Ah, yes. The allusive G@G MyTake. Pieces of writings where one may vent their feelings on a topic while simultaneously engage their cyber community.
Let me guess: you want to write one, but don’t know where to start? Maybe you have a topic in mind, but don’t know how to open the first paragraph? Or maybe you don’t know what you want to write about? Who’s your audience?
All very good questions that have answers, and I feel that as an English major, I’d be remissed if I didn’t explain to you how to write an attention grabbing MyTake. So here’s your lesson so that you may one day become one of the great attention grabbing G@G writers to ever cross the internet seas.
1. Pick a generic topic that will annoy someone
And then act like you came up with the topic all by yourself. The easiest way to do this is to bash the entire opposite gender. My personal favorite is the ‘Men only want sex’ argument.
2. Make sure the title is an original PSA
PSA = Public Service Announcement. In other words, whatever you decide to title your Take, make sure it sounds original, even though it probably isn’t. So let’s go with my favorite topic: ‘Men only want sex,” because, you know, no one ever brings that up anymore.
Of course, you can’t title it that because that’s boring and too straight to the point. Your audience will start out hostile and will just respond to the title, not the actual Take itself. If you want it to sound original without sounding hostile, unlike the actual Take, take a more subtle approach. Some of these may look like this:
“Why Women Believe Men Only Want Sex”
“Men: It’s Your Fault We Think You Only Want Sex”
“Sex: The Only Thing On A Man’s Brain”
See how none of those titles sound hostile? Remember, go for BITTER. That’s the key.
3. Preface your Take with a ‘disclaimer' or 'safety phrase'
Some of these include, but are not limited to:
-Not all (wo)men do this
-I’m not talking about everyone
-Before you get upset, just know, I know not everyone is like this
-Yes, I know, this doesn’t apply to everyone
I think you get the picture.
4. Make large generalizations that are mostly negative
Basically, take rule number 3, and throw it out your car window while driving down the highway because no one is going to remember you said it, anyway. Why? Well, some people just don’t bother to read a Take in its entirety yet still feel they have enough information to respond.
For everyone else, it’s because you do make large generalizations that are mostly negative. But that’s what gets the argu-, I mean, conversation going! Discussions are great and sometimes tossing in a negative generalization bait statement is just the thing to get one going.
5. Put it all into a list
Because fuck paragraphs.
List should preferably be in increments of 5. This is not required, but it’s just easier for forum users, which is why everyone does it. But it’s original, so don’t worry. You’ll blend right in.
6. Make assumptions with no factual basis
Look at me breaking the 'list' rule.
If your paragraph, point, or sentence doesn’t start with some version of the phrase “In my experience” or “I know several” or “All the guys/girls I know”, then you’re doing it wrong. Facts rarely get argu-, I mean, discussions going anymore. And it certainly won’t get your Take a lot of personal opinions.
That's how you write an attention grabbing MyTake. If you want to know how to write a QUALITY MyTake, well, that's something COMPLETELY different, and I'll show you that a little later. What, you thought that was the same thing?
And I'm sure by the end of this Take, you've figured out it was completely satire. Or was it? Who knows? I don't.