Flirting & Trust: Is it Cheating?

[Anonymous]

Howdy!

Obviously you have come to the right place about the truth, especially when it comes to flirting and relationships. Many of you out there may believe that flirting is cheating but I'm here to tell you it is not!

Wait... What?!

I have read several articles online to tell you otherwise. From a website there is an article about the importance of flirting while in a relationship. The article says:

As human beings, our sexuality exists whether we’re single or in a relationship.

I give them three points for saying it how it is. Others protest and believe that flirting is very disrespectful and can hurt the relationship. Okay, this is true for the most part.

The reason it can be hurtful is because a person can become rather jealous. And if they are easily addressed in a violent manor stay away from them. But don't miss out on the fun in flirting. It is mostly harmless.

The reason it is mostly harmless is because we have animal instincts anyway. Many ladies out there can become very protective over someone they love, but at the same time miss the point when they are constantly accusing the other of cheating or vice versa. The point to be in a relationship is to trust the other through everything. That's how long lasting relationships work. You don't second guess or any of that, you are just with them and they are with you.

And I like to tell many of my ladies that the only true factor of a man-is his ability to keep himself from going after his prey. Because let's face it ladies men love that booty! If you have a man, that sticks by your side through everything, don't assume anything just let him love you, and you love him. Let him go out with some of his friends especially if they are girls. Let them flirt! Just tell them to behave when they are going out.

To sum it up:

We all need to let loose a little.

[teawrecks]

I'm cool with flirting, but what I'm not cool with is a guy flirting with someone else and feeling too comfortable with me, which makes him not put in the effort and compliment or flirt with me anymore.

Like no, you still need to flirt with me. You still need to compliment me. You can flirt with other girls, I don't care, but when I start feeling like the less desired option then we have some problems.

And I don't want the flirting to be shoved in my face. Because I'm territorial.

[Suhmer]

yeah I completely agree with you

[rjroy3]

This bout sums it up perfectly

[joe_pickles]

If you don't let your partner flirt, you don't trust them - that is the real issue.

[THEALIster]

I don't. .. If he has to flirt... flirting is misleading, it means "come approach me" guys know this but they make themselves believe it doesn't so they can stop feeling guilty, and use the manipulative "You don't trust me" & "You know how girls are" line. Flirting in a relationship with other girls is embarrassing to your girl, and if she flirted with those hot men who hit on her at the gym every day, you would never let her go back

[Mekkalyn]

@THEALIster Definitely agree with you. And you know what, I don't trust you if you're flirting. That's a major sign of disrespect and a cause for lack of trust. I don't know if people know what flirting is...

[HopefullSally]

I think it depends on what your definition of flirting is. Maybe as a society... or even just as couples, we need to redefine (or clearly define), what flirting is.
I might be a bit old school maybe but 'flirting' to me is any sexualised or sexually motivated behaviour towards a person you are physically attracted to.
It is NOT the same as platonic, social, playful behaviour with a friend/co-worker etc of the opposite sex. It's different because motivations/intentions are different.
This behaviour (and the distinction) should be obvious to a partner. If it is not obvious, that to me is a sign of trust issues within the relationship and/or the individual.

[MargaritaPeach]

You know what I find attractive in a man? Confidence. Virility. Exuding sexuality. You know what comes along with that? A little flirting. Because they are attractive and desirable, and they know they are. Is that going to shine through now and then? Yep. Honestly, it's a little bit of a turn-on for me to see my man flirt with a girl and little and have her flirt back. It's kinda hot that other women want him, but I'm the one that makes his eyes light up. I know I'm the one he's going home with, so the flirting doesn't bother me. He's man enough not to take it too far; if he wasn't, I wouldn't be with him. His self-control is what got him the hot body he has, and I trust him to exercise that self-mastery when he needs to. And honestly, I think he respects that about me.

[Mekkalyn]

It is harmful to a relationship and it's not okay, and I hope people don't read this and think that it is.

Not only is it insulting to your partner, but it's also insulting to the person you are flirting with. Especially if they don't know you're married. And if they do know you're married, I'm almost positive that they wouldn't flirt back.

www.guystuffcounseling.com/.../Is-Flirting-Cheating-Yes-Flirting-Is-Cheating

Here is an article I found interesting for this subject that can explain my opinion better than I can.

[Mekkalyn]

"So how are we supposed to act? Here's a question from Samantha H. "So because I'm married, I can't smile and say thank you to a man who holds the door open for me?" No, you exactly can and you should. This does not mean you can't be friendly, that we can't be nice, or engage with the opposite sex. It's just that there's no flirting with anyone but our significant other. " - here's something from the article that directly addresses something you said (if I remember correctly without rereading it).

There's a difference between flirting and being friendly. There's also a difference between giving a compliment and flirting. While I don't personally believe flirting is the equivalent as cheating, I do think it is very wrong and I'd be upset if my partner acted that way.

[mikemx55]

The real question for you is :where do you draw the line between flirting and being friendly. Because from where I see it, it can become a gray area

[Mekkalyn]

@mikemx55 It is a grey area that should be defined per relationship.
But there is a HUGE monumental difference between flirting and being friendly.

[mikemx55]

Wanna give me some examples? (I'm not arguing, I'm interested)

[Mekkalyn]

@mikemx55
Flirty NOT friendly: touching (of any kind), frequent compliments (oh you're cute!, You're funny, you're awesome, etc), close body proximity, sexually charged comments or innuendos/sexual jokes - ultimately it's in the body positioning and expression of your face.

Friendly NOT flirty: eye contact, smiling, handshakes, complimenting the thing not the person (like if someone tells a joke you'd say "haa good one!" not "omg you're so funny!"), being nice (aka not being rude - staying in the neutral zone between dislike and love) - basically it's being nice and not showing any sign of interest romantically.

[Mekkalyn]

I should note that eye contact for too long or eye gazing is considered flirty. There's the "I'm looking you in the eye because you're talking" and the "I'm looking at you because I'm attracted to you and can't stop".

[mikemx55]

I agree on the touchy things and physical proximity and.., well I agree with most of it,
and before I continue, I know how stupid this is, but bare with me:
I wouldn't want my partner to do such things! But in my mind, I feel like I would be even more secure to do the sexual jokes with friends (not referring me or them, just the situation), exactly for the reason that they won't think I'm flirting, because I'm in a relationship, so I feel more secure/protected by that fact.
Any comments on this hypocrisy?

[Mekkalyn]

@mikemx55 All I know is that I wouldn't do it and I would be upset if my partner did it.
However, just because someone does it doesn't necessarily mean they are flirting. It's really all about intent. If the person is intending on flirting or if the intention is friendly. However, people have to judge that based on actions. So that's where it gets tricky (with the sexual joke telling). But I wouldn't make a big deal out of that, it was just an example. I wouldn't just assume that just because someone is telling a sexual joke that it's flirting, but in combination with the other stuff it is. If that makes sense.

[Poppykate]

Of course you let them flirt. It's human nature. It great to flirt a little when networking. ( telling a guy that you like his tie will always win you favours, and the same will usually work if you compliment a woman). Flirting makes other people feel attractive, and boasts self confidence.

[tenchu11]

This has a lot of borderline cake eater and entitlement feel to it. Let me flirt, get jealous but don't be, trust me but don't get offended... people are too blasé about commitment and get upset when their attitude causes a certain lassitude with their significant other over the effort put into their relationship.

[kammex]

Definitely agree. At one point I got so jealous that I just gave up and didn't care anymore, but it turned out nothing bad really happened. Loosen up a little, it makes both of your lives much easier.

[GreatnessPersonified]

I think controlling a person's flirting is controlling behavior. That's not good.
So, your SO cannot have friendly conversations with co-workers of the opposite sex? That's messed up.

[pooper89]

I don't think flirting is cheating. But heavy petting/caressing, kissing, groping. THAT is cheating.

[Mspretty]

Tbh I'm not with that flirty shit at all because that's just like allowing your partner feel OK to cheat... or whatever