being an asshole and realize no one owes you anything.


Stop Bugging Her

If she is not interested in you, then she is not interested in you. That's the bottom line. Most likely it is going to be because you already have bugged the crap out of her. If she isn't returning your calls, acknowledging the plans you want to make, or so much as not even looking at you when you try and talk to her, then she is not interested in and you need to stop bugging her and move on.


You need to be a man, learn to take the hint and deal with rejection. It sucks, but you're a big boy and need to deal with it. Stop following her around, stop calling her non stop throughout the day, stop showing up places where she is at and just let her be. Don't wait until she finally has to be rude to you to get you off her back. You need to move on as soon as you can see or she tells you she has no interest. You need to realize that she is seeing you as a loser that has no life and too much time on your hands, not attractive qualities in a potential partner.


As much as you some of you like to think this kind of behavior is supposed to show her how much you really care and how determined you are to win her over, this is the worst thing you can do. I know you are doing what you are doing because you are thinking "well maybe I haven't tried this" or "maybe I haven't done that" and you're thinking your next move will be the one that will win her over. The hard cold truth is that there is nothing at this point that will win her over and you need to accept it and move on. Bugging the crap out of a woman is a strategy that works in sappy movies but here in the real world it's going to make a you a stalker and at the very least you will succeed in pissing her off, so leave her alone and stop bugging her.

Get Over The Envy and Bitterness

I can imagine that you are envious of other guys that you deem as not worthy of the good looking women they have at their side, and are thinking along the lines of "she should be with me" or "what does she see in the butt ugly loser".You're probably thinking you dress nicer, your better looking and that you should be the one she is taking an interest in instead of that loser she is with.


I can imagine that many of you are also bitter about some of your rejections and experiences with women, particularly the women that might have been especially rude to you when telling you to get lost. You need to stop being bitter about it because it's not going to change anything. The best thing you can do is learn from your mistakes, recognize the behaviors you are doing and make an honest effort to change them.

Being envious about someone else is ridiculous because you don't know what those two have shared together or been through. For all you know this is a guy that stuck with this women through her cancer treatment when she had no hair and was throwing up everywhere. There is no telling how long they have been together and maybe this guy isn't a jerk like you would like to think. It also could be that maybe this women isn't all that she looks like she is and maybe dude is actually tired of her shit. The point is you don't know anything and need to stop assuming. It makes an ass out of you to jump to any conclusions, so grow up and stop the envy.


Stop Chasing Women

Stop revolving everything in your life around trying to pick up women. I already hear some of you being like "well how am I supposed to meet anyone" That's the thing, you shouldn't be worried about it. You need to focus on your goals, your plans and where you want to be at in your life and adopt the mentality of "if I meet someone I do, if I don't then oh well" You need to be happy and confident enough in yourself to not have to rely on someone else to provide that for you.


Picking up women is not a hobby and you need to stop treating it as such. You need to find other things to occupy your time. Pick up a real hobby (ie fishing, hunting, golfing, basketball etc.) to do on your leisure time. Sign up for some classes, call up an old friend, or spend time with family. There are plenty of other things you can be doing to be productive and for your leisure time. You need to find out who you are and what you want out of your life before you can hope to be happy with anyone.


Stop the Bitching, Moaning and Complaining

A "nice guy" always has something to complain about when it comes to women. I was notorious for this when I was the "nice guy". Stop complaining about how women only like jerks and bad boys. (I will explain this in another post) stop complaining about how your were friend zoned or, whining about how you are never going to meet anyone, just stop, no one cares and this is by for the most un attractive behavior you can throw out there. It's time to grow up and stop complaining and make something happen to change you behaviors.


Going forward from here

I hope that I have helped you see some of the things you are doing wrong by being the "nice guy" I wish I had someone to tell me the things I am telling you when I was younger and maybe I would have been able to save myself countless hours of frustration and heartache and have more positive interactions with women. Do yourself the favor and stop doing what you are doing and acting foolishly. You are going to regret it when you get older and realize what an ass you were. Trust me on this.



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What Girls Said 14

  • So refreshing to see a former Nice Guy® realise that his behaviours were not acceptable and turned over a new leaf.

    I salute you in your victory of breaking that vicious cycle and your desire to help other men open their eyes, because God knows how many Nice Guys® are still running around this website, still blaming everything on women for being rejected, still treating women like sex vending machines that you put niceness coins into.

    I wish you success in your future endeavours, go out there and get yourself a fine-ass lady that deserves YOUR attention, rather than out of desperation.

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  • My exact feelings on the whole "Nice Guys" thing. Especially the revolving their life around women thing.

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    • No no no! TF, I'm a nice guy, that's not something i can change and i would if i could

      Name one damn nice thing he did... u can't!
      He wasn't a nice guy! He was a annoying as hell little dude

      I'm here cause us nice guys are tired of getting the shit dumped on them!
      For an actual nice guy these accusations are little less than a slap in the face smh -_-

    • For a nice guy, you're getting pretty defensive, and insulting others? Not trying to imply anything but just think about that for a second.

    • What if I'm nice to you because you're nice to me? Agree though, revolving life around women is a very strange concept.

  • There are some things I don't agree with here, but overall I think it's a great take. Hits the nail on the head. You're gonna get a lot of hate though because your description fits a lot of guys on here

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    • Yep I already have gotten some negative feedback. I can imagine from the guys that fit this description.

  • seriously! well said. you, sir, got it completely right. congrats! at least I know of one guy now who doesn't have his head completely shoved up his ass.

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  • There are so many guys that come to mind from reading this! Thank God for someone finally understanding and informing!

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  • There's a difference between being "nice", and smothering. I don't think you need to see why being a nice guy is wrong, but rather what you are doing wrong as a nice guy. God forbid we have a militia of douche bags running around.

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    • Wise beyond your years, heart_of_gold. And you managed to say it without saying condescending.

    • There's a reason why OP put "nice guy" in quotation marks. Google the term and you will see that this type of behaviour has become so common among men that it turned into somewhat a meme.

    • Thank-you @Bluemax, I get that a lot. Lol. And yeah @MaskedSanity, I'm not surprised.

  • I love your ownership on this, and insight that it's all expectation. Makes sense to think back and read all that crap the guys in high school posted on Facebook about "nice guys finish last." You, sir, just did us all a favor & pointed out why.

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    • I just look back on my time when I was this kind of guy and see all the headaches and frustrations that I caused for myself not to mention the women I pissed off and annoyed. I just want to help out whom ever I can that is acting like I did back the. If I can help one person to stop being this kind of guy I will have succeeded in why I posted this.

  • THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS. I hate these little "mytakes" but your's was the best and probably only one worth reading. It's about time someone calls these "nice guys" out on their shit.

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  • This is absolutely, 100% correct!!! I wish all those "nice guys" out there would please please read this!

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  • i used to do something similar, but not in a romantic or sexual way.
    i would put aside loads of time for friends, and expect them to give me the same priority.
    i then understood that people just need some space.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_kg0W3AeIU

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  • High five, mister.

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  • This is such bullshit, what about the nice genuine girls that want a nice guy and not an asshole?

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    • He's not talking about genuinely nice guys. He's talking about guys who are nice on purpose and expect things in return and when things don't go their way, they start complaining that women are bitches.

  • Exactly! Finally someone who gets it right, this is amazing.

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  • THANK. YOU !

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What Guys Said 40

  • @thecd1979
    Very good take. Every point is valid, but only for those men who are willing to go out of their way to attract women.

    But if you think of it, why the hell do we men need to put in so much efforts to 'attract' women, while they can just sit around doing nothing? Why should we do all the hard work?

    Nice guy or not, men too don't really 'owe' anything to women, to go out of our way to 'attract' them. For men who feel they can't stay for long without sex, they can always get a friend with benefits, or pay a hooker. For the others, for whom sex is not THAT important, it is not really worth putting in wagonloads of efforts to 'attract' women. And considering this thing called 'love', which is the most overrated piece of crap anyway, we're better off loving ourselves instead of loving someone else and expecting them to love us back.
    We don't need to place them on a pedestal, and consider them as 'prizes' to be 'own'.

    Women need men as much as men need women. So we men shouldn't really be doing all the hard work ourselves to 'get' women. Dating and relationships is a two-way preposition, which needs active involvement from BOTH. If the man has to do all the hard work himself while the woman only needs to exercise her lip muscles to say 'yes' or 'no' to him, then it is heading for disaster.

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  • What you just discussed is a personality type of some people. Not all people the same; therefore, not all 'nice guys' have this same personality you described.
    Some of those personalities you discussed might apply to some nice guys. But there are also many 'bad boys' or even normal people who also expect something in return if they did something nice to others, envy others, and force themselves on others. The point i'm trying to make is that ANYONE can have those personalities you are talking about.

    The points you made are very good and common, they will help a lot of people who think like you did before. But they do not just apply to nice guys, just guys who didn't think the right way.

    I will tell you one thing about me; i'm an extremely nice guy. Yet i don't have any problem with getting girls nor i have any of the dangerous traits you mentioned, i say dangerous cause each of those traits can be self destructive to the person and i'm glad you managed to fix it.

    You can still be a nice guy without having any of those traits. In fact, not having those traits will make you even nicer and MUCH more desirable.

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    • This isn't about genuinely nice people. This is about that phenomenon of guys complaining about not being able to get a date despite being a "nice guy." Basically, it's about self proclaimed "nice guys" (who aren't really all that nice at all) rather than actually good people.

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    • Nice guys all have the same personality in the sense that they feel they are entitled to have a girlfriend, because they are nice. I realize not every nice guy that reads this is going to have done the things I did, but I can guarantee that there behaviors will be the same in reference to feeling entitled and doing whatever they can to get the attention of a women and whining and bithching.

    • Nope i don't feel entitled for a girls love after doing nice things for her and i told u im really NICE. It's just that u need to understand that every person have different tastes. Girls have different tastes, some like nice guys some like bad boys. some like a mix of both. Some may like something completely different. So if a girl is not attracted to me i just move on, i'm sure there are many others who are. As long as u understand that then ur good.

      I never felt entitled to have a girlfriend because i'm nice, thinking like that makes the person very simple minded. The only way for a girl to like u or fall in love with u JUSST because u r nice is if the girl had a violent past where she used to be always surrounded by people who treat her like shyt and beat her. This girl will appreciate the niceness of the person and is more likely to fall in love with a guy just because he is nice. Other than that, naaaaaah... it's not all about niceness.

  • Long story short: stop being such a lame ass biiiiitch

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  • I have to say, just about every description of yourself as the nice guy, doesn't sound very nice to me. Going out of your way to do something nice, while expecting something in return, is not nice, that's kinda creepy. I think they saw that and got a bit creeped out. Showing up at their jobs? Including yourself in their plans unannounced? Creepy, and creepy. Bugging her constantly? That's just annoying. Envy and bitterness, also not nice. Bitching and moaning? Also, not nice. You have to be nice to yourself in addition to being nice to her, or, you're not really being all that nice. I'm not saying I could do better, because I haven't. But I don't think many women would have ever described you as nice. I'm nice, but I don't "try" to be nice. I don't go out of my way, because it's not out of my way, I was already headed that way, so to speak. I'm nice because, I like it. I like nice people, and I want to be able to like myself. So I'm nice, or maybe a less degrading word would be, gentle. However, I'm not much of a girl magnet either. I've been alone almost my entire life, and I suppose it has to be because of my demeanor. Women just don't want that type of guy. So if you're pretending to be that type guy, then, that's dumb. But if you're truly that type of guy, I suppose you're screwed.

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    • That was the whole point of my take, I was not a good guy. I was an annoying, creepy, selfish jerk. Notice how I put "nice guy" in quotes. I was not by any means nice. Most nice guy follow these type of behaviors and I am just trying to help anyone I can on here to realize what the hell they are doing.

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    • by the way if u wanted to reply to me make sure u write: @Battooot or else i won't be notified and won't see what u wrote.

    • @Battoot Thank you for the advice. You're probably right. While I haven't been very confident most of my life, I feel that I am now. Maybe it's still not enough. I would like to lose more weight to look better in suits. I've already lost about 100 lbs but could stand to lose another 30. I will focus on that.

  • Whereas I agree with much of what you've written here and on your other take about the nonexistent friend zone (which I agree with less), I think when you resort to calling people assholes and cowards you are much more likely to drive them away from any nuggets of wisdom you have to offer.

    I believe your intent might have been to give them a dose of reality, the raw truth, or some tough love type of tactic. However, a person can do all those things without resorting to the condescending language you're using. Most of the people agreeing with you in the opinions I'll wager already agreed with you long before you wrote these takes. I don't really see anyone who disagreed with you before but now is recanting in the opinions. This I think is because your tone is more likely making them defensive.

    By the way, your tone is even MORE likely to drive people who are in emotional pain away from your wisdom. Pain makes you stupid (clinical studies show this). For that reason an even greater amount of patience might be warranted.

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    • good point, I didn't see it that way but can see where you are coming from, will take note of this for future takes, thank you for your input

  • No! YOU WERE NOT A NICE GUY!

    In fact the way u completely disrespected her space was extremely rude!

    YOU WERE NOT NICE
    I'm sorry to say, but guy's and girls dumping on nice guys NOT EVEN KNOWING WHAT ONE IS
    that's just rude, please leave us be

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    • When he says nice guy, he referrs to what guys think they are being, not saying they are nice, he even calls then assholes

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    • Look to clear things up. I have "nice guy" I’m qoutes, which means I know I wasn’t a nice guy.

    • I kno bro, nothing against you, I'm just some crazy dude with a pet peeve for that term

  • I agree that if your trying to impress someone by acting nice that's not going to get you anywhere. But I don't want to have stop being me. Why do we always want people who don't want us. I just want to be with someone that also wants to be with me. I'm not bitter or feel like complaining. I just feel like girls aren't interested. I don't do things to impress the girl just to make them happier. I feel like once I do get a girlfriend I might get taken advantage of. It's so hard to communicate that you just care about someone without it getting weird. I hope one day I'll meet someone who doesn't care about these stupid labels. I'm not a nice guy. I'm a guy who cares about people that I'd enjoy having in my life. If they are happier not being with me then they shouldn't be. I might get hurt thinking this way but I still believe I'll meet someone who will carry for just as much as I'll care for them.

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    • I don't go around telling people I'm nice but I get told that I'm the nicest guy and sometimes that worries me. It makes me wonder if these girls will lump me in with the "nice guys" and think I'm a pushover with no confidence.

    • I think it depends on what kind of confidence. I'm confident in who I am and my opinions. I'm just not confidential in my appeal to women. I don't do nice things to impress. I just do nice things to make peoe happy and I don't expect anything in return. I just feel like no one likes me. but I don't expect them to just because I do nice things. I'd rather have someone like me for me and the nice thing gs be nice bonus for them.

  • Amen, brother.

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  • Yes we all know that nice guys finish last but can you define the difference between a good guy and nice guy in a statement, please?

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    • A good guy is someone who is nice to people without expecting something in return. This person just likes being nice and doesn't try to use it as some pickup mechanism. A Nice Guy is the person who is only nice to potential love interests and thinks that those women owe him something because he is "being nice". While in reality he is a douche and those women don't owe him shit. Hope it helps.

    • @AdoringFan - Thank you so much :-)

    • AdoringFan you are spot on. I could not have said it better.

  • If this is what "nice" guy is, then I've never been one, but I've never been an asshole. However I'm in the unenviable position of being a normal, average to above-average looking guy. Basically I might as well not even exist in the dating world. But each side has its own issues. "Nice guys" are too clingy and a lot of girls pick exactly the wrong type of guy. Then each complains about the plight and judges the other side and nothing really gets fixed. So what I'm saying is it's all fucked and I'm glad not to be a part of it.

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    • You are thinking the right way by choosing not to get involved with the antics of it all

  • As the saying goes... you attract more women, when you're not TRYING to attract women in the first place.

    Well written Take. Cheers!

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    • Thanks professor, you cleared the things fairly well :)

    • @YourFutureEx im speaking from experience, I seem to get the most positive attention from women, when i'm not TRYING to pick up women, and just going on about my daily life.

      It's a strange paradox to understand... but it is what it is. :-P

  • Interesting, although condescending to the point where some people will ignore your advice out of spite.

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    • Im telling them what the need to hear, not what they want to hear

    • @Take Owner
      "Im telling them what the need to hear, not what they want to hear"
      It is possible to tell them what they need to hear without resorting to terms which are more likely to drive them away and make them defensive. Corsair777 is correct to point out your tone.

  • I realized I am aa mixture lol I never really cared about having to pick up a girl on a bar because guys who dont get girls are pussies abd thst bullshit but when I do get a girl I become a "Nice Guy" because I start feeling she owes me something and become clingy, seriously, thank you for this post it will help me deal with a girl I currently have a weird relationship and I hope it works out between me and her

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  • Agree 100%

    There's also an analogous problem for women, which goes something like this:

    When a "nice" guy does errands for a woman, he expects to have a relationship/sex in return.

    When a "nice" girl has sex with a man, she expects him to give her a relationship in return.

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  • I am just getting rich and getting sex workers. Its just easier... If there was ever such thing as love, it was not created for some.

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  • Well written take, being a 'nice guy' is a one way ticket to rejection and loneliness.

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    • Yes it is, I have been there and done it, wish I could have snapped out of it sooner then I did.

  • I agree with some of what you say. But I believe if you've dated a woman for a month, and it's not sexual , dump her ! Why should it be one sided. ? I'd say a woman owes you that if you've been together that long. If not, dump her ass and find someone who will.

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  • The cure to "nice guy syndrome" is being able to recognize your various feelings and mindframes as you experience them and recognize how skewed your perception of reality results from them. I was in a situation sort of like yours a while ago, fortunately it didn't screw me over as badly.

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  • My nigga, 5-star post

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  • So many people need to read this.

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    • Yes sir they do. I wish I didn’t have to learn the hard way and had someone to tell me this when I was young and dumb

    • Lessons never stick that way, though.

      Maybe that's just in my case, though.
      I am a stubborn bastard.

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