Guy-What would you do if SHE proposed? Girls- Would you propose?

Lets say first up, that your relationship does seem to be heading toward marriage. You have both thought about it and talked about it, so the proposal itself is appropriate, not out of the blue or anything.

But traditionally, this is the guys chance to be cool and romantic and creative in how they ask. Traditionally the girl would never propose, but times have changed in most all areas, so probably there is a percent of marriages that start off with the girl proposing. (For the sake of the question, we are ignoring gay marriage.)

Guy, how would you react to that? Girls, does this way seem attractive to you?

Updates:
DANG IT! I SAID OTHER NOT SEXUALITY! HOW IS MARRIAGE SEXUAL? ITS PROBABLY THE LEAST SEXUAL FORM OF RELATIONSHIPS!

sorry everyone for the wrong category.
I do like how all the girls saying no get a thumbs down. And most of the arguments seem to come from guys. Its like the guys are the feminists and the girls are the chauvinists. (Of course that's oversimplification.) Just interesting is all, I would have predicted this question going the opposite way. What does that say? Maybe us guys have been overly influenced by our moms? They WERE the original feminists.. Are girls rebelling against their feminist parents by being traditional? Food 4 thought.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Only if he insinuated I should. Like if he said "Girls proposing are hot." than I would be like OKAY! lol but other than that it would probably be more of a mutual decision. He could go down on one knee and stuff if he wanted to. It is definitely romantic. But doing it as equals has a lot of meaning to it. I wouldn't mind proposing, but unless he hinted he wouldn't mind, I would probably just feel like I was making a mockery out of something that's supposed to be meaningful.

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    • I feel like that's pretty reasonable. And yea, I mean everyone should seriously discuss the idea of marriage before a proposal, if only so you don't buy a ring for no reason! haha

What Girls Said 47

  • I actually asked a similar question to this one a while back. So I am interested in the responses :)

    For a long time, I did think it was completely the guy's job to do the proposing. The woman has the wedding and the guy has the proposal. However, a couple months ago my friend got engaged to his girlfriend. However, she was the one who proposed :) It made me really think about my previous notions on who should propose.

    Ultimately, I still would love to hear my boyfriend ask me to marry him. It's probably the most romantic gesture a guy could do for his girl. For me, it means that he really must love me if he is determined to go through something he probably doesn't even like (a wedding). Because girls dream about their wedding day, and from my experience anyway, and for guys a wedding isn't as big of a deal. At least that is the vibe I get from most of the guys I have dated and have known.

    So for a guy to go through all the suit try ons, pictures, plan all the wedding stuff, it's gotta be because he loves me. So that is why I was so determined that it was the guy's job.

    Now however, looking at my life I realized that nothing for me happens unless I make it happen. Not that I am going to force a guy to marry me, but I do think about proposing. Just because I think that some guys are just too complacent and won't make the move.

    Some women wait 10 years, only to find out the guy was not planning on getting hitched to them :S Seems kind of unfair. I'd rather propose after dating a reasonable amount of time (2-5 years), find out he doesn't want to get married and end things so I can find someone who will. Now that is a whole other issue entirely, but I think that the woman should propose if she wants to get married.

    But ultimately I would still love it if my boyfriend proposed. I am a hopeless romantic at heart. And I would feel kind of cheated out of the moment if I had to propose.

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    • I can understand your perspective here, but I think getting proposed to is special because he's committing the rest of his life to you, not because he has to try on some suits and pick out some flowers. If you wait 10 years for a proposal and then find out he never intended to marry you, there was obviously a severe lack of comminication in the relationship. A woman should be able to ask a mans intentions for the future w/o coming off as needy or pressuring, and he should give an honest answer

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    • I agree with you rudy37lee, I think a woman should be able to ask her man of his intentions. But there are guys who just string a woman along, now that is a small percentage, but it still happens. I am very upfront about my intentions. As for arashmenalagha, I personally think a woman should be needy, but not to an excess. Everyone has needs, and she should be able to want some romance from her partner. I just don't liek to come across as needy because a lot of guys find it unattractive :S

    • I agree with you sixstring, talking about it can help figure out where the relationship stands. I think that I am just afraid to bring it up since it might come across as needy or pushy and those are negative things. It's hard, because some guys have said they want women to make efforts in the relationship, and then when they do some guys get scared or take it to mean something bad when it shouldn't. Personally, I think it should be flattering that someone cares enough about the other to propose

  • My beliefs don't support the traditional course and ceremonies of engagement and marriage.

    I don't want a romantic or creative proposal, or even a proposal at all. For me, it's a matter of talking to my better half about taking care of the legal procedure, and it makes little difference to me if he starts the conversation or if I do.

    The marriage license, rings, and wedding do not make my love for my partner any more valid, so I don't see those things as being very necessary or relevant.

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    • That's how I feel about wedding ceremonies. I don't get why people have to make it a big, fancy thing. Five minutes at the JP to sign the papers and then have a little party afterward. Saves a ton of money as well, money that you can use for a nice vacation together.

    • so marriage to you is about sharring stuff?

    • @arashmenalagha: Marriage is about more than just "sharing stuff," and I understand that. What I'm saying is that the process I would go through to that (supposed to be) life-long commitment would be different.

  • If you really think about , when it comes to these "events" , the woman is most probably going to be in control of planning everything : the wedding , furniture of the house , baby borns bedroom etc , because well we just like those stuff ( don't know WHY but we do ) so the proposal is about the only thing a guy is left to plan , why take that away from him ?

    On a personal note : I wouldn't like to propose lol , I want to hear a man asking me to be his wife , ( and by doing so , he is automatically asking me to plan all what's mentioned above lol)

    im not being sexist really , its just feels like he should do it .

    This might sound weird , well I am kinda weird anyways : I HAVE ANOTHER biological explanation to why he should do it and it is : When you come to look at the make up and design of our sexual organs , you will find that the man goes in , so relating that to proposal , the man is asking my permission to come in ( sex and come in as in be my husband) and I am either opening the door ( WELCOME MY DEAR SIR and accepting the proposal ) OR shutting it close ( By refusing the proposal ) lol ,

    I have a feeling no one will get this and thumb me down hahaha

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    • ...these reasonings are not sexist at all.

      Of course not. O.o

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    • hahahaha thanksss , I know lol. After I typed this I was like immediately regretting it.

    • "so the proposal is about the only thing a guy is left to plan , why take that away from him ?"

      Very good point.

  • Personally, I would prefer to be proposed to for a couple of reasons. 1- I love surprises and being asked that question in a way that is romantic and surprising would likely be one of the best moments of my life. 2- my boyfriend is fairly traditional and prefers to pay for our dates more often than not and I would feel like I was taking away something important from him if I did it. 3- I would always wonder in the future if I pushed him into marrying me before he was ready, even if we had talked about it before (&we have).

    But I think it depends on the couple. If the girl is incredibly feminist &ALWAYS wants to pay for herself and the guy isn't terribly traditional and is okay with her taking the lead on things often, then there's no reason why she shouldn't propose and he accept. :)

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  • I wouldn't be the one to propose. I think it's still nice if the man asks first. And ideally, marriage should be discussed before anyone proposes to their partner. Things like pros and cons, financial stuff, etc. Once you've (and "you" is general here) decided that marriage is a step that you will definitely take sometime in the future, then I think the man should be the one to propose.

    A lot of girls like to be surprised when it comes to that sort of thing, especially when it comes to a proposal - which doesn't have to be anything special, really. She knows that one day she will marry you but she doesn't know when it will happen. Women are more sure of their feelings before men are, so if her boyfriend proposes to her, she will know that they are on the same page relationship-wise. This should take place within a year of having the above discussion, otherwise she may think you're having second thoughts or she will start having second thoughts about the relationship.

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  • I can see how this would work for some people but I would never do it. I would feel like I was demeaning him, or jumping the gun, or forcing a committment. Generally, the man sets the pace, the woman says yes or no. Will you date me? Will you be my girlfriend? Will you marry me? It's been this way for a reason, because it's what typically works the best. I say, if it ain't broke don't fix it.

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  • Honestly .. I'd prefer the guy to propose. It's kind of like prince charming on one knee waiting to take his princess away and live happily ever after.. that's what I picture when I think of being proposed to. I want to say yes to my prince charming who wants me to be his princess =)

    HOWEVER, times havee changed. Girls are much, much open these days and guys are beginning to be much, much more shy these days. Heck -- I'm so shy myself, but I asked out a guy before! (Once.. only once) He said yes -- but he was about 100 times more shy than I was. I'm never doing that again though -- I think I'm too traditional for the reasons stated above!

    Just be happy that you have a good, strong, independent woman who is not afraid to step up to the plate and take a chance for a guy she obviously likes! We are a rare type these days ;)

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    • I change my mind! If I love the guy a lot and I feel like we're both on the same page, I would totally propose to him (as long as I have a feeling he'd say yes -- I would want him to be that point in our relationship where he would be sure that I'm the girl he sees himself with years from now)

  • I think Men traditionally do the proposing because they usually take longer to settle down. Compared to women, men have always gotten married at a later age. Even as children, little girls plan their weddings and play house. Young boys do not really talk about getting married much. For a woman to propose it could very possibly move the relationship faster than the man is ready.

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  • I don't think I would propose per se, but I would initiate talks about marriage to give him the hint if he seems nervous. Unless he was a really really really nervous shy guy, I don't think I would propose. I'm normally attracted to shy guys so I generally have to do a lot of the work to get the relationship going in the beginning, and I'd like it if he showed the initiative this time :)

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  • No, I wouldn't because of this: link @ 0:44

    lol

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  • I've asked my boyfriend about how and when he plans to propose to me, jokingly, and he responds why don't you propose to me? I don't think he'd truly like that though, and even if so I would never feel comfortable proposing. How would that even go? Do I get him an engagement ring? Do they make male engagement rings? Or would it just be proposing the idea of marriage? Would it call for me kneeling on one knee...which either sex proposing I'm totally against.

    The idea gives me a headache.

    I could never go through with it, but I'd love to meet a couple who did turn the tables and went against the norm

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  • Although I would like to say in that situation I would propose, but I wouldn't. Maybe just end up encouraging/talking about it if I felt in a grey area about it in the relationship :)

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  • I would looove to propose. That's actually how I imagine it happening between my boyfriend and I if the time comes (yeah I think about it, shut up).

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  • Although, I am a sucker for the non traditional, when it comes to wedding proposal, I am traditional. I would want my guy to ask for my hand in marriage. Plus your update on marriage not being sexual. I believe that's when all gloves are off. Its like you have your own personal joy stick. Who wouldn't love that. I say DTF everyday :D

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  • no it doesn't sound very attractive to me.. I'm pretty traditional when it comes to that kinda stuff so I'd want my man to propose.. I'd never ha ha even tho I'd love him.. I'm just more of a traditionalist and want him to do that.

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  • I did propose. =) It wasn't very romantic and it was during a passing period at school, but hey, we're engaged now and when he's 18 we're tying the knot. So it obviously worked out fine.

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  • I asked my boyfriend. We had been dating for 2 years, and had talked about marriage quite a bit. He loved that I asked. His friends made fun of him a bit for it, but thts all. Ididn't get down on one knee or anything, I was just walking beside him in the park, turned to him, and just smiled and asked. Obviously he said yes.! After that, he did get me a ring. A few weeks later, we were at the same park, and he got down on one knee and said "I said yes to you, now will you say the same to me?" & he had a ring & a little note that said Will you marry me too?

    Best thing ever! :)

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  • I would propose!

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  • I would never propose! I think that if a guy feels like you're the one he wants, he should have the balls to say it. A proposal is the guys only time to give a glimpse of how much he loves his girl, and to what extent he can go to make her his.

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    • so why doesn't it work the other way around? if you feel like he is the one you want you should have the woman balls to say it too.

  • I would totally ask, but I love the traditional way of life with relationships and romance, but I would ask if I loved the guy enough!

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  • I could see myself pretty much blatantly suggesting/asking/telling a guy I'd be down with marrying him but not doing the formal proposal aspect...

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  • nope id never propose. unless id said no at first then changed my mind

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    • hey why the 2 down votes? I just like the old fashioned way of the guy proposing that's all...

  • no. I prefer guys to be the ones to propose.

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  • absolutely not. I believe its the guys job and I would never propose. sure dating is one thing I would(and have) ask guys on a date but some things just need to be left alone and in a traditional way. this is one of them.

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    • Why is it the guys 'job'?

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    • Also traditionally the woman had all of those responsabilities on her plate because she didn't have to work a job. A man could make enough money to support them. That's not the case most the time anymore though, because people can't typically afford to live off of one person's income.

    • im commeting on Zell16: I don't know its just something that should stay the same. if he can't propose than obviously he's not ready to get married.

  • No I would not propose. It's about that fight for me thing! Unless of course I refused him the first time he asked, but then realized I had made a terrible mistake.

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  • I wouldn't propose. I would hint that I want to get married but that's it.

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    • Why not?

    • I guess I'm very traditional...I believe some tasks are reserved for the men and some others for the women. (Sorry to all the feminists out there!) It would make me feel like he doesn't really wanna marry me if I had to propose and that I'm forcing his hand.

  • r!

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  • No I wouldnt

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  • I have thought about proposing, but I know deep down I'd want to be proposed too.

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  • I wouldn't. This is one area where I think the guy should still make the first move.

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  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 24

  • If I don't ask her myself, it means I'm not ready. So I'd say "not yet." When I'm ready I'll propose.

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  • I'd be about as pleased as you'd be if your fiance told you the good news that he'd bought your wedding dress.

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  • I don't think any man would feel comfortable being proposed to unless they already have a clear understanding on gender rolls in their relationship and who wears the pants. Hey, some guys like a woman in control.

    However, there are ways for a woman to propose without actually proposing. Something simple like "So when are you going to ask me to marry you?" will do the trick. It should only take him a couple weeks at most to plan how he'll ask if he doesn't ask you as soon as you bring it up.

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    • I can see him now saying "OMG yes yes" While tears flow. Doesnt quite fit, that should be the woman's role.

    • Some guys are more feminine than you think. Especially those damn city boys... The guy wouldn't be crying, though. I could realistically see a man saying 'Yes' to a woman's proposal as long as she didn't present it on one knee and they had an open relationship like that.

  • I would feel demodulated if a girl proposed to me. You can bring up marriage by talking about where you think the relationship is going. However the guy should be the one to propose.

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    • Why do you think / feel its the 'guys' job?

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    • @ the QA I totally hear you. I think that's the prob with extreme feminism. If girls do everything, what's left for the guy? Is he going to have start wearing the wedding dresses? If he wants to pay for a meal, why can't he? I think this kind of "chivalry" is sweet and a guy's way of showing how much he cares about you.

    • @mimi : Absolutely true. It's not a bad thing to keep things the traditional way sometimes.

  • LOL @ marriage as the least sexual form of relationship!

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    • I know right? that one got to me too. Although its one thing I fear. I would hate for the sex to stop after the knot is tied, that would just really suck.

    • heh, yea, but it was totally put into sexuality! I guess the mods moved it to relationships. Good ole mods. Also, I'm sure its very sexual at first, but I think for must people that stops after a couple of years. Oh well. Cest la vie.

  • I think I would be pretty excited, but I don't know what I would say. It's the guys role and if I hadn't proposed yet I was probably not ready. Now if a girl is with a guy she really thinks is just too nervous or something like that and will never asked then she should or she might be waiting a while. Like I said I think I would be pretty excited and blown away. It would probably be hard to even respond. I would probably try to just deflect it and tell her just wait a little longer. As for the the proposal not being out of the blue. Unless they talked about her specifically proposing no matter what it will be surprising and out of the blue. If this was the case and they were already talking about marriage the girl should be patient and wait she knows it will come eventually.

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  • I would probably be suprised if a girl proposed to me, but if she did, I'd smile, give her a kiss, say yes, then kiss her again, and then keep smiling until my mouth became sore. Don't get me wrong, I'm the romantic type and would like to make the proposal special, but if she ended up proposing first I wouldn't mind.

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  • Lmao at your comment, "marriage is the least sexual form of relationships."

    But I would probably not like getting proposed to. Somehow, the thought kinda ruins it. Ehh... crazy and stupid, I know, but I'd hate it.

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    • Hey but she would have to buy you a big rock. Wouldn't that be cool?

    • Don't men just get gold rings? Besides, I'd feel stupid with a diamond ring, lol.

  • naw I'd be okay doing the proposing, however asking out on a first date, the first move, that I would love from a girl

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  • "Its like the guys are the feminists and the girls are the chauvinists. (Of course that's oversimplification.)"

    No that's not an oversimplification. It's reality. The average woman is only a feminist when it's to her benefit. When it comes time to pay the piper of equality they turn into cave women. "The man is supposed to be the bread winner." "The man is supposed to propose." Everything a woman does nowadays is optional while everything a man does is mandatory? Whatever.

    I was asked once by a lady I was seeing. I told her no. Marriage is not in the cards for me. She left. Bye, bye.

    Marriage has been ruined by the no-fault divorce industry. A married man can come home and find his wife in bed with the neighbor's dog and if he doesn't like it she can divorce him take the house and kids and half his income and say fck you very much.

    There's no reason for any intelligent man to get married these days until they fix the divorce laws in this country.

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    • Ah my friend, its called a prenup! Anyone who doesn't get one is either in massive amounts of debt or an idiot or believes in true love or something. (Crazy right? haha)

      But I do agree with you to an extend. I would like to marry someday, but oh course my type would be a female who is consistently minded, and not a neo-feminist. Course, they don't seem to be the marrying type anyhow.

    • Hate to break the bad news to you, but prenups are easily voided. Even if you did everything right when you signed the prenup, the judge can simply decide it's "unfair." Marriage should be just like any other contract between two people. Name one other contract that can be voided because it wasn't fair enough? The marriage "contract" should be honored in the absence of fraud and duress. If either party breaches the contract there should be automatic penalties in favor of whoever didn't breach.

  • men are told to beg for women's love and attention way too much in our "enlightened" society. all it results in is men getting screwed over by frivolous women. f*** that, getting on a knee and proposing is the ultimate bitch move

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  • I would...make a O_O face.

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  • i would ask her why are you proposing to me? I should be the one to propose to you.

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  • even as my username says, proposing would be one of the few instances in which I would be fine, comfortable taking charge, initiating

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  • Would probably say no, I think the guy should propose to the girl.

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    • But Diamonds are also a guy's best friend. Right? I agree with you though,

  • I would say yes ^^

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  • i will be pretty happy

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  • If I feel like we're both ready, then I'll say yes.

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  • saying "yes" comes to mind...

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  • I would say yes.

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  • give her an answer

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  • I'd be floored and flattered not to mention speechless at the same time. But it would depend on whether or not I felt the same way, or at least, was ready to take such a step. If I was, yeah, I'd marry her. If not, then not at that time.

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  • To be honest, if were long into our relationship and she seems right then I'm all for it to say yes but, Girls would never propose :/

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  • I really have no idea how I would respond. I don't really believe in marriage itself. If the girl wants to get married she would have to propose because I would make it clear from the start of the relationship that I wouldn't want to get married, and if I ever did, I would only do it because it's something she has wanted. Chances are though, I would probably say no. The way I see it, why would I need a piece of paper of legal documentation to prove that I love the person I am with? Whether she is my girlfriend or my wife, my love for her will still be the same. In the end, marriage is just one big money spender.

    Also, if the relationship somehow goes south let's say 20 years down the road, we won't have to spend a bunch of money on a divorce and have the headache it will give both parties. A lot people (mainly women) want to get married mainly because of the thought of what marriage is. For women, to have that wedding day, and getting the knot tied with the one they love. Be that as it may, I've seen a lot of relationships in today's day-in-age where a couple is amazing together, and once they get married the relationship starts to slowly fall apart. Almost like getting married just to get married was the main focus of the relationship and not because you simply love the person. Yeah, they may love the person, but that wasn't why they got married. They had fantasies of getting married ever since they were little kids, so, the first marriage seems to get rushed a bit because of the thought of being married and thus resulting in a bad relationship.

    Now, I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but it's still true. That's when you gotta ask yourself. Are you getting married because it's something you've always wanted, or are you getting married because you love the person to death and want to spend the rest of your life with them. If it is something you've always wanted to do, why is it something you've always wanted to do? If you love them to death then is there a need to really get married? Staying boyfriend/girlfriend won't change how you feel about someone. If you love them to death, you love them to death, regardless if you're married or not. If you're a person who thinks by getting married that your S.O. will fall in love with you even more then I think you're just delusional. If you want to get married I am all for it, do something to your hearts content, but think deeply . . . why do you really want to get married? I, myself, like the concept of what marriage is, but getting married won't change how I feel about the person. To me, it serves no purpose other than someones own selfish desire. To someone else, marriage may serve a huge purpose in their life.

    The only logical reason I can see for someone to get married would be tax benefits and greater chance at health care and what not.

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    • I want to get married because I grew up in a family where marriage is part of life. My parents have a great marriage and I hope to have one like it. It's a chance to have your union be recognized and celebrated by all the people you care about. It's another way to announce to the world that he is mine and I am is. I'm actually engaged and so excited to be starting our adventure together! I wouldn't want it any other way, I want everyone to see that ring on my finger and know I'm spoken for.

    • Each person has their own reason on whether or not they want to get married. However, why do you care to announce to the world that he is yours and you are his? As for starting an adventure, you don't need to be married in order for that to happen . . . Also, why do care to have everyone see that ring on your finger and for them to know you are spoken for? Why does that matter?

      Regardless . . . congratulations on being engaged. When is the wedding if you don't mind me asking?

    • You have no idea how to repond, yet still you wrote a short story lol joking. Love it. I agree with you somewhat. I always say I should be free to walk away if I so choose and marriage in this country is bad because of all the back stabbing that happens. In Jamaica you don't have to be married to have legal claims to someone's stuff because common law applies once you have lived with a person for a really long time. However the difference is in the mentality. People here think its ok

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