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It comes up with every crush: "They're hot. They're funny. They're so, so cool. I think we'd be perfect together. So how do I talk to them?"
Hard question to answer. How do you get up the nerve to approach the (current) light of your life when you're sure they don't know you exist? Once you've croaked that first embarrassing hi, what do you say? What do you do if your arch rival shows up and sweeps them of their feet? What if they laugh at you and tell you you're a loser?
There are really three problems here: what to say, when to say it, and if worst comes to worst. So let's talk about them!
Content
This, believe it or not, is the easy part. All guys and girls really want to talk a bout the same thing: themselves. First you should ask them an open-ended question about something you two have in common: "What do you think about Ms. Knowles?", "You're a friend of Brittany's--how did you meet her?", or "So what do you think of this party?" Let them talk about that for a while you nod and use body language to show interest: putting your hand on your neck, looking into their eyes.
The what-you-have-in-common conversation will probably fizzle out quickly, so the moment they mention another interest, start a new conversation about that. "Brittany and I were at a concert together. . ." "Cool! What band?" Continue asking them open-ended questions like that and start a new conversation when they mention a new interest. This should keep them talking for a while.
Timing
This can be the hardest part. You know exactly what to say to them, but when? And how do you end a conversation?
If you see a stranger at a party, club, or bar, it can be easy to approach them. At a party or bar, just go up to them and say, "Hey, I'm {name}. What's you're name?" AT a club, go up to them and dance with them. Introduce yourself.
It takes a lot more bravery if you're supposed to know them already, like if they're in your class at school or work with you. It's not difficult, though. Find an appropriate time to approach them and talk: in the halls at work or school, before class or a meeting starts. If you think you should introduce yourself, go for it. If not, just start with the what-we-have-in-common question.
Knowing when to end a conversation can be difficult too. It's best if you do it at the peak. Just say something like "Gotta go," plus or minus a "Can I get your number?" Hint: if you say you've gotta go, actually go. Don't try that in the middle of class or a date. When you'll be together for a fixed amount of time, just keep talking until you really have to leave.
When Disaster Strikes!
Disaster can come in many forms, from an unexpected lull in the conversation to a piano falling out of a window, threatening to crush you. Today let's just talk about the more likely ones.
Sometimes you'll forget to change the conversation frequently, whenever your crush opens up the possibility of going off on a tangent. Sometimes your crush won't lead you on any tangents. When that happens, the conversation fizzles out and you have no idea what to do.
Try starting the conversation over again. Ask a new what-we've-got-in-common question and take it from their. Remember: you don't want to leave them when you're having an awkward pause. When you hit another peak, you might want to leave.
Then there's another danger: another person who likes them enters the conversation. Just don't get too fazed. Chances are, they won't be thinking about the fact that everyone wants to talk about themselves. They'll talk about themselves while you listen to your crush, making you look like an angel in comparison.
There's not much danger of you saying something totally embarrassing, since you'll be spending a lot of time in this conversation getting to know you're crush. Of you do, though, let the conversation go along. If you say something and they disagree, ask them why. That can change you from being embarrassed to looking understanding. If you say something that's just simply stupid, quickly and subtly hide the remark. This can range from pretending it didn't happen to changing the subject.
In Conclusion
Wow, I just love those words. I put them in almost every paper I write. But that's hardly the point. The point is that you've just learned how to defeat the Conversation Monster from a shy girl who's used these very tips to get over her shyness. You can use them in almost any situation, too--it's not limited to crushes. Plus, you don't really have to think of interesting things to say.
Now go forth and have an interesting social life!
Hard question to answer. How do you get up the nerve to approach the (current) light of your life when you're sure they don't know you exist? Once you've croaked that first embarrassing hi, what do you say? What do you do if your arch rival shows up and sweeps them of their feet? What if they laugh at you and tell you you're a loser?
There are really three problems here: what to say, when to say it, and if worst comes to worst. So let's talk about them!
Content
This, believe it or not, is the easy part. All guys and girls really want to talk a bout the same thing: themselves. First you should ask them an open-ended question about something you two have in common: "What do you think about Ms. Knowles?", "You're a friend of Brittany's--how did you meet her?", or "So what do you think of this party?" Let them talk about that for a while you nod and use body language to show interest: putting your hand on your neck, looking into their eyes.
The what-you-have-in-common conversation will probably fizzle out quickly, so the moment they mention another interest, start a new conversation about that. "Brittany and I were at a concert together. . ." "Cool! What band?" Continue asking them open-ended questions like that and start a new conversation when they mention a new interest. This should keep them talking for a while.
Timing
This can be the hardest part. You know exactly what to say to them, but when? And how do you end a conversation?
If you see a stranger at a party, club, or bar, it can be easy to approach them. At a party or bar, just go up to them and say, "Hey, I'm {name}. What's you're name?" AT a club, go up to them and dance with them. Introduce yourself.
It takes a lot more bravery if you're supposed to know them already, like if they're in your class at school or work with you. It's not difficult, though. Find an appropriate time to approach them and talk: in the halls at work or school, before class or a meeting starts. If you think you should introduce yourself, go for it. If not, just start with the what-we-have-in-common question.
Knowing when to end a conversation can be difficult too. It's best if you do it at the peak. Just say something like "Gotta go," plus or minus a "Can I get your number?" Hint: if you say you've gotta go, actually go. Don't try that in the middle of class or a date. When you'll be together for a fixed amount of time, just keep talking until you really have to leave.
When Disaster Strikes!
Disaster can come in many forms, from an unexpected lull in the conversation to a piano falling out of a window, threatening to crush you. Today let's just talk about the more likely ones.
Sometimes you'll forget to change the conversation frequently, whenever your crush opens up the possibility of going off on a tangent. Sometimes your crush won't lead you on any tangents. When that happens, the conversation fizzles out and you have no idea what to do.
Try starting the conversation over again. Ask a new what-we've-got-in-common question and take it from their. Remember: you don't want to leave them when you're having an awkward pause. When you hit another peak, you might want to leave.
Then there's another danger: another person who likes them enters the conversation. Just don't get too fazed. Chances are, they won't be thinking about the fact that everyone wants to talk about themselves. They'll talk about themselves while you listen to your crush, making you look like an angel in comparison.
There's not much danger of you saying something totally embarrassing, since you'll be spending a lot of time in this conversation getting to know you're crush. Of you do, though, let the conversation go along. If you say something and they disagree, ask them why. That can change you from being embarrassed to looking understanding. If you say something that's just simply stupid, quickly and subtly hide the remark. This can range from pretending it didn't happen to changing the subject.
In Conclusion
Wow, I just love those words. I put them in almost every paper I write. But that's hardly the point. The point is that you've just learned how to defeat the Conversation Monster from a shy girl who's used these very tips to get over her shyness. You can use them in almost any situation, too--it's not limited to crushes. Plus, you don't really have to think of interesting things to say.
Now go forth and have an interesting social life!
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