Best things to do after coming on too strong with a girl?

OK so what is the best way to get a girl back to chasing you. I made the mistake of coming on too strong with her and letting her know I really liked her. So the intense flirting at the beginning is now gone and we don't hang out or text like we did before.

So how do I bring the "chasing" and flirting back after coming on too strong? I've heard ignoring her works but I want really specific things to do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • well the only reason you would "come on too strong" is if you like her more than she likes you and you finally revealed it. So the problem from the start was that your into this chick way too much, probably before she's even shown you any traits that deserve that.

    • You are right that I like her more than she likes me. But I only told her I liked her as more than a friend after a couple months of flirting. So I know now I should of just kept on doing instead of saying because I took the chase out of it. So I just wanna know how to get back to that, anything besides waiting?

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    • halfway through your time away would be a little too long. just text more infrequently and it should help

    • i recommend against playing any type of headgames like that. Instead, kick your own ass for liking her so much. Seriously, there are many other girls out there and your idealizing one. That's why she feels uncomfortable or pulling away etc.

What Girls Said 13

  • make her think you've moved on, improve your appearance, focus on your goals, flirt with other girls, throw a party, invite her and ignore her! basically be a douche, lol, if you were sweet and she didn't like it, do the opposite.

  • Whoa compadre! Don't be a douche with her! Like don't ignore her. I mean it works...But for certain women, not all of us like conceded wannabe bad ass guys. Look, if the chick really liked you, she wouldn't have driven away.

    I mean...think about it. Your going for the job interview that's the ticket for your life! Your happy, excited, and just can't stop thinking about it! Then when you go right...and your there! And they give you the job! Do you walk away and say...nah man..I don't want it anymore -and walk away?- No! You were the interviewer who gave her the heads up and she turned you down.

    Why would you want to date someone who doesn't want to date you? I mean really, yes you did tell her little too soon too fast, but if she was mature and actually cared to work things out instead of pulling away like back in high school days, why would you like to date someone like that? Its the chemistry/the physical attraction..hey, I know.

    But seriously, think about it. Is she really that into you if she's not willing to see your trust in sharing your emotions and feelings for her?

    Well to answer your question. It really depends on the girl. But seeing she likes it the hard way, 'hard to get' thing going on here or simply confused about her and you and the situation. I would suggest moving on. Ladies can sense from a mile away when a man is confused or desperate for her attention. We can, I know, hardcore stuff X] so if you PUT YOUR ATTENTION IN YOU AND YOUR LIFE, parties, video games, not seeing chicks but seeing one chick and going with the flow, being a single man on the hunt WITH EXCEPTION OF THINKING OF HER. She will see, and she will be jealous, and she will probably stalk you (if she really is beginning to get crazy for you!) You'll see her bumping more into you or looking at you from across the hallways.

    Well best of luck! And know that if you give and don't receive in return, your in for a hell of a ride, and I don't mean in a nice happy way.


  • You have to do damage control but reverse. Back off a little, give her her space. Don't always text her or try to hang out with her. Let her want you and feel like you aren't chasing her anymore.

  • Apologize and turn down the intensity of the flirting when you start it up again.

    If she's not texting, hanging out with you, or flirting with you most likely you made her uncomfortable enough she wants to limit contact with you. Most would just brush it off and go back to the way things were before the intensity.

    Nothing wrong with liking a person & showing it.

    there is something wrong in making someone uncomfortable and not apologizing for making them uncomfortable. Your apologizing for the reaction not the action.

    Ignoring her works because it works for most people. People love to hate being ignored. So if you didn't unsettle her too much she'll flirt after some time ignoring her but not because she wants to just but because she was gamed.

  • Ease up turbo :) don't contact her, wait for her to show interest. This means no texting, calling or IM. Naturally if she has some feelings for you she will get back to you. Don't apologize for your behavior , you are human and emotions are what make us. I recomend playing the cool card, brush it off and get to know some other girls. She'll soon realize you're getting on with your life and you don't need her or her approval. But yes good luck and stay strong. Oh and if she does contact you make sure to reply but don't act too estatic ;)

  • Back off a little, give her some space. She'll come around.

  • I don't get why guys aways does the "cool off" after a intense chasing. It just makes us think you are a player. The "cool off" reads you think the girl playing hard to get, and you've moved on. Love is supposed to be simple, don't complicate things.

    • I agree, but isn't she the one making it complicated? Bc she completely made it seem like she liked me so I do what's natural and tell her I like her. Then she backs off. So to me she is the one playing games.

    • Perhaps she's just shy talking to you after knowing you like her.

  • hmmmm...I think you are going backwards by wanting to get back to the "chasing" part. So you revealed your cards, and made a move by telling her you really do like her. Can't go back from that, nor should you. The next step, is to step it up! Ask her out on some fun dates! Think mini golf, zoo, rock gym, hiking. Fun things you can do together (as a date not as friends.) The activity will give you two plenty of stuff to talk about, and give you the opportunity to make a move. : D Good Luck!

    • Well she just wants to be friends, I think its because I came on too strong. So, I feel like I need to ignore her and back off and make her chase "want" me again.

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    • Well I know she liked me by the way she looked at me, when we made eye contact we both smiled and it lasted minutes just looking each other in the eyes and smiling. There was other things but I've never had this eye contact thing with any other girl like this.

    • dont want to burst your bubble but maybe she just does wanna be friends...for her own reasons.

  • Just literally don't make the effort with her, or act like you're not, act like you've moved on and you're having a great time without her, make her realize what she's missing...if she's anything like me she'll come running back.

  • We went over this.

  • Never text her first anymore or ask to hang out. If she does text you first just be casual and only text a few msgs then cmpletely stop for the rest of the day till she texts you again first once she sees you may not be interested anymore she'll be chasing after you. :)

  • Okay, so first off please don't ignore her. Really. We donnt like it! It will hurt our feelings, or give us the opportunity to foeget about you and lust after someone else. Just talk wuth her, try,and figure out what she is feeling...she us probably really confused too! She obviously liked you to some extent if she was flirting really hard in the first place. Be spintaneous and fun again, not too serious. Send a quick text: I'm feelin bobs french fries, you in?it should get baK on track, and waIt for her to voice her feelings,too, or it isn't worth it in,the first place.

  • You can't. It's over. (if she's anything like me)


What Guys Said 15

  • Let's be objective for a moment... You didn't do anything wrong!

    9 out of 10 times, when a girl starts acting weird around a guy, it's because the girl is acting weird...not because the guy has messed up, even though he feels like he has.

    It's like getting pulled over by a cop when you haven't broken any laws. You shouldn't act or feel guilty, because you haven't done anything wrong. It's like you assume you're guilty just because the cop stopped you. The cop may be prejudiced, having a bad day, or just have a poor understanding of how the law is supposed to work.

    The second thing I want to point out is that you're thinking of this woman like she's a rat in a lab experiment. You're thinking, "If I modify the amount of cheese I give as reward, will the rat become more eager?"

    Sadly, sometimes that does work with humans...because on a very primitive level, we all have the same impulse controls, even though we're supposed to have quite a bit more evolution.

    But do you really want a woman who lets herself be so easily manipulated? If she's like that, then in reality, she's immature, insecure and a waste of time.

    I want to reiterate that you did nothing wrong by simply expressing your feelings to her. You were just being honest, and maybe that honesty is something she just can't handle, but that's her problem not yours.

    Or maybe she's playing games with you, trying to manipulate you now that she knows you like her. Maybe she thinks of you as a lab rat. That doesn't mean that you should start playing games and trying to manipulate her. The truth about these games is that there usually is no winner!

    So my advice is to play it straight. Tell her that you miss her company and you don't want her to feel awkward around you if she doesn't feel the same way as you. Don't admit that you did anything wrong though, because you didn't. Maybe she's just a little phased, because she didn't see the relationship going in this direction. You both need to realize that things evolve. You shouldn't expect it to go back to when she was "chasing" you, and she shouldn't expect it to go back to when she didn't know you were interested. And if she's not ready to move forward, at some point you will need to move on without her.

    But heaven sakes, don't just pretend to move on, hoping she'll come running back to you. Wait until you're actually ready to move on.

    • Thanks for the long thought out answer!

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    • So hear this guys and gurls, this guy's advice is sound but if you think you came on too strong and are pretty much in damage mode now i would send a playful text (after all the horrendous texting / non-responses) along the lines of : so me again, yeah was wondering when you were going to text back when you realize what a non-creepy, non-neurotic, great, non-needy and confident guy I am? If she liked you but May have been put off this should make her smile and think you know what let me give him another chance. Trust me guys, trust me... play it cool. If you do you won't need to use this! Although I must say it was awesome when she got back to me! Play it cool, that's what you got to do and if she is into you she will give you the signals. Don't over think things and DONT get neurotic !

    • 9d

      Literally the best answer!!

  • I agree with the replies about just playing it cool and not initiating any more of the contact between you two. If she contacts you (text/call/email/whatever) you should still definitely reply, otherwise she's going to think you were just trying to play her. That being said though, don't sit around waiting for her to text you--that'll just make you go crazy. Also, there is a possibility that she didn't originally see you as a potential serious relationship until you said something. She may have just been trying to have fun and stuff (I know, it sucks and kinda feels like you may have been played). The good news is though that now she knows how you feel, so just give her some time to process it, and if she initiates anything in the future, she probably will have some sort of interest. Again though, don't wait around for her to contact you, and if you see another potential good relationship cross your path, don't pass it up because of this girl. If a couple months go by though and you haven't heard from her and you're still interested, I don't see the problem with contacting her, but keep it friendly.

  • Okay, here's what happened: you were both uncertain about whether the attraction was mutual. This uncertainty fueled the attraction and helped it to develop. It drove you two to flirt and chase to check out the others' interest level.

    Then, you inadvertently killed it by completely removing her uncertainty. This short circuited the development of the attraction.

    So, if you want to get things moving again, you have to make her uncertain about your interest in her. Ignoring her might be the best way. Like, totally ignore her until she starts coming back, and, if she does, hold back your enthusiasm. Stay cool for a while. Then slowly pick up the flirting and chasing again.

    Because you were so direct (which took a lot of courage, so I applaud you - it just didn't get you the best results), It might not be possible to kickstart her uncertainty, but I think it's worth your time to give it a shot.

  • apologize

    • No, she's not mad or anything that I came on too strong lol. But she won't flirt like we did before, so how do I get her back to chasing me?

    • so if she calls you what are you going to do?

  • Well, you don't apologize for liking someone like another user suggested, you just lay off. At least, that's what I would do. If you can on too strong a "cool down" is just about the only appropriate thing you could do, and it's the only way she'll chase you if she likes you.

  • probably too late now

    • Haha, what's too late now?

    • because when girls feel that a guy came on too strong to them, it is nearly impossible to make them give you another chance

  • read a book abt body language. it helped me

  • Don't overthink it. It doesn't have to be as complicated as you are making it. I feel like you are in a similar situation to me. I've had moments when we've looked into each others eyes for like 15 seconds and I'm still not sure if she likes me as much as I like her, but idk. Just go with what life gives you. Ask her if she likes you. If she does, great, if she doesn't, you won't waste your time with fantasies. Good luck bro. Hope everything works out for you.

  • You just need to not reply and let time take over. I hate playing games, but girls do hate when a guy who expressed interest suddenly pulls away. So give it time and she'll come back. If not then the time will help you move on!

  • Be someone she wants to be around and makes her feel sexy, not someone who gave it his all then gave up.

  • You did everything correctly... first of all, these guys who say that you should ignore her and wait until she texts you are totally stupid because it does not work that way... You will drive yourself nuts if you do that (I am talking from my own experience)... you will be saying to yourself,,, Ok, im ignoring her so she will let me know soon.'' You will go nuts and she might never text again.'' My advice is BE YOU because that is what matters and that is what the other person should like about you. You were you so you did everything great. If you see her say hi, do not ignore her, but I suggest to move on because this situation will hurt you. But because you are honest guy, I recommend to talk to her because you do not know what is going on. Everybody appreciates honesty so there is nothing that you can ruin. If you wait and ignore her hoping that it will work, it is the worst thing to do because that is not what you want to do. Talk to her about it when you see her. Straight up tell her,,, Hey, can I talk to you?'' and then just ask her what happened and if you did anything wrong? Tell her that you felt like there was something and now it s gone without knowing a reason. Remember, you did not go too strong or too early. You did everything correctly because you did what you felt like doing and you had a good intention. You didn't do it first or second week after knowing her. If somebody does not appreciate it, then the person is not worthy. It is really simple. And do not play games, you do not have to do that with anybody who is a good person.

  • Don't know...

  • Move on man. You came on too strong. She's not interested now. The more you chase her at this point, the creepier she will think you are. If you push your luck too much, you're going to come off as a stalker, and end up in an unnecessary mess. You may really like her, perhaps so much that its hard to see the signs right in front of your face, but believe me when I say the only thing you can do now, is move on. The only way she will ever consider you again, is if you go away, for a long time. Better luck next time.

  • Move on, find another one. 1 thing I'v elearned over the years... don't sweat over a girl, there's PLENTY more knocking about. Go to new places, initiate contact with old friends, see if they know any girls you don't... they may be better lookers than the one you've missed out on