Who "bad boys" and "nice guys" really are and why girls should recognize and avoid both types of boys

When guys ask girls why they always go for bad boys it's because those guys don't understand who those "bad boys" are and why they are able to succeed in the dating world when they cannot. However, the girls don't actually know who "bad boys" are either. The main reasons girls say they go for bad boys is because the bad boy has "confidence" and doesn't worry about what the world thinks of them. However, when you really look at who this "bad boy" really is you realize that both of those statements couldn't be farther from the truth. If those guys truly didn't care what the world thought of them then why would they go to extreme lengths to appear like they don't care? If they didn't really care why would they have expensive outfits to appear bad?

Who

If they truly didn't care what people thought of them they'd dress like this...

This is what a guy who truly couldn't care less about being judged looks like.

The cliche' bad boy will care about what people think of them more than anyone else will. So why do they go to extreme lengths to look as if they were the opposite? To get in a girls pants. Shocking, I know. They put on a fake persona to attract women. It's for this very same reason that they will ditch that same girl not long after. Why would they do that when they worked so hard to get in your pants? Because maintaning that persona only works when a person doesn't get to know who they really are. They leave before they give themselves away in some way and lose the image of being aloof to the expectations of the world. They must do everything they can to maintain their image.

Many girls realize before they even get involved with a "bad boy" that it won't work out in the end. They just want to have a fun and exciting experience. These girls adopt the idea that they should, "date a bad boy now marry a nice guy later." However, if they mean an actual decent man who has a truly good heart and they put the love of their life's problems before their own. These girls are in for a tough lesson. This lessons is usually learned too late for them to correct themselves. Because girls only have experience guys with a "bad boy" persona they have no experience dating a guy who adopts a "nice guy" persona and thus can't tell the difference between an actual manly gentlemen and a "nice guy." So now some people might be asking "aren't those two descriptions describing the same guy?" No, they are completely different. In fact, the nice guy is actually more alike with the bad boy then he is with an actual gentlemen.

"Nice guys" and "bad boys" are actually the same people at their core. They have the same goal but they take two different approaches to getting to that goal. Again, as I have said before, the end goal is to get into a girls pants. People who claim to be a nice guy aren't actually nice by nature. They have watched disney movies and see that to win their way to a girls heart they need to treat her like a queen. They give her all their time to win her affection. They don't actually do all these nice things for a girl out of the kindness of their hearts. They do it in the hopes that the girl will see them as a truly good person and thus have sex with them. A good indicator between "nice guys" and guys who are true gentlemen is when they do something for someone else at their own expense the true gentlement does not ask for anything in return for their good deed. Doing a good deed was reward enough in itself. The "nice guy" will show his true face and become bitter and angry about not being rewarded with a girls love and sexuality for the deed that they tried to do for her. In his mind he just put a down payment for something and didn't get the product in the end. Because in a "nice guys" mind a good deed is a payment for a future reward for themselves. When you see and hear about women who are in abusive relationships and you wonder how they got there. It's because they fell for the "nice guy." She met a guy. He was so nice and did everything for her. She thought he was such a good hearted person. However, he'd have outbursts about how she was unfair every once in awhile when she never asked or demanded he do anything and her not returning the favor with sex immidiately threw him over the edge. But the girl scraped this off as his one minor flaw that showed he was truly human. They eventually get married and he treats her like a queen. But then after awhile when separating or getting a divorce became out of the question he let out the real guy he was on the inside. A selfish prick that wants her to hand over some ass when he says and how he says. If she doesn't comply he gives her the back of his hand. In his mind he had given her a loan of months/years of gentlemen like behavior. Well now he's decided to cash in.

So now girls may be asking "How can I identify a real prince charming?" Simple, through trial and error. That is what the dating world to finding your soul mate is all about. You have to swim through the "nice guy" narcissists to find an actual decent dude. You date you begin to see that a guy isn't who he says he is so you have to break up and start over. There is no "I can change him into a good guy." That never has nor never will happen. They don't want to change. They don't want to equal relationship that you do. But by choosing to go after the bad boy you miss out on the chance to learn how to differentiate between a "nice guy" and an actual man who treats others with respect. However now some girls bring back the brilliant idea that they can simply just "date a bad boy now marry a nice guy later." But when that later eventually does come because you decided to mentally become an adult you now complain "where are all the nice guys?" Simple, they're all around you with a wedding ring on their left ring finger. True gentlemen were able to find a true lady. That lady wasn't you... Those other ladies were mature and recognized a good person when they saw one. They didn't spend their youth trying to have the exciting "experience" of dating a bad boy. They were immidiately looking for that one dude who would make them have butterflies in her stomach every single night they cuddled together. Those actual gentlemen had something neither the "bad boy" or the "nice guy had." Respect for others and respect for THEMSELVES. They weren't going to wait around to have their turn with you. They went and found a lady who was worthy and equal to them in terms of respecting their significant other. They went and found a girl who was mature and didn't see guys as commodities that they'd trade with. Now all these girls who wanted to date bad boys but now were bored of those men and wanted to change their interests to a guy that they'd like to settle down with. You now have two choices of men to settle down with. The "bad boy" who is just going to neglect you or the "nice guy" who you wish would neglect you after he reveals who he is.

So what is the lesson here? Guys learn to have some respect for the opposite sex and don't treat them as pieces of meat that you find interesting ways to screw. Have respect because any respectable lady will sniff you out real fast. Ladies who have the mentality of craving "bad boys" grow up... Because an actual man that is everything you have dreamed about will not put up with your childish behavior nor will they wait years for you to finally want to settle down. If you really want that kind of guy you have to actually actively look for him. This includes bettering yourself as a person because even if you find one that you're attracted to you still have to find a way to convince him that you're worthy of his time.

Ladies and gentlemen you need to keep your eyes on the prize.


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What Girls Said 12

  • Wow... i loved reading this! You're one amazing and awesome son of a gun! I can't think of any sentence which wasn't true.. CHAPEAU BAS!

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  • Interesting take :)

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  • um i never liked bad boys until now. i've always been about sweet boys who i can share a special romance with. but last year all that changed and i'm addicted now.

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  • I disagree.

    The bad boy that you pictured may dress that way because he wants to. It's not keep up appearances. The man in the store might not truly care or he didn't see that stain on his shirt. It happens. Common sense.

    People who pretend to be nice guys to get into women's pants are merely assholes.

    There are nice guys who are pushovers that many women don't want and then there are nice guys who genuinely are nice, sweet, loving etc.

    I think it's very simple what many want: an attractive guy with a great personality. For me, that would be the "bad boy" rugged masculine look. Other women differ.

    I don't think you can label every bad boy/nice guy one way because there are variations.

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  • This actually happened way back when I was a freshman in HS. I had a crush on this guy and his sister told me that her brother was supposedly ''shy''. He appeared to be ''shy'' at first and even said ''Hi'' to me so awkwardly but not really. He turned to be a fake ''nice, shy guy'' and was actually arrogant and even said something like ''Oh yeah, I'm pretty'' after asking ''do yo like me'' several times.

    Nope, I didn't went for one of those bad guy cursing. I actually went for the nice, shy one and he still was a jerk. It was all a display.

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    • "Oh, yeah. I'm pretty"? Wow! Yeah, this is one guy you don't want to be around. Some of them "nice, shy" guys aren't acting. So, don't miss out on that real special one.

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    • so he was bad because he had some pride and maybe just conciousnsee/confidence in his looks? so you were a humble saint?

    • That's not pride. That's called being a disrespectful jerk. No decent guy calls himself pretty nor needs to show off.

  • Nice. I don't prefer either. I prefer REAL men. The kind who is your friend... and your cuddle buddy even if he's inclined for sex... the kind who waits for you and doesn't have a fit if you decline sex after X amount of dates. The kind who kind of actually think about their future and who they actually want in it and don't want to waste their time with frivolity. (Though they won't DECLINE sex if given the opportunity. They're men... not martyrs.) the kind who tell the truth... even if they know telling the truth can get them mistaken for an 'asshole' by someone who isn't comfortable with the truth... but still show some consideration and recognition that it can be uneasy for some to hear it and try to stay mindful of that. The kind of guy who doesn't melt down if a man hugs his woman but still holds value to loyalty. He just chooses to be realistic and not see everything as a threat... because he knows either she'll be loyal and is worth his time or won't be and isn't... so he doesn't concern himself with the small things. Who doesn't try to convert himself to fit a girl's lifestyle on the off chance she'll let him dip
    it in. I, for one, prefer... a real man. Because then I actually know there stands a chance for something REAL to happen.

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    • "the kind who is your friend... and your cuddle buddy even if he's inclined for sex... the kind who waits for you and doesn't have a fit if you decline sex after X amount of dates."

      So you want a guy who treats you... nice?

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    • When I say he's my 'friend', I meant that he's real with me... not a yes man. He'll freely gush over me... and tell me I'm wonderful... and doesn't ever demean me... but he'll tell me point blank if something I say or do isn't effective. If he calls me and he knows I should be working on a project. (I do design) and asks me how I'm doing... I admit when I'm slacking and he reminds me to get on it and busts my chops. (While still being respectful.) Etc so forth. So sure... I mean 'nice' if by nice you mean... mutual respect, understanding each other but also not enabling each other.

      We're real with each other. But it doesn't mean we're cold to each other. All the while... he's where I find my comfort, he's the face I miss, fuels my passion... and doesn't try to fit perfect with me or mold himself to be 'perfect' for me. We're both steadfast in ourselves without being stubborn towards one another. So... yea. Not 'nice'. Real. He didn't try to cater to me to get in my pants.

    • He stayed who he is, lets me be who I am... and vice versa... I'm allowed to be myself... and let him be himself... and we speak up. We never have to be mean and we never have to over accept or over cater. So we're never worried or concerned and wanting to control the other. When I say I don't want 'nice', it's not that I don't want a nice guy, it's that I don't want someone faking his way into my pants or heart but trying to overfocus on being perfectly compatible in every single way. Because when you don't actually like doing those things... it fades... and then there's dissatisfaction and fallout because you're sick of the 'going out of your way' for 'not enough in return'. It's just stressful all around. If you don't actually like or respect your partner... what's gonna happen when you have to take something on together as a team? It'll stress you both out... and during the time you most need to be a team... you're too preoccupied with how you feel to actually work on problems that do come.

  • Dude nice or bad boys want sex. Every man has a different tactic to get sex

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    • As long and you can recognize that it's not always about sex, I agree with your comment

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    • What a load of crap, men only want sex, bullshit!

    • Did I say only?
      No read again idiot

  • Oh God, YES! This is what I always try to explain to cliche "Nice Guys" when they complain about being friend zoned. They take the nice approach with the same goal as the "Bad Boy" and then get angry when a girl doesn't want them. How is that fair? How is that respecting a woman?
    Excellent MyTake. Love it.

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    • You are totally confused! Let's not play dumb here! We're not talking about elementary school! A grown man doesn't try to meet a grown woman because he's looking for a buddy! At the same time "Bad Noy" and the "Nice Guy" DO NOT HAVE THE SAME GOAL! Please get that idiot notion out of your head!

      The "Bad Boy" has the goal of using a woman for sex and discarding her when he's tired of her! Got it? Now the "Nice Guy" has a very different goal! He wants to get to know the girl better and hopefully have a relationship with her. He hopes to love and be loved! He hopes to make the woman happy and he hopes they can both be happy together. See the difference?

      "Bad Boy" wants to hump and dump! "Nice Guy" wants to love and be loved! Now please don't spout any more of that stupid crap about them having the same goal! You make me want to SCREAM!

  • Honestly the perfect take, loved it.

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  • YESSS THIS IS SO TRUEE. I had a huge crush on this guy who was so awkward, nerdy, sweet and adorable only to figure it out later he was actually very judgmental, self-centered, a jerk with a huge ego. You never know these days

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  • If I have a good connection with a guy, it's usually what matters to me. Doen't care whether he's a "bad boy" or a "nice guy". BUT, I usually can't connect to "bad boys" either... or to "nice guys" who turn out to just be misogynists, always complaining about women. NOPE.

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  • I love how you explained everything, especially with the two pics at the beginning... It was funny, but made the point extremely well.

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What Guys Said 23

  • "How can I identify a real prince charming?" Simple, through trial and error. "
    Great sentence, voiding all 'slut' accusations!

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  • Moron. No two people are the same.

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  • I disagree with your assessment of the nice guy. Not all nice guys are going to expect payment for being good to their ladies. I should know, I was one for the longest time...

    Also, a gentleman is not defined by his ability to do nice things and not expect a return. A gentleman will expect an immediate return for his kindness oftentimes, but not in the form of sexual favors. Buying a girl a drink in a bar is often expected to be returned with a few minutes of conversation and mild entertainment from her. There is nothing mischievous about it, it's an even trade.

    I feel like you did raise some good points about the bad boy though. Nice job there.

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  • Yea nice guys aren't narcissists. Narcissists actually PRETEND to be nice guys, in order to get laid. Narcissists more accurately describe the bad boys...

    "Guys learn to have some respect for the opposite sex and don't treat them as pieces of meat that you find interesting ways to screw." Some of has already know this. Basically, respect them as human beings or... be nice to them. A guy who is nice... If only someone would come up with a name for a guy like that. A guy nice? No that doesn't have a catchy ring...

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    • Why do you feel that you need to have a title for doing nice things?

    • Not a title it is just what it is. How else are guys that are nice supposed to describe themselves? They are assholes? Then how sre assholes supposed to describe themselves? It is not a tittle but a discription of who a peron is.

    • Like I said... I just call them real. Or genuine. Not too preoccupied with being fake about how they feel. They're just them. Take it or leave it.

  • Sounds like an oversimplification but there are some decent points to that model.
    What I think hits particularly well is that these "nice guys" may come off as overly patronizing.

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  • This is bogus crap.

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  • As a guy, I am what I am and I don't slap labels (such as "bad boy" and "nice guy") on myself. All I am is a brutally honest man, not any of these pathetic high school maturity-level names.

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  • What the fck is this nice guy, and bad boy shit... really.. I am tired of this shit...
    I am glad that i am neither a nice nor bad guy...😈

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  • That guys at the top in the leather jacket with the bike looks like a real bad boy LMAO

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  • This whole post on nice guys reeks of female entitlement.

    brb a nice guy who does everything for you and shows he cares shouldn't be pissed when you keep coming to him to complain about your asshole boyfriend who has abused you for the nth time while he waits for his turn when your 30+ and over the hill.

    BRB a good guy according to you is a guy who does free things for women without expecting anything in return just because he makes him feel good. In short women want free shit without having to give anything (doesn't have to be sex). Sounds like a spoiled bratt.

    Sure no one deserves to have sex just by being nice but on the flip side why do you think you deserve free stuff, and try to string men along with the false hope of if they continue being "nice" to you then they'll eventually get lucky. Women aren't stupid. They definitely know what is up and have no shame in using these guys to get free shit. So in essence they are no better than the bad boy/nice guy using them for sex.

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    • Real nice guys frustration is that the media/society tells them at a very young age that women like this behavior. However, later in life they see first hand experience that women go only after guys who are super attractive (7+/10)/money/popular and have no problem being their whores on rotation; because women are dumb enough to think that sex would lead them to a relationship.

      They (nice guys) then wonder why being nice and showing that you care for a girl more than a sex object isn't enough for her to be attracted to you for a relationship.

      It also stems from the fact that women have no shame in crawling back to these men (nice guys) when their 30+ and busted and mask their appreciation for the nice guy (which is really desperation) as them just growing up and now able to appreciate the nice guy.

      If these men don't comply with wanting a relationship with them, they (women) start using shaming tactics, like your bitter, afraid of commitment, need to man up to basically.

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    • I talked about this in the take. A guy with self respect won't wait around for those kind of women. If they pass you up once don't wait around for another go. Find someone who can see you for your worth when they meet you.

    • I think all people in general should act like this. Just do things for others without any need to get back. It just feels nice to make people smile. women should do this in a relationship just as much as men. You can flip the genders of this post and it still works, because there are bad girls and good girls too.

  • This take was very good.

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  • why u think that people can't change , this is stupid

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  • F.

    Everything you said was totally wrong.

    You interpret the bad boy attitude of not caring what other people think a bit too literally.

    It's not that bad boys don't care what people think, it's that pleasing other people isn't their primary concern. Everybody has a little bit of interest in the opinions of others. After all, what if you're wrong? It could happen. A person that can accept himself can make a judgement call on whether another person's opinion holds weight or not. He can be comfortable in his decisions, attitudes, and beliefs and refuse to compromise his own identity to be liked.

    That's what it means to not give a fuck. Clothes are an expression of identity, so yeah, a meticulously maintained leather jacket and motorcycle can say "I don't give a fuck what you think." It's ironic to be sure, but also legit.

    Besides there are numerous alpha males with many different styles. You can be an alpha male, a "bad boy" if you will, in corporate attire. You're missing the forest for the trees.

    Alpha (just being accepting of yourself) is about the confidence of trusting yourself. Trust your intuition. Believe in yourself. It's got very little to do with winning approval of chicks. It just so happens that when you believe in yourself the chicks dig it. A confusing concept huh?

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  • Lol I'm happy I got my heart broken by my ex and are neither of those. I'm a genuine man now lol.

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  • to be honest did't really read your whole thing to long but the first part is not entirely accurate just cause a guy does care what people think does not mean he does not have his own self pride not to go out dressed like a slob even if a person is married and has a husband or a wife they don't dress like slobs when they are not around SO them they both have personal pride to want to look good for them selves this is why its called self confidence it has self right in it

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  • There are some things I disagree with in this take, but I'll start with what I agree with. "Nice guys" and "bad boys" do have much more in common that "nice guys" really want to admit, which is in my opinion why they complain so much about it.

    Both guys tend to suffer from low self esteem and hence, both are starved of a woman's affection. Both the nice guy and the bad boy are fake (to an extent at least) for the reasons you mentioned especially when their unreasonable demands aren't being met.

    The reason some women (only some, as plenty will fall for neither) fall for bad boys isn't, contrary to what the nice guy would tell you, because of his douchebag/alpha male attitude. It's because the bad boy doesn't seem that bad to begin with. In the beginning, he's sweet, affectionate, basically acts like he's completely smitten with her.

    (This is exactly what an immature nice guy just can't wrap his head around, else he'd no longer be one.)

    When the relationship finally starts taking a sour turn, the bad boy will withdraw emotionally, and revert to a deadbeat, neglectful loser. The woman may also start feeling more like his mother than his lover as he starts paying more and more attention to other women.

    On the flip side, the "nice guy," sees women in only two ways. Either they're the flawless, perfect little Disney princess like you described or they're all selfish, gold-digging bitches. When the woman proves that she is neither in reality, he starts being manipulative, controlling, patronizing etc. and pretty much starts fulfilling the misogynistic MGTOW stereotype.

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    • I try to be a mixture of both the nice guy and the bad boy and I am starved for a women's affection but the difference is I starve myself on purpose because I'm not that inviting to a lot of women, not only that but I have trust issues and my reason for being bad isn't due to the starvation of a women's attention, I simply act bad sometimes because I have a strong need to excitment, adrenelyn, power, agression. Sometimes the gym can't quench my thirst for all of these emotions but bad actions can. I am nice. Really nice until crossed or treated like I'm weak

    • "Nice guys" and "bad boys" do have much more in common..."

      No we really don't you know it like saying fire and water have much more in common than they like to admit.

  • I am pretty sure there are plenty of nice guy's who would be loyal boyfriends but they would also be the lame cheesy type who constantly texts his girlfriend and tells her how he loves her and how beautiful she is.. that is the problem with nice guy's is they are to clingy which can be annoying to a girl, who while wants romance but also wants her space... most guys who are bad boys generally are the player gangster type (not always) and these guy's look just plain stupid with sagging and using slang such as homie, fool,

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  • The question that matters the most

    How do i become the gentleman?

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  • I don't agree at all with this take.

    Bad guys or players want to fuck as many girls as they can. Nice guys or normal guys want to get a relationship, mostly because we don't get to have them often.

    As for "nice guys" getting pissed because they can't get a girl... you don't get pissed when you can't get something that everyone seem to get so easily?

    They aren't being nice because they want to fuck the girl. They are nice because they have always been nice to the other people and it's what they want the other people to treat them like.

    You didn't describe a nice guy, you described a player.
    Nice guys ain't cool, they are probably nerds or guys that don't have the same social skills of the other popular guys. That's why they are nice, no one has taught them that you gain nothing by being nice.

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    • No. A good man does good things for girls because they wanted to be a good person. A nice guy does nice things for a girl and then gets all pissy because she didn't give him affection for it.

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    • Seems like you've never encountered an internet "nice guy" and is confusing them with truly good guys.

    • Opinion Owner - I agree with you! Too many people have become invested in pushing their sick straw man notion of a nice guy who expects sex for being nice! It's idiotic nonsense! These people can't deal with the simple concept of a guy who is nice! They are bent on turning all nice guys into some kind of dastardly villains! And they have the nerve to sit there and pretend their bull crap notions are some kind of high wisdom! What a crock!

  • Point is 1) connection & 2) dare a man and not a boy (maturity level not age)

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