If you were disowned, and years later they want you back, would you give them a 2nd chance?

[Anonymous]

My friend can't ever forgive her parents ever getting disowned for getting pregnant at 18. She's now 32, in a stable marriage, they both own a business and her two kids are both ages 14 and 9.

Her parents all of the sudden are all remorseful and want her back. However, this was her reply back to them ''My biological parents died long ago. Goodbye''. She then proceeded to blocking them.

She can't ever forgive that they didn't give a rats about her life (her 2nd pregnancy nearly cost her life; it got complicated), health, her first child's birth, her wedding, her b-days, etc. She also suspects they're just contacting her only after finding out she's having a good life and wouldn't be reaching out if she was poor and struggling? Her then boyfriend (now husband) took full responsibility and she received support from his parents. They were like a real parents to her. She also imagines that even if she forgives them and were to have them back in her life, she would never forget what they're capable of and that their love was never unconditional, that they would leave her during bad times again.

Would you forgive and give a 2nd chance if you got disowned or not? Personally, I agree with my friend. I would never be able to forgive that.

Yes, maybe they have changed and deserved a 2nd chance

Hells nope, they didn't give a rats about my own life nor health

[HawkPerception]

When you have toxic parents like that, it's completely understandable that she doesn't want to reconnect. It would be extremely hard for me to let them into my life again if it was me.

Forgiving is hard. But I think in the grand scheme of things, down the road she'll regret it if she doesn't extend her hand out to her parents. At the end of the day, you only have 2 biological parents. If they're seeing the error of their old ways after experiencing life more, then I would try to give my parents peace before they pass away. Because I can tell you that feeling when family pass away always leaves you bitter about how much time you spent with them or regret that when they tried to reconnect, you denied them that opportunity.

I know it was a big chunk of her life and her kids lives, but I do think just for herself and her mental state later on in life, it would be a good idea to try and reach out again. Be the bigger person. If she sees after reconnecting with them that they're still the same, then she can move on with her life in peace knowing she tried.

[Asker]

She actually sees through their BS. What she can't ever forgive is them not caring about her life, the fact that she nearly died with her 2nd pregnancy. The parents knew she was at the hospital in critical condition because other relatives informed them. But their reply was an ''We don't have a daughter'' and they hung up. The people that visited her at the hospital were the other relatives, her In-laws and friends, all except her own parents. She can't ever forgive that they didn't care if she would've die.

[DaisyM23]

my mum was also kind of disowned by her sister for the first few years of her marriage, she was the only relative she had in the country and we live 10mins away from each other, but they only properly talked again after 5+ years, my mum became close to my dad's side too and i think she's only really forgiven my aunt because she was her only family here and she probably wanted us to get to know our cousins - in the case of your friend, her family blatantly ignored her for 14 years, missed births and parties and events, didn't even visit in the hospital when SHE COULD'VE DIED... i don't think i would have the capacity to forgive them properly either, it's completely up to her and what she wants to do for her family but they had 10+ years to change, they could've helped at any point during a time when she needed her parents the most, but they're only choosing now when she's successful and probably has much more money than them - some people are just assholes and, you know that saying, every child deserves a parent but not all parents deserve a child? that 100% applies here

[Daniela1982]

You should forgive them, but that doesn't mean giving them a 2nd chance. It's more for your peace of mind than for them. But not forgiving is going to hurt you in the end. What destroys us is the settled position that we are not going to forgive, and we have no intention to forgive, and we intend to cherish the grudge and fondle the wrong that someone did to me and feel the bitterness. It feels good. I like to go to bed with my wrath at night because he legitimately wronged me. I am going to hold this against him the rest of his life. This will eventually turn you into a bitter person who won't have empathy for anyone.

[Mr_twoface]

In this situation without knowing her upbringing and the type of parents they were and whether they were devoted to cultural or religious norms, it’s hard to say whether I would forgive let alone give the parents a 2nd chance. These days many teens/younger adults grow up in a more modern and civilised society, disagreeing their parents’ beliefs, views and will do everything in their power to not follow their parents’ approach. This often leads to clashes, separation, anger, and hate. It can take years for one to regret the decision one has made due to bitterness and stubbornness, whether it was internally forced or externally preached upon.

If one receives a 2nd chance, it doesn’t mean, they’ve automatically been forgiven. It will take a lot of communication and a lot of patients, to be able to take baby steps, but it can ultimately be a healing process for all parties involved.

[Asker]

She has made her decision to never forgive them and continue blocking them if they ever try to reach out to her again. She can't forgive that they didn't care about her life for 14 years, that they didn't care about her nearly dying with her 2nd pregnancy. That hurt her that most; that they knew she was at the hospital in critical condition at that time but when the relatives informed them the news, they still had the nerves to reply ''We don't have a daughter'' and hung up. And now they want her in their lives, now that she's living a great life and financially more stable than them? She thinks they're up to no good and that they wouldn't have ever contacted her if she was poor.

[Mr_twoface]

I'm not saying what she should do, I'm saying one needs to take into considerations all aspects of once upbringing to come to a grip as to why they uttered those words. Sometimes also if one of the parents is willing to reach out and the other doesn't, out of respect (or falling in the hands of abusive partner) they don't, and here we are. What was the reason they didn't care for her? Religious? Cultural norms? Was she a stubborn daughter who went against they wishes? It's easy to say that these external influences shouldn't reflect once decision but sadly it happens all over the world. I can't put myself into her shoes to understand and if she wishes to block them, that's her choice. Sometimes though, reaching out and hearing the other parties reasoning and understanding what they are going through now, can be a healing process even for the daughter. Whether or not one believes she is undergoing trauma. As for them seeking out for financial reasons, may be true, but in the end she has the power to say, "hey, I'm not going to give you anything".

[sawno]

At that point it would be to late. The whole disowned thing doesn't sit well with me to begin with. I have always been a leave me for stuff like that and there is no way back kind of person. We need to have left on good terms for my heart to be open to someones return. Or it would have needed to be me that did the leaving.

[Asker]

Even worse, they didn't just disown her but they didn't care when she nearly die with her 2nd pregnancy. They knew she was at the hospital because others told called them but they still had the nerve to say ''We don't have a daughter'' and hung up. She considers that as leaving someone for dead and she'll never ever forgive that. To her, that was really the nail in the coffin; they sealed the deal with that.

[sawno]

Yeah i'd never come back.

[Kaneki05]

I will never with my mother because she's just a bad overemotional person who already pretends to be good and the bad thing is I believe she thinks she's good.
So no. I put up with her a lot through my life and never would of disowned her despite all her rubbish, see her a little sure but not disown her.
So when she did that to me it was a wake up call.

And no I wouldn't if I was her, and damn she said the right thing. 100% based. And she's got her life and family she really don't need anything more.

[jennifer_bloom]

The guy I’m dating is potentially rich and I thought if I get married, I will forgive some of my cousins but not all of them. At least 3 have disrespected me for making less money than them. I know the one that hates me the most worships rich people, She is the one I am never going to forgive. She has disrespected me in my own home ever since I was 23 years old. I am a nice person, she hates me because I make less money than her.

[bolverk]

Your friend should forgive them if only for her own mental health, that does not mean she should let her parents back into her life, If she does it will be on her terms at her pace, because they cannot think that they can waltz their way back into her families life after disowning her and they've proven that their love is conditional, I'd be willing to bet that they are getting to the age where they are concerned about who is going to look after them as they get frail, and they automatically think that person should be their daughter, or they want access to the grand-kids.

[ThatRandomBoy]

So I wouldn't be mean about it but I don't think that would be a good idea they didn't support her whatsoever or the kids let alone I don't even think they know the kids you would have to explain everything to those kids and it's like I don't know if it would be worth the effort to be honest

[Asker]

The reason she refuses to ever forgive them and doesn't ever want to hear from them again is because on her 2nd pregnancy (the one that nearly cost her life), her parents knew very well she was at the hospital. Relatives called to inform them and they kept saying ''We don't have a daughter'' and hung up. That sealed the deal for them, that was really the nail in the coffin; that they wouldn't have care if she died.

[D_Bone_Steak]

To each their own. Personally I'd be like her. Didn't give af about me then, and now want to care just because I'm doing better than you thought I'd do? Fuck you. I will hold you to the standards you set for me and yourself from the start. I don't care if you've changed your mind. NOT MY PROBLEM.

[Jefftheduck]

It’s really a decision only you can make I personally believe people can change but they have to do it for themselves changing to make someone else happy is never gonna be a real change I don’t know this person I can’t say that they have changed or not

[Anonymous]

I find it harder to hold a grudge then to not. So I let go of the pain and move on with my life.

But that does not mean forget and I wouldn't want to rely on people that have demonstrated they do not have my interests and goals dear to their heart.

So fair enough, what happened, happened. They are who they are. But my focus will be on my own goals, not theirs.

[Cutegirl06]

No way I would give them a second chance! I think her response was very appropriate.

[Asker]

Indeed. If someone can do that to their own child, I can't imagine what they would do to a good friend. What hurts my friend the most is on her 2nd pregnancy that nearly cost her life, the parents knew very well she was at the hospital (other members in the family informed them) and they didn't care to go, kept saying ''we don't have a daughter''. That was the nail in the coffin; that they didn't care if she would've died.

[Cutegirl06]

That's horrible!! Good for your friend saying her biological parents died along time ago I can't even imagine parents doing that too their own child. The nerve to even try to come back in her life! I could never do that to my own daughter or a neice. Any relative really.

[handsomelad70]

Nah, they could kiss my Golden Boy handsome,165 or so IQ black a**. (Unless they became wealthy and offered me some to repair our relationship, which proves I can be quite shallow, but you folk probably already know it.)

[OtterMan68]

I believe everyone deserves a second chance.

Let's not forget before Paul became the greatest evangelist in Christian history, he persecuted Christians.

[HawkPerception]

Oh God... more religious bs. When I slap you, I expect you to turn the other cheek too.

[OtterMan68]

@HawkPerception so you never give second chances, and I suspect you're no hypocrite and never ask anyone to give you a second chance

[HawkPerception]

Oh I do give second chances depending on the scenario. If you read my opinion on this question, you'll see that I do. But I don't use religious nonsense to justify my answers. I apologize. I am a little triggered by religious people. Nothing against you personally. You seem like a nice dude.

[Ironic_Method]

My dad tried this with me and I'm still no contact. It's great.

[Asker]

Good. There are people that don't ever deserve the title ''parents''.

[DrPepper12]

Fuck no. They don't even deserve the title "parents". Good for her!!

[Asker]

Exactly. She can't ever forgive them for ignoring her that long, esp on the 2nd pregnancy that nearly cost her life. She didn't have her parents on her side. They knew very well she was at the hospital and didn't care to come because they kept saying to others ''We don't have a daughter''.

[Agape93]

I am. And no, fuck them all.

[Asker]

Exactly. I'm wondering how can anyone go through the process of birthing/fathering a child, hold them for the first time, watch their very first smile, raise them for 18 years and then just discard them like trash, throw away all those years like it meant nothing and go years without even acknowledging them not even on their b-day or if they're at the hospital. Wow... cruel people.

[Alessandra111295]

They got earn it back my wife parents disowned her when she came out. During the Pandemic they tried to come back when they found out she doing good in her work.

[exitseven]

nope, they would ne dead to me.

[Asker]

yeah she considers them dead. To her, the only parents she considers her parents are her dear in-laws. She still has an excellent relationship with the man's parents.

[Anonymous]

Probably lol but I understand why your friend wouldn't

[Asker]

I actually agree with her reason. She replied back to them in the same manner as when they said she was no longer their daughter long ago.

[msc545]

Absolutely not.

[DreamLife7]

Why is this any of your business?

[Asker]

She always shares me her story. I thought this was an interesting topic to be honest. I feel her pain after what they did to her and would've replied the same thing she did.

[DreamLife7]

Get a life

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t blame her

[Asker]

Yeah she can't ever understand why parents would disown their own child. Meanwhile, she loves both of her children unconditionally (so does her husband) and will be there for them until the last breath.