Is it possible to turn a hookup into a relationship?

I mean I get that it's probably not the most likely thing, and I'm hesitant to put my feelings into something that's probably just going to hurt a lot later. I met this guy a couple months ago, like back in August, on Tinder and went back to his place the first time I met him, but we didn't have sex until maybe the forth or fifth time we hooked up. He did say from the beginning that he wasn't looking for a relationship, and we had a catch up a couple weeks ago and he said he was in the same place.

So normally I would just believe what he said and not hope for anything more. But we've recently started texting and hanging out a lot more - we text every single day now, and we'll meet up for dinner once a week before we have sex. All this time together is turning my head for sure, so I'm wondering if it's maybe doing the same thing to him. He's kind of a quiet, shy type, and without going into mean, crude details the sex has been a bit unsatisfactory for him, which leads me to wonder exactly why we're continuing to have it. I'm still fucking him because I like him. How can I know if he's still fucking me for the same reasons?

I don't think he's seeing any other girls, like I said we text all the time and hang out a bunch. He doesn't have time to have another woman on the side and I bet he doesn't have the girl skills, either. I want to transition from this weird thing where he's taking up space in my life and yet not being my boyfriend to taking up space in my life and being my boyfriend. I'd like boy catching advice, I guess.

Updates:
Hey everyone, thanks for your thoughts on this issue, I just wanted to let everyone know that despite the rocky beginning this guy and I are for real dating now! Thanks for all your advice.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Call me closed minded, called me a moron, whatever, but I'm gonna speak my mind.

    For the fuckin' life of me, I can NEVER understand why a girl, or a guy for that matter, would EVER want a committed relationship with a person who is apparently not above using your body as an inanimate sex object.

    Think about it.

    Let me fuck you, but let's not mix feelings and emotions into it. Hey, you know, feelings and emotions? That thing that marks you as a human being?

    Sure, that sounds SO MUCH like someone I would want to build the foundations of a strong relationship with.

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    • What is it with humans beings and thinking with their genitals first and their logic and their brain second.

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    • i got major respect for this dude. he has to be little extreme cause most people dont learn other wise. Look at the women who may be our future wives theyre acting in such a derograty manner having casual sex. when truly indeed they have forgotten what it takes to build a special relationshipand the values of a true gentlemen not one who has casual sex on a weekly basis. thats why as the years go by we keep humiliating women in songs, movies and in other forms of media. add to that we keep objectifying the and calling themsuch abusive names and more. If you dont believe me take a look around he is right women do need to raise there standards amongst other things too.

    • Nice. Good job trying to ruin the heavenly fuck buddy system, asshole. -_______-; It's really up to the woman for when they have sex and with who, today. Don't make it something it's not. You don't know his reasons for not wanting a relationship. He could be scared that she'd end up dumping him--he's a shy guy, she said. He might think he's not good enough or something. Or, maybe he just doesn't have the time or resources for a relationship.

What Guys Said 17

  • Possible, not likely. This is the female equivalent of a guy asking if there's any chance with a friend of his. With 'friends', if a girl likes a guy friend, she has a decent chance. with hookups, if the guy likes her, he has a better chance.

    So it's a longshot. But if you like him, go for it.

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  • The only way you can know is by what he says. And even then, you can't know know.

    I'm not really experienced in 'boy catching', unless it involves a net (hmmmmmmm), so I can't really say much on that. But, I will say that if the sex is unsatisfactory, then there needs to be a lot more talk about what is good and what is bad. That might get you a step closer to the catching of the boy.

    Really, after knowing him and hanging out with him for awhile, he may feel more comfortable talking about why he's not looking for a relationship. Simply put, you need more information.

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  • You only see him once a week. He definitely has time for other girls.

    He literally told you he doesn't want to date you, and he's still standing by that. You said "I want to make sure he's still sleeping with me for the same reasons", but what are the reasons you believe he was sleeping with you for in the first place?

    Also... Saying sex is unsatisfactory for him is very obscure. What do you mean

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  • yeah there is a possibility he is feeling something so the best course of action is to have the talk

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    • It sounds really ominous when you call it The Talk like that, Jesus

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    • But he is right. The best way to say it... uh.. several guys asked me on dates this week. I like hanging out with you, and I am not sure... should I be dating other guys or would like to keep things exclusive.

    • However... why would you want to be exclusively having sex with someone where the sex is not satisfying?

  • He said he's not looking for a relationship. There's your answer. Now you should move on from him and find someone who values you for more than your vagina.
    Also that's kinda harsh to say he doesn't have girl skills lol

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  • Sure hookups can turn into relationships. However, your situation sounds bad. Sorry, but right now he's just taking advantage of easy sex with you, and not focusing on "you" the person. This can't be good for you in the short term, because it's obvious you want more. I strongly believe that the best thing for your feelings is to break off the sex immediately, and hold to it! You have to let him go from your heart and focus on finding a guy who wants, or is open to a relationship. He will miss sex with you, and you "may" find that he eventually starts appreciating you for more than sex. But by this time you likely won't care, and will have moved an emotionally. I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but if you don't cut off the sex in this situation, you're almost certainly going to get hurt!

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  • No I doubt it is doing the same for him, if there is a regular outlet for sex VS no sex men will often take it, if a girl was willing to sleep with me and I didn't want a relationship or connect with her, I could sleep with her 10, 20 or 100 times and it wouldn't change my mind. He has stated that he doesn't want a relationship so at least isn't playing you because he has been honest, but you need to realise this probably isn't going anywhere

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  • I stopped reading at tinder. Answer not likely

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  • I think the raiders have a higher chance of winning another game than for the two of you to get into a relationship. I mean you have being hooking up for far too long.

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  • You met him Tinder that should tell you all you need to know.

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  • If you want a guy to want you, act interested in another guy. He'll either leave because he doesn't care and you mean nothing to him.. Or it will drive him crazy, the thought of you being with someone else. He'll then try harder to keep you, and fuck harder.

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  • Certainly, I don't see why it can't be...

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  • 90 % I think you can turn your hookup into relationship.

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  • No, not likely.

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  • If you're going in to a hookup, thinking u can have a relationship out of it, then well, you probably shouldn't be hooking up, yes?

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  • Yuck! this is absolutely revolting and disgusting. For the life of me the answer is in plain view "He did say from the beginning that he wasn't looking for a relationship"

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  • In your case maybe not but generally speaking it happens all the time.

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    • OK geez I feel like I'm getting baited into a follow up question I don't really want to hear the answer to, but why not in my case specifically?

    • He would have acted upon it first, he told you he did not want a relationship and you have been giving it for free. He also may have other women on the side as you truly don't know.

What Girls Said 19

  • Give it one last chance! You've already slept with him and you obviously have feelings for him but the way your relationship is going can't be good for you. You need someone that can really love and care for you while at the same time sparking your desire! Text him all kinds of sexy little things a week before you meet up and make sure you plan something nice. Plan a casual dinner and make the day have a more relationshipy feel to it. But don't ever use the word date. It'll for sure frighten him. Don't have any sex before the date is scheduled either. Make him want you. Be as sexy as possible and don't half ass it. Tempt him. If he wants a kiss give him a peck. Tease him and let him really think about later. During the meal touch him a lot, smile, and be yourself. Later, fuck him senseless and make him feel needed. Make him remember it! Get dressed, give him a passionate kiss that makes him feel wanted. Tell him you can't be uncommitted anymore. Tell him to call if he changes his mind. Leave without looking back. DO NOT TALK TO HIM AFTER THAT. AT ALL. GO ON WITH LIFE AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A BLAST EVEN IF IT ISN'T. It might take him a while but be patient. He may never talk to you again. But at least you tried. If he doesn't call you, he's not worth it. Don't settle for an uncommitted relationship. You are worth so much more!!!

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  • Here is how my thoughts changed in relation to the evidence given:

    Is it possible to turn a hookup into a relationship? - yes
    met guy a couple months ago on Tinder - yes
    went back to his place the first time, forth or fifth time we hooked up - yes, but lower chances
    He did say from the beginning that he wasn't looking for a relationship - ... straight out NO

    Learn the lesson quick, if a guy say's he's not looking for a relationship, trust me, he means exactly what he says

    Don't bother girl, you sleeping with him because you like him just means it'll hurt more when he drops you.

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  • It looks like is getting a lot in your head. I would ask him "look, I think that we are hanging out together a lot and I want us to be on the same page, are you still not looking for something serious?" but do it in person, don't text things like these, I know is hard but you can do it. If he says that he's still not looking for something serious you have to see if you are, because he'd be obviously never changing his mind. Then you'd have to take a decision, don't get into danger zone, nothing hurts more than wanting something that the other person doesn't want. I went trough something like this some time ago. good luck

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  • It's totally possible! A guy I hooked up with who was a known player (i'm talking 2/3 girls a night...) fell head over heels for me. That being said I did turn him because I wasn't happy with his history and reputation. So while it is possible, keep in mind that is this the sort of person you want to be in a relationship with? Call me old fashioned, while I like to have a good time, I believe relationships shouldn't begin with a hookup which is essentially looks based and formed by no emotional connection. That being said, if this is truly what you want then you should be open with him before you get hurt because keep in mind, guys with this sort of history have a special knack for manipulating girls to get what they want and you deserve better :)

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  • No no no no NO! Why do we do this? He TOLD you, not once but TWICE that he didn't want a relationship. Listen to the guy. Take him at his word.

    Read this. Less than ten minutes. http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

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  • I saw this all the time in college so its possible. However, Tinder is full of sleazebags trying to hook up with unsuspecting women.

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  • Well I'm proof it happens my fiancé and I were fuck buddies before we started dating. Just causal sex between friends
    5-10 times a week. I was the one who didn't want a relationship and the reason he agreed to being fbs (which I didn't find out until we were dating) was that he wanted me anyway he could get me basically. He liked me but respected that I didn't want a relationship at the time. Now we've been together for 5years are engaged and have a beautiful daughter together.

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  • Yeah it is; my friend does it all the time. It sounds harder to keep them in my opinion cuz then they don't feel like they had to chase you very much. Unless I have no idea what I'm talking about, but I've heard most guys secretly like to chase girls & feeling like they finally win her over. I've heard that's the stage when they fall in love.

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  • STOP... Do not even try to build a relationship with a man with whom the sex is unsatisfying. Life is too short.

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    • I will add that my current boyfriend was originally hook-ups not looking for a girlfirend. If you are the kind of woman men want to date, you are datable even if they were not looking for a relationship. However, the sex with him is amazing.

  • About the same thing happened to me and in the end he showed his true colors and was an arrogant pompous ass who dumped me out of left field. He's now onto the next. Always be the one to dump first.. Insecure guys won't like it and come running back but is that who you really want?

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  • You should talk to him that he's starting to make a proper relationship there and he's taking a risk of you developing a feeling.

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  • It is possible if you give it to them good. So they will keep coming back for more and eventually forget about the other chicks.

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  • Simple, ask him straight up if he wants some sort of a relationship with you, if not, END IT. It's going to hurt you so much if you continue

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  • Hookups turn into relationships all the time. If you like him than pursue him.

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  • Sound like in your case, yes

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  • I don't like doing the hookup then relationship thing personally because it gets so messy. But if you really like him you can try but I doubt it since he clearly says he doesn't want to date you.

    In my honest opinion if he really really liked you and wanted you he would be more willing to make some kind of commitment or at least head in that direction. I fear you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak.

    I hope I'm wrong but it's just what I feel.

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    • Oh and I dated a guy from tinder also. Total ass. Most guys on there aren't relationship material. And by most I really mean all lol

  • In my opinion, most likely not (especially since the guy told you straightforward he's not looking for a relationship), but there is the slim chance that it could develop into more. But please don't get your hopes up too much.

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  • Probably not honestly
    Guys use girls like that

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  • Might as well ask him. Hook-ups turn into relationships all the time (like half my friends, guys and girls, landed in a relationship that way). The only thing here is that he's said multiple times he's not looking for a relationship, so I don't know. Talk to him about it, though.

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