Stop Being That “Nice Guy”, From a Former "Nice Guy"

Stop Being That “Nice Guy”, From a Former

When it comes to women you are trying to impress and get with. If you are that "nice guy” and you know who you are. I want to help you to see what you are doing wrong and why your efforts are failing and driving Women away. I want to help you see that you’re behaviors are not acceptable or welcomed, and that you need to change them if you ever hope to get the attention and possibly something more with a good level headed women.

I Was Once That Nice Guy

Unfortunately, there was a time in my younger years when I was once that "nice guy". The “nice guy” that felt he should have women swooning over him because he thought he was one of the few "nice guys” left in the world. The nice guy that constantly whined, complained and pouted about how women only like jerks and bad boys. The “nice guy” that would consider the women that shot him down as the problem instead of considering that he might be the one that has the problem. (which I was) I used to be bitter and envious towards other guys that I deemed not good enough to be with a certain women.

I would do things like called a women multiple times throughout the day, show up unannounced to her work place or wherever she would be hanging out with her friends to "surprise" her. I would do things like try and include myself in her plans that she already made and try and try and guilt trip her into a date, such as doing things like already buying movie tickets for me and her or buying her lunch and showing up on her lunch break to make her feel obligated to do something with me. I am pretty sure that a lot of these behaviors sound familiar.

Just like you are thinking, I thought I was being a "nice guy" and being flattering and sweet. The truth is that you are being annoying, clingy and sometimes even creepy and she is not ok with anything you are doing. She is just trying to find away to best tell you to get lost in the nicest way she can think of.

When I look back my behaviors when I was the “nice guy”, I am quite ashamed and embarrassed about how I acted and some of the things I did. I understand why some of these ladies had to resort to being rude to me. If I could I would apologize to some of the women I really annoyed or creeped out. I see now that my behaviors were not how a good guy behaves and that I was often being a selfish asshole. My behaviors were very childish, selfish and ridiculous and are not something I was proud of. Start recognizing what you are doing and I will explain what you need to work on to not be that guy. These are my main points when it comes to changing nice guy behaviors.

No One Owes You Anything

I remember when I would go out of my way to be "nice" and do something for a woman, that it was always done with the expectation of getting something in return. This is perhaps the most well known behavior of any "nice guy", and I'm sure that this is what influences your actions when it comes to doing things for a woman.

When a women made it clear that she had no romantic interest in me, It was a slap in the face and I was like "how could she" I brought her lunch, drove all the way over to see her on her lunch break. I am being nice to her, so WTF. I was a "nice guy", all ladies are supposed to love me because I am one of the few nice guys left out there. I felt that they owed me because I am going out of my way to be "nice".

No sir, no one owes you anything and you need to stop thinking that someone does just because you are being nice to them. You are choosing to go out of your way to do things for her and try and impress her and she is not in anyway obligated to anything with you. If you are only nice to someone that you expect something in return from then that makes you a self absorbed asshole and what kind of decent level headed women is supposed to be attracted to someone like that. Realize that you are being an asshole when you think like this. A good women is going to catch on to when you are just being nice just to expect something in return, so stop being an asshole and realize no one owes you anything.


Stop Bugging Her

If she is not interested in you, then she is not interested in you. That's the bottom line. Most likely it is going to be because you already have bugged the crap out of her. If she isn't returning your calls, acknowledging the plans you want to make, or so much as not even looking at you when you try and talk to her, then she is not interested in and you need to stop bugging her and move on.


You need to be a man, learn to take the hint and deal with rejection. It sucks, but you're a big boy and need to deal with it. Stop following her around, stop calling her non stop throughout the day, stop showing up places where she is at and just let her be. Don't wait until she finally has to be rude to you to get you off her back. You need to move on as soon as you can see or she tells you she has no interest. You need to realize that she is seeing you as a loser that has no life and too much time on your hands, not attractive qualities in a potential partner.


As much as you some of you like to think this kind of behavior is supposed to show her how much you really care and how determined you are to win her over, this is the worst thing you can do. I know you are doing what you are doing because you are thinking "well maybe I haven't tried this" or "maybe I haven't done that" and you're thinking your next move will be the one that will win her over. The hard cold truth is that there is nothing at this point that will win her over and you need to accept it and move on. Bugging the crap out of a woman is a strategy that works in sappy movies but here in the real world it's going to make a you a stalker and at the very least you will succeed in pissing her off, so leave her alone and stop bugging her.

Get Over The Envy and Bitterness

I can imagine that you are envious of other guys that you deem as not worthy of the good looking women they have at their side, and are thinking along the lines of "she should be with me" or "what does she see in the butt ugly loser".You're probably thinking you dress nicer, your better looking and that you should be the one she is taking an interest in instead of that loser she is with.


I can imagine that many of you are also bitter about some of your rejections and experiences with women, particularly the women that might have been especially rude to you when telling you to get lost. You need to stop being bitter about it because it's not going to change anything. The best thing you can do is learn from your mistakes, recognize the behaviors you are doing and make an honest effort to change them.

Being envious about someone else is ridiculous because you don't know what those two have shared together or been through. For all you know this is a guy that stuck with this women through her cancer treatment when she had no hair and was throwing up everywhere. There is no telling how long they have been together and maybe this guy isn't a jerk like you would like to think. It also could be that maybe this women isn't all that she looks like she is and maybe dude is actually tired of her shit. The point is you don't know anything and need to stop assuming. It makes an ass out of you to jump to any conclusions, so grow up and stop the envy.


Stop Chasing Women

Stop revolving everything in your life around trying to pick up women. I already hear some of you being like "well how am I supposed to meet anyone" That's the thing, you shouldn't be worried about it. You need to focus on your goals, your plans and where you want to be at in your life and adopt the mentality of "if I meet someone I do, if I don't then oh well" You need to be happy and confident enough in yourself to not have to rely on someone else to provide that for you.


Picking up women is not a hobby and you need to stop treating it as such. You need to find other things to occupy your time. Pick up a real hobby (ie fishing, hunting, golfing, basketball etc.) to do on your leisure time. Sign up for some classes, call up an old friend, or spend time with family. There are plenty of other things you can be doing to be productive and for your leisure time. You need to find out who you are and what you want out of your life before you can hope to be happy with anyone.


Stop the Bitching, Moaning and Complaining

A "nice guy" always has something to complain about when it comes to women. I was notorious for this when I was the "nice guy". Stop complaining about how women only like jerks and bad boys. (I will explain this in another post) stop complaining about how your were friend zoned or, whining about how you are never going to meet anyone, just stop, no one cares and this is by for the most un attractive behavior you can throw out there. It's time to grow up and stop complaining and make something happen to change you behaviors.


Going forward from here

I hope that I have helped you see some of the things you are doing wrong by being the "nice guy" I wish I had someone to tell me the things I am telling you when I was younger and maybe I would have been able to save myself countless hours of frustration and heartache and have more positive interactions with women. Do yourself the favor and stop doing what you are doing and acting foolishly. You are going to regret it when you get older and realize what an ass you were. Trust me on this.



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What Girls Said 14

  • i used to do something similar, but not in a romantic or sexual way.
    i would put aside loads of time for friends, and expect them to give me the same priority.
    i then understood that people just need some space.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_kg0W3AeIU

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  • This is such bullshit, what about the nice genuine girls that want a nice guy and not an asshole?

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    • He's not talking about genuinely nice guys. He's talking about guys who are nice on purpose and expect things in return and when things don't go their way, they start complaining that women are bitches.

  • Exactly! Finally someone who gets it right, this is amazing.

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  • THANK. YOU !

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  • THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS. I hate these little "mytakes" but your's was the best and probably only one worth reading. It's about time someone calls these "nice guys" out on their shit.

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  • There are so many guys that come to mind from reading this! Thank God for someone finally understanding and informing!

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  • There are some things I don't agree with here, but overall I think it's a great take. Hits the nail on the head. You're gonna get a lot of hate though because your description fits a lot of guys on here

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    • Yep I already have gotten some negative feedback. I can imagine from the guys that fit this description.

  • My exact feelings on the whole "Nice Guys" thing. Especially the revolving their life around women thing.

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    • No no no! TF, I'm a nice guy, that's not something i can change and i would if i could

      Name one damn nice thing he did... u can't!
      He wasn't a nice guy! He was a annoying as hell little dude

      I'm here cause us nice guys are tired of getting the shit dumped on them!
      For an actual nice guy these accusations are little less than a slap in the face smh -_-

    • For a nice guy, you're getting pretty defensive, and insulting others? Not trying to imply anything but just think about that for a second.

    • What if I'm nice to you because you're nice to me? Agree though, revolving life around women is a very strange concept.

  • So refreshing to see a former Nice Guy® realise that his behaviours were not acceptable and turned over a new leaf.

    I salute you in your victory of breaking that vicious cycle and your desire to help other men open their eyes, because God knows how many Nice Guys® are still running around this website, still blaming everything on women for being rejected, still treating women like sex vending machines that you put niceness coins into.

    I wish you success in your future endeavours, go out there and get yourself a fine-ass lady that deserves YOUR attention, rather than out of desperation.

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  • seriously! well said. you, sir, got it completely right. congrats! at least I know of one guy now who doesn't have his head completely shoved up his ass.

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  • There's a difference between being "nice", and smothering. I don't think you need to see why being a nice guy is wrong, but rather what you are doing wrong as a nice guy. God forbid we have a militia of douche bags running around.

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    • Wise beyond your years, heart_of_gold. And you managed to say it without saying condescending.

    • There's a reason why OP put "nice guy" in quotation marks. Google the term and you will see that this type of behaviour has become so common among men that it turned into somewhat a meme.

    • Thank-you @Bluemax, I get that a lot. Lol. And yeah @MaskedSanity, I'm not surprised.

  • This is absolutely, 100% correct!!! I wish all those "nice guys" out there would please please read this!

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  • High five, mister.

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  • I love your ownership on this, and insight that it's all expectation. Makes sense to think back and read all that crap the guys in high school posted on Facebook about "nice guys finish last." You, sir, just did us all a favor & pointed out why.

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    • I just look back on my time when I was this kind of guy and see all the headaches and frustrations that I caused for myself not to mention the women I pissed off and annoyed. I just want to help out whom ever I can that is acting like I did back the. If I can help one person to stop being this kind of guy I will have succeeded in why I posted this.

What Guys Said 40

  • As the saying goes... you attract more women, when you're not TRYING to attract women in the first place.

    Well written Take. Cheers!

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    • Thanks professor, you cleared the things fairly well :)

    • @YourFutureEx im speaking from experience, I seem to get the most positive attention from women, when i'm not TRYING to pick up women, and just going on about my daily life.

      It's a strange paradox to understand... but it is what it is. :-P

  • This is such fucking bullshit. I am a nice guy and I am proud of it. I am not an insecure and needy guy, which is what is the real turn off. A guy that treats women with disrespect is just pathetic and is always lonely in the end. You people that think this stuff is ligit need to get yourself checked out.
    Any mature girl wants a guy that is nice and caring and mature at the same time but has his own life and is not always gripped to her. Enjoy!

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    • If you are not that guy then what I am saying should not bother you. If the shoe fits wear it, if not why so defensive?

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    • If you say so, you jumped on here cursing and defending yourself explaining that you are not that needy guy, if your not then that's great. I hope things in your dating life are going well then. I am not out here to offend anyone and I do apologize if that's how you are taking this. I will be the first to tell you anyone that I am not the expert and I am not claiming to be the expert. I am just sharing my experiences and what I have learned with the intentions of helping others. I realize that I am not going to help everyone that comes across my take and that not everyone is going to agree with my views. I am ok with that.

    • I am not offended, I just think you are making a fool of yourself. Who are you?
      Also, stop projecting!

  • This take may prove helpful for people who have ridiculous entitlement issues like the TakeOwner admits HE once had. But what good is it for ACTUAL GENUINE NICE GUYS? For them, it's basically worthless! This take completely ignores the problems of ACTUAL GENUINE NICE GUYS who constantly face rejection and the friend zone because so many women really do take kindness for weakness.

    It's idiotic and downright insulting for the "nice guy" term to be used as though there is no such thing as an ACTUAL NICE GUY. To listen to this drivel, if a nice guy helps a little old lady across the street, he must be expecting a blowjob in return! If a nice guy takes a girl out on a date, he isn't automatically thinking he's entitled to sex because he paid for dinner! If a nice guy hopes a date can lead to a real adult relationship with a woman, this is not being "entitlled" to sex. The "entitled" people the TakeOwner harps about are NOT nice guys at all! All this silly take does is project negativity on genuine decent people who don't deserve it!

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  • Whereas I agree with much of what you've written here and on your other take about the nonexistent friend zone (which I agree with less), I think when you resort to calling people assholes and cowards you are much more likely to drive them away from any nuggets of wisdom you have to offer.

    I believe your intent might have been to give them a dose of reality, the raw truth, or some tough love type of tactic. However, a person can do all those things without resorting to the condescending language you're using. Most of the people agreeing with you in the opinions I'll wager already agreed with you long before you wrote these takes. I don't really see anyone who disagreed with you before but now is recanting in the opinions. This I think is because your tone is more likely making them defensive.

    By the way, your tone is even MORE likely to drive people who are in emotional pain away from your wisdom. Pain makes you stupid (clinical studies show this). For that reason an even greater amount of patience might be warranted.

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    • good point, I didn't see it that way but can see where you are coming from, will take note of this for future takes, thank you for your input

  • Interesting, although condescending to the point where some people will ignore your advice out of spite.

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    • Im telling them what the need to hear, not what they want to hear

    • @Take Owner
      "Im telling them what the need to hear, not what they want to hear"
      It is possible to tell them what they need to hear without resorting to terms which are more likely to drive them away and make them defensive. Corsair777 is correct to point out your tone.

  • I agree that if your trying to impress someone by acting nice that's not going to get you anywhere. But I don't want to have stop being me. Why do we always want people who don't want us. I just want to be with someone that also wants to be with me. I'm not bitter or feel like complaining. I just feel like girls aren't interested. I don't do things to impress the girl just to make them happier. I feel like once I do get a girlfriend I might get taken advantage of. It's so hard to communicate that you just care about someone without it getting weird. I hope one day I'll meet someone who doesn't care about these stupid labels. I'm not a nice guy. I'm a guy who cares about people that I'd enjoy having in my life. If they are happier not being with me then they shouldn't be. I might get hurt thinking this way but I still believe I'll meet someone who will carry for just as much as I'll care for them.

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    • I don't go around telling people I'm nice but I get told that I'm the nicest guy and sometimes that worries me. It makes me wonder if these girls will lump me in with the "nice guys" and think I'm a pushover with no confidence.

    • I think it depends on what kind of confidence. I'm confident in who I am and my opinions. I'm just not confidential in my appeal to women. I don't do nice things to impress. I just do nice things to make peoe happy and I don't expect anything in return. I just feel like no one likes me. but I don't expect them to just because I do nice things. I'd rather have someone like me for me and the nice thing gs be nice bonus for them.

  • I was thinking to post similar post but u did it better

    Between the stupid guy and the good guy small difference

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  • OK but they would have more sucess if they do it or not?

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  • I would say I am a nice guy and I am with someone I am going to be marrying next year. I just proved that nice guys can get a lady that loves him, cares about him, respects him, lo u al to him etc.

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    • but it will take 31 years lol

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    • I am in the nice girl category.

      An example. Just recently a so called (ex) friend took a guy's interest off me. Someone I was intimately involved with. She played the victim, manipulated situations to her advantage, even made comments to try pursuade me to try change how I felt about him (that did not work) and ended up being able to win him over.

      I never chased the guy aggressively, like she did, used casual sex to get his attention the first night I met him, let him always come to me (we were friends after all) and never forced anything.

      Just gobsmacked that guys fall for that and think that, that kind of girl is relationship material... More like 'instant relationship' material...

    • @Tiarra I do feel for you and believe you will find some who can not be taken from you. He will love you and care about you for who you are.

  • I agree with some of what you say. But I believe if you've dated a woman for a month, and it's not sexual , dump her ! Why should it be one sided. ? I'd say a woman owes you that if you've been together that long. If not, dump her ass and find someone who will.

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  • Women are nice to men who have something they want (money/power) and men are nice to women who have something they want (pussy).

    The issue arises when there is an imbalance between what each side brings to the table. At that point being nice can comes off as creepy to the person who has a higher market value.

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  • myTakes are getting worse with every day.

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  • No! YOU WERE NOT A NICE GUY!

    In fact the way u completely disrespected her space was extremely rude!

    YOU WERE NOT NICE
    I'm sorry to say, but guy's and girls dumping on nice guys NOT EVEN KNOWING WHAT ONE IS
    that's just rude, please leave us be

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    • When he says nice guy, he referrs to what guys think they are being, not saying they are nice, he even calls then assholes

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    • Look to clear things up. I have "nice guy" I’m qoutes, which means I know I wasn’t a nice guy.

    • I kno bro, nothing against you, I'm just some crazy dude with a pet peeve for that term

  • I realized I am aa mixture lol I never really cared about having to pick up a girl on a bar because guys who dont get girls are pussies abd thst bullshit but when I do get a girl I become a "Nice Guy" because I start feeling she owes me something and become clingy, seriously, thank you for this post it will help me deal with a girl I currently have a weird relationship and I hope it works out between me and her

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  • Eh. It's more just about looks in general and being talkative. So if you're good looking and you're talkative, you can get a girl. Bad and nice guy personas don't matter.

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  • this must be the most retarted take ever, and some of the comments here coming from women are just petathic. i wish you all 10 days in hell for that.

    here is my view: No one should be a nice guy or a bad guy, you need to be a men, as simple as that. you need to find a healhty balance between those 2, what this dude, and all these other women are promoting, is you becoming an absolute piece of shit. have your own life, a good job, a place of your own, that's what makes you a men, the moment she is playing games you walk out on her. not being an asshole and playing stupid mind games.

    there is nothing wrong with threating your girl as a princes but sometimes you have to say no, how? stick up to your own values. A girl i was dating became pregnant from me, and she told me not to tell anyone, not even her own uncle & aunt. i tought it was a bad idea, i should have just told them but i dropped my own morals to keep her calm.

    and to women telling us what we men should be like, SHUT THE F. CK UP! because women these days, are all feminists.

    just be you, and find a girl who likes you for who you are, and not some stupid brain washed bitch. Just be a men!

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    • Along with your "message", your grammar makes opinion non respectable.

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    • Take Owner, i get your point but it's BS. Why should i become an asshole, i love my girl, i would die for my girl. thats what we should do, its naturaln behavior for men to chase and treat their women with respect, there are differences between men and women, physical and emotional, you want us to exploid those differences by playing mind games with women? im sorry but im not going to do that, if a women doesn't like me for who i am, and rather gets half of her life beaten up by some stupid ass construction worker fine, i treat my girl with respect. Knowing when things end up, that i did my very best. last time , a girl her on GAG said , she liked dating jobless losers, because they have more time for her. just be yourself !!! loves comes from 2 sides, and the moment you start playing mind games its over. i dont like games, it pisses me off. no you can't see other men, if you do i get upset. stuff like that, im not jealous im protecting my girl from other men, thats instinct.

    • your take is about unnatural behavior, yes women can be providers to, but its men who have to go to war, and dont talk to me about GI JANE BS, every saw a gi jane in the special forces, marine coprs, navy seals, i haven't, I've been in the army and women have lower standards, they have their own toilets, they can take a little bit longer to finish the speed marsh, they have to do less push ups, get lost. being a men, is being proud of yourself and not acting like some slick douchebag who deeply cares about his girl but acts like he doesn't. yes i am offended, i see so many wannabe tough guys walking around with girls, the moment i challenge them they are nothing but losers and posers. i dont mind putting a 9mm in their heads, if i didn't have to go to jail for it, i would start with my list straight away.

  • A lot of things you are spot on. Yes stop chasing women because the more you try and become obsessed the less you have a chance. Also there is little chance to change your stripes and once a creep you will stay a creep until you fix some deeper things in life.

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    • It really takes some growing up and a sincere desire to recognize your faults and change them. That and setting some goals and getting things going in your life that develop confidence. It was a long road for me to change my way of thinking when it came to women but recognizing where your going wrong is the first step and that’s what I am trying to get across to as many guys as I can.

    • Sad thing is they have to learn things the hard way. And some people have to hit a bottom to change. Glad that you are living free from the drama and tension of not being confident and happy. Carpe diem pal. You got one chance at this short life. LIVE IT LARGE.

  • Nice means fake. It's an insult if someone calls me nice.
    So my response to that is a big fuck you. Wether your a woman or a man.
    Fuck you I'm not nice at all, in fact I'd probaly kill you for money.

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  • That's why I've just given up and accepted the fact I won't find anyone to be with... much easier than stressing over being lonely. Its not easy to accept and it down right sucks when you come to that realization but believing the BS that there is someone out there for everyone, only to have your confidence in yourself stripped away piece by piece is far worst. At least I know what I can expect, I'll be lonely. I'm not looking for pitty, but some people aren't meant to be in relationships and that's ok. You just got to accept it no matter how hard and move on.

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    • Why so defeatist? Why not live with the mindset that your life will evolve and one day you may stumble upon a Mrs that's worth your time without even having tried. Ummmm, Yolo? :P jk

    • Take charge of your own life, be a man, don't be a melt, and someone will notice you for you and want to be involved with how badass you are. Never rely on anyone else for confidence except yourself!

    • What it comes down to is that you need to be comfortable enough in yourself to not need a women in your life to make you happy. You need to make your own happiness and adopt the mentality if I meet someone I do and if not then of well, its oh well because you should be happy with your life. Focus on your goals, your plans, your hobbies and living your life the way you would be happy (without a partner) If it’s meant to be then someone will come along when the time is right.

  • Yes we all know that nice guys finish last but can you define the difference between a good guy and nice guy in a statement, please?

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    • A good guy is someone who is nice to people without expecting something in return. This person just likes being nice and doesn't try to use it as some pickup mechanism. A Nice Guy is the person who is only nice to potential love interests and thinks that those women owe him something because he is "being nice". While in reality he is a douche and those women don't owe him shit. Hope it helps.

    • @AdoringFan - Thank you so much :-)

    • AdoringFan you are spot on. I could not have said it better.

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