My wife won't let me hang out with my best friend?

[Anonymous]

my wife won't let me hang with my female best friend, who I knew for a long time. we went to each other's weddings, helped each other in college, and even introduced each other to our significant others. we hang out a lot by going to dinner and movies. my wife yelled at me for doing so, and I had to sneak out to hang with her, or come home late from work. I do hang with other friends besides my wife and my best friend. her husband is also angry at us for spending time together. my wife even slapped me when I came home late when we went to drinks together.

nobody's cheating!

Updates

+1 y

I went to drinks with my female friend

[Anonymous]

This is just how it is when you're in a committed relationship, especially when you're married. Spending alone time with someone of the opposite gender almost always comes off bad. Someone is going to get jealous and suspicious, especially when alcohol is involved... I mean, I'm not really sure how their reactions are surprising you.

There's no real easy solution, aside from sneaking around and lying about where you go I guess, if you're really desperate to have that alone time together. Of course if you get caught, that looks pretty bad. Otherwise just start hanging out as couples, have your wife and her husband come along.

[Asker]

me and my friend have different interests than our partners

[Opinion Owner]

Clearly.

[Jvd9515]

I think that "it's just the way it is" is a cop out. I have a best friend that isn't allowed to hang out with me because the SO has insecurities and trust issues that they won't get help for. Eventually it's going to break their relationship. If someone told me who I could or couldn't hang out with they would be out the door because clearly there is no foundational trust.

[linds34]

Well, an emotional affair is a thing too. I was going to say your wife should lighten up but it says something to me that the friend's husband is also angry. You should make your wife your priority. You can still be friends with this girl, but you can't be meeting up for drinks late at night, it's just not what people do once they're married.

[Jvd9515]

Oh? So no one goes out with friends for late drinks to catch up or hang out after they get married?

[Sunflower19]

Just stop. You are married now. Its either your marriage or sneaking around without having a wife. It should tell you something when your best friends husband is getting angry as well. Choose wisely before you lose your marriage.

[Ratiocinative]

You are cheating. Why would you have a female best friend? Having casual female friends is fine, but not hanging out with them on dates when you're married. Would you want your wife going out with another guy? Of course not. Stop screwed around with other women or be prepared for your wife to leave you.

[Asker]

nothing happened between us, except hugs

[Jvd9515]

My best friend is female. We just click extremely well together and that is super rare. We are both married and committed and she just had a baby. My wife was concerned at first but I explained and I made it known that this friendship is like something that is non-negotiable. I shouldn't have to sacrifice a bestie just because of their frigging gender.

[ihsanhalit2222]

Well if you can actually give your wife a great response and tell her where you went with her and what you 2 did together would of been better.

[Asker]

she doesn't like it when I hang with her

[SilenRose]

When you guys hang out you gotta start taking your spouses with you. I know it sounds unfair but both you and your friends spouse are not okay with this and you have to respect their request. You guys are asking for trouble.

[Asker]

we are hanging out, not hooking up

[SilenRose]

Yeah but your spouses don't see it that way. Like I said you guys are asking for trouble. Like another user said don't be surprised if your wife finds out and leaves you. Start doing couple date night or stop hanging out with her.

[Jvd9515]

Hell no. We people hang out with their friends it is to decompress, get some space, blow off steam, talk through problems. Let the spouses go off the deep end. If you are just hanging out, you are in the clear

[Jvd9515]

No, that isn't "just how it is" when you are married. It sounds like the wife has insecurities and trust issues... that is on her. She doesn't get to dictate who this guy is friends with ESPECIALLY when the best friend was around before her. Get over it or leave.