The Looks Test - Proof that looks matter

So I normally like to think of myself as being attractive...or at least decent. But sometimes I feel like I am fooling myself

My best friend, who just for the record is much more attractive than I am and gets A LOT more girls than I do, were bored on facebook one day so we decided to request like 15 random girls. We each requested the same ones that we both didn't know at all and see which ones would accept us.

Well...(sigh)...this was quite a blow to my already lowish self esteem because out of the 15 that I requested, only 4 accepted me...However, my friend got accepted by almost all of them. I think like 12 or 13. Some even sent him messages saying things like "hey babe, thanks for the request" or "hey your cute =)" and these were from the same ones that denied me...

Honestly when something like this happens, its kind of hard not to question your looks. I never thought of myself as ugly (5'6" 145lbs. black hair brown eyes-nothing spectacular) but after this I'm kinda devastated.

My question is if so many girls out there say looks aren't important, which is obviously the grand master lie of all lies, then why did all these random girls who didn't know either of us accept him over me? Seriously, all these girls had on judging us were pictures of what we looked like. There was nothing about our personality they could have analyzed over facebook. Hmmmm...

Updates:
Hey guys thanks for all the responses, I really didn't think I would get more than 3 answers lol. So anyways, my friend started talking to one of the girls that added him and she wanted to meet up. She said she was bringing her friend and asked if he had
a friend to bring so immediately he asked me. When we met them up we went to a restaurant. During the stay he texts me saying "how ugly are they?" and I really didn't think they were that bad. I guess that was his excuse to bail. So the whole time both
girls were talking to him 95% of the time while I'm sitting in the corner trying to get into the conversation only to get interrupted by them like I wasn't even speaking. Very rude if you ask me. I picked up the tab secretly and they didn't even bother to
ask who payed for it or even thank me so maybe they figured the meal was on the house? The funny thing is he was texting someone the whole time and it was obvious he wasn't really listening to them. If only there was another guy at the table to talk to...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Its not a lie.

    "then why did all these random girls who didn't know either of us accept him over me?"

    Theres your answer.

    Because they didn't know either of you.

    All things being equal, people are going to take something that has more value than something that has less. That's obvious.

    However, women place more importance on behavior than looks. If you were a cooler guy than your friend, or they KNEW either of you, it would depend on which one of you displayed attractive behavior.

    So when women say "looks are not important" its actually true.

    Looks are't important is not saying "i like ugly dudes" or "ill sleep with a toad"

    What it says is, its not "as" important as other things.

    Just like most men who say "personalty isn't important"

    Then ask those same men if they would be with a supermodel who never puts out?

    Who acts like a total bitch, and does nothing but moan and complain?

    Then suddenly personality matters. However, Looks matter MORE... to MEN.



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    • ...define attractive.

    • attractive is different than attrac"tion"

      Something that is attractive is "pleasing to the eye or mind especially through beauty or charm; "

      A better definition is whatever an individual finds appealing, whether it be megan fox, or a hairy midget on a unicycle.

What Girls Said 16

  • you are completely right. looks do matter at first. if a girl has no other information about you other than your picture, then yes, looks are all she will judge. Once she meets you face-to-face however, personality matters more than looks. Looks are helpful for initial physical attraction (no relationship can be successful without physical attraction imo) but if a guy is a complete jerk or is boring, then looks will only get him so far. If an average-looking guy, however, has a great personality and is fun to be around and the girl likes spending time with him, then he'll become more attractive to her.

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    • I think girls stereotype hot guys as being cocky a*sholes just as much as guys stereotype beautiful girls as being stuck up b*tches or gold diggers. My point is say you have two guys to pick (one hot the other not so much) and they had the same personality traits that girls want in a guy. Which would you pick? Any guy can have a good personality but not any guy can have good looks...which puts ugly guys at a disadvantage when competing amongst other males with similar personalities

    • Yeah, stereotyping does happen...it is kind of true though that the more attractive the person (guy or girl) the more likely they are to let their good looks get to their heads. What you're saying is true for everyone, both guys and girls; the more attractive person will always get more attention and be favored over the less attractive one, especially if they have an attractive personality to match. The girls that you met up w sound extremely shallow and rude. Nicer more interesting girls are ou

  • looks are very important. Its the thing that attracts you to someone at first. But you can have all the looks you want but if you don't have a personality to back that up it will talk you no where. I wouldn't take the whole face book thing too serious, on there it is all about the looks when you don't know someone, but hey don't take it to hard. Its not that big of a deal don't beat yourself up, I'm sure you look fine. Looks aren't everything but they are a part of the total package. Don't let someone tell you that looks don't matter because they do , there just not everything

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  • There's an obvious flaw right there. You guys didn't check to make sure your privacy settings were the same- people can probably see different part of your profiles and you guys don't realize it because there's different settings throughout the years that have changed that, maybe the more/less they could see changed how they feel. Plus your profile pictures or what you're doing in them could change whether they accept or not. Secondly, you have the comparative bias. They see his picture (better looking) and your picture (not as good looking) and they have a preference for him. You didn't mention if you had any mutual friends with them? The number of those could change. Plus, these girls may have heard about your friend already if he gets that many girls.

    That being said, sure... of course people care about looks. Who in the world said they didn't? Women care less about looks than men but we're visually based creatures. We'd all be lying if we said looks weren't important at all.

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    • Our setting are pretty much the same. All our pictures are available to anyone and our friends and mutual friends are displayed. By the way, I picked most of the girls and a few of them had only about 1 or 2 mutual friends with us so I knew he didn't know them. Besides even if they did hear about him, the only thing they would hear is that he's a player, which I guess is supposed to be a bad thing so that shouldn't help him.

    • You'd be surprised at how many girls like players.

    • lol believe me I know girls are into players and I can't tell you how many times a girl complains to me about being decieved by a player and sick of all the games and just want an honest guy. And sometimes I think there hinting for me to ask them out, but then they reject me and go date another better looking guy (someone like my friend) and have the same thing happen again

  • Of course looks matter. I think I'm worth more time than some hideous f*cking chud. That being said, I also don't discount the fact that his personality can SERIOUSLY alter the playing field and can turn a 6 into an 8 (or vice versa).

    The thing is; you took an amazing looking guy friend and requested the same random girls on Facebook. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT TO HAPPEN?! You know these girls are going to add you based upon looks (or based upon OMG MORE FRIENDS?!?!) and you recognize that he is better looking than you. That is like me trying on the same size jeans as my friend who is a size 4 and being pissed that her ass looks better in them than mine. Of course it does, I can't even fit the stupid jeans.

    My next point is look at the type of bimbos who added him online. They really seem like great women who would ignore you at dinner. Are you really that sad that she chose to add him and not you?

    You're obviously a smart, sensitive guy who has some insecurities. The insecurities are fine, everyone has them (probably including your bro) but beyond that, Welcome to the land of every girl's dream guy. Your friend is the guy they want to bone and possibly date based upon his looks. I'm sure you have the personality they want to date, but you can't expect to get winners just by looking nice.

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  • Unfortunately looks do matter to the world, people are naturally shallow. It just goes to show humans aren't perfect, but I believe we should try to overcome our bad nature. That is why I look past looks & look at the person on the inside.

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    • Bad nature? Shallow? What are you talking about? People like attractive people, there is nothing wrong with that. You are just trying to be holier than thou.

    • Ricky, really think about what you wrote, & you'll see it's shallow. You shouldn't just like someone because they are attractive, their looks do not show what type of person they really are.

  • Looks can be so important.but if you don't have a good personaity your only going to get the slags or none. but is also depends on the sort of girl there is quite a few girls tht I know tht do now care about looks what so ever including myself.Just don't let it get you down because everyones gorgeous in their own way. and who cares whos had more girls than the other it shunt matter aslong as at the end of the day you don't go using girls and actually like them . one day you will find the perfect girl. there's one for everyone

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    • yeah one day I'll find my half woman half tree half gremlin who's been shot down and embarassed her whole life and is in a critical desperate need of a man and then I'll come by and...she'll say she's not interested. lol jk =P. I'm not saying looks shouldn't matter but they shouldn't be ALL that matter. I care about looks too but I'm not nearly picky as most guys and I find lots of girls attractive where my friends wouldn't.

    • Just Don't Listen To Peeps Who Think That Looks Are ALL That Matters Its Such A lot :Of Bullcrap... And Lol Hopefully That's Not THe Girl You'll Find Lmao... And if You Think More Girls Are Atractive Then That's a Good Sign More Peeps To Choose From Lol

    • Yeah but for some reason even the desperate "uglier" girls think there hot sh*t and are delusional because they believe they deserve a male model. I mean I'm not THAT bad looking. Maybe I should enhance my appearance a bit but I don't know how...hmmm

  • some girls are temperamental and some girls are more mature. it really depends on who you pick

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  • looks matter . personality matters more. obviously a Facebook request being accepted doesn't mean anything. just means maybe, those girls are more open to accepting requests from random strangers?

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  • Yes, attraction matters. Looks matter. But only to a certain extent. Honestly, the first thing I notice about guys are looks. But if I see a cute guy who I later find out has a sh*tty personality, I have NO interest in dating him. When I fall for a guy, it's because of his personality. Yes, you have to have that spark of attraction, that chemistry. But chemistry doesn't only exist between super beautiful people.

    Also, you have to remember that your experiment was over FACEBOOK! You're just asking for girls to be shallow. All they have is your picture, plus some random tidbits depending on your privacy settings. Facebook gives such a superficial presentation of yourself to other people. Keep your head up! The girl of your dreams is out there somewhere wondering when she's going to meet a guy just like you :]

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  • did you request the same girls? if not, may have been a biased sample. only way this would be a valid experiment is if both of you requested tons of girls each, or if you both requested the same girls. 15 is too small to come to a conclusion. however, if some random chick added you on facebook would you be more likely to accept if she was hot? I think so.

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    • yeah we requested all the same girls to make it fair and yes I would accept a girl regardless if she was hot or not. I accept everyone

  • black hair brown eyes? you sound cute.and looks are important. I have no idea why girls are saying that the look isn't important. maybe they're ugly and they want to comfort themselves with the "fact" that it isn't important how you look.

    but anyway,don't worry. I'm sure lots of girls would like u. you just have to find them.

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  • with things like Facebook all you really get is the superficial view of people, honestly don't let it bug you. Facebook is nothing. if you're a nice guy girls will see that when they meet you in person

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  • Girls use looks as a first impression. I feel bad but that's just the way it is. Guys are much more hard on girls about looks and how are body shape has to be. That's much much worse.

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    • Im not sure if I agree. I can only speak from personal experience but I'm not too strict on judging girls. My friends are. But I will tell you that the girls from where I live expect every guy

    • The fun fact about that is this is in the category of "Oh, they do it too, therefore so can we!" And in the end the revenge is a lot more significant than the original. In fact, girls have no idea how "hard" people are on looks. To me, it appears that they are in fact really similar. I'm sure a girl wouldn't want to go out with a guy whose face is clearly completely unattractive to her...

    • i jus realized I didn't even finish writing my comment lol. This brings up another point though. The fact that a girl can get a guy much easier than a guy can get a girl. the guys expected to do all the pursuing and spend money and be persistent and at the end of the day, the girl can just say f*ck off I don't like you.

  • yeah looks do matter.

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  • no one said that looks don't matter

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  • If these girls had nothing to judge you on other than your looks, are you really surprised? Girls say looks don't matter, but when that's all you have to base a decision on, then it suddenly becomes your number one criterion.

    If you have the opportunity to introduce yourself and be presented as a whole person rather than a pretty (or less pretty, as the case may be) face, however, the results might have been different. Yes, looks matter, but personality is such a huge factor. I've developed crushes on people over messageboards, for example, where I didn't know what the person looks like, and it's because of their personality and the fact that we seemed to "click".

    Don't feel down about it, dude. I know it's hard not to, but trust me, there's someone out there who thinks you're gorgeous :)

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    • I am a but surprised because a lot of the girls we added didn't have that many friends so we figured they only added people they knew...or unless your "hot" as in this situation. Based off my experience, my personality doesn't get me anywhere but maybe I'll be proven wrong some day

What Guys Said 5

  • That pretty much tells you how girls are my friend...they say something but they really mean the other. Remember though the prettier ones...are the most dangerous ones in the long run, even if every single one of them would of accpeted your reqest instantly. Nevertheless, don't compare yourself to your friend, compare yourself to no one but yourself, no matter what. You have to believe in yourself no matter what, don't get discourage, and fight on no matter what happens. This thing called life...its kind of weird but you must learn to believe in yourself and not doubt yourself over things like this. I know its easier said than done, but its not suppose to be easy, but actually hard though. You live and learn, and with time and age...you learn to know who you are, and how to use that to make yourself a better person regardless...if you have a girl or if your single in general, good luck man.

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    • Hey thanks for the support. It jus kinda sucks knowing feeling a little inferior to someone you know. But I'm trying to accept it =)

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    • Thanks man. I guess there are some things I can do to enhance my appearance like get a new haircut, workout, buy new clothes. I'm kinda in this "don't care, don't bother" stage and I don't really take care of myself like I used to.

    • Hey man just like you said it do what you have to do to make yourself better. Like you said, wether its new clothes, going to school, playing sports, getting a new hair cut, make yourself better than before...but don't do it for a girl or girls, do it for yourself! So when your in better shape and a girl or girls come along it don't matter because in the end you did'nt do it form them, you did it for yourself.

  • Because there is a list of criteria in the order of priorities.

    1. Looks - he has to be at least a 6 to even care about analyzing the next stages.

    2. Personality - if he messes up at least one thing on the looong list of characteristics (isn't charismatic enough, not humorous enough, not assertive enough, too bland, his interests are uninteresting, etc) then he's immediately filtered out.

    This is how girls work, but it appears that girls think that guys only want to date rating 9 or 10 girls (which is obviously that way on a subjective scale, but girls don't realize that) and girls assume that judging a guy on his looks is perfectly normal. They care just as much about looks as guys, but they care even more if the guy has a "PERFECT" personality.

    So yes, girls are annoyingly unaware of their own filtering system. For any more information, check out the other posts. It's funny how they consider the "looks are the base of first impression" completely normal, while guys do the same thing, but they're just more willing to compromise in terms of personality.

    I asked my brother about whether he thinks girls and guys are looking for the same thing in a relationship. His answer was: "define relationship". Which is absolutely true - for a one night stand, a girl is looking for someone who seems confident enough to sex her up really hard. While guys are looking for material that are worth banging. So on these short-term one-time affairs, guys really do care more about looks, and girls really do care more about personality. But on the long run... Girls just have more criteria on personality, but judge people just as equally on looks.

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    • I understand where your coming from. Even if I get past the looks phase and a girl does think I'm attractive and decides to give me a chance, I always end up feeling like a sucker. We will spend hours talking on the phone and I'll take them out to dinner, movies, sports games, you name it and I'm thinking everythings going great...until the inevitable happens when they spontaneously lost interest. I ask my friends what I did wrong and they keep saying I'm overanalyzing but can you really blame me

    • You're not overanalyzing, because if you feel that something is wrong then something is wrong. The human intuition is often marvellous at the detection of a flaw's existence. Actually a problem I think there could be is that you are too persistent, meaning you talk hours on the phone and you take them out everywhere always. While here's a theory tip that I know: People require suffering to value what they have. You must break the convo (not date) at some point saying "sorry gotta go, bye."

  • Yep this happens because of girls (people) ability to rationally judge limited information in a unfamiliar environment.

    Ability - more like lack of

    Rationally because looks matter a lot less to girls in real life

    unfamiliar environment because people are used to how they judge in real life situations. When our conscious and time to think are taken up with interacting and it's left to the subconscious to judge.

    There's a book about this kind of stuff. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. he utilizes the expression "thin slicing" which is dealing with limited amounts of information.

    However a true test would be to wear similar clothes, have a similarly posed pictures and hide access to other pictures and information. Girls tend to be much more observant and judgmental of details anyway.

    You can use a tool such as okcupid's mybestface to figure which of your pictures are more attractive: link

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    • Thats a very good way to analyze it. My point is that him being better looking already puts him way ahead of me. He doesn't have to work nearly as hard to get girls. I mean when girls send him these messages on facebook, they're already giving him the "ok" to come and talk to them where as if I sent them a nice inviting message in the smoothest manner possible they would ignore it. You know what I mean?

    • nice and smooth won't cut it. They'll get lots of those. You gotta be ahead of the competition to stand a chance. That usually means playful cocky funny type messages. Looks will get him ahead to a degree but a good message beats everything. You can find out about those here: link

  • Dude you answered your own question. If you enter a "who's the hottest stud" picture contest, of course the best looking guy is going to win! Plus it's FACEBOOK! Go out for Fu@k sake! Learn how to attract women, then you will understand why women say looks aren't that important. Girls like a guy who they can have a good time with! If you tell yourself you're ugly then guess what, you will see yourself as ugly. Think of these people who have severe eating disorders like anorexia, they honestly think they're fat even though they're toothpicks. It's all in their heads and as long as you believe it that's all you'll see!

    And by the way I'm 6 feet and FAT! But I've dated some awesome girls simply because I knew they would enjoy being with me!

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    • This should win best answer IMHO. Really.

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    • Indeed. A limited amount of selfishness is a virtue. It is called "assertivity".

    • Jpartist you are 100% right. I know I shouldn't sweat and definitely shouldn't let it affect my happiness but its always going to be in the back of my head. I'll always be thinking "why am I not good enough? Is there something wrong with me?" I'm slowly getting used to it but who knows, maybe things may look brighter in the future.

  • Girls are so shallow, they always judge by looks. Maybe you should treat them the same and make fun of the fugly ones while going out with the hot sluts.

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    • Amen to that. I just want at least one girl to admit so I can sleep at night. The hot sluts where I live are only sluts to guys with deep pockets and high rollers so I'm outta luck =(

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