How to deal with a loner friend?

Ok so I have this friend who's a guy. He's kind of a shy introverted loner type of person, which is fine by me. The problem is we only hangout like once a month. Plus, he's super cheap. He never answers the phone but will usually text me back within 12 hours or so. I know how loners are and how they need their time alone and everything, but couldn't he at least answer the phone and have a conversation with me so we can see how each other is doing? I only call him about once every week or two. I don't have many friends so it's nice to be able to talk to people. Anyone have any tips on how to get a loner guy to talk to me more and hangout more than once a month. When he does want to hang out he just like call me up that day and want to hangout almost right then and their.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Just keep trying. Keep doing what you're doing. Let him know that you enjoy his company and you enjoy hearing from him. There's a possibility that it might annoy him but he might actually think that he is the one being bothersome by texting you and hanging out with you. I just think its not worth it to back off because he might actually think that no one cares about him. There's so many loners out there that think no one cares about them and some of them end up depressed or in extreme cases taking their own life. Its possible that he really does enjoy be alone but I just think its better to pester him a bit than to have him feeling alone and like no one cares about him.


What Girls Said 4

  • Tell him you like talking and hanging with him?

    Maybe he has a friend he likes more and you're his backup.

    Be patient.

    If you come on too strongly, don't be surprised if he runs off and never returns.

  • I am dealing with a longer/introverted guy. I try not to call him on why he take more than 2 hours to answer my text. He is working two jobs so having any times or advice for me is really nice of him. I just try to make every interaction fun. Like when we play sport or hang out, I share something funny about me and I "discover something new about him."

    • Most places don't allow you to have a phone out so don't get upset about that. I just started a new job so I'm not about to test the system right away and see how strict they are on their cell phone policy. lol

  • You can try just telling him that you want to hang out more, but if he doesn't want to there's no use trying to force him. Some people just don't like being around others, regardless of how much they like the person.


What Guys Said 3

  • People like that usually don't really enjoy small talk, so my suggestion would be to either try and talk to him about something he's really interested in, or just text him to make plans and you can talk when you see each other.

  • Sometimes people just aren't very responsive via texts or phone calls. I know back when I was younger (like 13-15 ish) I wouldn't even leave my phone on because I didn't want to bother with it because I didn't expect to get texts from friends. I later found out that it comes off as if I don't want to hang out with them which I'm trying to work on myself. But something I always wanted (which is where your friend comes in) was someone to try to make more of an initiative to hang out with me.

    This isn't going to be easy, but try to talk to him. Figure out what he'd like to do. Maybe he really likes a certain video game and he'd play it more with you if that's what you were texting about. Overall, just make sure to make it seem that you want to hang out so he isn't unsure of whether you really even want to hang out with him. Because with someone like that the last thing they want to spend their time doing is hanging out with someone who just wants to be social for the sake of being social

  • Maybe make your calls more frequent say wvey 3 days instead of just once a week, then plan something for the end of the week.