Do you shave like a sissy?

What kind of razor do you use? You probably use one of those namby-pamby plastic jobs with the overly fancy rubber grip pads and delicate little buttons to release the shoddily made and overpriced cartridges.

Something that looks like this?

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You do, don't you?

You know what that reminds me of?

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That's right. You're fancy curvy razor looks like a vacuum cleaner

Not feeling so manly anymore, are you?

That's why you should be more like me and shave with one of these!

(Warning, may too manly for women and small children)

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Look at that sh*t! If that were any manlier it would have a beard, and then you would need a razor for your razor!

That looks like a piece of precision equipment! A tool designed and built with a single purpose in mind. That's what I use and it is freaking awesome. As an added bonus, mine dates back to the fifties, which means that the steel used to machine it probably came from a Sherman tank that kicked loads of Nazi ass! Can your razor say that. No, stupid, cause razors can't talk! But if it could it would just cry in a high pitched voice because it is so goddamn inferior to the old school razors that our dads and grandfathers used. Can you imagine a World War 2 GI coming back from the front lines and shaving with a Mach 3? Hell no! Next time you are shaving with your 2nd rate, overpriced, 7 bladed, piece of crap, look at yourself in the mirror and try to look manly with the flimsy piece of plastic in your hands. It doesn't work. So get up, get your ass to the nearest thrift store/consignment shop and buy yourself an old school razor. Then celebrate by eating a bunch of beef jerky and proceed to high five yourself for being so damn awesome

You're f***ing welcome.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I use a flint blade, that I knapped myself.

    I lubricate my beard with soap I made from the fat of a kodiak bear that I killed in hand-to-hand combat and ash from a Viking funeral pyre.

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    • This testicle shrinking response both humbles me, and inspires me to ratchet up my own manliness level. I need to go pet a mountain lion or something.

    • LOL. I actually own an old Remington safety razor and a gadget that you use to manually re-sharpen razor blades.

      I've also got a couple of straight razors made in Solingen Germany before WWII. The straight razor is the best shave of all of them.

    • Haha. Very good.

What Girls Said 4

  • You are hilarious

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  • You wanna be man? Try using an epilator. You'll be howling in pain as the device rips out your hairs!

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  • lol This sounds like an old spice commercial!

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  • what is your point?

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    • You looked at the picture of the razor, didn't you. I warned you that it may be to manly for women, but you looked anyway and got a face-full of awesome that left you stunned and confused. You'll be okay, just give it some time. In the meantime stay away from anything overly manly like power tools, pickups and Tabasco sauce.

What Guys Said 15

  • Wtf?

    My manliness is determined by my razor?

    I thought it was all about having a penis, secreting testosterone and feeling manly. Oh god, I've been lied to!

    MOM! I'M NOT A MAN!

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    • Don't worry, you're probably still fairly manly, this is just a way to be even MORE manly.

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    • Sarcasm?! How can you be using sarcasm when discussing something as important and mantastic as facial hair and it's removal via incredibly sharp blades?!

    • Lol, you make it sound so EPIC.

      I imagine you pouring some coffee to a mug, with Pendulum's "Watercolor" playing in the background, because you make simple things look so epic and manly.

      (For those of you who don't know, check this link and watch until you pass the 1st minute.)

  • Thankfully, I'm bless with a very light beard which allows me to soak my jaw once a week in warm milk, and then let the cat lick it off.

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  • I'm Asian and naturally am clean shaven. I pluck out unwanted hairs with a tweezer and they don't grow back for weeks. I feel pretty manly, even if I don't shave.

    Thats why I can sleep 10 more minutes before work, then the guy that does have to shave.

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    • Btw, I like your picture. I agree that every animal deserves a light saber, even extinct ones.

  • I use a bowie knife that's right a real mans knife, it's razor sharp, and not only that when my facial hair grows out it's so rugged you can strike a match on it. Chuck Norris takes tips from me, that's how bad ass I am. If my knife gets dull or I just don't feel like using it, I use a shark's tooth, I dove in the ocean wrangled the shark and pulled out his tooth with my bare hands.

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  • i have this.

    link

    and I have a steel soap bowl, soap, nd a pure badgers hair brush. I also have a straight razor but it needs to get sharpened.

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    • Nice! I too use a badger hair brush. Feels great and as an added bonus, badgers are known for being tenacious little bastards. Which is a quality men should seek to emulate.

    • hahahaha

  • Damn, that's a manly f*cking razor!

    But I only shave with the forged spine of a Chupacabra!

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  • I shave with an Ivory blade. (On a side note, I also have many leather-bound books and my apartment smell of rich mahogany.)

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  • Actually, I just use an electric shaver. It comes with a little dock that you use to automatically wash the blade with citrus-scented alcohol. Smells lemony fresh every morning, awww yeah. =P

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    • Lemony fresh?! Only three things in this world should smell lemony-fresh, lemons, lemonaid, and Bacardi limon. You may notice that "a man's chiseled and firm countenance" is missing from that list.

    • I think the important part is FRESH, not lemony.

  • wow! I'm gonna get one. looks badass.

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  • When I shave I use the claw of an albino bangle tiger, but only when my machete is dull. When I get an ingrown hair, I pluck it out with a pair of pliers.

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  • Real men don't shave

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  • i just use my finger nails to scrape the stubble off

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  • Yeah I shave like a sissy because I have very sensitive skin and anything too rough can damage my skin.

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    • That's why old fashioned safety razors are great, just one blade, instead of dragging 3 or 4 blades over your skin.

  • i gave you one star because you deserve it. lol

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  • Wow I never realized I was such a sissy thanks for opening my eyes. From now on I will live my life with reckless abandonment like a real man, by switching to a mans razor.

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    • That's a capital idea, and I whole-heartedly endorse it!

    • Yes, and when I am asked when I became a man I will reply with one word... Moaterboat

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