When a girl says "I don't want a relationship"

[CaliforniaMe]

If a girl says she isn't looking for a relationship, she doesn't want one, she isn't ready doesn't neccessarily mean she doesn't like you. However, if you hear this it could never be good. She means it! Even if she is ready, she might just not want to be with you.

Do not fight around this, the best thing to do is move on. Why set yourself up for mind games with a girl who doesn't know where she wants her heart to be?

If you over hear her say this, she possibly could of said it so you could hear, she wants you to back off. Or could care less if you heard because she isn't thinking of you.

The only way to possibly get around this is to find out her reason:

1. Mad at you

2. Not interested

3. Focused on career and too busy (which is possible)

If it's because she's mad, express your honesty, and be up front about your feelings.

[RalphBlack]

What I am learning is that in all the relationship books and even psychology books is that it is a scientific fact that women fall in love slower than men do.
Men go by looks in the beginning. Women can find a man attractive but they mostly go by emotions.
They need to feel safe and secure around a guy that they want a potential relationship with.
A guy should tell her what he wants but let it be that.
If she says, "I am not ready right now" then the guy needs to respect her feelings if he really does care and not be so available.
If she is saying those things then what the woman is saying is, "I need some space time" so give it to her.
During those times, continue on with life make life even more enjoyable for yourself.
The woman who wanted space will see how much of a blast you are and will miss you because you *the man* show that your feelings of getting rejection didn't overtake you and control your entire life.
This may even want her to strive to be in your life.

[Creole_Flavor]

Great take straight to the point. I don't want a relationship right now because of number 3 but I'm not too busy I have other things going on there are many reason why a girl might not want to be in a relationship but whatever that reason is, we don't owe anyone an explanation or a chance. Even when we do explain guys need to understand that its a dead end instead of convincing themselves there is a way to get the girl and when it doesn't work we get accused of friend zoning when in reality they did it to themselves.

[Mikachu97]

Sometimes it means the girl just needs time. She needs to sort things out and get things straight. I tell guys that I don't want a relationship and I'm not saying that just not with them. I'm saying "let's be friends while I heal and pick myself up." Right now, I'm very fearful. And being this fearful scares me. I have never been scared to date or talk to people or get close to anyone, especially not any guy I was interested in but now all I want is a comfortable distance and when they start to dig too deep, I shut them away. It's a defense mechanism we females have when we get severely hurt. We will shut down if we truly aren't ready to move on, and if a guy doesn't respect that, then we won't open up.

[Hannah591]

I don't like how you assumed the guy would endure mind games from a woman, just because she doesn't want a relationship. I don't want one now, I'm not ready due to huge heart break, difficulty opening up to anyone and I want time alone. I simply do not feel ready and that if I dated a guy, it would be unfair on him. I don't lead guys on and if they ask me out, I tell them straight up. I don't flirt, I don't do any of that stuff if I have the feeling they want something more. I also wouldn't tell a guy I wasn't ready for a relationship if I was mad at him. I would tell him I was mad at him.

[NoDoubt]

I was in your exact same situation before. But I've been with my fiancé for 6 months now and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I was in your situation when I met him. I know it doesn't seem like it now but you will find the man of your dreams when it's time. And you should take all the time you need, don't let anyone pressure you. And one day when the time feels right, go for it :-) just make sure he's a trust worthy guy as I'm sure you already know to do. If you need anything, just message me :-)

[Hannah591]

@NoDoubt Thankyou for the kind words. 😊

[NoDoubt]

no problem :)

[sheabutter]

For me, it is usually a combination of being emotionally unavailable at the time and lack of interest. However, an initial rejection does not mean the future is completely closed off. The reason I rejected one guy was because I was still getting over unrequited interest in someone else, and because he came on to me literally the moment he met me and I need more time to get to know people (even for friendship). I was somewhat attracted to him already though. Once I got to know him, he really grew on me, but he pretty much moved on by then, not that I entirely blame him because I am particularly slow never having even kissed a guy. Now, I am in a position where I plan to pursue him either with success or the intention to at least have closure and move on. Ironically, the last guy I rejected was partially because I am now attached to the guy I originally rejected and lack of attraction. Sometimes, timing just sucks.

[BelfastBoy]

Unfortunately many guys will see that as a mind game. You either have to make the choice in your own life - at least at some point - to ride the highs and lows with someone to form a deeper relationship - or you decide that you're not interested in being with just one person. I should warn you though that life is like a restaurant - you either place your order at some point or you end up with nothing. Many women think motherhood is a trap because feminists led them to believe it is. There's nothing stopping you from having a degree or career but bear in mind that single parenthood is not only damaging to children but you as well. Personally I never want to marry, though I would still like to have kids and I'm in my thirties. The problem for me is not emotional availabillity but trust. Many men don't see the use in so called 'committment' when all the options to bail out are on the woman's side so you may find yourself without a chair when the music stops.

[sheabutter]

It wasn't meant to be a mind game. I think he is the one who is more likely to see it as a game than me, but that's beside the point. I am well aware that I may end up alone, but that would only be bad if I thought I was entitled to romantic love and thought I had no other purpose in life. I am not afraid of dying alone as much as I fear ending up with the wrong man or never getting a chance to have mutual love with a guy even if it doesn't last as long as I hope. In fact, I think I would be perfectly fine on my own since I am so used to it. I would prefer not to though. All I know is that I am not afraid to give it shot with someone if I like them enough even if I do get rejected. I don't think that is pathetic. Going down without a fight or even asking is pathetic. You mention placing an order, well I'm placing my order now even though what I want may have been taken off of the menu.

[sheabutter]

Also, it is not a race. It is either meant for me or it is not, but there is only one way to find out.

[Lightonthehill1]

In my experience, truly, young women tend to prefer to create chaos in their lives as a source of control (albeit a very foolish strategy) and tend to reject the best people for their lives in exchange for the worst.

This is why I prefer dating older women above younger. Older women know they don't have the same options to play with men's feelings because they don't have as much time with their looks. Not only that, it's mainly that older women are over the games that come into play mutually and know what they want. And what's awesome is because I realize all this, older women flock to me and younger women will do everything to get my attention and at the same time try to create scenarios where they reject me (laughing at that one) as a means of being in control. It's really sad to think you're only thought in life is to have complete control of everyone and everything. Maybe this is why men age better? Less stress?

[sheabutter]

Whatever works for you man. For similar reasons that you chase older women, I tend to go after older men. The only thing is maybe I'm not shooting for old enough? The men that I have been interested in still don't seem to have a clear idea of what they want either or they just aren't ready for serious relationships period. I think for my age, I am doing pretty well of judging what is best for me. I at least know what to avoid, and that's a good start. However, just because I am not certain of everything doesn't mean I can't take a chance with someone I like. It's possible I'm just not ready yet and/or haven't met the right match considering that I am young, but there is only one way to find out, right?

[sheabutter]

I think there is more to differences in aging between genders other than stress though and has more to do with genetics and that men take longer to develop in general biologically, so therefore they would also age slower. Not denying that stress plays a role to some degree. In fact, I think I have heard that stress effects women in a way that is different than in men that causes us to age faster on a cellular level. Not sure though as I would have to verify that. I see where you are coming from though.

[Sinister]

@sheabutter - Wow, just reading that sounded confusing, but somewhere in the back of my mind I got the idea. Did you ever tell the guy that you are not available right now? If you didn't tell him that then maybe that's why he acted the way he did.

[sheabutter]

I wasn't thinking clearly at the time. After that initial encounter, I didn't see him until the following semester due to the circumstance of him just transferring. He was just visiting a mutual friend that time. I was unsure of his availability and my own at the time. I was also skeptical because he gave off the vibe that he wasn't in for anything serious. After I got the chance to see him again and get to know him better, I realized I liked him a lot. For all I know, he still may not be looking for anything serious, but I should at least find our for sure once I get the chance to see him again.

[sheabutter]

Yes, it is a lot more confusing than it needs to be. Unfortunately, I got to wait until I can see him in person again to sort this out since I'd rather not just do this over the phone or other social media.

[kstormer]

Yeah, no~ I know this woman who, despite being very desirable, has basically given up on ever being in a relationship. I suppose it doesn't help that she is 37, but oh well.

Anyway, I asked her out last year, and she said "it really isn't you, I just don't feel like I know you well enough" which was true at the time.
Anyway, shortly after I told her it's cool, we can just be friends and that I moved on.

Then the other night at her house warming she said "I have just become comfortable with the fact that I am single."
Either that was a subtle message of "yeah buddy, even if you were the LAST person on earth I would rather live by myself" or she has really given up.

But I agree with a lot of guys here. No mater WHAT the reason is. She says no, move on.

[Ulyss]

I'm surprised that you know how to move on many guys really need to do so I understand that it kinda gets to you but there's other women out there

[thecd1979]

What I have learned the hard way is that usually when a women says she isn't looking to date or for a relationship it’s usually her nice way of telling you that she just isn’t interested in pursuing those activities with you. It’s most likely also that she probably is really busy and dating or finding a partner is not at the top of her priorities. It is possible that if the right person who can wow her comes along she will be more than willing to make the time to go on dates and get to know them.

[Transigence]

If you hear this, don't fawn over her trying to change her mind. There is no shortage of women who will gladly accept all of your "super-friend" gestures and disproportionate allocation of time for her, knowing full well that they are your means of expressing sexual or romantic interest, while knowing you never have a chance in that way. This is the dreaded "friend-zone."

If you want to be friends with a woman, treat her like a man. Judge her like she's a man. If she can't be there for you, or if the friendship support seems to only flow one way, get gone.

Conversely, if she really does have the friendship goods, then you have to decide if you can live with unrequited love. If you can't, back away for your own sake.

[M_A_X]

Whatever her reason is, she can feck off. If you don't want to get in the lifeboat nobody is going to force you, and you can't save a drowning man.

The first time a chick plays this shit with me, she's done and off the list forever. I will not be spited by a cunt that thinks she's better than someone else. I'll do the spiting, thank you very much.

[curiousdude88]

Over react a little? After your first sentence we got the picture, no need to keep talking about women like that.

Smh, that's the sign of too much shit in one day

[kahnkang14]

Lmfao applaud

[talldude]

you deserve a fucking medal @M_A_X bravo

[manos]

Look he got 3 downvotes, butthurted

[Anonymous]

In a sense I think you are correct, but I myself have told guys this and it's not necessarily because of the guy and lack of interest.
I'm genuinely not wanting a relationship for the benefit of myself and the guy. Sometimes you have to realise that your mental state isn't ready for a relationship or that your mental wellbeing is better off without a relationship right now. It depends on the person.

Also, just because a girl doesn't want a relationship that doesn't mean she lacks commitment or that she wants to go around sleeping with everyone. It can simply mean that she mentally can't be in a relationship.

[bloodmountain1990]

Agreed, getting with someone who is on the rebound or is still isn't healed from an ex. Which I'm not saying is you but it can be very toxic and even if the person who isn't in the right mental state but seems like they really want you, it's not for the right reasons. They can manipulate you, get you attached and leave you in a wreck once they leave you and feel like you're the one with issues. Not a good position to be in all.

[oracle12c]

I bet you are emotionally enough, to say, if you feel in love with him you would change you mind on the spot.

So not, don't delude yourself, it is about the guy and lack of interest from your part.

[Opinion Owner]

@oracle12c I'll have to agree to disagree. I've been interested in a guy and have told him I don't want a relationship because in this time in my life I cannot deal with it. And it wouldn't be fair. So in my opinion you are wrong.

[aficionado]

It has happened to me just once, but have seen it happen to others many times. Almost always, when a woman says "I'm not ready for a relationship", she is just politely informing the man that she doesn't want a relationship with HIM.

Even in my case, the woman who told me this got into a relationship with some good looking guy a month later.

[Creole_Flavor]

That happened to me too but I was already on and off with the guy he lied and said he was working a million and 1 jobs, he was too busy, and didn't have the energy or effort into the relationship instead of saying that he was tired of making up. Next thing you know he has a new girlfriend and she moved into his place. So sometimes it could mean I'm not ready for a relationship with you but I would be satisfied with that than other excuses.

[aficionado]

@Creole_Flavor

Yeah, it can happen to anyone. I don't understand what's so hard about being upfront that someone is not attracted to someone else, instead of making blanket statements like "I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone", which most of the times is not true.

[JaysunFet]

She does this because people in her past mainly men in serious relationships gave her fierce lash back hurting her ego and making her need time to reconsider her life. Other then she doesn't like you she could have a trauma and trust issue that is hard to get at.

[JohnBhoy94]

If a girl says "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I don't want a relationship", 100% of the time it means "I'm not ready/ I don't want a relationship with YOU" (i. e she's not interested in you... it's nothing else but that.

[Bowshots86]

What about when you have been dating for a while she says this, dumps you and then a month or two later has a new relationship. Normally i would say this means she doesn't have feelings for me anymore, however we still text everyday, and snapchat everyday. Our conversations are mildly flirtatious.

[CaliforniaMe]

You should have moved on when she entered in a new relationship, she was obviously stating she does not want a relationship with you at that time, don't be a girls second choice once she's single and lonely

[Anonymous]

I've told guys before "I dont want a relationship" & what I actually mean is..."I dont want a relationship" My reasons are: my academic studies & my business Im working on takes up my time & I dont want any drama or distractions to throw me off. OR Im not over an ex or the breakup in general. For me, saying "I dont want a relationship" has nothing to do with the guy. If it did, I would say instead, "Sorry but Im just not into u like that."

[singlebee]

So you are interested in that guy even if you want a relationship?

[Opinion Owner]

Wait what do u mean? I dont get what ur asking. lol

[Anonymous]

I had this happen once recently. There was a girl I had a lot in common with. We hit it off and made out on the first date, even texted each other a lot over the next week and a half and then bam out of nowhere, I get a text from her saying that she's bogged down with work and school and didn't wanna date.

Her profile was deleted when she said that but then it got reactivated again.

I just moved on and there were other girls I were talking to. Since I met her and other from a dating site, you can't just go after one especially in the early stages.

That being said, I've had a hard time finding a relationship from dating sites. I kid you not, I've met 30+ girls from those sites over the years and not one has led to anything serious. The one time I thought I was getting into a serious relationship where the attraction was mutual, I got rebounded and besides that the girls that wanted a relationship with me, I didn't like back, and vice versa. I ain't giving up though.

[Opinion Owner]

I won't lie though, I've had a hard time telling girls I wasn't interested in that I didn't like them that way. This may sound shallow but there have been girls who I thought were mildly attractive in their pictures on their dating sites but when I met them in person, they weren't physically attractive at all and I wasn't going to tell them I'm not interested because of that. I mean honestly I had no other issue with them but they still gotta be at least somewhat attractive for me to date them.

[DarkHumorRUs]

Lawl, if you like a person enough, then having barely any time for them is still enough time to have a relationship.

[Valentinasab]

I always interpret the line "I'm not looking for a relationship" as "I'm not looking to be in a relationship with you". There isn't much that you can say to the person when they say that to you, other than accepting it and moving on with your life.

[M_A_X]

Move on with your life and hold an eternal grudge and not give that cunt a chance to "change her mind" later when she's all dried up and nobody wants her anymore

[Valentinasab]

yup, true say. Most of the time when people say they aren't looking for a relationship they just want to date around and keep you as a plan B (in case they change their mind late on)

[oracle12c]

That is exactly what it means, if the right person came along, they would all of the sudden be interested in a relationship.

So yes, when hearing this, move on and let it go.

[Anonymous]

I myself decided not to have a relationship with this guy I really like and care about even its long distance. We still manage to have feelings for each other which is a good thing. However, we are still both entitled to schoolwork and college and thats when we both realized that long-term friendship can also be done. I even told him to wait for me so that sooner we would both be able to meet each other and start dating.

[Ulyss]

Sometimes it's just you the guy or sometimes her, I would hate if she thinks I'm going to be playing her game of hard to get if she thinks that way would be better to "test" me

[Anonymous]

Reason why i don't want a relationship yet is becuz, I broke up and had a bad experience, i thought i was really in love but then I'm afraid of getting hurt again, that might be some of other girls too, it doesn't generally mean that she doesn't want someone becuz i want someone but just not right now.

[Anonymous]

"If a girl says she isn't looking for a relationship, she doesn't want one, she isn't ready..."

Generally it means she's lying. Most girls (and guys) want to be with someone, when a girl says that to you she's just trying to be nice/kind instead of telling you that you she just doesn't like you.

[Awesome93]

Not necessarily. I mean, yes, some girls say that as an easy way out. Because it's easier to just say that and be done with it rather than explain and argue, then the awkwardness that follows. Some, however, are exactly like what the op said. I'm one of them and my reason is #3. I'm career driven. I have goals and ambitions. I want accomplishments and achievements so I don't have time for boyfriends. And honestly, I'm happy being alone.

[Opinion Owner]

@Awesome93 You wouldn't even want an equally busy boyfriend who wouldn't take up too much of your time but could be there when you feel like it?

[Creativesmarts]

I don't want a relationship ever, but if I tell a guy that I hope he doesn't think I'm lying :( Even when I've had a crush on someone, it was just that I thought they were cute and/or liked their personality, but I'd never actually go out with them because I'm not into that kind of thing.
Sometimes girls say they don't want to be with someone and mean it.

[jokery56]

Annon i think you are correct but best to be told this then led on in a relationship that won't go anywhere

[Opinion Owner]

@okery56 Well obviously. If a girl doesn't want to date a guy then she needs to reject his advances. I'm just saying girls aren't always honest about their reasons - I'm not even suggesting they should be.

[SakuraChii]

Relationships can be dramatic and require a lot of effort. Not everyone is desperate to leap at every opportunity.