I've been posting some negative things, so I think it's time for something positive! I've accomplished a lot this past year, and I want to share my achievements with all of my fellow G@Gers.
I've found a new hobby recently: photography! I'm an amateur who just snaps photos on my cell phone, so I wouldn't really call myself a photographer, but I do love some of the pictures I've gotten. My favorite is one that I got over a bridge while driving over it, and I've been told that it looks like a post card photo or like a desktop background. I like being told what people like about it, but my personal favorite part is the reflection on the water. It just feels so special to me.
I've always loved writing. While most eight year olds like to go outside and run around, I would be sitting under a tree and scribbling down poems in my messy handwriting to show my mother later that day. I've taken a few creative writing courses this past year and I feel as if I've improved my writing strength significantly. I have a better vocabulary to use in my writing, and I've learned how to develop imagery and symbolism to make my writing more pleasing. This improvement in my writing quality has boosted my confidence greatly, and I've been writing more than ever because of it!
I used to hate myself with a burning passion. It's unhealthy for a girl to hate her own appearance that badly, but it's all too common in our society. A few months ago I would have told you that I'm a two on the looks scale, but today I can honestly say that I feel like I'm at least a five. I've managed to slowly wean myself from wearing my baggy jacket when it gets too hot, as I used to wear it no matter the weather in a desperate attempt to hide my rolls and my too-large arms. I've begun to realize that my appearance could be worse, and that even if it were, anyone who will judge me on my looks has no business being a substantial part of my life.
My self confidence/shyness
I've made huge leaps in overcoming my social anxiety. I used to walk around stores with my eyes on the ground and my hands stuffed into the pockets of the before mentioned jacket. I was too afraid to even meet anyone's eyes. I can now stop and tell someone that they're attractive, and I've even managed to make practice doing that at school with my peers. I've also always been afraid to try new things. I had myself convinced fully that anything I tried would become just another failed attempt, and that I wasn't good enough to accomplish things. Now that I've grown and placed myself into a better environment with more encouraging people, I know that I'm a smart young girl with enough skill to accomplish the tasks that I set my mind to.
I used to surround myself with any person who would communicate with me. I craved affection, and I still do to this day, but I've learned to handle myself better. My old friend group used to treat me like absolute shit, and I would allow them to. They would cause me physical harm, and they would lower my self esteem greatly by commenting on whatever they could. I was always much too afraid of being alone to fight them on it, because being lonely was and is my biggest fear. I've started to learn that I can't be around negative people without my own mind becoming a negative little shell of hate and sadness. I know that having friends who hurt you is a much worse fate than being alone, and I've cut out anyone who tries to hurt me. They've been replaced by people who truly love me and care for my well being, those people being my boyfriend (who doesn't have g@g and can't be tagged, my cousin @SweetHomicidalQueen even though she does contribute to a few of my hurt feelings by accident every now and then, and @IAMDEATHWISH , a recently made friend who likes to make me feel better about myself, because that's what good friends do.) My arsenal of friends may be small, but it's strong and it helps me become a more positive version of my past self.
I'm a very negative and cynical person. I used to view the world as a very horrible place, and I never wanted anything to do with the people around me. I was always expecting to get hurt, and I never thought much of myself. I didn't think life would give me anything good, so I may as well give up on trying to improve my own worth. I sank into a bad depression for a few years, resulting in me nearly entering therapy by force. I've recently been placed in a much better environment, and my view on life has improved greatly. I now look forward to things that most people would find impossible, like meeting a long distance friend/SO for the first time or becoming successful in a future career. I've found that my newly improved positivity can make me a much happier person, and I cling to this newfound ideal like a life preserver.
I've overcome some troubling situations
From an abusive ex-step father returning into my life, to a manipulative boyfriend trying to hold me down forever, I've managed to pass by all of the things life has thrown at me so far. I've dealt with depression, anxiety, illnesses, self confidence issues, severe bullying, a poor family, and even suicidal thoughts all in one year, and I've come out as a better person for it. I'm open minded and I understand that everyone goes through a different kind hell of their own. I try my best not to judge others, even though I was raised to think I was (racist/homophobes/religious-extremists in the family). I know that not everyone is the same. I know that people hurt in different ways, and that everyone has seen some shit of their own. I want to help others, and I want everyone to know that I'll be there for them through anything to the best of my ability, and that I'll try to relate with them through my own experiences or simply based on what they explain to me.
I'm finally happy
I know that my life will never be perfect. I'm still slightly poor, but my family works hard to put food in our mouths every day. I know that I have people to turn to when a wave of sadness/loneliness hits me, and I understand that only I can make my life better. I've improved myself so much in the last year, and I can finally say in total honesty that I'm happy now. I hope that everyone can find what I have, and I want you all to know that you can each improve in your own ways, even if it's hard sometimes to remember that.