I have been reading quite some questions and takes about this confusing "Nice guy" problem. So I will attempt to try my best to help some of these guys, if I can, from wasting their time from transforming into the "jerks" and going all through that painful phase of changing to realise they have to change again. Because the jerk factor isn't kicking in all the time for them. I am going to offer some of my personal views on this matter to hopefully help them to make some awsome adjustments without helping them kill themselves in the process (metaphorically speaking).
1. Buddah was right !
Yep good old Buddah was right about one of his main teachings that can be applied to most things in life which is refered to the middle path ( here is a link if you arenot sure :https://dictionary.reference.com/browse/middle+path ). In short he pretty much put it across that you shouldn't go for either of the two extreme opposites. Opposites being in this case the "nice guy" and the "jerk" but you should be the middle ground and a combination of the two thus achieve balance through the middle way.
2. Dont listen to the women folk!
Now before every one gets up with the feels to much allow me to explain. When I say this I do not mean do not listen towomen at all I mean when it comes to the main advice that women comes up with do not take what they say for suggestions about things as law and the ultimate word. I mean a good amount of women out there have this little habbit of either going through phases of what they enjoy in male company or are genreally at some pooint being fickle about something in their minds. You know like the time they love to pick one dress in a shop try a load more on just to pick that dress
3. Too nice!
Now one of the main factors out there that is the problem of being a "nice guy" is they are an extreme, they pour it on the women with over niceness and that kinda gives women off the total wrong vibe.
4. No doormating!
Right you gonna step up for yourself buddy. You are gonna have to turn around and say NO MORE! you have the mainly given right not to be treded on, used or mocked. You are gonna have to take a hard long think about what behaviour is aceptible to you and what sort of stuff you are not gonna take then draw those dam lines in the sand and like the 300 stand by them. Dont let any one move your own lines.
5. Destroy the female pedestal!
Sorry guys I do hate to spoil this for you but its for your own good. Women.....are not angelic creatures of pure imperfection, they are not godesses, or magical and mythical beings! They are simply humans and have flaws, hopes, passions and desires like their male counter parts which are us. Soon as you programme that into your brain you understand they are in the same place as us guys they are unsure of themselfs ocasionaly like us and have the same behaviour as us. So for the love of the gods please dont put them on a huge pedestal and treat them like godesses, they are just imperfect and as human us.
6. Bust her chops!
This ties in with 5 and 4. Really but if you find yourself in a situation where a woman is trying to have a go at ya do not be affraid to call her on her bullshit ( in a semi respectful, calssay way of course) you have the right to dam well do it. Look at it this way she wouldn't take it so why should you ? See if you are getting offended and disrespected by dont even feel like calling her up on her bullshit the next best thing to do is while she is talking keep your best poker face on, get up and randomly walk away without reacting or saying a word and she will be left there confused yes, but also you have not needed to get sucked into some argument or drama with her.
7. Not all about the women folk!
This has to tie in with 5 as well. I would happily say that life is not all about the women folk out there. I mean I know a few nice guys who do nothing but work and spend all their time trying to get a GF all the time. Invest some of your time into other things education, hobbies, working out Trust me you will most likley feel a lot happier in the long run.
8. Adopt the "jerk" qualities
Ok so I what I mean by this is that you should try to adpot some of the qualities that the so called jerks have such as their confidince but ever more their inner confidance you can do it even if it may take time. Knowing who you are is also a huge game change, what I want in life, what I want in a woman these sort of things are quite some good qualities women are after I would say. Direction being tied in with knowing who you are is also by doing this you can go after what you want in life and if you do fail at least you tried right better than being the what if guy !
9. Self pitty MUST stop!
Not saying every one does this but to tell you the truth the "oh woe is me!" routine in your head ain't going to help build you up in any way but repeatedley bring you down all the time and will be a fully self defeating mental game unless you break free of it and become a constructive person who is willing to adapt, grow and expreince things in life.
10. Not taking rejection personally.
Trust me I know, us humans are social creatures and thus hate social rejection in most of its forms. But remember women are human like men, they have perefrences and tastes in men like we have in women. If you get rejected its probaably not any personal reason against you if she politley refuses your advances. You gotta simply cut your losses and move on. Unless she goes out of her way to personaly try to cause you emotional distress and attack you as a person by being a collosal biatch then you can take that personally and deal with the situation as you deem it so. ( Stay classy about it if you can, you are the man !)
11. You cannot please every one!
Hate to admit this fact but you can't please every one on the face of the planet. Sometimes you are just gonna have to do an action or say an opinion that some one dosent agree with and they gona hate you for it. So dont waste your energey on trying to please every one all the time.
12. Being selfish is healthy
Being even just a tad selfish in life is healthy for you, think about it you wouldn't share your food if you are really hungry and had a bunch of food that you could eat to keep you alive with every one you bumped into. Being selfish and doing things for yourself now and again.
13. You are only human
Taking most of this into consideration simply remeber, at the end of the day you are human as well. You will stumple and make mistakes but just take one day at a time and it will eventully all add up.
Well this is simply my opinion on the matter. So feel free to like it, have it or be totally not caring about it.
Either way stay great and have a good one !
Most Helpful Opinions