I took back my fiance's engagement ring...

I have been dating my Fiance for about 7 years and finally propose to her in Fall 2011. Unfortunately my Fiance wanted to talk to me about some bad news. We talked about the problem, she was not satisfied with our relationship and that she didn't know what she wanted anymore. She said she wanted me to move in with her earlier this year. I couldn't move in yet because I had to take care of other things in my job and unable to move out because I couldn't afford it. Worse I couldn't work for my company anymore cause I was laid off, so that made things even more difficult for me to move out. At the moment I am staying with my family. Earlier this year my intentions were to move out by the summer but since things went down hill everything changed. My Fiance believes I am keeping her on hold and that she wanted me to move it to stay attached to me. It's like she is being impatient about all of this and all she wants is me to move it right away.

During the conversation she mentioned that she is afraid she might hurt me, she explained she might find someone else while I am with her. At that point I felt hurt and upset. I asked for the engagement ring back and told her that I do not want to be in a relationship if you are going to try to cheat on me. She cried the entire time, I told her I want to break up. It sounds to me like she wants to manipulate me or just cause I can't move in she will need to find someone else, sounds messed up...

She agreed but was hesitant and asked are you sure you want to do this, I told her to think about this deeply and we will discuss it later this week. At the moment I am waiting on her response, I do want to be with her but I did this to find out if she really wants me, also because of what she said. This is not the first time this has happened, similar scenarios happened before we were engaged.

I am not sure if I did the right thing or not, I would like to hear your opinions or what I should do... Thank you

Updates:
So far we met up again to talk about this issue and even more bad news. She confessed she went to church and somehow started talking to guys, she ended up getting their phone numbers and they texted for a while. This happened two weeks ago. She stopped talking to them because she feels very guilty and regretful for hurting me. My reaction was very numb, I couldn't make a decision but I did tell her that we shouldn't be together anymore. But since I've been with her for 7 years it's pretty hard..
to walk away from her. She told me she is willing to work this out and take it slowly. She wants to seek couple's counseling and that she really wants to be with me. I will give this a last chance and try the couple's counseling and from there we will make the decision. At the moment my best bet is to move on and focus on myself. I am open to working this out for now but if things don't go well I'am ending this.
It is possible she already made up her decision about moving on and she is bringing all these confessions to push me away, but she is scared about losing me. This is my guess of what she might be feeling.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It could be cold feet or she is apprehensive about your financial situation. She isn't a gold digger but this girl is engaged to you and if she is near your age (or any age) wants to make sure she won't have to support a man for the rest of her life. This is the reason for her impatience about the moving out situation. The economy is rough, both parties have to contribute financially and emotionally these days...it takes a lot of effort to make a good thing go right. I speak from experience, I have a friend in a similar situation. She is 26...the guy is 30. He is making no moves towards bettering his life so they can have a decent future together. I am in no shape or form suggesting you are like this, so please don't take it the wrong way... what I mean is it is a big deal for a woman to feel she has an equal partner and the stress isn't all on their shoulders. If you plan on getting married, these days the next step a lot of couples take is living together to see how that goes. Divorce is expensive and people want to make sure they are making a smart decision before signing that license. I don't think it has to do with her love for you. The talk about the other guy or guys could just be her way of telling you to get it together fast before she is gone. That is also a lot of pressure and something you might want to think about for your personal future. How do you feel about a girl telling you if things don't go her way she will be off to find someone else who does what she needs or wants? A relationship is 50/50, and after 7 years and an engagement ring you should be able to express your wants, desires and needs to each other in a healthy way. If not, you might decide to go your separate ways. I wish you the best of luck, keep me updated.

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    • Very well said ;-)

    • Yeah I will try to communicate with her as much as possible and resolve this issue. I am 27 and she is 25. She graduated from University with a Masters degree earlier this year and is having a tough time looking for a job in her career. She is currently working though. I am still looking a job but on unemployment benefits, soon I will get a job since I had a few interviews this week. I am planning on going back to school to get my masters this Fall as well. I will be changing my career...

What Girls Said 9

  • I think you did the right thing.

    She basically tried to emotionally blackmail you - oh I might cheat on you if I don't get what I want. If she loved you she wouldn't even consider doing ANYTHING like that because...well it's just not respectful and it's not something a loving partner does!

    She put the relationship in danger and not unreasonably you said well I'm just not sure. Marriage is not meant to be taken lightly and you've proven it's a serious thing to you. You need to be sure about your wife-to-be and you're not (neither is she).

    And besides. Say you did get married. If she is willing to emotionally blackmail you to manipulate you to move in, what else will she do? Stop you from seeing your friends and family?

    May I ask, was this a rebound, or did she talk about her ex's a lot? Are you sure your relationship isn't just a comfort/convenience thing? Just that it sounds very much like she has gone "ah he'll do." Maybe you should try making a pros and cons list of your relationship, rationalise it in your head without any emotion by writing the facts down. And maybe you should consider writing her a letter to make sure you can say everything you want to her.

    Best of luck.

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    • @update sounds like she's trying to be honest with you. Either to wipe the slate clean, or see how much you'll put up with. I think focussing on yourself is really good, but I get the impression you've sort of made up your mind? Enough's enough?

  • Aww, I know this has got to be a confusing, conflicting situation, but you did the right thing.

    She more or less told you that she lacks self control and may cheat on you. *waves giant azz red flag!* It sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to have the engagement and be with you, but she also wants to be selfish and indulge in what some other guy may offer. Is that really the type of female you want as a wife? Marriage is a huge deal. It's the end of your old life; you are beginning a whole new life with someone else. You should be able to rely and trust in that someone else completely. If you can't trust her with your heart now, then what makes you think you can trust her with your money, your emotional stability, and most importantly; your future?

    She may have cried because you taking back the engagement ring could have brought her back to reality that she looks like a sh*tty fiancé feeling and saying things like that. Also because it's embarrassing to not only say that your wedding is off; but your fiancé actually took back the ring. It implies that you messed up and she probably didn't want to have to tell people that.

    I don't think you should marry this girl. She does not sound like wife material and I can't believe she had the nerve to tell you she might cheat on you when you guys have come this far. I honestly think you should sell the ring, save the money specifically for a new ring later on. Even if that new ring is not for her. If you really care about her, stay in a relationship with her for a year and see how things go, but please do not marry this girl. Especially after she gave you a heads up as to what she's about

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  • I think it may be. I think she wants to have her cake and eat it too. I would leave someone immediately if they were going behind my back talking to someone else. Been there and done that.

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  • i think you did the right thing... I mean, I can understand her position- she might think that by not moving in with her, you might be wanting to put things off and whatnot- despite the reasons you do have for hesitating. regardless, saying that she might find someone else... is not okay. maybe she said it because she was extremely frustrated or just tired of it all- she might not truly have meant it. I guess you'll have to wait and see...but overall, I think you made the right call.

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  • Well, for what it is worth, I think you did the right thing. You said that "This is not the first time this has happened, similar scenarios happened before we were engaged. "...so that should ring warning bells. She may have found someone she likes, and financially more stable ?

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  • I agree with guys , the girls responses are way to long to read all of them. Forget her move on she will cheat on you and she wants to she's probably already done it several times I'd guess

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  • okay if I loved a guy and wanted to be his wife and have his kids, I would never say the words even jumbled up in different sentences at different times that "i might find someone else" like wtf is that?! threatening to cheat on you?

    youre better off without her! she sounds impatient and needy and just confused and odd. she should be more understanding of your situation and be a good support to you, but rather she is stressing you out more and threatening to cheat on you, as if she already has backup plans and other options lined up? what a moron! seriouslly good job! stay away from her she's an idiot.

    you deserve a better girl!

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  • A question, Has she been there trying to support you through the hard times or has she just said get over it?

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    • So a cheater or a potential cheater should be excused if they have "been there trying to support you through the hard times" rather than just telling you to get over it, despite the fact that they didn't respect your feelings enough and value what you had enough to remain faithful?

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    • that doesn't balance out the fact that she may break his heart and cheat

    • First of all freetobe007, I was asking him a question, I responded to him before you even answered the question. Secondly, to the asker, I think you should leave her, she's already done the hurt and started to talk to other people. I think she is selfish for acting this way toward you and if she is not willing to support you in the hard times then she doesn't deserve you.

What Guys Said 5

  • Don't waste your time or your money on couples counseling, dude. It's over. This chick is definitely going to cheat on you (if she hasn't already).

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  • Huh. It sounds like she's probably moved on already, which is why she brought that up. Take the ring back. And there's one risky way to see how she feels--text her and say you're done.

    Her reaction should be telling, either way.

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  • You did the right thing, in both breaking up with her and taking back the ring. She sounds like a psycho.

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  • You did the right thing.

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  • She doesn't want to be with you, she just hates the idea of being single even more.

    Leave her.

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