How can I teach my irresponsible husband a lesson?

Ive been married for 6 years with 2 kids but my husband is acting like a single highscool guy. He goes out with friends and either leaves us at home or ignores me and the kids and goes off on his own inside the mall/casino/where ever and me and the kids have to wander around on our own till he's done and wants to leave. He gambles to much if you ask me and if I complain about it he just goes behind my back with shit cover up stories about where he's been and where the money has gone. He doesn't budget, even when he doesn't gamble all his money away or wins, he just spends everything on unnecessary crap and then I have to pay all the bills on my own or borrow money for it. Every month I have to lend him gas money to get to work and most of the time he doesn't even use it all on gas, spends most ofvit shit as well and borrows from his mother again later. And its not like his salary isn't enough to get by, he just miss uses it, and I don't earn enough to cover everything on my own. I actually think I should leave him cause no amount of nice talking, arguing, setting limits and rules, begging, bribing, even counceling has worked. But I do stil love him and don't want the kids to be without a dad, not that he's there for them much as it is. So I was thinking maybe something big to teach him a lesson and open his eyes to the grown up world might help for a last try?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well the going out is one issue and I have a good suggestion for that but as I keep reading it sounds like the issue is primarily money and you've tried a lot of things. Normally I would then suggest counselling but you said you've already done that. If you're thinking of leaving I'd spell out the non negotiable changes that have to happen or you leave, try the three major things. Give him maybe three months. BUT only do this if you're serious about leaving. It gives him a chance to change and a deadline but if the an empty threat that's just mean and if you don't enforce it be will never take you seriously again.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Stop giving him gas money to get to work. You're enabling. If he's unwilling to change, there's not much you can do. It's hard to force other people to do things they don't want to do.

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  • OMG what you are telling is horrible! Since I'm not married I can't tell you what to do. The only thing I can tell you is don't leave him! Try harder and stay with him! My mother took me and my brother when we were little kids and left our father. I've seen in my mother how it is to raise alone 2 children!

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  • I think what he needs is a proper intervention. Explain to his family and friends how this will inevitably affect the kids in the end and they'll probably be very motivated to help out. An ultimatum or "teaching him a lesson" wouldn't work nearly as well and could just as easily backfire. At least if this backfires you're not the only one to take it. Why should you be the only one responsible for fixing your husband?

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  • Even if this were true (which it's not) you would be a fool for always giving him "gas money" when you know he doesn't spend it on gas.

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What Girls Said 3

  • marriage counselling, go for a small vacation - leave the kids with him - don't tell him - it'll teach him a lesson and when you come back tell him that'll be your response if he acts irresponsible again. I'm not married I can't offer great advice but ask your elders what they think. Try talking to his friends explain the situation - maybe they can show him where he is wrong. Don't give him any money you're encouraging him

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  • Disappear one day and put your kids at your parent's house and let him you deserted him for good.

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  • Stop giving him gas money or any money at all.

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