When it comes to women you are trying to impress and get with. If you are that "nice guy” and you know who you are. I want to help you to see what you are doing wrong and why your efforts are failing and driving Women away. I want to help you see that you’re behaviors are not acceptable or welcomed, and that you need to change them if you ever hope to get the attention and possibly something more with a good level headed women.
I Was Once That Nice Guy
Unfortunately, there was a time in my younger years when I was once that "nice guy". The “nice guy” that felt he should have women swooning over him because he thought he was one of the few "nice guys” left in the world. The nice guy that constantly whined, complained and pouted about how women only like jerks and bad boys. The “nice guy” that would consider the women that shot him down as the problem instead of considering that he might be the one that has the problem. (which I was) I used to be bitter and envious towards other guys that I deemed not good enough to be with a certain women.
I would do things like called a women multiple times throughout the day, show up unannounced to her work place or wherever she would be hanging out with her friends to "surprise" her. I would do things like try and include myself in her plans that she already made and try and try and guilt trip her into a date, such as doing things like already buying movie tickets for me and her or buying her lunch and showing up on her lunch break to make her feel obligated to do something with me. I am pretty sure that a lot of these behaviors sound familiar.
Just like you are thinking, I thought I was being a "nice guy" and being flattering and sweet. The truth is that you are being annoying, clingy and sometimes even creepy and she is not ok with anything you are doing. She is just trying to find away to best tell you to get lost in the nicest way she can think of.
When I look back my behaviors when I was the “nice guy”, I am quite ashamed and embarrassed about how I acted and some of the things I did. I understand why some of these ladies had to resort to being rude to me. If I could I would apologize to some of the women I really annoyed or creeped out. I see now that my behaviors were not how a good guy behaves and that I was often being a selfish asshole. My behaviors were very childish, selfish and ridiculous and are not something I was proud of. Start recognizing what you are doing and I will explain what you need to work on to not be that guy. These are my main points when it comes to changing nice guy behaviors.
No One Owes You Anything
I remember when I would go out of my way to be "nice" and do something for a woman, that it was always done with the expectation of getting something in return. This is perhaps the most well known behavior of any "nice guy", and I'm sure that this is what influences your actions when it comes to doing things for a woman.
When a women made it clear that she had no romantic interest in me, It was a slap in the face and I was like "how could she" I brought her lunch, drove all the way over to see her on her lunch break. I am being nice to her, so WTF. I was a "nice guy", all ladies are supposed to love me because I am one of the few nice guys left out there. I felt that they owed me because I am going out of my way to be "nice".
No sir, no one owes you anything and you need to stop thinking that someone does just because you are being nice to them. You are choosing to go out of your way to do things for her and try and impress her and she is not in anyway obligated to anything with you. If you are only nice to someone that you expect something in return from then that makes you a self absorbed asshole and what kind of decent level headed women is supposed to be attracted to someone like that. Realize that you are being an asshole when you think like this. A good women is going to catch on to when you are just being nice just to expect something in return, so stop being an asshole and realize no one owes you anything.
Stop Bugging Her
If she is not interested in you, then she is not interested in you. That's the bottom line. Most likely it is going to be because you already have bugged the crap out of her. If she isn't returning your calls, acknowledging the plans you want to make, or so much as not even looking at you when you try and talk to her, then she is not interested in and you need to stop bugging her and move on.
You need to be a man, learn to take the hint and deal with rejection. It sucks, but you're a big boy and need to deal with it. Stop following her around, stop calling her non stop throughout the day, stop showing up places where she is at and just let her be. Don't wait until she finally has to be rude to you to get you off her back. You need to move on as soon as you can see or she tells you she has no interest. You need to realize that she is seeing you as a loser that has no life and too much time on your hands, not attractive qualities in a potential partner.
As much as you some of you like to think this kind of behavior is supposed to show her how much you really care and how determined you are to win her over, this is the worst thing you can do. I know you are doing what you are doing because you are thinking "well maybe I haven't tried this" or "maybe I haven't done that" and you're thinking your next move will be the one that will win her over. The hard cold truth is that there is nothing at this point that will win her over and you need to accept it and move on. Bugging the crap out of a woman is a strategy that works in sappy movies but here in the real world it's going to make a you a stalker and at the very least you will succeed in pissing her off, so leave her alone and stop bugging her.
Get Over The Envy and Bitterness
I can imagine that you are envious of other guys that you deem as not worthy of the good looking women they have at their side, and are thinking along the lines of "she should be with me" or "what does she see in the butt ugly loser".You're probably thinking you dress nicer, your better looking and that you should be the one she is taking an interest in instead of that loser she is with.
I can imagine that many of you are also bitter about some of your rejections and experiences with women, particularly the women that might have been especially rude to you when telling you to get lost. You need to stop being bitter about it because it's not going to change anything. The best thing you can do is learn from your mistakes, recognize the behaviors you are doing and make an honest effort to change them.
Being envious about someone else is ridiculous because you don't know what those two have shared together or been through. For all you know this is a guy that stuck with this women through her cancer treatment when she had no hair and was throwing up everywhere. There is no telling how long they have been together and maybe this guy isn't a jerk like you would like to think. It also could be that maybe this women isn't all that she looks like she is and maybe dude is actually tired of her shit. The point is you don't know anything and need to stop assuming. It makes an ass out of you to jump to any conclusions, so grow up and stop the envy.
Stop Chasing Women
Stop revolving everything in your life around trying to pick up women. I already hear some of you being like "well how am I supposed to meet anyone" That's the thing, you shouldn't be worried about it. You need to focus on your goals, your plans and where you want to be at in your life and adopt the mentality of "if I meet someone I do, if I don't then oh well" You need to be happy and confident enough in yourself to not have to rely on someone else to provide that for you.
Picking up women is not a hobby and you need to stop treating it as such. You need to find other things to occupy your time. Pick up a real hobby (ie fishing, hunting, golfing, basketball etc.) to do on your leisure time. Sign up for some classes, call up an old friend, or spend time with family. There are plenty of other things you can be doing to be productive and for your leisure time. You need to find out who you are and what you want out of your life before you can hope to be happy with anyone.
Stop the Bitching, Moaning and Complaining
A "nice guy" always has something to complain about when it comes to women. I was notorious for this when I was the "nice guy". Stop complaining about how women only like jerks and bad boys. (I will explain this in another post) stop complaining about how your were friend zoned or, whining about how you are never going to meet anyone, just stop, no one cares and this is by for the most un attractive behavior you can throw out there. It's time to grow up and stop complaining and make something happen to change you behaviors.
Going forward from here
I hope that I have helped you see some of the things you are doing wrong by being the "nice guy" I wish I had someone to tell me the things I am telling you when I was younger and maybe I would have been able to save myself countless hours of frustration and heartache and have more positive interactions with women. Do yourself the favor and stop doing what you are doing and acting foolishly. You are going to regret it when you get older and realize what an ass you were. Trust me on this.